Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Friday November 22, 2013.  Weekend Thoughts…

Getting information off the Internet is like taking a drink from a fire hydrant.
America is a country where half the money is spent buying food, and the other half is spent trying to lose weight.
If the world is getting smaller how come they raised the postal rates?
We have to believe in free will. We have no choice.
If you have twenty things to do in a day and nineteen of them go well, which one do you talk about over dinner?
Half the people on the road should be pulled over by the police, the other half by psychiatrists.
Tankruptcy (n): The financial condition resulting from fueling one’s 4X4.
Three things in life are certain. . . . taxes, death,and data loss.
Frustration is trying to find your glasses without your glasses.
When you live by yourself, all your annoying habits are gone!
The supermarket is where you spend 30 minutes hunting for instant coffee.
Don’t attempt to run from the past, it is always behind you.
Everybody is ignorant, just on different subjects.
Let’s have lunch. I can’t afford therapy.
People like you are the reason people like me need medication.
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
Middle age: when a guy turns off lights for economical rather than romantic reasons.
I think, therefore I’m single
It’s scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee-maker.
Mother Nature has joined the insurgents.
The only people who listen to both sides of an argument are the neighbors.
Why is it the loudest snorer is always the first one to get to sleep.
The extra mile isn’t half as long as all those other miles.
Life is really like a shower. One wrong turn and you’re in hot water.
Without my ignorance, your knowledge would be meaningless.
Today everyone wants instant gratification,no matter how long it takes.
They who are afraid to ask are ashamed of learning.
Blessed are those who can give without remembering and take without forgetting.
The worst thing about history is that, every time it repeats itself . . . the price goes up.
We want all machines to be perfect, with the exception of the bathroom scale.
It’s easy enough to spot the winners.They’re the ones not complaining about the rules.
A great actor can bring tears to our eyes. But then, so can an auto mechanic.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Friday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
“Here we go again. Freshman Congressman Trey Radel of Florida has been arrested for possession of cocaine in Washington, D.C. He admitted he is an alcoholic and pled guilty to possession of cocaine. The judge sentenced him to four years as mayor of Toronto.” –Jay Leno
“Toronto’s city council has voted to drastically reduce Mayor Rob Ford’s powers. They say this reduces him to a ‘mere figurehead’ – which still sounds better than ‘crackhead.'” –Jay Leno
“To make matters worse for Mayor Ford, his reality show was canceled after one airing. They are calling this guy the most embarrassing Ford since the Pinto.” –Jay Leno
“The ratings for Al Jazeera America has now dipped even lower than Al Gore’s Current TV, which it replaced. That’s how you know you’re boring, OK? When Al Gore is considered more entertaining to people than what you have.” –Jay Leno
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
Four members of the clergy had a theological argument, with the three male ministers siding against the female minister.
The woman prayed, “Lord, I know I’m right. Please send us a divine sign to prove it.”
A big storm cloud materialized, and there was a clap of thunder, “See,” said the woman. “It’s a sign from above.”
The three clergymen disagreed, saying thunder is a common phenomenon.
“Dear Lord,” the woman prayed, “I need a bigger sign.”
This time a bolt of lightning slammed into a tree.
“See! I told you I was right,” the woman said.
But the men insisted nothing had happened that couldn’t be explained by natural causes.
“Help me, Lord,” the woman implored.
And a deep voice came from the heavens: “SSSHHHEEE’S RRRIIIGGGHHHTTT!!!”
The woman turned to the three clergymen and asked, “Well?”
“So, okay,” they said. “Now it’s three against two.”
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? ‘Mom…I find it amusing that you refer to the ‘Weekly World News’ as ‘the paper’.’ 
 
Answer: So I Married an Axe Murderer! Charlie Mackenzie (Mike Myers) gently ridicules his mother (Brenda Fricker) for her love of tabloids.
 
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???  ‘Do you really believe that there’s some sort of built-up, unresolved tension between us? There is no ‘us’. ‘We’ don’t exist.’
 
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
You are a prisoner sentenced to death. The Emperor offers you a chance to live by playing a simple game. He gives you 50 black marbles, 50 white marbles and 2 empty bowls. He then says, “Divide these 100 marbles into these 2 bowls. You can divide them any way you like as long as you use all the marbles. Then I will blindfold you and mix the bowls around. You then can choose one bowl and remove ONE marble. If the marble is WHITE you will live, but if the marble is BLACK… you will die.” 
 
How do you divide the marbles up so that you have the greatest probability of choosing a WHITE marble? 
 
ANSWER: Place 1 white marble in one bowl, and place the rest of the marbles in the other bowl (49 whites, and 50 blacks). 
 
This way you begin with a 50/50 chance of choosing the bowl with just one white marble, therefore life! BUT even if you choose the other bowl, you still have ALMOST a 50/50 chance at picking one of the 49 white marbles.
 
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
Bobby Braingle is shopping at the grocery store. He purchases a different amount of apples, oranges, bananas, grapes and pineapples. Each of the fruit was either $1, $2, $3, $4 or $5 each and Bobby purchased either 1, 2, 3, 4 or 5 of each fruit. Can you figure out exactly what Bobby purchased?
 
Clues:
1) The $2 orange was delicious.
2) Bobby bought more apples than oranges, but fewer apples than the $4 fruit.
3) Bobby spent $20 total on grapes.
4) The two $5 fruits needed to be peeled.
5) He did not purchase four apples or four grapes.
6) The pineapples cost $10 which was more than Bobby spent on bananas.
 
 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,  

 

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