Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

nice-car-but-where-did-van-gogh-funny-pun

WELCOME to Monday December 30, 2013.   Work & Prison…

In prison: You spend the majority of your time in an 8×10 cell.
At work: You spend most of your time in a 6×8 cubicle.
In prison: You get three meals a day.
At work: You get a break for 1 meal and you have to pay for it.
In prison: You get time off for good behavior.
At work: You get rewarded for good behavior with more work.
In prison: A guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
At work: You must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors yourself.
In prison: You can watch TV and play games.
At work: You get fired for watching TV and playing games.
In prison: You get your own toilet.
At work: You have to share.
In prison: They allow your family and friends to visit.
At work: You cannot even speak to your family and friends.
In prison: All expenses are paid by taxpayers with no work required.
At work: You get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from you salary to pay for prisoners.
In prison: You spend most of your life looking through bars from inside wanting to get out.
At work: You spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.
In prison: There are wardens who are often sadistic.
At work: They are called supervisors.
In prison: You have unlimited time to read e-mail jokes.
At work: You get fired if you get caught.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a
great weekend, and whatever you do, don’t forget to
LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
 “Fox News host Megyn Kelly now says she was just kidding when she said Santa Claus is white. However, she’s standing by her statement that the Grinch who stole Christmas, definitely Jewish.” –Conan O’Brien
“It’s really starting the look like Hillary Clinton’s going to run. The digital team behind both of President Obama’s campaigns is already preparing for a Hillary Clinton run. They’re starting early because they’ve got to delete 10 years of Bill Clinton’s browser history.” –Conan O’Brien
“An entrepreneur has made a device that can prevent the NSA from spying on you by blocking your laptop’s camera. This new high-tech device is called a small piece of tape.” –Conan O’Brien
“Scientists are testing out a new drone that would replace lifeguards. Here’s how it works: If you’re drowning, the drone would fly out and drop a bomb on you.” –Conan O’Brien
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
 Bobby walks into a bar and says, “Bartender, one round for everyone, on me!”
The bartender says, “Well, seems you’re in a really good mood tonight, hmm?”
Bobby says, “Oh, you can bet on it! I just got hired by the city to go around and remove all the money from parking meters. I start on Monday!”
The bartender congratulates him and proceeds to pour the round.
Monday evening arrives and Bobby comes back into the bar and says, “Bartender, TWO rounds for everyone, on me!”
The bartender says, “Well now! If you’re so happy just over having this new job, I can just imagine how happy you’ll be when you get your paycheck!”
Bobby looks at the bartender with a wondrous look on his face, pulls out a handful of quarters from his pocket, and says, “You mean they’ll PAY me too?”
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? ‘I’ve tried them all, I really have, and the only church that really feeds the soul day in and day out is the church of baseball.’ 
 
Answer: ‘Bull Durham’ Annie, played by Susan Sarandon, is explaining her love of baseball. 
 
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???  ‘Even a poor tailor is entitled to some happiness!’
 
 
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
I am tied up at least once a day
And forced to carry ten nails.
I work diligently without any pay
And follow your many trails.
 
I do not smell very well
But at least I have many eyes.
I have two tongues but never yell
And I’ll bet you know my size.
 
What am I?  
 
ANSWER: Your shoes!
 
 
Monday’s Quizzler is……….
Using the clues from below you can find ten words. These ten words, when properly rearranged, will form a series of words where each word is different from the previous word by only one letter. For example, DOG may be followed by DIG, etc.
 
Can you determine the words and the proper order?
 
… in the back of the net 
… sock material 
… forest 
… baby horse 
… hooded robe 
… spiral of wire 
… not too hot 
… roasting metal 
… earthy ground 
… not bad
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER GOES TO OUR RESIDENT GENIUS MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! NICE WORK BANKS! EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,  EmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji

 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s