Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

tired-bull-dog

WELCOME to Tuesday December 10, 2013.  

Favorite Police Emergency Calls:
Dispatcher: Nine-one-one
Caller: Hi, is this the police?
Dispatcher: This is 911. Do you need police assistance?
Caller: Well, I don’t know who to call. Can you tell me how to cook a turkey? I’ve never cooked one before.
Dispatcher: Nine-one-one What is the nature of your emergency?
Caller: I’m trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn’t have an eleven on it.
Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.
Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one
Dispatcher: Yes, ma’am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing.
Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I’m not stupid.
Dispatcher: Nine-one-one What’s the nature of your emergency?
Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart.
Dispatcher: Is this her first child?
Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband
Dispatcher: Nine-one-one
Caller: Yeah, I’m having trouble breathing. I’m all out of breath. Darn…I think I’m going to pass out.
Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?
Caller: I’m at a pay phone. North and Foster. Darn….
Dispatcher: Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic?
Caller: No
Dispatcher: What where you doing before you started having trouble breathing?
Caller: Running from the police.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday, and whatever you do,
don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
“The NSA collects almost 5 billion records a day that can pinpoint a cellphone anywhere in the world, track its movements, and map the personal relationships of the person using it. I’ll tell you what this means. You know the crazy people that wear the tinfoil hats because they think the government is tracking them? Turns out they were right.” -Jimmy Kimmel
“According to a new report, America’s teenagers are 30th in the world in math. Luckily, America’s teenagers will never understand the report because they’re 85th in reading.” -Conan O’Brien
“Researchers in Canada say they have discovered the part of the brain that is used to make decisions, and this is weird: If you’re married, it’s actually located in your wife’s brain.” -Jimmy Fallon
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
A buddy and I were golfing one afternoon and getting somewhat bored with the round; so when we came upon the water hazard with two ducks sitting quietly on the water, I bet him ten bucks he couldn’t hit a duck and five dollars he couldn’t even get one to move.
Being a guy, he took the bet. He launched four shots toward the ducks, and even threw two by hand, and the ducks still wouldn’t budge. Only after he lost six golf balls did he realize the ducks were decoys.
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? ‘I say that you cannot administer a wicked law impartially. You can only destroy, you can only punish. And I warn you, that a wicked law, like cholera, destroys everyone it touches, its upholders as well as its defilers.’
 
Answer: ‘Inherit the Wind’ Spencer Tracy with his memorable portrayal of defense lawyer Clarence Darrow. 
 
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???  ‘When a man’s mother dies and he gets to thinkin’ about her funeral and paying’ respects, before he knows it his mind ain’t right and he’s got rabbit in this blood and runs. We’re keepin’ you off the road for awhile.’
 
Monday’s Quizzler is……….
What replaces the ??? in the puzzle below? 
 
1 Lincoln 
+ 2 Jeffersons 
+ 3 Roosevelts 
+ 4 Washingtons 
+ 5 Kennedys 
_______________ 
??? 
 
ANSWER: $ 3.91.  Lincoln is on the penny, Jefferson is on the nickel, Roosevelt is on the dime, Washington is on the quarter, and Kennedy is on the half dollar.
 
1 Lincoln = $.01
2 Jeffersons = .10
3 Roosevelts = .30
4 Washingtons = 1.00
5 Kennedys = 2.50
______________________
Total = $3.91 
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
An antigram is an anagram which has a meaning opposite to its unscrambled version.
 
Try these:
 
EVIL’S AGENTS
 
REAL FUN
 
NICE LOVE
 
NO MORE STARS
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,  EmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji
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