WELCOME to Monday January 20, 2014.
Health Tips From a Doctor….
Q: Doctor, I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that’s it… don’t waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that’s like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can’t think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain… Good!
Q: Aren’t fried foods bad for you?
A: You’re not listening!!! Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they’re permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? Hello Cocoa beans ! Another vegetable!!! It’s the best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! ‘Round’ is a shape!
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people and whatever you do,
don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
QUOTES OF THE DAY
“A new poll found that the approval rating of French President Francois Hollande has actually gone up since he was accused of having an affair. Or as Chris Christie’s interns put, ‘No it!'” –Jimmy Fallon
“New Jersey Chris Christie is still digging himself out of this Bridgegate scandal. In fact, some experts are now saying he could be impeached. When he heard that Christie said, ‘Mmmm, peach.” –Jimmy Fallon
“In a new interview that just came out, First Lady Michelle Obama said she might consider getting plastic surgery. The First Lady said if Barack’s popularity keeps dropping, I do not want to be recognized.” –Conan O’Brien
“Legal experts say if Justin Bieber is convicted of a felony, he could be deported back to Canada. They also say if he is found to have cocaine in his system, he could be elected mayor of Toronto.” –Conan O’Brien on the egging attack on Bieber’s neighbor’s house
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
Fresh out of business school, the young man answered a want ad for an accountant. Now he was being interviewed by a very nervous man who ran a small business that he had started himself.
“I need someone with an accounting degree,” the man said. “But mainly, I’m looking for someone to do my worrying for me.”
“Excuse me?” the accountant said.
“I worry about a lot of things,” the man said. “But I don’t want to have to worry about money. Your job will be to take all the money worries off my back.”
“I see,” the accountant said. “And how much does the job pay?”
“I’ll start you at eighty thousand.”
“Eighty thousand dollars!” the accountant exclaimed. “How can such a small business afford a sum like that?”
“That,” the owner said, “is your first worry.”
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? ‘Do you believe in pre-marital sax?’
Answer: St. Elmo’s Fire! Inebriated saxophone player Billy Sixx (Rob Lowe) asks this of a female fan as he is being loaded into an ambulance.
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? ‘Let them eat static.’
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
Can you decipher this phrase:
2) Rib <—
3) Rib <—
5) Rib <—
7) Rib <—
ANSWER: Prime Ribs!
Monday’s Quizzler is……….
David Van Gogh (pronounced “Go”) had many relatives. Can you guess by the clues who they are?
Example: His dizzy Aunt?
How many other relatives can you guess?
A fruit loving cousin?
The Grandfather from Yugoslavia?
The cousin from Illinois?
His Mexican cousin?
His Great Grandfather who drove a stage coach?
The ballroom dancing aunt?
The bird lover Uncle?
A sister who loved disco?
And his niece who travels the country in a van?
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! ONE OF OUR RESIDENT GENIUS! SMOOTH SOLVING BANKS!
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com. https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,