Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

318979_499833486704343_1314105211_n1

WELCOME to Tuesday December 31, 2013.  

The Last Day of 2013…

 Welcome to the last day of 2013! Everything that you did this year is officially over! TOMORROW is a new year with brand new resolutions, new everything….right? Well not really, all of your bills are still there and yes they need to still be paid. You’ve got those extra pounds that you put on, remember that trip you took to http://www.muffintop.com?  Also those people who love you and care for you, they are still there…those great lifelong friends, well they are still there as well.
Remember the present that you get each day…waking up above ground and not six feet under? Well it seems that although each year presents lessons in living with both good and bad experiences, the goal is simply to learn from each experience.  Life is full of treasures, my hope is that you will take the time to see what you have that’s right in front of you! I hope that you all had a great year and that you are looking forward to a better year in 2014!
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a Great New Years Eve, please drive carefully and I’ll see you next year! Remember whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
Life is a mystery; the more you know it, the more beautiful it is. A moment comes when suddenly you start living it, you start flowing with it. An orgasmic relationship evolves between you and life, but you cannot figure out what it is. That’s the beauty of it, that’s its infinite depth.  Osho
Life does not have meaning through mere existence or acquisition or fun. The meaning of life is inherent in the connections we make to others through honor and obligation. Laura Schlessinger Ph.D
Life is not divided into semesters. You don’t get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you find yourself.  Bill Gates
Today is the last day of some of your life.
Unknown
Life is not so bad if you have plenty of luck, a good physique and not too much imagination.
Christopher Isherwoo
Personally, I don’t think there’s intelligent life on other planets. Why should other planets be any different from this one? Bob Monkhouse
Life… is like a grapefruit. It’s orange and squishy, and has a few pips in it, and some folks have half a one for breakfast.  Douglas Adams
Life is a foreign language; all men mispronounce it.
Christopher Morley
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said, “Hey, I haven’t seen you in a while. What happened, you look terrible!”
“What do you mean? I’m fine.”
“What about that wooden leg? You didn’t have that before.”
“Well,” said the pirate, “We were in a battle at sea and a cannon ball hit my leg but the Doc fixed me up, and I’m fine, really.”
“Oh yeah? Well what about that hook? The last time I saw you, you had both hands.”
“We were in another battle and we boarded the enemy ship. I was in a sword fight and my hand was cut off but the Doc fixed me up with the hook, and I feel great, really.”
“Oh,” said the bartender, “what about that eye patch? The last time you were in here you had both eyes.”
“One day when we were at sea some birds were flying over the ship. I looked up and one of them crapped in my eye.”
“You’re kidding,” said the bartender, “you couldn’t have lost an eye just from some bird crap!”
“Well, I really wasn’t used to the hook yet.”
 
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???   ‘Even a poor tailor is entitled to some happiness!’
 
Answer: ‘Fiddler on the Roof’
 
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???   ‘The defendant sold pennies for seventeen dollars and ninety-nine cents.’
 
 
Monday’s Quizzler is……….
Using the clues from below you can find ten words. These ten words, when properly rearranged, will form a series of words where each word is different from the previous word by only one letter. For example, DOG may be followed by DIG, etc.
 
Can you determine the words and the proper order?
 
… in the back of the net 
… sock material 
… forest 
… baby horse 
… hooded robe 
… spiral of wire 
… not too hot 
… roasting metal 
… earthy ground 
… not bad
 
ANSWER: Good, wood, wool, cool, cowl, coil, soil, foil, foal, goal.  
 
