Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

430611_484315894946291_1803690943_n

WELCOME to Friday November 29, 2013.  

Welcome to the day after Thanksgiving, when the people of the United States are busy recovering from a day of either over eating, drinking, sharing, serving, and possibly helping their fellow man. It’s a day were most of us can put aside our collective differences and manage to live in peace and love for one day…except for our sports gladiators or politicians, and they get paid to fight each other in some form or fashion for us before they can settle down to a well-deserved dinner with friends or family. 
It’s a day were we get to see relatives somewhere else besides funerals, from Auntie Mavis, to our drunk uncle Albert or George who is either dressed in a tidy white painters outfit or a traditional bright orange three piece suit, we all manage to get somewhere on this one day and deal with each other. Either it’s our home, church, restaurant, bar or the Salvation Army, we still all manage to get together and share somebody’s word, while we give thanks. If only we could make this one day of thanksgiving, our everyday, how much simpler would our lives be….
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a Wonderful weekend people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
“Members of the tea party gathered outside the White House to demand President Obama’s impeachment. The president said he appreciated their views and he is setting up a new website where they can voice their opinion.” –Conan O’Brien
“Everyone is talking about Toronto’s crack-smoking mayor. His reality show has been canceled after one episode. That is the difference between the U.S. and Canada. In America, when somebody goes off the rails we RENEW their reality show.” –Conan O’Brien
“The U.S. may be close to a deal with Iran. Here’s how the deal would break down. They shut down their nuclear arsenal and in return the United States will shut down George Zimmerman.” –David Letterman
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
 Ducking into confession with a turkey in his arms, a man said, “Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. I stole this turkey to feed my family. Would you take it and settle my guilt?”
“Certainly not,” said the Priest. “As penance, you must return it to the one from whom you stole it.”
“I tried,” the man sobbed, “but he refused. Oh, Father, what should I do?”
“If what you say is true, then it is all right for you to keep it for your family.”
Thanking the Priest, the man hurried off.
When confession was over, the Priest returned to his residence. When he walked into the kitchen, he found that someone had stolen his turkey.
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? ‘Let me get this straight — you don’t want to cheat on your girlfriend with your wife? Jesus, Francis, are you sure I’m your father? I’m gonna have to check with your mother on this.’ 
 
Answer:  She’s the One! The patriarch of the Fitzpatrick family (John Mahoney) expresses both disbelief and disgust upon hearing the unusual confession of his adulterous younger son Francis (Mike McGlone).
 
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? ‘Rule number three: don’t you ever try and run on us. ‘Cause I’ve got six little friends…and they can all run faster than you can.’
 
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
You mix and disrupt me,
But it makes me stronger.
You just ignore me,
But I get harder the longer.
To cap it off,
It’s surprising to see,
You end up walking
All over me.
 
What am I?
 
ANSWER:  Don’t worry too much, Or my feelings lament
For in fact what I am, Is simply cement.
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
The following are alternate definitions for words, based on how the words sound. For example, “To drive by the docks: P _ _ _ _ _ _ _.” would result in “PASSPORT (Pass Port)”. Can you guess the words described below?
 
1. What white bears see with: P _ _ _ _ _ _ _. 
2. A car’s memoirs: A _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _. 
3. How judges get to a small island: C _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _. 
4. To live long: D _ _ _ _ _. 
5. How good a fibber one is: L _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _. 
6. In favor of young men and women: P _ _ _ _ _ _.
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! INCREDIBLE SOLVING JOB BANKS! EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,  EmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji

Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

really_funny_print_ads_part_2_640_08

WELCOME to Wednesday November 27, 2013.  

