Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Monday November 18, 2013.  

Top 9 Funniest News paper Classifieds
(Actual excerpts from classified sections of city newspapers)
1. Illiterate? Write today for free help.
(man….if only I knew A B C….)
2. Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once; you’ll never go anywhere again.
(sure…thanx for the warning!)
3. 3-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.
(in months or years?)
4. Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated. Come here first.
(check it out)
5. Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
(howwww sweeeet)
6. Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
(wow! A free trip to heaven?)
7. Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.
(uh…huh!)
8. Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.
(hey….who taught cows the bad habit??)
9. We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
(nice work!)
 

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
“Yesterday at the White House, President Obama met with various leaders of the American Indian tribes. He promised them, ‘If you like your medicine man, you can keep your medicine man.'” –Jay Leno
“On Monday, President Obama paid tribute to America’s oldest living veteran, 107-year-old Richard Overton. Overton credits his longevity to drinking whiskey and smoking 12 cigars every day. Now there’s a health plan we can all get behind.” –Jay Leno
“According to a new report, over a million Californians are losing their health insurance due to Obamacare. In fact, some are so angry they have already gone back to Mexico.” –Jay Leno
“The U.S. intelligence community is hoping to update their facial recognition technology. It’s the government’s way of trying to keep up with Bruce Jenner.” –Conan O’Brien
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
An Irishman was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet.
‘I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, then eat regularly again for 2 days then skip a day … And repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you should have lost at least 5 pounds.’
When the Irishman returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost nearly 60 lbs!
‘That’s amazing!’ the doctor said, ‘Did you follow my instructions?’
The Irishman nodded: ‘I’ll tell you what though, I taut I were going to drop dead on dat tird day.’
‘You mean from the hunger?’ asked the doctor.
‘No, from the skippin!’
 
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???  ‘There’s a sign over the urinal that says, ‘Please don’t eat the big white mint’!’
 
Answer: Road House! Wade Garrett (Sam Elliott) is describing the level of ‘class’ present at the bar where he currently works as a bouncer. Like ‘Flash Gordon,’ ‘Road House’ is hard to beat as an amusingly putrid film. 
 
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? ‘He’s a disco-dancin’, Oscar Wilde-readin’, Streisand ticket-holdin’ friend of Dorothy!’
 
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
What phrase is represented by the following?
 
Look kool XtXhXeXrXoXaXdX 
 
ANSWER: Look both ways before crossing the road.
 
ie. ‘Look’ is spelt forwards and backwards (both ways) and it comes before the words ‘the road’ which has X’s all through it ie. it has been ‘crossed’.
 
Monday’s Quizzler is……….
Fill in the sentence below so that the first two words combine to make the third word. For example, given “The _____ of the group was extremely _____, not just physically, for he was also particularly _____”, you would fill in HEAD, STRONG, and HEADSTRONG.
 
It was just too unusual to _____ that he _____ everything there, given just how _____ he normally is.
 
 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,  
  

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