WELCOME to Wednesday December 11, 2013.
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow
a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, “When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah”.
The teacher asked, “What if Jonah went to hell?”
The little girl replied, “Then you ask him “.
A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while
they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child’s work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, “I’m drawing God.”
The teacher paused and said, “But no one knows what God looks like.”
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, “They will in a minute.”
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.
After explaining the commandment to “honor” thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, “Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?”
Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, “Thou shall not kill.”
One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, “Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?”
Her mother replied, “Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.” The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, “Momma, how come ALL of grandma’s hairs are white?”
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. “Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, ‘There’s Jennifer, she’s a lawyer,’ or ‘That’s Michael, He’s a doctor.’ A small voice at the back of the room rang out, “And there’s the teacher, she’s dead.”
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, “Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.”
“Yes,” the class said.
“Then why is it that while I am standing up right in the ordinary position the blood doesn’t run into my feet?”
A little fellow shouted,
“Cause your feet ain’t empty.”
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
“Take only ONE. God is watching.” Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, “Take all you want. God is watching the apples.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday, and whatever you do,
don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
QUOTES OF THE DAY
“I am a kind of paranoiac in reverse. I suspect people of plotting to make me happy.”
– J. D. Salinger
“Happiness depends upon ourselves.”
“We turn not older with years, but newer every day.”
– Emily Dickinson
“Barbara Walters revealed her list of the most fascinating people of the year: Robin Roberts, Jennifer Lawrence, the cast of Duck Dynasty, Miley Cyrus, Kim Kardashian and Kanye West, Edward Snowden, and Pope Frances. What an honor it must be for the Pope!” -Jimmy Kimmel
“The bear population in the state of New Jersey has sky-rocketed. The rise in the population has caused over 500 complaints. Not surprisingly all the complaints have come from the bears.” –Conan O’Brien
“According to a recent Bureau of Justice survey, night is the most dangerous time for law enforcement officers. Second most dangerous time: day.” –Jimmy Fallon
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
My husband David’s colleague at a package-processing center was trapped in a small rest room by a faulty lock. When he was finally discovered, David and another worker were able to open the door with some difficulty. The lock was still jammed, so they blocked the door open while a maintenance worker was called. A bit later, David noticed the door was closed again. He jiggled the doorknob and a voice from inside called, “Get me out!”
“Don’t worry,” David replied, “Maintenance should be sending somebody.”
“They did,” said the voice.
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? ‘When a man’s mother dies and he gets to thinkin’ about her funeral and paying’ respects, before he knows it his mind ain’t right and he’s got rabbit in this blood and runs. We’re keepin’ you off the road for awhile.’
Answer: ‘Cool Hand Luke’! Luke is put in the ‘box’ for several days, and after he gets out of the box he begins his efforts to escape.
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? ‘You’re going to stay right here and help me beat this killing if I have to call your Chief back and remind him what he ordered you to do. But I won’t have to do that because you’re just so smart, so much brighter than all the rest of us poor stupid white men, you’re going to stay just to show us. Your head’s so big you could never live with yourself unless you put us all to shame. Virgil, you going to pass up a chance like that?’
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
An antigram is an anagram which has a meaning opposite to its unscrambled version.
NO MORE STARS
ANSWER: EVANGELISTS FUNERAL VIOLENCE ASTRONOMERS
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
Some call me crazy
But really, I’m not.
If you are lucky,
I’ll win the battle fought!
It doesn’t matter what I’m wearing,
I am powerful still.
But there’s only four of me,
So use me with great skill!
If you choose a different battlefield,
You’ll find much more like myself,
But still we are called wild,
And we also can be dealt.
What am I?
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com. https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,