WELCOME to Wednesday January 15, 2014.
The Fat Man’s Prayer
Lord, my soul is ripped with riot
Incited by my wicked diet.
“We are what we eat,” said a wise old man,
Lord, if that’s true, I’m a garbage can.
To rise on Judgment Day, it’s plain,
With my present weight, I’ll need a crane.
So grant me strength that I may not fall,
Into the clutches of cholesterol.
May my flesh with carrot-curls be dated,
That my soul may be polyunsaturated
And show me the light that I may bear witness,
To the President’s Council on Physical Fitness.
And at oleomargarine I’ll never mutter,
For the road to Hell is paved with butter.
And cream is cursed; and cake is awful;
And Satan is hiding in every waffle.
Mephistopheles lurks in pepperoni,
The Devil himself in each slice of bologna.
Beelzebub is a chocolate drop,
And Lucifer is a lollipop.
Give me this day my daily slice,
Cut it thin and toast it twice.
I beg upon my dimpled knees,
Deliver me from jujube’s.
And when my days of trial are done,
And my war with malted milk balls won,
Let me stand with Heavenly throng,
In a shining robe – size 30 long.
I can do it Lord, if you’ll show to me,
The virtues of lettuce and celery.
Teach me the evil of mayonnaise,
And of pasta a la Milanese.
And crisp-fried chicken from the South,
Lord, if you love me, shut my mouth!
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday and whatever you do,
don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
QUOTES OF THE DAY
“To punish me for my contempt for authority, fate made me an authority myself.”
— Albert Einstein
“There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.”
— Steven Wright
“Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.”
— Oscar Wilde
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
The village blacksmith finally found an apprentice willing to work hard at low pay for long hours. The blacksmith immediately began his instructions to the lad, “When I take the shoe out of the fire, I’ll lay it on the anvil; and when I nod my head, you hit it with this hammer.”
The apprentice did just as he told. Now he’s the village blacksmith.
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? ‘If you overcook it, it’s no good. It defeats its own purpose.’
Answer: Raging Bull! Jake La Motta (Robert De Niro) provides unwelcome commentary as his wife Vickie (Cathy Moriarty) prepares a steak for him.
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? ‘Great. I’m about to be killed a million miles from nowhere with some gung-ho iguana who tells me to relax!’
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
You are enjoying your breakfast after having put some salt on your scrambled eggs when your nerdy brother presents you with an ice cube floating in a glass of water and a short length of string. He challenges you to remove the ice cube from the glass using the string without tying any knots. What strategy do you use to remove the ice cube from the water glass?
ANSWER: Take the string and soak it in the water. Let the string rest across the ice cube. Reach across the table and get the salt that you used on your eggs; pour the salt over the string and the ice cube. The salt causes the ice to melt. However, when you stop pouring the salt, the water that formed on the top of the cube will refreeze with the string embedded in it. Now you can lift the ice cube with the string.
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
Find the English word that can be formed from all these letters: PNLLEEEESSSSS
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com. https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,