 
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
 
Decipher this:
 
wowolfol
SEE YOU NEW YEAR! Emoji 
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,  EmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji

 

Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

nice-car-but-where-did-van-gogh-funny-pun

WELCOME to Monday December 30, 2013.   Work & Prison…

In prison: You spend the majority of your time in an 8×10 cell.
At work: You spend most of your time in a 6×8 cubicle.
In prison: You get three meals a day.
At work: You get a break for 1 meal and you have to pay for it.
In prison: You get time off for good behavior.
At work: You get rewarded for good behavior with more work.
In prison: A guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
At work: You must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors yourself.
In prison: You can watch TV and play games.
At work: You get fired for watching TV and playing games.
In prison: You get your own toilet.
At work: You have to share.
In prison: They allow your family and friends to visit.
At work: You cannot even speak to your family and friends.
In prison: All expenses are paid by taxpayers with no work required.
At work: You get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from you salary to pay for prisoners.
In prison: You spend most of your life looking through bars from inside wanting to get out.
At work: You spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.
In prison: There are wardens who are often sadistic.
At work: They are called supervisors.
In prison: You have unlimited time to read e-mail jokes.
At work: You get fired if you get caught.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a
great weekend, and whatever you do, don’t forget to
LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
 “Fox News host Megyn Kelly now says she was just kidding when she said Santa Claus is white. However, she’s standing by her statement that the Grinch who stole Christmas, definitely Jewish.” –Conan O’Brien
“It’s really starting the look like Hillary Clinton’s going to run. The digital team behind both of President Obama’s campaigns is already preparing for a Hillary Clinton run. They’re starting early because they’ve got to delete 10 years of Bill Clinton’s browser history.” –Conan O’Brien
“An entrepreneur has made a device that can prevent the NSA from spying on you by blocking your laptop’s camera. This new high-tech device is called a small piece of tape.” –Conan O’Brien
“Scientists are testing out a new drone that would replace lifeguards. Here’s how it works: If you’re drowning, the drone would fly out and drop a bomb on you.” –Conan O’Brien
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
 Bobby walks into a bar and says, “Bartender, one round for everyone, on me!”
The bartender says, “Well, seems you’re in a really good mood tonight, hmm?”
Bobby says, “Oh, you can bet on it! I just got hired by the city to go around and remove all the money from parking meters. I start on Monday!”
The bartender congratulates him and proceeds to pour the round.
Monday evening arrives and Bobby comes back into the bar and says, “Bartender, TWO rounds for everyone, on me!”
The bartender says, “Well now! If you’re so happy just over having this new job, I can just imagine how happy you’ll be when you get your paycheck!”
Bobby looks at the bartender with a wondrous look on his face, pulls out a handful of quarters from his pocket, and says, “You mean they’ll PAY me too?”
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? ‘I’ve tried them all, I really have, and the only church that really feeds the soul day in and day out is the church of baseball.’ 
 
Answer: ‘Bull Durham’ Annie, played by Susan Sarandon, is explaining her love of baseball. 
 
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???  ‘Even a poor tailor is entitled to some happiness!’
 
 
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
I am tied up at least once a day
And forced to carry ten nails.
I work diligently without any pay
And follow your many trails.
 
I do not smell very well
But at least I have many eyes.
I have two tongues but never yell
And I’ll bet you know my size.
 
What am I?  
 
ANSWER: Your shoes!
 
 
Monday’s Quizzler is……….
Using the clues from below you can find ten words. These ten words, when properly rearranged, will form a series of words where each word is different from the previous word by only one letter. For example, DOG may be followed by DIG, etc.
 
Can you determine the words and the proper order?
 
… in the back of the net 
… sock material 
… forest 
… baby horse 
… hooded robe 
… spiral of wire 
… not too hot 
… roasting metal 
… earthy ground 
… not bad
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER GOES TO OUR RESIDENT GENIUS MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! NICE WORK BANKS! EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,  EmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji

 

Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

download (3)WELCOME to Friday December 27, 2013.  More Punography! 

1. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
2. Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I’ll show you A-flat minor.
3. To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
4. A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is two-tired.
5. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
6. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
7. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
8. If you don’t pay your exorcist you get repossessed.
9. What’s the definition of a will? It’s a dead giveaway.
10. The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
11. Every calendar’s days are numbered.
12. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
13. When the electricity went off during a storm at a school the students were de-lighted.
14. I used to be a tap dancer until I fell in the sink.
15. He wears glasses during math because it improves division.
16. She was only a whisky maker but he loved her still.
17. She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off.
18. Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.
19. It wasn’t school John disliked it was just the principal of it.
20. It’s better to love a short girl than not a tall.
21. There was once a cross-eyed teacher who couldn’t control his  pupils.
22. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
23. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
24. The one who invented the door knocker got a No-bell prize.
25. Old power plant workers never die they just de-generate.
26. There was a ghost at the hotel, so they called for an inn spectre.
27. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
28. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large
29. Some Spanish government employees are Seville servants.
30. He drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes bends.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a
great weekend, and whatever you do, don’t forget to
LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
 “People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.”
– Bob Hope
“Creativity comes from trust. Trust your instincts.”
– Rita Mae Brown
“Time cools, time clarifies; no mood can be maintained quite unaltered through the course of hours.”
– Mark Twain
“A new report says that members of Congress work harder than the average American. You know why? That’s because thanks to Congress the average American is out of work.” -Jay Leno
“New research came out that reveals that being attractive in high school leads to success later in life. So finally some good news for hot, popular teenagers.” -Conan O’Brien
“Over the weekend, China became the third nation to land on the moon. This morning NASA issued a statement: ‘Sending stuff to the moon is so 1960s. Call us when you get to Mars.'” -Craig Ferguson
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
 A tour guide was showing a tour group around Washington, D. C. The guide pointed out the place where George Washington supposedly threw a dollar coin across the Potomac River.
“That’s impossible,” said the tourist. “No one could throw a coin that far!”
“You have to remember,” answered the guide, “a dollar went a lot farther in those days.”
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???  ‘Look down there. Would you really feel any pity if one of those dots stopped moving forever? If I offered you 20,000 pounds for every dot that stopped would you really, old man, tell me to keep my money, or would you calculate how many dots you could afford to spend.’
 
Answer: ‘The Third Man’  From the famous conversation on the ferris wheel between Orson Welles and Joseph Cotton. 
 
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???  ‘I’ve tried them all, I really have, and the only church that really feeds the soul day in and day out is the church of baseball.’
 
 
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
 Which one of these sentences does not belong? 
 
A) Diamonds often need keen, elegant yaks. 
 
B) Teacups contain tea and sometimes grapes. 
 
C) Roses are big, beautiful insect terraces. 
 
D) Rocks are constantly coming only on November.
 
ANSWER:  B. In all the other sentences, the first letter of every word is spelled out to an animal, such as in A), the animal is donkey.
 
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
I am tied up at least once a day
And forced to carry ten nails.
I work diligently without any pay
And follow your many trails.
 
I do not smell very well
But at least I have many eyes.
I have two tongues but never yell
And I’ll bet you know my size.
 
What am I?
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER GOES TO OUR RESIDENT GENIUS MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! NICE WORKS BANKS! EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,  EmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji

Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

download (1)

WELCOME to Tuesday December 24, 2013.  

Punography……

Here are some groaners :
 
Getting braces : Putting your money where your mouth is .
 
Did you hear about the nuclear scientist who swallowed some uranium ? He got atomic ache .
 
Epitaph in a dog cemetery : “He never met a man he didn’t lick “.
 
Squirrel’s NEST: A Nutcracker Suite.
 
Social Diseases : Germs of endearment .
 
If Mississippi gave Missouri a New Jersey , what would Delaware ? Idaho, Alaska .
 
What’s the funniest animal in the world ? A stand-up chameleon .
 
When Eve went streaking through the Garden of Eden, Adam declared that she was absent without leaf .
 
“One man’s Mede is another man’s Persian”. “Are you Shah ? ” “Sultanly “.
 
She was only a moonshiner’s daughter, but he loved her still .
 
When high heels went out of style, it was a big letdown .
 
If you fall asleep while reading and sunbathing, you’re well red .
 
