Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Friday January 31, 2014.  

Examples of creativity provided by a 6th grade class during history tests: 
1. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was born in the 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couple.
2. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained. Emoji
3. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were to 2 singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two cats backward and declared, “a horse divided against itself can not stand.” Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.
4. Abraham Lincoln was America’s greatest precedent. Lincoln’s mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation Proclamation . On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in the moving picture show. They believe the assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a suposingly insane actor. This ruined Booth’s career.
5. Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster which he kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was half German, half Italian, and half English. He was very large.
6. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died from this.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Friday people and whatever you do,
don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
“Don’t make the same mistake twice seems to indicate three mistakes, doesn’t it? First you make the mistake. Then you make the same mistake. Then you make the same mistake twice. If you simply say, ‘Don’t make the same mistake,’ you’ll avoid the first mistake, won’t you?” –George Carlin
When we decided to sell our house, we nailed “FOR SALE BY OWNER” signs on two trees in our front yard. Before long, the doorbell rang. “How much do you want for the trees?” a young man asked.
A young man walked into our insurance office to purchase coverage for his new motorcycle. Only one question confused him. “Do you have a lien holder on the vehicle?”  “I’ve got a kickstand,” the prospect replied. “Is that the same thing?”
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
In a small business office they have an answering machine that instructs callers to leave their name and address, and to spell any difficult words.
Early one Monday the secretary was reviewing the weekend messages and she heard an enthusiastic young woman recite her name and address and then confidently offer, “My difficult word is reconciliation. R-E-C-O-N-C-I-L-I-A-T-I-O-N.”
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???  ‘I do not like assassins…or men of low character.’
 
Answer:  Unforgiven! Sheriff ‘Little’ Bill Daggett (Gene Hackman) explains this point to biographer W.W. Beauchamp (Saul Rubinek). 
 
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? ‘You know how good he is? He is better at this than I have ever been at anything in my life. He’s better at this than you will *ever* be at anything in your life.’
 
 
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
When NASA was considering animals to experiment on in space, they picked birds, because of the low maintenance. Although NASA was aware that most birds require gravity to swallow and would not survive the weightlessness of space, they did manage to find two types of bird that would survive the trip. 
Which birds were they? 
 
ANSWER: Doves and Pigeons. 
Since most birds swallow water by tilting their heads back and using gravity to let the water run down their throats, they would dehydrate in space. Doves and Pigeons are the only birds that can drink without tilting their heads back. 
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
In each sentence below, two words are incomplete. The two words end in the same three letters, so they look like they should rhyme, but they don’t. See if you can figure out the missing letters in each sentence.
Example: One symptom of bronchitis is a ro___ co___. (The two words are: rough & cough.)
 
1. When God speaks, it is a w___ from the L___.
2 After the fl___, Noah disembarked and st___ on Mount Ararat.
3. If it doesn’t rain today, I will wa___ the garden la___.
4. He was so___ to wo___ his family by arriving home late.
  

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,  EmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji 
 
 

Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Thursday January 30, 2014.  