You know how in first grade they used fruits to explain stuff like “one banana 
plus two bananas make three bananas”? Here’s a list of high school math courses based on bananas:
—–
Algebra I – A
You have a negative banana (possibly made of antimatter). Add two bananas to it and you get one banana.
Algebra I – B
You have a banana. Factor it, or solve for apples using the quadratic formula.
Geometry
Prove: Bananas are not vegetables. Given: Bananas are fruits.
Algebra II
You have an imaginary banana. Square it, and you get one of those weird anti-matter bananas. The student learns that their dreams will become reality if they only raise them to the fourth power.
Pre-Calculus
What is the cosecant of Pi over 2 bananas in a unit apple?
Calculus AB
The student learns to find the slope of a banana.
Calculus BC
The student learns to find the slope of a banana and also to find the area under the banana.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a Wonderful Wednesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
“I hope I don’t sound like an old-fashioned stick-in-the-mud, but when I hear about people making vast fortunes without doing any productive work or contributing anything to society, my reaction is: ‘How can I get in on that?'” –Dave Barry
“My mom is very possessive. She calls me up and says things like, ‘You weren’t home last night. Is something gong on?’ I say, ‘Yeah Mom, I’m cheating on you with another mother.'” –Heidi Joyce
“I love to shop after a bad relationship. I don’t know. I buy a new outfit and it makes me feel better. It just does. Sometimes if see a really great outfit, I’ll break up with someone on purpose.” –Rita Rudner
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
Vacationing in Kentucky, a friend and I spent the night at a small motel outside of Louisville. In the morning, I asked the woman at the desk for directions to Churchill Downs. Not able to tell us, she called her husband from the back room.
“Churchill Downs?” he asked. “That’s the race-track, isn’t it?” We nodded. He hesitated and then said, “I’m pretty sure it’s somewhere south of the university. I’m sorry, but I don’t think I can be much help.”
At that point his wife left the room. The husband looked over his shoulder to make sure she had disappeared. Then he winked at us, leaned over the counter and whispered, “Take Third Street through town, go past the university and turn right on Central Avenue. After that, just look for the twin spires. You can’t miss ’em!”
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???  ‘Ernest Hemingway once wrote: ‘The world is a fine place, and worth fighting for.’ I agree with the second part.
 
Answer: Se7en! The last words of the film, spoken by Detective William Somerset (Morgan Freeman). 
 
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? ‘Let me get this straight — you don’t want to cheat on your girlfriend with your wife? Jesus, Francis, are you sure I’m your father? I’m gonna have to check with your mother on this.’ 
 
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
Bobby Braingle is shopping at the grocery store. He purchases a different amount of apples, oranges, bananas, grapes and pineapples. Each of the fruit was either $1, $2, $3, $4 or $5 each and Bobby purchased either 1, 2, 3, 4 or 5 of each fruit. Can you figure out exactly what Bobby purchased?
 
Clues:
1) The $2 orange was delicious.
2) Bobby bought more apples than oranges, but fewer apples than the $4 fruit.
3) Bobby spent $20 total on grapes.
4) The two $5 fruits needed to be peeled.
5) He did not purchase four apples or four grapes.
6) The pineapples cost $10 which was more than Bobby spent on bananas. 
 
ANSWER: Bobby purchased 3 apples at $3 each, 1 orange at $2, 4 bananas at $1 a piece, 5 grapes at $4 and 2 pineapples at $5 each.
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
You mix and disrupt me,
But it makes me stronger.
You just ignore me,
But I get harder the longer.
To cap it off,
It’s surprising to see,
You end up walking
All over me.
 
What am I?
HAVE A GREAT THANKSGIVING! EmojiEmoji
 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,  

 

Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

Interesting_Race

WELCOME to Tuesday November 26, 2013.  

