Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

download (1)

WELCOME to Tuesday December 24, 2013.  

Punography……

Here are some groaners :
 
Getting braces : Putting your money where your mouth is .
 
Did you hear about the nuclear scientist who swallowed some uranium ? He got atomic ache .
 
Epitaph in a dog cemetery : “He never met a man he didn’t lick “.
 
Squirrel’s NEST: A Nutcracker Suite.
 
Social Diseases : Germs of endearment .
 
If Mississippi gave Missouri a New Jersey , what would Delaware ? Idaho, Alaska .
 
What’s the funniest animal in the world ? A stand-up chameleon .
 
When Eve went streaking through the Garden of Eden, Adam declared that she was absent without leaf .
 
“One man’s Mede is another man’s Persian”. “Are you Shah ? ” “Sultanly “.
 
She was only a moonshiner’s daughter, but he loved her still .
 
When high heels went out of style, it was a big letdown .
 
If you fall asleep while reading and sunbathing, you’re well red .
 
Dermitologists start their practices from scratch .
 
When you go to the dentist and get braces, you’r eputting your money where your mouth is .
 
What do cats call mice on skateboards ? Meals on wheels .
 
Archeology students who study the plumbing of ancient Egypt are Pharaoh faucet majors .
 
Artificial fish : A plastic sturgeon .
 
Atheists are people with no invisible means of support .
 
Atheism is a non-prophet organization .
 
What do you get when you cross Dracula with a pig ? A hampire !
 
Do turtles wear people neck sweaters ?
 
One surgeon arguing with another : Suture self .
 
What kind of music did the Pilgrims listen to ? Plymouth Rock !
 
Dieting : The triumph of mind over platter .
 
The explorer came down from the North Pole . When he reached the last Lapp, he knew he was at the
Finnish line .
 
It’s easy to milk a cow. Any jerk can do it .
 
Ego : I-dolatry , Garlic : A food never eaten by those practicing breath control .
 
Illegal : A sick bird . Thongs . What Thinatra things . Lamb : An animal that gets more sheepish with age .
 
Two silkworms were in a race . They ended up in a tie .
 
There were two weevils who grew up on a farm down south . One was very bright and ambitious, went to
Harvard and MIT and became a famous scientist . The other stayed on the farm and never amounted to anything. He became known as the lesser of two weevils .
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a
great Christmas Eve, and whatever you do, don’t forget to
LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
“Oh, joy, Christmas Eve. By this time tomorrow, millions of Americans, knee-deep in tinsel and wrapping paper, will utter those heartfelt words, ‘Is this all I got?'” –Kelsey Grammer on FRASIER
“Last week, the city of Boston sparked controversy when it renamed the giant spruce tree in Boston Common a holiday tree instead of a Christmas tree. Also, the city’s nativity scene will now be referred to as the Holiday Homeless Family.” –Tina Fey
“Here’s a holiday shopping tip. Here’s what I do and it works pretty good. When you’re buying your Christmas tree, be sure to bring along a pair of scissors, so when you find the perfect tree, you can just cut that little tag off that says “sold”. –Jay Leno
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
 It was the day after Christmas at a church in San Francisco. The pastor of the church was looking over the cradle when he noticed that the baby Jesus was missing from among the figures. Immediately he turned and went outside and saw a little boy with a red wagon, and in the wagon was the figure of the little infant, Jesus.
So he walked up to the boy and said, “Well, where did you get Him, my little friend?”
The little boy replied, “I got him from the church.”
“And why did you take him?”
The boy said, “Well, about a week before Christmas I prayed to the little Lord Jesus and I told him if he would bring me a red wagon for Christmas I would give him a ride around the block in it.”Emoji
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???  ‘How can you diagnose someone as having obsessive-compulsive disorder and yet criticize him for not making an appointment?’
 
Answer: ‘As Good As It Gets’. Jack Nicholson to his therapist. 
 
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???  ‘Look down there. Would you really feel any pity if one of those dots stopped moving forever? If I offered you 20,000 pounds for every dot that stopped would you really, old man, tell me to keep my money, or would you calculate how many dots you could afford to spend.’
 
 
Monday’s Quizzler is……….
I come to your home uninvited but not through the door.
I am put in a can and for months you can store.
I am made up of more than one thing of course,
Though they’re all from the same sty-bound source.
If you’re lost you can use me reversed to get back on track.
I was a Python sketch too if you can recall that far back.
 
What am I?   
 
ANSWER: SPAM
 
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
Which one of these sentences does not belong? 
 
A) Diamonds often need keen, elegant yaks. 
 
B) Teacups contain tea and sometimes grapes. 
 
C) Roses are big, beautiful insect terraces. 
 
D) Rocks are constantly coming only on November.
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,  EmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji
Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s