Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

had-one-job

WELCOME to Friday December 13, 2013.  

Some of our old favorites have now been re-released.
The following songs are on a new album called
“Baby Boomers Turn Gray: Re-heated Oldies.”
Paul Simon — “Fifty Ways to Lose Your Liver”
Carly Simon — ‘You’re So Varicose Vein”
The Bee Gees — “How Can You Mend a Broken Hip”
Roberta Flack — “The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face”
Johnny Nash — “I Can’t See Clearly Now”
The Temptations — “Papa Got a Kidney Stone”
Nancy Sinatra — “These Boots Are Made For Bunions”
ABBA — “Denture Queen”
Leo Sayer — “You Make Me Feel Like Napping”
Commodores — “Once, Twice, Three Times My Back’s Out”
Procol Harem — “A Whiter Shade of Hair”
Steely Dan — “Rikki Don’t Lose That Clapper”
Herman’s Hermits — “Mrs. Brown You’ve Got a Lovely Walker”
Credence Clearwater Revival — “Bad Prune Rising”
Marvin Gaye — “I Heard It Through the Grape Nuts”
The Who — “Talkin’ ‘Bout My Medication”
The Troggs — “Bald Thing”
  

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a
wonderful weekend, and whatever you do, don’t forget to
LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
“New documents leaked by Edward Snowden show that the NSA actually spied on people while they played the video game World of Warcraft. I don’t know – to me it sounds like some NSA agents had to think quick when they got caught playing World of Warcraft at work.” -Jimmy Fallon
“The world said goodbye today to Nelson Mandela. And what a life he lived. He spent 27 years in prison and then ascended to become president of his country. He went from prison to politics. It was exactly the opposite of how we do it in this country.” -Jay Leno
“The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that children under 2 not be exposed to screens like iPads because it can impede their brain development. Although if it keeps the kid quiet while I’m at Costco, let’s bring that brain development to a halt.” -Jimmy Kimmel
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
The heaviest element known to science is Managerium.
This element has no protons or electrons, but has a nucleus made up of 1 neutron, 2 vice-neutrons, 5 junior vice-neutrons, 25 assistant vice-neutrons, and 125 junior assistant vice-neutrons all going round in circles.
Managerium has a half-life of three years, at which time it does not decay but institutes a series of reviews leading to reorganization.
Its molecules are held together by means of the exchange of tiny particles known as morons.
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? ‘Americans traditionally love to fight. All real Americans love the sting of battle. When you were kids, you all admired the champion marble player, the fastest runner, the big league ballplayers, the toughest boxers. Americans love a winner and do not tolerate a loser.’
 
Answer: ‘Patton’ General Patton talking to his troops. 
 
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???   ‘Do you always answer a question with a question?’
 
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
If you balanced a broom horizontally on your finger, so that your finger was exactly on the broom’s center of gravity, marked that spot and cut the broom in two, then you would have a long and a short piece. The long piece being most of the handle and the short piece being the bristle end and a small part of the handle. Now what will happen if you weigh both pieces? (pick all that apply)
 
A) The short piece will weigh more.
B) The long piece will weigh more.
C) Both will weigh the same.
D) Your mom will find out and hit you with both pieces! 
 
ANSWER:  A) The short piece will weigh more! 
 
This is due to the torque needed to hold the long piece up. It is the same reason a heavy kid has to sit closer in on a see-saw when he is on it with a lighter friend. 
 
Oh yeah, D) may also be correct depending on your mother’s temperament. 
 
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
In a small country town, some of the pets were confused about their identities. 20% of the cats thought they were dogs while 20% of the dogs thought they were cats. The local veterinarian psychiatrist took a survey and found that 40% of all the cats and dogs thought they were cats. What percentage of all the cats and dogs were really cats?
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,  EmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji
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