1. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
2. Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I’ll show you A-flat minor.
3. To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
4. A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is two-tired.
5. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
6. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
7. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
8. If you don’t pay your exorcist you get repossessed.
9. What’s the definition of a will? It’s a dead giveaway.
10. The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
11. Every calendar’s days are numbered.
12. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
13. When the electricity went off during a storm at a school the students were de-lighted.
14. I used to be a tap dancer until I fell in the sink.
15. He wears glasses during math because it improves division.
16. She was only a whisky maker but he loved her still.
17. She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off.
18. Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.
19. It wasn’t school John disliked it was just the principal of it.
20. It’s better to love a short girl than not a tall.
21. There was once a cross-eyed teacher who couldn’t control his pupils.
22. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
23. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
24. The one who invented the door knocker got a No-bell prize.
25. Old power plant workers never die they just de-generate.
26. There was a ghost at the hotel, so they called for an inn spectre.
27. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
28. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large
29. Some Spanish government employees are Seville servants.
30. He drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes bends.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a
great weekend, and whatever you do, don’t forget to
LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
QUOTES OF THE DAY
“People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.”
– Bob Hope
“Creativity comes from trust. Trust your instincts.”
– Rita Mae Brown
“Time cools, time clarifies; no mood can be maintained quite unaltered through the course of hours.”
– Mark Twain
“A new report says that members of Congress work harder than the average American. You know why? That’s because thanks to Congress the average American is out of work.” -Jay Leno
“New research came out that reveals that being attractive in high school leads to success later in life. So finally some good news for hot, popular teenagers.” -Conan O’Brien
“Over the weekend, China became the third nation to land on the moon. This morning NASA issued a statement: ‘Sending stuff to the moon is so 1960s. Call us when you get to Mars.'” -Craig Ferguson
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
A tour guide was showing a tour group around Washington, D. C. The guide pointed out the place where George Washington supposedly threw a dollar coin across the Potomac River.
“That’s impossible,” said the tourist. “No one could throw a coin that far!”
“You have to remember,” answered the guide, “a dollar went a lot farther in those days.”
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? ‘Look down there. Would you really feel any pity if one of those dots stopped moving forever? If I offered you 20,000 pounds for every dot that stopped would you really, old man, tell me to keep my money, or would you calculate how many dots you could afford to spend.’
Answer: ‘The Third Man’ From the famous conversation on the ferris wheel between Orson Welles and Joseph Cotton.
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? ‘I’ve tried them all, I really have, and the only church that really feeds the soul day in and day out is the church of baseball.’
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
Which one of these sentences does not belong?
A) Diamonds often need keen, elegant yaks.
B) Teacups contain tea and sometimes grapes.
C) Roses are big, beautiful insect terraces.
D) Rocks are constantly coming only on November.
ANSWER: B. In all the other sentences, the first letter of every word is spelled out to an animal, such as in A), the animal is donkey.
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
I am tied up at least once a day
And forced to carry ten nails.
I work diligently without any pay
And follow your many trails.
I do not smell very well
But at least I have many eyes.
I have two tongues but never yell
And I’ll bet you know my size.
What am I?
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER GOES TO OUR RESIDENT GENIUS MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! NICE WORKS BANKS!
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com. https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,