Dermitologists start their practices from scratch .
 
When you go to the dentist and get braces, you’r eputting your money where your mouth is .
 
What do cats call mice on skateboards ? Meals on wheels .
 
Archeology students who study the plumbing of ancient Egypt are Pharaoh faucet majors .
 
Artificial fish : A plastic sturgeon .
 
Atheists are people with no invisible means of support .
 
Atheism is a non-prophet organization .
 
What do you get when you cross Dracula with a pig ? A hampire !
 
Do turtles wear people neck sweaters ?
 
One surgeon arguing with another : Suture self .
 
What kind of music did the Pilgrims listen to ? Plymouth Rock !
 
Dieting : The triumph of mind over platter .
 
The explorer came down from the North Pole . When he reached the last Lapp, he knew he was at the
Finnish line .
 
It’s easy to milk a cow. Any jerk can do it .
 
Ego : I-dolatry , Garlic : A food never eaten by those practicing breath control .
 
Illegal : A sick bird . Thongs . What Thinatra things . Lamb : An animal that gets more sheepish with age .
 
Two silkworms were in a race . They ended up in a tie .
 
There were two weevils who grew up on a farm down south . One was very bright and ambitious, went to
Harvard and MIT and became a famous scientist . The other stayed on the farm and never amounted to anything. He became known as the lesser of two weevils .
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a
great Christmas Eve, and whatever you do, don’t forget to
LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
“Oh, joy, Christmas Eve. By this time tomorrow, millions of Americans, knee-deep in tinsel and wrapping paper, will utter those heartfelt words, ‘Is this all I got?'” –Kelsey Grammer on FRASIER
“Last week, the city of Boston sparked controversy when it renamed the giant spruce tree in Boston Common a holiday tree instead of a Christmas tree. Also, the city’s nativity scene will now be referred to as the Holiday Homeless Family.” –Tina Fey
“Here’s a holiday shopping tip. Here’s what I do and it works pretty good. When you’re buying your Christmas tree, be sure to bring along a pair of scissors, so when you find the perfect tree, you can just cut that little tag off that says “sold”. –Jay Leno
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
 It was the day after Christmas at a church in San Francisco. The pastor of the church was looking over the cradle when he noticed that the baby Jesus was missing from among the figures. Immediately he turned and went outside and saw a little boy with a red wagon, and in the wagon was the figure of the little infant, Jesus.
So he walked up to the boy and said, “Well, where did you get Him, my little friend?”
The little boy replied, “I got him from the church.”
“And why did you take him?”
The boy said, “Well, about a week before Christmas I prayed to the little Lord Jesus and I told him if he would bring me a red wagon for Christmas I would give him a ride around the block in it.”Emoji
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???  ‘How can you diagnose someone as having obsessive-compulsive disorder and yet criticize him for not making an appointment?’
 
Answer: ‘As Good As It Gets’. Jack Nicholson to his therapist. 
 
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???  ‘Look down there. Would you really feel any pity if one of those dots stopped moving forever? If I offered you 20,000 pounds for every dot that stopped would you really, old man, tell me to keep my money, or would you calculate how many dots you could afford to spend.’
 
 
Monday’s Quizzler is……….
I come to your home uninvited but not through the door.
I am put in a can and for months you can store.
I am made up of more than one thing of course,
Though they’re all from the same sty-bound source.
If you’re lost you can use me reversed to get back on track.
I was a Python sketch too if you can recall that far back.
 
What am I?   
 
ANSWER: SPAM
 
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
Which one of these sentences does not belong? 
 
A) Diamonds often need keen, elegant yaks. 
 
B) Teacups contain tea and sometimes grapes. 
 
C) Roses are big, beautiful insect terraces. 
 
D) Rocks are constantly coming only on November.
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,  EmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji

Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

my-wife-is-coming

WELCOME to Monday December 23, 2013.  

