WELCOME to Friday October 25, 2013.
To: All Employees
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada sneakers and carrying a Gucci bag we assume that you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress in-between, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday and Sunday.
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average size. Overweight people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that’s all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill.
We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. There is now a strict 3 minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of 3 minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet pater roll will retract, the stall door will open and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the “Chronic Offender” category.
As long as you are employed here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed will constitute a breach of employment.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation, and input should be directed elsewhere.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Friday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
QUOTES OF THE DAY
“The Obamacare website has all these glitches and now tech experts are saying that the only way to fix it is to completely start over and redesign the whole website from scratch. While the guys from the Geek Squad said, ‘Turn it off, wait five seconds, and then plug it back in.'” –Jimmy Fallon
“Only 12 percent of Americans think the rollout of Obamacare is going well, while 100 percent of Republicans think the rollout of Obamacare is going GREAT.” –Jimmy Fallon
“With all the trouble with the Obamacare website, 12 percent of Americans actually think it’s going well. Then people waiting for healthcare said, ‘Can you share some of the drugs you’re on with the rest of us?'” –Jimmy Fallon
“Here’s some more news out of Washington. The White House has fired one of its national security officials for setting up an anonymous Twitter account that was leaking internal information. President Obama called the invasion of privacy ‘unacceptable,’ while Americans called it ‘karma.'” –Jimmy Fallon
“Despite all of the website problems, the approval rating for Obamacare has gone up. Unfortunately, I can’t give you the exact number because it’s listed on the Obamacare website.” –Conan O’Brien
“Pope Francis suspended a bishop for spending too much on home renovations. The Pope caught the bishop filming an episode of ‘Flip This Church.'” –Conan O’Brien
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
A lady noticed her husband standing on the bathroom scale,
sucking in his stomach.
Thinking he was trying to weigh less with this maneuver,
she commented, “I don’t think that’s going to help.”
“Sure it will.” he said. “It’s the only way I can see
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “Don Corleone.”
Answer: The Godfather! After Michael Corleone (Al Pacino) lies to his wife Kay (Diane Keaton) about his involvement in the death of his sister’s husband, Kay is shuffled out of Michael’s study, and several of Michael’s henchmen enter the room to pay tribute to him. One of them kisses Michael’s ring and calls him, for the first time in the film, “Don Corleone.”
The last shot of the film depicts Kay’s shocked and troubled expression as the door to Michael’s study slowly closes, effectively locking her out of her husband’s nefarious new life.
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? “Just remember what ol’ Jack Burton does when the earth quakes, the poison arrows fall from the sky, and the pillars of Heaven shake. Yeah, Jack Burton just looks that big old storm right in the eye and says, ‘Give me your best shot. I can take it.'”
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
There was a man who went to the mall and he bought 3 pairs of red socks and 3 pairs of white socks. Another man who already bought 3 pairs of red socks and 3 pairs of white socks came back to return his 3 pairs of red socks and 3 pairs of white socks. They are both blind. As they were walking they bumped into each other. All the socks scattered around the floor, but each pair remained held together by a rubber band. Nobody helped them pick it up except each other, but in 3 minutes they both put them back altogether. Each man ended up with the same colors of socks he started with: six red and six white. How is that possible if they are blind?
ANSWER: One man took all the socks and pulled the pairs apart. As he pulled them apart, he kept one sock for himself and gave the other to the other man so that each man ended up with the same colors of socks he started with: six red and six white.
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
What common phrase is represented below?
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com. https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,