It was early morning at the military base, and the first sergeant was calling out
names for the daily work parties listed on a piece of paper:
“Ames”
“Here!”
“Jenson”
“Here!”
“Jones”
“Here!”
“Magersky”
“Here!”
“Seeback”
No answer.
“SEEBACK!
The troops remained totally silent.
At that point, someone whispered into the first sergeant’s ear. He looked again at what the last name really said, turned a bright crimson red, and quickly turned over the list to continue calling the names printed on the other side.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
“Wildlife officials in India are now putting wild monkeys on birth control to help curb the recent population spike. This is good for wildlife, and even better for female monkeys who want to focus on their careers.” -Jimmy Fallon
“Thieves have stolen a half a million dollars’ worth of Red Bull. They’re described as armed, dangerous, and ready to go.” -Dave Letterman
“Members of the tea party gathered outside the White House to demand President Obama’s impeachment. The president said he appreciated their views and he is setting up a new website where they can voice their opinion.” -Conan O’Brien
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
I volunteered recently to perform a parachute jump for charity. On our first day of training, the instructor made an important point about preparing for landing at 300 feet.
 
“How do you know when you’re at 300 feet?” asked one woman. 
 
“A good question,” replied the instructor. “At 300 feet you can recognize the faces of people on the ground.”
 
The woman thought about this for awhile before saying, “What happens if there’s no one there I know?”
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? ‘The other night I ordered spaghetti with marinara sauce. I got noodles with ketchup.’
 
Answer: Good Fellows! Henry Hill (Ray Liotta) laments the downside of his new life in the federal witness relocation program. 
 
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???  ‘Ernest Hemingway once wrote: ‘The world is a fine place, and worth fighting for.’ I agree with the second part.’
 
Monday’s Quizzler is……….
You mix and disrupt me,
But it makes me stronger.
You just ignore me,
But I get harder the longer.
To cap it off,
It’s surprising to see,
You end up walking
All over me.
 
What am I? 
 
ANSWER: Don’t worry too much

Or my feelings lament
For in fact what I am,

Is simply cement.

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
Bobby Braingle is shopping at the grocery store. He purchases a different amount of apples, oranges, bananas, grapes and pineapples. Each of the fruit was either $1, $2, $3, $4 or $5 each and Bobby purchased either 1, 2, 3, 4 or 5 of each fruit. Can you figure out exactly what Bobby purchased?
 
Clues:
1) The $2 orange was delicious.
2) Bobby bought more apples than oranges, but fewer apples than the $4 fruit.
3) Bobby spent $20 total on grapes.
4) The two $5 fruits needed to be peeled.
5) He did not purchase four apples or four grapes.
6) The pineapples cost $10 which was more than Bobby spent on bananas.

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,  

 

Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

1455987_469798109807521_1485242797_n

WELCOME to Monday November 25, 2013.  

Kids Say the Funnest Stuff!

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHOM TO MARRY?
You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
— Alan, age 10
No person really decides before they grow up who they’re going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you’re stuck with.
— Kristen, age 10
WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
— Camille, age 10
HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
— Derrick, age 8
WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
Both don’t want any more kids.
— Lori, age 8
WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
— Lynnette, age 8 (isn’t she a treasure)
On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that Usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
— Martin, age 10
WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?
I’d run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.
— Craig, age 9
WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
When they’re rich.
— Pam, age 7 (smart girl)
The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn’t want to mess with that.
– – Curt, age 7
The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It’s the right thing to do. — Howard, age 8
IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
It’s better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.
— Anita, age 9 (bless you child)
HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN’T G ET MARRIED?
There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn’t there?  — Kelvin, age 8
And the #1 Favorite is……..
HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck.  — Ricky, age 10
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
“Here we go again. Freshman Congressman Trey Radel of Florida has been arrested for possession of cocaine in Washington, D.C. He admitted he is an alcoholic and pled guilty to possession of cocaine. The judge sentenced him to four years as mayor of Toronto.” –Jay Leno
“Toronto’s city council has voted to drastically reduce Mayor Rob Ford’s powers. They say this reduces him to a ‘mere figurehead’ – which still sounds better than ‘crackhead.'” –Jay Leno
“To make matters worse for Mayor Ford, his reality show was canceled after one airing. They are calling this guy the most embarrassing Ford since the Pinto.” –Jay Leno
“The ratings for Al Jazeera America has now dipped even lower than Al Gore’s Current TV, which it replaced. That’s how you know you’re boring, OK? When Al Gore is considered more entertaining to people than what you have.” –Jay Leno
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
An old farmer had owned a large farm for many years. He had a huge man-made pond out back with a beautiful picnic area. For years it was the perfect place to unwind or hold a family get together. As the farmer grew older, his “Oasis” was used less and less. It eventually became the local swimming hole and while his neighbors occasionally took advantage of the pond, he rarely made an appearence.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond. He hadn’t been there in a while and felt the urge to pay a visit to check on things. As he neared the pond, he heard loud playful voices giggling and laughing. As he came closer he was astonished to see that a bunch of young women had decided to skinny dip in his pond.
He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end of the pond. One of the women shouted to him, “We’re not coming out until you leave!”
The old man replied, “I didn’t come down here to watch you ladies swim or make you get out of the pond naked. I’m here to feed the alligator.”
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???  ‘Do you really believe that there’s some sort of built-up, unresolved tension between us? There is no ‘us’. ‘We’ don’t exist.’
 