Did you know that hanging lights on a Christmas tree is one of the three most stressful situations in an on-going relationship? (The other two danger zones are teaching your mate to drive and wallpapering. Don’t EVEN think of going there!) So I now present for you….
Things NOT To Say When Hanging Christmas Lights
–“You’ve got two red lights right next to each other. You’re supposed to go yellow, green, red, blue, not yellow, red, red, green, blue…”
–“Up a little higher. You can reach it. Go on, try.”
–“What on earth do you do to these lights when you put them away every year? Tie them in knots?”
–“Come away from that aluminum ladder, kids. I’m going to fry that sucker.”
–“If you’re not going to do it right, don’t do it at all. Don’t just throw them on, like you do the icicles. You’re worse than your father.”
–“Give me that!!”
–“You’ve got the whole thing on the tree upside-down. The electric pluggee thing should be down here at the bottom, not up at the top.”
–“I don’t care if you have found another two strings, I’m done!”
–“You’ve just wound ’em around and around – I thought we agreed it shouldn’t look like a spiral this year?”
–“Have you been drinking?!!?”
–“Well alrighty then, it looks like we’re *finally* done here now. Not too shabby huh? Hey….wait a minute, where’s the cat?”
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a
great Monday, and whatever you do, don’t forget to
LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
“Every year I do this during the holidays. This is the day I go into Central Park and chop down my Christmas tree.” –Dave Letterman
“Are you all getting your Christmas shopping done? I crossed three people off my gift list today. I didn’t get them anything, I just crossed them off.” –Jay Leno
“There are only a few days left until Christmas. I tell you, it’s really amazing how popular baby Jesus was able to become without his mother posting a single picture of him on Facebook.” -Jimmy Kimmel
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
There was this group of old ladies riding in their car about 35 miles an hour when a cop stopped them and asked, “Do you know your only going 35?”
“Yes” said the driver.
“Why are you going only 35?”
“Because the sign says 35.” she replies.
“That’s the number of the road,” the policeman said. “By the way, why are those ladies in the back seat so scared?”.
The driver said,” We just got off of Highway 95″
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???   ‘You know you don’t recognize the most significant moments of your life when they happen. You think there’ll be other days. I didn’t realize that this was the only day.’
 
Answer: ‘Field of Dreams’! Burt Lancaster as Moonlight Graham is talking with Kevin Costner who has traveled a long way to talk with him. Moonlight goes on to say: ‘You know, I never got to bat in the major leagues. I’d have liked to have had that chance, just once. To stare down a big league pitcher, to stare at him and just as he goes into his windup, to wink, Make him think you know something he doesn’t. To squint into a sky so blue it hurts your eyes just to look at it; to feel the tingle in your arms when you hit the ball dead-on; to run the bases, to stretch a double into a triple and flop face-first into third and wrap your arm around the base. This is my wish, Ray Kinsella. And is there enough magic in the moonlight to make this wish come true?’  
 
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???   ‘How can you diagnose someone as having obsessive-compulsive disorder and yet criticize him for not making an appointment?’
 
 
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
A worker is to perform work for you for seven straight days. In return for his work, you will pay him 1/7th of a bar of gold per day. The worker requires a daily payment of 1/7th of the bar of gold. What and where are the fewest number of cuts to the bar of gold that will allow you to pay him 1/7th each day? 
 
ANSWER: Day One: You make your first cut at the 1/7th mark and give that to the worker.
Day Two: You cut 2/7ths and pay that to the worker and receive the original 1/7th in change.
Day three: You give the worker the 1/7th you received as change on the previous day.
Day four: You give the worker 4/7ths and he returns his 1/7th cut and his 2/7th cut as change.
Day Five: You give the worker back the 1/7th cut of gold.
Day Six: You give the worker the 2/7th cut and receive the 1/7th cut back in change.
Day Seven: You pay the worker his final 1/7th. 
 
Everyone is happy.  
 
