Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏

Painful_To_Listen

WELCOME to Friday November 8, 2013.  Attorney Court Questions, Really……

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a
person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know
about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was
taken?
WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had
a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you
examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering
why I was doing an autopsy on him!
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Friday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
“Members of ‘Duck Dynasty’ are releasing their own brands of wines. Wine experts are saying that it’s red wine with varmints and white wine with critters.” -Conan O’Brien
“It costs me 65 bucks to fill up my car today. Remember when 65 bucks would buy you a large latte at Starbucks?” -Jay Leno
“A school in Tennessee is facing criticism for separating students with bad grades from students with good grades at lunch. That’s crazy! You don’t use grades to separate kids. Everyone knows that kids should be separated by clothes, looks, and how much money their parents make.” -Jimmy Fallon
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
When I worked as a technical-support specialist for a computer company, customer help calls ranged from the mundane to the bizarre.
One memorable problem I had to trouble-shoot came from a man who complained that every time he flushed his toilet, his computer would reboot.
It turned out that he lived in a rural area with water supplied by a well with an electric pump. Every time he flushed, it would turn on the pump, causing a dip in the electric power, which in turn would cause the computer to restart itself.
 
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? ‘I hate college. It’s like high school with ashtrays.’
 
Answer: She’s Having a Baby! Jake Briggs (Kevin Bacon) is lamenting the path he’s taken by pursuing a graduate degree. (I’m pretty sure I’m the only person I know who calls ‘She’s Having a Baby’ his favorite John Hughes film.) 
 
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? ‘You give me trouble. People don’t do that around here. So you better grow some eyes in the back of your head…’cause you won’t know when it’s comin’.’
 
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
A Name Train is a puzzle where each name is connected together like box cars in a train. You are given the first car (the Engine) and the last car (the caboose), and you have to fill in the car or cars in between. Every two consecutive cars will form a name of a person or character. Here is an example Name Train: Joan [ ] Li. The answer is Joan Jet Li (Joan Jet-Female singer, Jet Li-Actor) Ready? OK here goes:
 
1. Chris [ ] Hudson
2. Chris [ ] Asimov
3. Boy [ ] [ ] Ford 
4. Elton [ ] [ ] Newton
5. Curious [ ] [ ] [ ] Browne  
 
ANSWER: 1. Chris Rock Hudson 
2. Chris Isaac Asimov
3. Boy George Harrison Ford 
4. Elton John Wayne Newton
5. Curious George Michael Jackson Browne
 
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
Suppose you’re in a hallway lined with 100 closed lockers. 
You begin by opening every locker. Then you close every second locker. Then you go to every third locker and open it (if it’s closed) or close it (if it’s open). Let’s call this action toggling a locker. Continue toggling every nth locker on pass number n. After 100 passes, where you toggle only locker #100, how many lockers are open?
 
 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,  

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