Office communication….. 
Commonly Used Phrases at the Office and… What they really mean!
1.For your information, please. (FYI)
Meaning : I don’t know what to do with this, so please keep it.
2.Noted and returned.
Meaning : I don’t know what to do with this, so please keep it little while.
3.Review and comment.
Meaning : Do the dirty work so that I can forward it.
4. Action please.
Meaning : Get yourself involved for me. Don’t worry, I’ll claim the credit.
5.For your necessary action.
Meaning : It’s your headache now.
6.Copy to.
Meaning : Here’s a share of my headache.
7.For your approval, please.
Meaning : Put your neck on the chopping board for me please.
8.Action is being taken.
Meaning : Your correspondence is lost and I am trying to locate it.
9.Your letter is receiving our attention.
Meaning : I am trying to figure out what you want.
10.Please discuss.
Meaning : I don’t know what the “****” this is, so please brief me.
11.For your immediate action.
Meaning : Do it NOW! Or I will get into serious trouble.
12.Please reply soon.
Meaning : Please be efficient. It makes me look inefficient.
13.We are investigating/processing your request with the relevant authorities.
Meaning : They are causing the delay, not us.
14.Regards.
Meaning : Thanks and bless you for reading all the bs.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Thursday people and whatever you do,
don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
“Every man is the builder of a temple called his body.”
— Henry David Thoreau
“Facts are stubborn things, but statistics are more pliable.”
— Mark Twain
“Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up.”
— Pablo Picasso
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
 Passengers on a plane are waiting for the flight to leave. The entrance opens, and two men walk up the aisle, dressed in pilot uniforms. Both are wearing dark glasses. One is using a seeing-eye dog, and the other is tapping his way up the aisle with a cane.
Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin, but the men enter the cockpit, the door closes, and the engines start. The passengers begin glancing nervously, searching for some sign that this is just a little practical joke. None is forthcoming.
The plane moves faster and faster down the runway, and people at the windows realize that they’re headed straight for the water at the edge of the airport.
As it begins to look as though the plane will never take off, that it will plow into the water, screams of panic fill the cabin. But at that moment, the plane lifts smoothly into the air.
Up in the cockpit, the co-pilot turns to the pilot and says, “You know, Joe, one of these days, they’re going to scream too late, and we’re all gonna die.”
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???  ‘I didn’t call you a retard; I called you a mongoloid. 
And I took it back.’ 
 
Answer: Pulp Fiction! Butch Coolidge (Bruce Willis) half-heartedly apologizes to his girlfriend Fabienne (Maria de Medeiros) for having suggested in jest that she was mentally impaired.  
 
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???  ‘I do not like assassins…or men of low character.’
 
 
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
In this teaser, I have given you a 9-letter word. Your job is to break up this word into 9 separate letters and place them on the dashes to spell a 7-letter word, a 5-letter word, and a 3-letter word. You can use each letter only once.
 
CULTIVATE
 
1. _ A _ I _ N _
2. _ O _ N _ 
3. _ C _  
 
ANSWER: 1. VALIANT   2. COUNT   3. ICE 
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
When NASA was considering animals to experiment on in space, they picked birds, because of the low maintenance. Although NASA was aware that most birds require gravity to swallow and would not survive the weightlessness of space, they did manage to find two types of bird that would survive the trip. 
Which birds were they?
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD ONCE AGAIN GOES TO OUR RESIDENT GENIUS, MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! WAY2GO BANKS! EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,  EmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji 
 
 

Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

survivaldemotivator

WELCOME to Wednesday January 29, 2014.  

Strange and Funny Signs….
 
On a Septic Tank Truck sign: “We’re #1 in the #2 business.”
 
Sign over a Gynecologist’s Office: “Dr. Jones, at your cervix.”
 
At a Proctologist’s door: “To expedite your visit please back in.”
 
On a Plumbers truck: “We repair what your husband fixed.”
 
On a Plumbers truck: “Don’t sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.”
 
Pizza Shop Slogan: “7 days without pizza makes one weak.”
 
At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee: “Invite us to your next blowout.”
 
On a Plastic Surgeon’s Office door: “Hello. Can we pick your nose?”
 
At a Towing company: “We don’t charge an arm and a leg. We want tows.”
 
On an Electrician’s truck: “Let us remove your shorts.”
 
In a Nonsmoking Area: “If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.”
 
On a Maternity Room door: “Push. Push. Push.”
 
At an Optometrist’s office: “If you don’t see what you’re looking for, you’ve come to the right place.”
 
On a Taxidermist’s window: “We really know our stuff.”
 
In a Podiatrist’s office: “Time wounds all heels.”
 
On a Fence: “Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive.”
 
At a Car Dealership: “The best way to get back on your feet – miss a car payment.”
 
Outside a Muffler Shop: “No appointment necessary. We hear you coming.”
 
In a Veterinarian’s waiting room: “Be back in 5 minutes. 
Sit! Stay!”
 
At the Electric Company: “We would be delighted if you send in your payment. However, if you don’t, you will be.” 
 
In a Restaurant window: “Don’t stand there and be hungry, come on in and get fed up.
 
In the front yard of a Funeral Home: “Drive carefully. We’ll wait.”
 
