* Born free taxed to death.
* Life is unsure; always eat your dessert first.
* I say no to drugs they just don’t listen
* A friend in need is a pest indeed.
* Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce.
* Work is fine if it doesn’t take too much of your time.
* When everything comes in your way you’re in the wrong lane.
* Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.
* If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you’ll have trouble putting on your pants.
* It’s not hard to meet expenses- they are everywhere.
* I love being a writer… what I can’t stand is the paperwork.
* A printer consists of 3 main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.
* The hardest part of skating is the ice.
* My phone number is 17. We got one of the early ones.
* The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three,
he was the genius.
* In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills?
* If you tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe, he’ll believe you.
But if you tell him a park bench has just been painted, he has to touch it to be sure.
* I had a friend once. Then the rope broke and he got away.
* If you cannot change your mind, are you sure you have one?
* Beat the 5 O’clock rush. Leave work at noon!
* It’s not the fall that kills you. It’s the sudden stop at the end.
* I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
* Hot glass looks same as cold glass. – Cunino’s Law of Burnt Fingers
* Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups.
* The cigarette does the smoking you are just the sucker.
* Someday is not a day of the week.