Answer: Grosse Pointe Blank!  Martin Blank (John Cusack) defuses a potentially violent incident with Bob (Michael Cudlitz) at their high school reunion. 
 
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???   ‘The other night I ordered spaghetti with marinara sauce. I got noodles with ketchup.’
 
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
Bobby Braingle is shopping at the grocery store. He purchases a different amount of apples, oranges, bananas, grapes and pineapples. Each of the fruit was either $1, $2, $3, $4 or $5 each and Bobby purchased either 1, 2, 3, 4 or 5 of each fruit. Can you figure out exactly what Bobby purchased?
 
Clues:
1) The $2 orange was delicious.
2) Bobby bought more apples than oranges, but fewer apples than the $4 fruit.
3) Bobby spent $20 total on grapes.
4) The two $5 fruits needed to be peeled.
5) He did not purchase four apples or four grapes.
6) The pineapples cost $10 which was more than Bobby spent on bananas. 
 
ANSWER: Bobby purchased 3 apples at $3 each, 1 orange at $2, 4 bananas at $1 a piece, 5 grapes at $4 and 2 pineapples at $5 each.
 
Monday’s Quizzler is……….
You mix and disrupt me,
But it makes me stronger.
You just ignore me,
But I get harder the longer.
To cap it off,
It’s surprising to see,
You end up walking
All over me.
 
What am I?
 
 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,  

 

Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

375892_10152082250315254_2145134160_n

WELCOME to Friday November 22, 2013.  Weekend Thoughts…

Getting information off the Internet is like taking a drink from a fire hydrant.
America is a country where half the money is spent buying food, and the other half is spent trying to lose weight.
If the world is getting smaller how come they raised the postal rates?
We have to believe in free will. We have no choice.
If you have twenty things to do in a day and nineteen of them go well, which one do you talk about over dinner?
Half the people on the road should be pulled over by the police, the other half by psychiatrists.
Tankruptcy (n): The financial condition resulting from fueling one’s 4X4.
Three things in life are certain. . . . taxes, death,and data loss.
Frustration is trying to find your glasses without your glasses.
When you live by yourself, all your annoying habits are gone!
The supermarket is where you spend 30 minutes hunting for instant coffee.
Don’t attempt to run from the past, it is always behind you.
Everybody is ignorant, just on different subjects.
Let’s have lunch. I can’t afford therapy.
People like you are the reason people like me need medication.
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
Middle age: when a guy turns off lights for economical rather than romantic reasons.
I think, therefore I’m single
It’s scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee-maker.
Mother Nature has joined the insurgents.
The only people who listen to both sides of an argument are the neighbors.
Why is it the loudest snorer is always the first one to get to sleep.
The extra mile isn’t half as long as all those other miles.
Life is really like a shower. One wrong turn and you’re in hot water.
Without my ignorance, your knowledge would be meaningless.
Today everyone wants instant gratification,no matter how long it takes.
They who are afraid to ask are ashamed of learning.
Blessed are those who can give without remembering and take without forgetting.
The worst thing about history is that, every time it repeats itself . . . the price goes up.
We want all machines to be perfect, with the exception of the bathroom scale.
It’s easy enough to spot the winners.They’re the ones not complaining about the rules.
A great actor can bring tears to our eyes. But then, so can an auto mechanic.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Friday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
“Here we go again. Freshman Congressman Trey Radel of Florida has been arrested for possession of cocaine in Washington, D.C. He admitted he is an alcoholic and pled guilty to possession of cocaine. The judge sentenced him to four years as mayor of Toronto.” –Jay Leno
“Toronto’s city council has voted to drastically reduce Mayor Rob Ford’s powers. They say this reduces him to a ‘mere figurehead’ – which still sounds better than ‘crackhead.'” –Jay Leno
“To make matters worse for Mayor Ford, his reality show was canceled after one airing. They are calling this guy the most embarrassing Ford since the Pinto.” –Jay Leno
“The ratings for Al Jazeera America has now dipped even lower than Al Gore’s Current TV, which it replaced. That’s how you know you’re boring, OK? When Al Gore is considered more entertaining to people than what you have.” –Jay Leno
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
Four members of the clergy had a theological argument, with the three male ministers siding against the female minister.
The woman prayed, “Lord, I know I’m right. Please send us a divine sign to prove it.”
A big storm cloud materialized, and there was a clap of thunder, “See,” said the woman. “It’s a sign from above.”
The three clergymen disagreed, saying thunder is a common phenomenon.
“Dear Lord,” the woman prayed, “I need a bigger sign.”
This time a bolt of lightning slammed into a tree.
“See! I told you I was right,” the woman said.
But the men insisted nothing had happened that couldn’t be explained by natural causes.
“Help me, Lord,” the woman implored.
And a deep voice came from the heavens: “SSSHHHEEE’S RRRIIIGGGHHHTTT!!!”
The woman turned to the three clergymen and asked, “Well?”
“So, okay,” they said. “Now it’s three against two.”
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? ‘Mom…I find it amusing that you refer to the ‘Weekly World News’ as ‘the paper’.’ 
 
Answer: So I Married an Axe Murderer! Charlie Mackenzie (Mike Myers) gently ridicules his mother (Brenda Fricker) for her love of tabloids.
 
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???  ‘Do you really believe that there’s some sort of built-up, unresolved tension between us? There is no ‘us’. ‘We’ don’t exist.’
 
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
You are a prisoner sentenced to death. The Emperor offers you a chance to live by playing a simple game. He gives you 50 black marbles, 50 white marbles and 2 empty bowls. He then says, “Divide these 100 marbles into these 2 bowls. You can divide them any way you like as long as you use all the marbles. Then I will blindfold you and mix the bowls around. You then can choose one bowl and remove ONE marble. If the marble is WHITE you will live, but if the marble is BLACK… you will die.” 
 
How do you divide the marbles up so that you have the greatest probability of choosing a WHITE marble? 
 
ANSWER: Place 1 white marble in one bowl, and place the rest of the marbles in the other bowl (49 whites, and 50 blacks). 
 
This way you begin with a 50/50 chance of choosing the bowl with just one white marble, therefore life! BUT even if you choose the other bowl, you still have ALMOST a 50/50 chance at picking one of the 49 white marbles.
 
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
Bobby Braingle is shopping at the grocery store. He purchases a different amount of apples, oranges, bananas, grapes and pineapples. Each of the fruit was either $1, $2, $3, $4 or $5 each and Bobby purchased either 1, 2, 3, 4 or 5 of each fruit. Can you figure out exactly what Bobby purchased?
 
Clues:
1) The $2 orange was delicious.
2) Bobby bought more apples than oranges, but fewer apples than the $4 fruit.
3) Bobby spent $20 total on grapes.
4) The two $5 fruits needed to be peeled.
5) He did not purchase four apples or four grapes.
6) The pineapples cost $10 which was more than Bobby spent on bananas.
 
 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,  

 

Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

funny-market-man-Johnny-Bravo

WELCOME to Thursday November 21, 2013.  

* Born free taxed to death.
* Life is unsure; always eat your dessert first.
* I say no to drugs they just don’t listen
* A friend in need is a pest indeed.
* Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce.
* Work is fine if it doesn’t take too much of your time.
* When everything comes in your way you’re in the wrong lane.
* Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.
* If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you’ll have trouble putting on your pants.
* It’s not hard to meet expenses- they are everywhere.
* I love being a writer… what I can’t stand is the paperwork.
* A printer consists of 3 main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.
* The hardest part of skating is the ice.
* My phone number is 17. We got one of the early ones.
* The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three,
    he was the genius.
* In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills?
* If you tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe, he’ll believe you.
   But if you tell him a park bench has just been painted, he has to touch it to be sure.
* I had a friend once. Then the rope broke and he got away.
* If you cannot change your mind, are you sure you have one?
* Beat the 5 O’clock rush. Leave work at noon!
* It’s not the fall that kills you. It’s the sudden stop at the end.
* I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
* Hot glass looks same as cold glass. – Cunino’s Law of Burnt Fingers
* Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups.
* The cigarette does the smoking you are just the sucker.
* Someday is not a day of the week.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
“This week we found out how many people have signed up for Obamacare on the federal website. Out of 15 million uninsured, they signed up 26,794. To give you an idea, Wilt Chamberlain had sex with more people than that.” –Bill Maher
“This was kind of tough week for liberals. Firs the 60 Minutes thing, they were bullsh*tting, and then Obama had to eat crow on Obamacare. I just want you liberals to know, you still have NPR, Whole Foods, and gay sex, so everything is not lost.” –Bill Maher
“Michele Bachmann claims that she has lost her healthcare plan. She said, ‘I have a husband with very significant health issues.’ She said, ‘At some points we’re going to have to figure it out.’ Girlfriend, there’s a lot about your husband you’re going to have to figure out. Healthcare is the last of your worries.” –Bill Maher
“Toronto’s city council voted 39-3 to strip Mayor Rob Ford of some of his powers. Here’s the amazing part. The mayor and his brother are being given their own reality show. That’s depressing, isn’t it? This maniac will have a TV show and I won’t.” –Jay Leno
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
A teacher asked her class for sentences using the word “beans”..
My Father grows beans,” said one student.
“My father cooks beans,” said another.
Then little Johnny spoke up: “We are all human beans.”
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???   ‘I’m not afraid of the man who wants ten nuclear warheads, Colonel. I’m terrified of the man who only wants one.’
 
Answer:The Peacemaker! Dr. Julia Kelly (Nicole Kidman) explains to Colonel Tom DeVoe (George Clooney) why she’s so distressed about the fact that exactly one nuclear warhead has turned up missing in the seemingly-aborted hijack of a cache containing a number of warheads. 
 
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? ‘Mom…I find it amusing that you refer to the ‘Weekly World News’ as ‘the paper’.’
 
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
A firefighter stood on the middle rung of a ladder, spraying water on a burning house. He then climbed up 6 rungs before the heat of the flames caused him to come down 10 rungs. After some minutes he was able to climb 18 rungs to the very top of the ladder. How many rungs did the ladder have? 
 
ANSWER: 29 rungs
The firefighter is standing on the middle rung. He goes up 6 rungs so he is now at M+6, he now goes down 10 rungs so he is now at M-4 he goes up 18 rungs so he is now at M+14=T. 14 rungs from the top, 14 rungs from the bottom and the middle rung. 14+14+1=29!
 
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
You are a prisoner sentenced to death. The Emperor offers you a chance to live by playing a simple game. He gives you 50 black marbles, 50 white marbles and 2 empty bowls. He then says, “Divide these 100 marbles into these 2 bowls. You can divide them any way you like as long as you use all the marbles. Then I will blindfold you and mix the bowls around. You then can choose one bowl and remove ONE marble. If the marble is WHITE you will live, but if the marble is BLACK… you will die.” 
 