At a Propane Filling Station: “Tank heaven for little grills.”
 
At a Radiator Shop: “Best place in town to take a leak.
 
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people and whatever you do,
don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
When I was a kid, we walked 10 miles to school every day, sometimes in the rain or snow. Man, did we feel stupid when we found out there was a bus.
A teenage boy to his father… “Here’s my report card and a list I’ve compiled of entrepreneurs who never finished high school.” –Charles Almon in The Wall Street Journal
“I just bought a microwave fireplace…You can spend a whole evening in front of it in only eight minutes.” -Steven Wright
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
The best illustration of the value of brief speech was given by Mark Twain.
His story was that when he had listened for five minutes to the preacher telling of the heathen, he wept, and was goingto contribute fifty dollars… after ten minutes more of the sermon, he reduced the amount of his prospective contribution to twenty-five dollars…after a half hour more of eloquence, he cut the sum to five dollars.
At the end of an hour of oratory when the plate was passed, he stole two dollars.
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? ‘Do you know how stupid he is? He thinks that the
Gettysburg Address is where Lincoln lived.’  
 
Answer: A Fish Called Wanda! Wanda (Jamie Lee Curtis) is describing Otto (Kevin Kline), who *hates* being called stupid. 
 
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???  ‘I didn’t call you a retard; I called you a mongoloid. And I took it back.’ 
 
 
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
 The sphinx wanted to know which one of the three gods stole the golden apple. Was it Horus, Anubis or Osiris?
 
”I didn’t,” said Horus.
”Osiris did,” said Anubis.
”Anubis is lying,” said Osiris
 
The sphinx knew that one god was telling the truth and the other two were lying.
 
Who stole the golden apple?
 
ANSWER: Horus stole the golden apple. Horus and Anubis were lying. Osiris was telling the truth.
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
In this teaser, I have given you a 9-letter word. Your job is to break up this word into 9 separate letters and place them on the dashes to spell a 7-letter word, a 5-letter word, and a 3-letter word. You can use each letter only once.
 
CULTIVATE
 
1. _ A _ I _ N _
2. _ O _ N _ 
3. _ C _
 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,  EmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji 
 

Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Tuesday January 28, 2014.  

True Story…….
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen.
“Careful . CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD!
You’re cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW!
We need more butter. Oh my GOD!
WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They’re going to STICK!
Careful … CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when
you’re cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY?
Have you LOST your mind? Don’t forget to salt them. You know you
always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!”
The wife stared at him. “What’s wrong with you? You think I don’t know
how to fry a couple of eggs?”
The husband calmly replied, “I wanted to show you what it feels like when
I’m driving”. Emoji
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people and whatever you do,
don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
“Justin Bieber was arrested in Miami Beach on a DUI. He was also busted for resisting arrest and drag racing. Justin was clocked going 60 miles an hour in a Lamborghini. Wow, 60 miles an hour in a Lamborghini? Hey Justin, it’s called second gear. Try it sometime.” -Jay Leno
“On the new season of ‘Sesame Street,’ Cookie Monster will do a segment where he urges kids to eat healthy. The segment ends with Cookie Monster looking off-camera and asking, ‘Now you let Cookie Monster’s wife and kids go?'” -Conan O’Brien
“The next season of ‘Survivor’ will have contestants divided into groups based on how strong, smart, and pretty they are. It’ll take place at this exotic location known as high school.” -Jimmy Fallon
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
 I was recovering from surgery when a charity representative phoned asking me to take part in a door-to-door fund-raising effort. “Sorry,” I replied, “but I’ve been incapacitated.”
Undaunted, the caller kept trying to convince me to change my mind and volunteer.
I interrupted and said, “I’m incapacitated. Do you know what that means?”
She hesitated. “It means your head was cut off?”
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???  ‘Dogs barking. Can’t fly without umbrella.’
 
Answer: Jumpin’ Jack Flash! This is the critical, encrypted message sent by super-spy Jack (Johnathan Pryce) to bank teller Terry (Whoopi Goldberg) via their computer-enabled communications arrangement. 
 
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???   ‘Do you know how stupid he is? He thinks that the Gettysburg Address is where Lincoln lived.’
 
 
Monday’s Quizzler is……….
Fill in the grid below with valid words using the letters: AAEEIIMMPPTT. The grid, when completed, reads the same across as down.
 
L _ _ _
_ D _ _
_ _ A _
_ _ _ E 
 
ANSWER: The words are limp, idea, meat, and pate.
 
L I M P
I D E A
M E A T
P A T E  
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
The sphinx wanted to know which one of the three gods stole the golden apple. Was it Horus, Anubis or Osiris?
 
”I didn’t,” said Horus.
”Osiris did,” said Anubis.
”Anubis is lying,” said Osiris
 
The sphinx knew that one god was telling the truth and the other two were lying.
 
Who stole the golden apple?
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO OUR RESIDENT GENIUS, MS. ANDREA L. BANKS ONCE AGAIN!  SUPER SOLVING JOB BANKS! EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,  EmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji 
 

Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Monday January 27, 2014.  

Doctors are priceless….
Let me tell you about my doctor. He is very good.If you tell him you want a second opinion, he will go out and come in again.
He treated one woman for yellow jaundice for three years before he realized she was Chinese.
Another time he gave a patient six months to live. At the end of the six months, the patient hadn’t paid his bill, so the doctor gave him another six months.
While he was talking to me his nurse came in and said, “Doctor, there is a man here who thinks he is invisible.” The doctor said, “Tell him I can’t see him.”
Another time a man came running in the office and yelled, “Doctor, doctor, my son just swallowed a roll of film.” The doctor calmly replied, “Let’s just wait and see what develops.”
One patient came in and said, “Doctor, I have a serious memory problem.”
The doctor asked, “When did it start?”
The man replied, “When did what start?”
I remember one time I told my doctor I had a ringing in my ears. His advice: Don’t answer it.
My doctor sure has his share of nut cases. One said to him, “Doctor, I think I’m a bell.”
The doctor gave him some pills and said, “Here, take these.? If they don’t work, give me a ring.”
Another guy told the doctor that he thought he was a deck of cards. The doctor simply said, “Go sit over there. I’ll deal with you later.”
When I told my doctor I broke my leg in two places, he told me to stop going to those places.
You know, doctors can be so frustrating. You wait a month and a half for an appointment he says, “I wish you had come to me sooner.”
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people and whatever you do,
don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
“President Obama is giving the NSA new guidelines on gathering data on American citizens. He says the NSA can no longer violate anyone’s constitutionally protected right to privacy. That, of course, will be Target’s job.” –Jay Leno
“According to a new study, smog is drifting across the Pacific Ocean from China and polluting our West Coast. Can’t we make anything in this country anymore?” –Jay Leno
“Here’s something I find hard to believe. Anthony Weiner makes between three and four hundred thousand dollars a year as a political consultant. Anthony Weiner! How bad are you doing in the polls when you start saying to yourself, ‘What would Anthony Weiner do now?'” –Jay Leno
“Target just announced that it is dropping health insurance for part-time employees and they’re blaming it on Obamacare. I guess now if Target employees need to pay for healthcare, they’ll just have to use their customers’ credit cards.” –Jimmy Fallon
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at
the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands
of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, “Why are some of your
hairs white, Mom?”
Her mother replied, “Well, every time that you do something wrong and make
me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.”
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said,
“Momma, how come ALL of grandma’s hairs are white?”
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???  ‘If I’d been any kind of a leader, I would’ve told you guys this stuff a long time ago. Instead, I was tellin’ you basketball stories.’
 
Answer: Gung Ho! Hunt Stevenson (Michael Keaton) finally admits to the denizens of Hadleyville that he’s been lying to them for quite some time about the details of his agreement with the Japanese owners of Assan Motors.
 
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? ‘Dogs barking. Can’t fly without umbrella.’
 
 
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
Can you decipher this rebus:
 
CY CY
 
ANSWER: CYCLONE 
Monday’s Quizzler is……….
Fill in the grid below with valid words using the letters: AAEEIIMMPPTT. The grid, when completed, reads the same across as down.
 
L _ _ _
_ D _ _
_ _ A _
_ _ _ E
 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,  EmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji 
 

Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

worst-job

WELCOME to Friday January 24, 2014.  

Questions and Answers…..
 
Who has the most fun when you tickle a mule?
He may enjoy it but you’ll get a bigger kick out of it.
If Johns mom has 5 sons and their names are Ja, Je, Ji, and Jo.
Who is the last one?
John.
On your way home you take a right and three lefts then you see two men in masks.
Who are those men?
They are the umpire and the catcher.
What do you get when you cross Pikachu with Exeggcute?
Fried Eggs!
Why do bees have sticky hair?
They use honeycombs.
What could you call the small rivers that flow into the Nile?
Juveniles. What is the difference between a cat and a comma?
One has the paws before the claws and the other has the clause before the pause.
What kind of flower do you have between your nose and your chin?
Tulips.
What’s the best or fastest way to tune a banjo?
With wirecutters.
What is the best way to keep food bills down?
Use a paperweight!
What tools do you need in math class?
Multi-Pliers
What happens when the Queen burps?
She issues a royal pardon.
What did Billy say after he learned how to count money?
“It all makes cents now!”
What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back to you?
A stick
(They’re all sticks to me!)
What did the the tie say to the hat?
You go on a head, I’ll just hang around.
What Question must you always answer yes to?
What does Y-E-S spell?
What do you call a bear without an ear?
B
What do you call a rabbit with fleas?
Bugs Bunny
What do you call a Penguin in the desert?
Lost
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No idear
What do snowmen have for breakfast?
Snowflakes
What do you call cheese that’s not your cheese?
Nacho cheese!
What do you call a country, where all the cars in it are pink?
A pink carnation.
What’s worse than having a worm in your apple?
Taking a bite and finding a half of a worm in the apple!
What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhino?
Elifino! (Hell if I know)
What’s the difference between a a love story reader and a farmer?
One reads it and weeps, the other weeds it and reaps.
What goes up and down but never moves?
Stairs.
What building has the most stories?
The library.
What mostly don’t you hear in school?
The H.
What can you find in the middle of nowhere?
The letter H.
What is at the end of everything?
The letter G.
What is the center of gravity?
The letter V.
What is a scarecrows favorite food?
Strawberries.
What do you get when you cross a cocker spaniel, a poodle and a ghost?
Cockapoodleboo!
What are the strongest days of the week?
Saturday and Sunday. All the rest are weak days!
What TV show uses the most Toilet Paper?
Jeopardy, Doo Doo Doo Doo…
What does an envelope say when you lick it?
Nothing. It just shuts up.
What happened at a fight in the candy store?
Two suckers got licked!
What’s the kindest vegetable?
A sweet potato.
What happened when a fosset, egg, and a lettuce ran a race?
Well, the egg got beat, the lettuce was a head, and the fosset was still running!
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Friday people and whatever you do,
don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
“The former president of Trader Joe’s is opening a store that sells only expired food. The new store will be known as 7-Eleven.” -Conan O’Brien
“Director Ken Burns revealed that his next documentary is about Franklin Roosevelt, and it’s 14 hours long. Yeah, 14 hours about President Roosevelt. Which sounds like too much until you realize there’s been over 30 hours of TV dedicated to Honey Boo Boo.” -Jimmy Fallon
“Kanye West is in trouble after allegedly assaulting an 18-year-old. You know, if Kanye is going to beat up a teenager, couldn’t it be Justin Bieber?” -Jay Leno
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
My wife, a registered nurse, once fussed over every pain or mishap that came my way. Recently, however, I got an indication that the honeymoon is over.
I was about to fix the attic fan, and as I lifted myself from the ladder in the attic, I scratched my forehead on a crossbeam.
Crawling along, I picked up splinters in both hands, and I cut one hand replacing the fan belt.
On the way down the ladder, I missed the last two rungs and twisted my ankle.
When I limped into the kitchen, covered in dust and blood, my wife took one look and said, “Are those your good pants?”
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???  ‘All they wanna do is stay indoors, smoke cigarettes, and relate. I don’t like ’em.’
 
