WELCOME to Tuesday December 17, 2013.
The Bachelor Diet
Breakfast – Who can eat Breakfast on a Monday? Swallow some toothpaste while brushing your teeth. Lunch – Send your secretary out for six “gutbombers” – those little hamburgers that used to cost a dime but now cost sixty five cents. Also order French fries, a bowl of chili, a soft drink and have her stop on the way back for a family size bottle of Maalox. Afternoon Snack – Drink the Maalox. Dinner – Six pack of beer and Kentucky fried chicken three-piece Dinner, don’t eat the coleslaw.
Breakfast – Eat the coleslaw. Lunch – Go to the office vending machine and put ninety five cents in and close your eyes, push a button and eat whatever comes out swallowing it whole to prevent nausea. Dinner – Four tacos and a pitcher of Sangria at El Flasho’s.
Breakfast – Stomach couldn’t handle breakfast after a night at El Flasho’s. Lunch – Rolaids and a coke. Dinner – Drop in at a married friends house and beg for scraps.
Breakfast – Order out for pizza. Lunch – Your secretary is out sick, check Mondays gutbomber sack for leftovers. Dinner – Go to a bar. Ask the bartender for extra olives.
Breakfast – Eggs, sausage and an English muffin at McDonalds. Eat the Styrofoam plate and leave the food. It tastes better and it’s better for you. Lunch – Skip Lunch, Fridays are murder. Dinner – Steak, medium-rare, baked potato and asparagus. Don’t eat the asparagus, nobody really likes asparagus.
Breakfast – Sleep through it. Lunch – Ditto. Dinner – Steak, well done, baked potato, and brussel sprouts. Don’t eat the Brussel Sprouts. Take them home and plant them in a hanging basket.
Breakfast – Three Bloody Mary’s and a Twinkie. Lunch – Eat Lunch? And waste a good buzz? Dinner – Chicken noodle soup. Call home and ask about renting your old room.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a
great Tuesday, and whatever you do, don’t forget to
LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
QUOTES OF THE DAY
“Researchers at Yale found a connection between brain cancer and work environment. The No. 1 most dangerous job for developing brain cancer? Plutonium hat model.” –Jimmy Fallon
“Yesterday Fox News anchor Megyn Kelly told viewers that Santa Claus is white. Then she said Santa’s elves are Mexican and they are stealing jobs from American elves.” -Conan O’Brien
“In an annual list that ranks states based on how healthy they are, the healthiest U.S. state is Hawaii. Mississippi finished 50th out of the 50 states, which isn’t surprising. Healthy eating is not big in Mississippi. Their state bird is the fried chicken.” -Jimmy Kimmel
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
We were celebrating the 100th anniversary of our church, and several former pastors and the bishop were in attendance. At one point, our minister had the children gather at the altar for a talk about the importance of the day. He began by asking, “Does anyone know what the bishop does?” There was silence. Finally, one little boy answered gravely,
“He’s the one you can move diagonally.”
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? ‘You know Terry, I had a pretty good time tonight. You picked me up, got some hard stuff, we saw a hold-up, and then we went to the canal, you got your car stolen. And then I got to watch you getting sick.’
Answer: ‘American Graffiti’!
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? ‘You’re not too smart, are you? I like that in a man.’
Monday’s Quizzler is……….
A man worked for a high-security institution, and one day he went in to work only to find that he could not log in to his computer terminal. His password wouldn’t work. Then he remembered that the passwords are reset every month for security purposes. So he went to his boss and they had this conversation:
Man-“Hey boss, my password is out of date.”
Boss-“Yes, that’s right. The password is different, but if you listen carefully you should be able to figure out the new one: It has the same amount of letters as your old password, but only four of the letters are the same.”
Man: “Thanks boss.”
With that, he went and correctly logged into his station.
What was the new password?
BONUS: What was his old password?
ANSWER: The old one was : Out of date
The new one is: Different
He said: My password is “Out of date.” And the boss told him the new one when he said: “The password is different.”
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
What comes next in this series:
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com. https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,