Monday’s Quizzler is……….
I come to your home uninvited but not through the door.
I am put in a can and for months you can store.
I am made up of more than one thing of course,
Though they’re all from the same sty-bound source.
If you’re lost you can use me reversed to get back on track.
I was a Python sketch too if you can recall that far back.
 
What am I?
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,  EmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji

Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

funny-puns-giggle-32_thumb
WELCOME to Friday December 20, 2013.  
 
Women’s English!Emoji

“Yes” = No
“No” = Yes
“Maybe” = No
“I’m sorry” = You’ll be sorry
“We need” = I want
“It’s your decision” = The correct decision should be obvious by now
“Sure… go ahead” = I don’t want you to
“I’m not upset” = Of course I’m upset, you moron!
“We need to talk” = I need to complain
“This kitchen is so inconvenient” = I want a new house
“I want new curtains” = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper…
“I heard a noise” = I noticed you were almost asleep
“Do you love me?” = I’m going to ask for something expensive
“How much do you love me?” = I did something today you’re really not going to like
“I’ll be ready in a minute” = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V.
“You have to learn to communicate” = Just agree with me
“Are you listening to me!?” = [Too late, you’re dead]
“Do what you want.” = You’ll pay for this later
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a
great weekend, and whatever you do, don’t forget to
LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
We are ne’er like angels till our passion dies.
Thomas Dekker
The love we give away is the only love we keep.
Elbert Hubbard
You don’t take a photograph, you make it.
Ansel Adams
The creation of a thousand forests is in one acorn.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
I was going to buy a book on hair loss, but the pages kept falling out.
Jay London
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
A newlywed sailor is informed by the navy that he’s going to be stationed a long way from home on a remote island in the South Pacific for 2 years. A few weeks after he gets there he really starts to miss his new wife, so he writes her a letter.
“My darling,” he writes, “it looks like we’re going to be apart for a very long time. Already I’m starting to miss you and we’re constantly surrounded by young, attractive native girls. The temptation’s terrible. I need some kind of hobby to keep my mind off them.”
His wife sends him back a harmonica with a note reading, “Why don’t you learn to play this?”
Eventually his tour of duty comes to an end and he rushes back to his wife.
“Darling” he says, “I can’t wait to get you into bed so that we can make passionate love!”
But she stops him with a wave of her hand. “First, let’s see how well you play that harmonica.”
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???  ‘On the page, it looked–nothing; the beginning–simple, almost comical. Just a pulse, bassoon, basset horn, like a rusty squeeze box. And then, suddenly, high above it, an oboe, a single note, hanging there unwavering, until a clarinet took it over, sweetened it into a phrase of such delight. This was no composition by a performing monkey.’
 
Answer: ‘Amadeus’ Salieri telling his life story to the Priest.    
 
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???   ‘You know you don’t recognize the most significant moments of your life when they happen. You think there’ll be other days. I didn’t realize that this was the only day.’
 
 
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
What phrase is represented below?
 
HEA wooden stick VEN
 
HEA wooden stick + sulphur head VEN
 
HEA wooden stick + sulphur head + phosphorus tip VEN 
 
ANSWER: A Match made in Heaven!
 
A match (wooden stick + sulphur head + phosphorus tip, which are the components of matches) is being made in HEAVEN 
 
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
A worker is to perform work for you for seven straight days. In return for his work, you will pay him 1/7th of a bar of gold per day. The worker requires a daily payment of 1/7th of the bar of gold. What and where are the fewest number of cuts to the bar of gold that will allow you to pay him 1/7th each day?
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,  EmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji

Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

1377521_458852637568735_689427614_n

WELCOME to Thursday December 19, 2013.  