How do you divide the marbles up so that you have the greatest probability of choosing a WHITE marble?
 
 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,  

Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

292953_10152095899450254_562995408_n

WELCOME to Wednesday November 20, 2013.  

To make a woman happy….. 
A man only needs to be:
1. A friend
2. A companion
3. A lover
4. A brother
5. A father
6. A master
7. A chef
8. An electrician
9. A carpenter
10. A plumber
11. A mechanic
12. A decorator
13. A stylist
16. A psychologist
17. A pest exterminator
18. A psychiatrist
19. A healer
20. A good listener
21. An organizer
22. A good father
23. Very clean
24. Sympathetic
25. Athletic
26. Warm
27. Attentive
28. Gallant
29. Intelligent
30. Funny
31. Creative
32. Tender
33. Strong
34. Understanding
35. Tolerant
36. Prudent
37. Ambitious
38. Capable
39. Courageous
40. Determined
41. True
42. Dependable
43. Passionate
WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:
44. Give her compliments regularly
45. Love shopping
46. be honest
47. be very rich
48. Not stress her out
49. Not look at other girls
AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:
50. Give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
51. Give her lots of time, especially time for herself
52. Give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes
IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:
53. Never to forget:
* Birthdays
* Anniversaries
* Arrangements she makes
&
How To Make a Man Happy:
A Women needs to :
1. Leave him alone…..
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
“It is not fair to ask of others what you are unwilling to do yourself.”
– Eleanor Roosevelt
“To punish me for my contempt for authority, fate made me an authority myself.”
– Albert Einstein
“All generalizations are dangerous, even this one.”
– Alexandre Dumas
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
A school teacher was given a ticket for driving through a red light. When she appeared in traffic court, she asked the judge for immediate attention to her case as she was due to be back in class. The judge looked at her sternly and said:
“So you’re a school teacher. I am about to realize a lifelong ambition. You sit down at that table over there and write ‘I went through a stop sign. ‘FIVE HUNDRED TIMES!”
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? ‘You think I tell the guys in here I got a brother at Harvard?’    
 
Answer: The Firm! Convict Ray McDeere (David Strathairn) tells his brother Mitch (Tom Cruise) not to feel too bad about not telling his colleagues in the legal profession that he has a brother in prison.
 
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???  ‘I’m not afraid of the man who wants ten nuclear warheads, Colonel. I’m terrified of the man who only wants one.’
 
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
The Antisocial Club meets every week at Jim’s Bar. Since they are so antisocial, however, everyone always sits as far as possible from the other members, and no one ever sits right next to another member. Because of this, the 25-stool bar is almost always less than half full and unfortunately for Jim the members that don’t sit at the bar don’t order any drinks. Jim, however, is pretty smart and makes up a new rule: The first person to sit at the bar has to sit at one of two particular stools. If this happens, then the maximum number of members will sit at the bar. Which stools must be chosen? Assume the stools are numbered 1 to 25 and are arranged in a straight line. 
 
ANSWER: The first person must take either stool 9 or 17 (because of symmetry, it doesn’t matter which). Assume they pick seat 9. The next person will pick seat 25, since it is the furthest from seat 9. The next two people will take Seats one and 17. The next three will occupy 5, 13, and 21. The next six will occupy 3, 7, 11, 15, 19, and 23. This seats the maximum of 13 people, and no one is sitting next to another person. If a seat other than 9 or 17 is chosen first, the total bar patrons will be less than 13.
 
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
A firefighter stood on the middle rung of a ladder, spraying water on a burning house. He then climbed up 6 rungs before the heat of the flames caused him to come down 10 rungs. After some minutes he was able to climb 18 rungs to the very top of the ladder. How many rungs did the ladder have?
 
 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,