Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

funny-market-man-Johnny-Bravo

WELCOME to Thursday November 21, 2013.  

* Born free taxed to death.
* Life is unsure; always eat your dessert first.
* I say no to drugs they just don’t listen
* A friend in need is a pest indeed.
* Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce.
* Work is fine if it doesn’t take too much of your time.
* When everything comes in your way you’re in the wrong lane.
* Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.
* If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you’ll have trouble putting on your pants.
* It’s not hard to meet expenses- they are everywhere.
* I love being a writer… what I can’t stand is the paperwork.
* A printer consists of 3 main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.
* The hardest part of skating is the ice.
* My phone number is 17. We got one of the early ones.
* The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three,
    he was the genius.
* In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills?
* If you tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe, he’ll believe you.
   But if you tell him a park bench has just been painted, he has to touch it to be sure.
* I had a friend once. Then the rope broke and he got away.
* If you cannot change your mind, are you sure you have one?
* Beat the 5 O’clock rush. Leave work at noon!
* It’s not the fall that kills you. It’s the sudden stop at the end.
* I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
* Hot glass looks same as cold glass. – Cunino’s Law of Burnt Fingers
* Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups.
* The cigarette does the smoking you are just the sucker.
* Someday is not a day of the week.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
“This week we found out how many people have signed up for Obamacare on the federal website. Out of 15 million uninsured, they signed up 26,794. To give you an idea, Wilt Chamberlain had sex with more people than that.” –Bill Maher
“This was kind of tough week for liberals. Firs the 60 Minutes thing, they were bullsh*tting, and then Obama had to eat crow on Obamacare. I just want you liberals to know, you still have NPR, Whole Foods, and gay sex, so everything is not lost.” –Bill Maher
“Michele Bachmann claims that she has lost her healthcare plan. She said, ‘I have a husband with very significant health issues.’ She said, ‘At some points we’re going to have to figure it out.’ Girlfriend, there’s a lot about your husband you’re going to have to figure out. Healthcare is the last of your worries.” –Bill Maher
“Toronto’s city council voted 39-3 to strip Mayor Rob Ford of some of his powers. Here’s the amazing part. The mayor and his brother are being given their own reality show. That’s depressing, isn’t it? This maniac will have a TV show and I won’t.” –Jay Leno
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
A teacher asked her class for sentences using the word “beans”..
My Father grows beans,” said one student.
“My father cooks beans,” said another.
Then little Johnny spoke up: “We are all human beans.”
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???   ‘I’m not afraid of the man who wants ten nuclear warheads, Colonel. I’m terrified of the man who only wants one.’
 
Answer:The Peacemaker! Dr. Julia Kelly (Nicole Kidman) explains to Colonel Tom DeVoe (George Clooney) why she’s so distressed about the fact that exactly one nuclear warhead has turned up missing in the seemingly-aborted hijack of a cache containing a number of warheads. 
 
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? ‘Mom…I find it amusing that you refer to the ‘Weekly World News’ as ‘the paper’.’
 
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
A firefighter stood on the middle rung of a ladder, spraying water on a burning house. He then climbed up 6 rungs before the heat of the flames caused him to come down 10 rungs. After some minutes he was able to climb 18 rungs to the very top of the ladder. How many rungs did the ladder have? 
 
ANSWER: 29 rungs
The firefighter is standing on the middle rung. He goes up 6 rungs so he is now at M+6, he now goes down 10 rungs so he is now at M-4 he goes up 18 rungs so he is now at M+14=T. 14 rungs from the top, 14 rungs from the bottom and the middle rung. 14+14+1=29!
 
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
You are a prisoner sentenced to death. The Emperor offers you a chance to live by playing a simple game. He gives you 50 black marbles, 50 white marbles and 2 empty bowls. He then says, “Divide these 100 marbles into these 2 bowls. You can divide them any way you like as long as you use all the marbles. Then I will blindfold you and mix the bowls around. You then can choose one bowl and remove ONE marble. If the marble is WHITE you will live, but if the marble is BLACK… you will die.” 
 
How do you divide the marbles up so that you have the greatest probability of choosing a WHITE marble?
 
 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,  

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