“Twelve of the Most Terrifying Things to Hear”
1. The dentist says: “This won’t hurt a bit.”
2. The IRS announces: “We are simplifying the tax forms.”
3. Your lawyer says: “This is an air-tight case– you can’t lose.”
4. Your stock broker says: “This little drop in the market is just a minor correction.”
5. Your physician says: “You’re in great shape–you’ll live to be 100!”
6. Your business partner says: “Nothing can possibly go wrong.”
7. Your best friend says: “Trust me–I’ll never tell a soul.”
8. The directions on a do-it-yourself kit say: “Even a child can do it.”
9. Your colleagues say: “We’re behind you 100%–we’ll back you up.”
10. Someone giving you directions says:”You can’t miss it.”
11. The airline pilot announces: “Just a bit of turbulence folks– nothing to worry about.”
12. A voice on the telephone says: “Congratulations!You’re an instant winner!”
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a
great Thursday, and whatever you do, don’t forget to
LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
The art of life is to know how to enjoy a little and to endure very much.
William Hazlitt
Love is blind.
Geoffrey Chaucer
Without art, the crudeness of reality would make the world unbearable.
George Bernard Shaw
Let us permit nature to have her way. She understands her business better than we do.
Michel de Montaigne
In the Halls of Justice the only justice is in the halls.
Lenny Bruce
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
A little boy went into a drug store, reached for a soda carton and pulled
it over to the telephone.
He climbed onto the carton so that he could reach the buttons on the phone and proceeded to punch in seven digits.
The store-owner observed and listened to the conversation: The boy asked, “Lady, Can you give me the job of cutting your lawn? The woman replied, “I already have someone to cut my lawn.
Lady, I will cut your lawn for half the price of the person who cuts your
lawn now.” replied boy.
The woman responded that she was very satisfied with the person who was presently cutting her lawn.
The little boy found more perseverance and offered, “Lady, I’ll even sweep your curb and your sidewalk, so on Sunday you will have the prettiest lawn in all of Palm beach, Florida. Again the woman answered in the negative.
With a smile on his face, the little boy replaced the receiver.
The store-owner, who was listening to all, walked over to the boy and
said, “Son… I like your attitude; I like that positive spirit and would like
to offer you a job.
The little boy replied, “No thanks, I was just checking my performance
with the job I already have.
I am the one who is working for that lady, I was talking to!”
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???   ‘They walked, with heads up, without music, or cheering, or any hope of escape from injury or death. It went on and on. Women carry the wounded bodies from the ditch until they dropped from exhaustion. But still it went on. Whatever moral ascendance the West held was lost today.’
 
Answer:  ‘Gandhi’ The newspaperman Walker, played by Martin Sheen, is phoning in his story on the demonstration at the Dharasana Salt Works.     
 
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???  ‘On the page, it looked–nothing; the beginning–simple, almost comical. Just a pulse, bassoon, basset horn, like a rusty squeeze box. And then, suddenly, high above it, an oboe, a single note, hanging there unwavering, until a clarinet took it over, sweetened it into a phrase of such delight. This was no composition by a performing monkey.’
 
 
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
 In this teaser, you have to find the odd ones out in the groups of words. BUT WAIT! There’s a catch. Each group of words has TWO words which do not belong. Can you find them both?
 
EXAMPLE: 
 
Lily – Jane – Tulip – Rose
 
Jane does not belong as it’s the only one which is not a flower.
 
Tulip also does not belong because it’s the only one which is not a girl’s name.
 
You’re on your own for the rest!
 
1. Dodge – Ford – Lincoln – Hoover
 
2. King – Earl – Knight – Bishop
 
3. Yellow – Green – Dead – Black
 
 
ANSWER: 1. Hoover does not belong as it’s the only one which is not a car manufacturer. Dodge does not belong as it’s the only one which is not the last name of a President of USA.
 
2. Bishop does not belong as it’s the only one which is not a class of nobility. Earl does not belong as it’s the only one which is not a Chess piece.
 
3. Dead does not belong as it’s the only one which is not a color. Green does not belong as it’s the only one which is not the name of a sea.
 
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
What phrase is represented below?
 
HEA wooden stick VEN
 
HEA wooden stick + sulphur head VEN
 
HEA wooden stick + sulphur head + phosphorus tip VEN
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,  EmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji