WELCOME to Thursday October 24, 2013. Got Jokes?
Judge: Why did you hit your husband with a chair?”
Wife: “I couldn’t lift the table.”
“What did one ghost say to another?”
“Do you believe in people?”
My friend has a fine watch dog.
At any suspicious noise he wakes the dog and the dog begins to bark.
They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak.
When I told the doctor about my loss of memory, he made me pay in advance.
But the psychiatrist really helped me a lot. I would never answer the phone, because I was afraid. Now I answer it whether it rings or not.
It was love at first sight. Then I took a second look !!
“Look, guide, here are some lion tracks.”
“Good. You see where they go and I’ll find out where they came from.”
“Do you think I”ll lose my looks as I get older?”
“Yes if you’re lucky.”
A modern artist is one who throws paint on canvas, wipes it off with a cloth and sells the cloth.
“Has there been any insanity in your family?”
“Yes, doctor. My husband thinks he’s the boss.”
I was thinking of becoming a doctor.
I have the handwriting for it.
We have a quiet home life. I don’t speak to her and she doesn’t speak to me.
“What do use for washing dishes?”
“Oh, I tried many things but found my husband best. “
“Why don’t you give your husband a divorce?”
“What, I have lived with him for ten years and now I should make him happy?”
“Young man, do you think you can handle a variety of work?”
“I ought to be able to. I’ve had 12 different jobs in four months.”
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
QUOTES OF THE DAY
“The popularity of Congress is at an all-time low, according to a recent poll that says Americans like head lice more than they like Congress. But you know, I think the real story here is that some Americans like head lice.” –Conan O’Brien
“A new study reveals that the average fast-food chicken nugget is almost 60 percent fat. The study also says that the average fast-food customer is almost 60 percent chicken nuggets” –Conan O’Brien
“They’re still having a lot of trouble with Obamacare. First the website had all these glitches, and now people are getting a busy signal when they try to apply over the phone. So you can’t use the Internet and you can’t use the phone. And now fax machines are like, ‘Look who’s come crawling back to Mr. Fax Machine.'” –Jimmy Fallon
“The country’s unemployment rate went down to 7.2 percent last month, after 148,000 jobs were added. Of course all those people were hired to fix the Obamacare website.” ” –Jimmy Fallon
“A 25-year-old man in New York was arrested for trying to join Al Qaeda. Here’s the amazing part: He said it was easier to join al-Qaida using their website than it was to sign up for Obamacare.” –Jay Leno
“Today there were more problems with the Obamacare website. It seems when you type in your age, it’s confusing because it’s not clear if they want the age you are right now, or the age you’ll be when you finally log in.” –Jay Leno
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
There once was pirate captain who, whenever it looked like a battle would be imminent would change into a red shirt. After observing this behavior for a few months, one of the crew members asked him what it meant.
“It’s in case I get shot. I don’t want you crew members to see blood and freak out.”
“That’s very sensible, sir.” At that moment, the crew member spotted eight hostile ships on the horizon. The captain all of a sudden looked very concerned.
“Get my brown pants.”
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “I look up at the moon, and wonder: When will we be going back? And who will that be?”
Answer: Apollo 13! Jim Lovell (Tom Hanks) closes out the film with this voice-over after he and his crew, against astonishing odds, return to Earth safely after a lunar mission that was positively plagued with mechanical problems and life-threatening catastrophes.
The film is based, of course, on the true story of the Apollo 13 mission, chronicled in the real Jim Lovell’s book “Lost Moon.”
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? “Don Corleone.”
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
A man is trapped in a room. The room has only two possible exits: two doors. Through the first door there is a room constructed from magnifying glass. The blazing hot sun instantly fries anything or anyone that enters. Through the second door there is a fire-breathing dragon. How does the man escape?
ANSWER: He waits until night time and then goes through the first door.
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
There was a man who went to the mall and he bought 3 pairs of red socks and 3 pairs of white socks. Another man who already bought 3 pairs of red socks and 3 pairs of white socks came back to return his 3 pairs of red socks and 3 pairs of white socks. They are both blind. As they were walking they bumped into each other. All the socks scattered around the floor, but each pair remained held together by a rubber band. Nobody helped them pick it up except each other, but in 3 minutes they both put them back altogether. Each man ended up with the same colors of socks he started with: six red and six white. How is that possible if they are blind?
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com. https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,