Answer: The Sure Thing! Walter ‘Gib’ Gibson (John Cusack) explains to his buddy why he’s not especially fond of the women who attend the co-ed mixers at their college. Said buddy’s response? ‘Why do you have to *like* ’em?’ 
 
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? ‘If I’d been any kind of a leader, I would’ve told you guys this stuff a long time ago. Instead, I was tellin’ you basketball stories.’
 
 
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
Each group of three definitions describes three words that are spelled the same, except for one letter (each group describes a different set of words). Example: king, ring, wing.
 
1a) inexperienced
1b) to address with expressions of kind wishes
1c) unreasonable selfish desire
 
2a) highly skilled
2b) to conform
2c) to accept formally and put into effect
 
3a) a committee for judging and awarding prizes
3b) conceal or hide
3c) violent anger
 
4a) a rounded shape
4b) spoken
4c) a gemstone 
 
 ANSWER: 1) green, greet, greed
2) adept, adapt, adopt
3) jury, bury, fury
4) oval, oral, opal 
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
Can you decipher this rebus:
 
CY CY
 TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO ONE OF OUR RESIDENT GENIUS, MS. ANDREA L. BANKS.  INCREDIBLE SOLVING JOB BANKS!EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,  EmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji 
 
 

Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

what-do-i-do-with-my-hands

WELCOME to Thursday January 23, 2014.  

I’m Just Saying 2!
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.
A day without sunshine is like, night.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
The sooner you fall behind the more time you’ll have to catch up.
Discretion is being able to raise your eyebrow instead of your voice.
A good listener is a good talker with a sore throat.
With time and patience the mulberry leaf becomes a silk gown.
When your work speaks for itself, don’t interrupt.
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane and going the wrong way.
Two wrongs are only the beginning.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people and whatever you do,
don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
The most characteristic mark of a great mind is to choose some one important object, and pursue it for life.
Anna Letitia Barbauld
Love him and let him love you. Do you think anything else under heaven really matters?
James A. Baldwin
Art has to move you and design does not, unless it’s a good design for a bus.
David Hockney
Nature holds the key to our aesthetic, intellectual, cognitive and even spiritual satisfaction.
E. O. Wilson
I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me.
Warren Buffett
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
A man is stumbling through the woods totally drunk when he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river. He proceeds to walk into the water and subsequently bumps into the preacher.
The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of alcohol, whereupon he asks the drunk, “Are you ready to find Jesus?”
The drunk answers, “Yes, I am.”
So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water. He pulls him up and asks the drunk, “Brother, have you found Jesus?”
The drunk replies “No, I haven’t found Jesus.”
The preacher shocked at the answer, dunks him into the water again for a little longer this time. He again pulls him out of the water and asks again, “Have you found Jesus, my brother?”
The drunk again answers, “No, I haven’t found Jesus.”
By this time the preacher is at his wits end and dunks the drunk in the water again – but this time holds him down for about 30 seconds and when he begins kicking his arms and legs he pulls him up.
The preacher again asks the drunk, “For the love of God, have you found Jesus?”
The drunk wipes his eyes and catches his breath and says to the preacher, “Are you sure this is where he fell in?”
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???   ‘Is that you, John Wayne? Is this me?’
 
Answer: Full Metal Jacket! Stanley Kubrick’s Vietnam epic. The line in question is spoken by Private Joker (Matthew Modine) as a response to the overblown machismo of Sgt. Hartman (R. Lee Ermey). 
 
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? ‘All they wanna do is stay indoors, smoke cigarettes, and relate. I don’t like ’em.’
 
 
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
What does this mean?

 
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
Each group of three definitions describes three words that are spelled the same, except for one letter (each group describes a different set of words). Example: king, ring, wing.
 
1a) inexperienced
1b) to address with expressions of kind wishes
1c) unreasonable selfish desire
 
2a) highly skilled
2b) to conform
2c) to accept formally and put into effect
 
3a) a committee for judging and awarding prizes
3b) conceal or hide
3c) violent anger
 
4a) a rounded shape
4b) spoken
4c) a gemstone
 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,  EmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji