Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

worst-job

WELCOME to Friday January 24, 2014.  

Questions and Answers…..
 
Who has the most fun when you tickle a mule?
He may enjoy it but you’ll get a bigger kick out of it.
If Johns mom has 5 sons and their names are Ja, Je, Ji, and Jo.
Who is the last one?
John.
On your way home you take a right and three lefts then you see two men in masks.
Who are those men?
They are the umpire and the catcher.
What do you get when you cross Pikachu with Exeggcute?
Fried Eggs!
Why do bees have sticky hair?
They use honeycombs.
What could you call the small rivers that flow into the Nile?
Juveniles. What is the difference between a cat and a comma?
One has the paws before the claws and the other has the clause before the pause.
What kind of flower do you have between your nose and your chin?
Tulips.
What’s the best or fastest way to tune a banjo?
With wirecutters.
What is the best way to keep food bills down?
Use a paperweight!
What tools do you need in math class?
Multi-Pliers
What happens when the Queen burps?
She issues a royal pardon.
What did Billy say after he learned how to count money?
“It all makes cents now!”
What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back to you?
A stick
(They’re all sticks to me!)
What did the the tie say to the hat?
You go on a head, I’ll just hang around.
What Question must you always answer yes to?
What does Y-E-S spell?
What do you call a bear without an ear?
B
What do you call a rabbit with fleas?
Bugs Bunny
What do you call a Penguin in the desert?
Lost
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No idear
What do snowmen have for breakfast?
Snowflakes
What do you call cheese that’s not your cheese?
Nacho cheese!
What do you call a country, where all the cars in it are pink?
A pink carnation.
What’s worse than having a worm in your apple?
Taking a bite and finding a half of a worm in the apple!
What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhino?
Elifino! (Hell if I know)
What’s the difference between a a love story reader and a farmer?
One reads it and weeps, the other weeds it and reaps.
What goes up and down but never moves?
Stairs.
What building has the most stories?
The library.
What mostly don’t you hear in school?
The H.
What can you find in the middle of nowhere?
The letter H.
What is at the end of everything?
The letter G.
What is the center of gravity?
The letter V.
What is a scarecrows favorite food?
Strawberries.
What do you get when you cross a cocker spaniel, a poodle and a ghost?
Cockapoodleboo!
What are the strongest days of the week?
Saturday and Sunday. All the rest are weak days!
What TV show uses the most Toilet Paper?
Jeopardy, Doo Doo Doo Doo…
What does an envelope say when you lick it?
Nothing. It just shuts up.
What happened at a fight in the candy store?
Two suckers got licked!
What’s the kindest vegetable?
A sweet potato.
What happened when a fosset, egg, and a lettuce ran a race?
Well, the egg got beat, the lettuce was a head, and the fosset was still running!
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Friday people and whatever you do,
don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
“The former president of Trader Joe’s is opening a store that sells only expired food. The new store will be known as 7-Eleven.” -Conan O’Brien
“Director Ken Burns revealed that his next documentary is about Franklin Roosevelt, and it’s 14 hours long. Yeah, 14 hours about President Roosevelt. Which sounds like too much until you realize there’s been over 30 hours of TV dedicated to Honey Boo Boo.” -Jimmy Fallon
“Kanye West is in trouble after allegedly assaulting an 18-year-old. You know, if Kanye is going to beat up a teenager, couldn’t it be Justin Bieber?” -Jay Leno
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
My wife, a registered nurse, once fussed over every pain or mishap that came my way. Recently, however, I got an indication that the honeymoon is over.
I was about to fix the attic fan, and as I lifted myself from the ladder in the attic, I scratched my forehead on a crossbeam.
Crawling along, I picked up splinters in both hands, and I cut one hand replacing the fan belt.
On the way down the ladder, I missed the last two rungs and twisted my ankle.
When I limped into the kitchen, covered in dust and blood, my wife took one look and said, “Are those your good pants?”
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???  ‘All they wanna do is stay indoors, smoke cigarettes, and relate. I don’t like ’em.’
 
Answer: The Sure Thing! Walter ‘Gib’ Gibson (John Cusack) explains to his buddy why he’s not especially fond of the women who attend the co-ed mixers at their college. Said buddy’s response? ‘Why do you have to *like* ’em?’ 
 
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? ‘If I’d been any kind of a leader, I would’ve told you guys this stuff a long time ago. Instead, I was tellin’ you basketball stories.’
 
 
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
Each group of three definitions describes three words that are spelled the same, except for one letter (each group describes a different set of words). Example: king, ring, wing.
 
1a) inexperienced
1b) to address with expressions of kind wishes
1c) unreasonable selfish desire
 
2a) highly skilled
2b) to conform
2c) to accept formally and put into effect
 
3a) a committee for judging and awarding prizes
3b) conceal or hide
3c) violent anger
 
4a) a rounded shape
4b) spoken
4c) a gemstone 
 
 ANSWER: 1) green, greet, greed
2) adept, adapt, adopt
3) jury, bury, fury
4) oval, oral, opal 
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
Can you decipher this rebus:
 
CY CY
 TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO ONE OF OUR RESIDENT GENIUS, MS. ANDREA L. BANKS.  INCREDIBLE SOLVING JOB BANKS!EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,  EmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji 
 
 

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