Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

help-from-the-husband

WELCOME to Friday October 18, 2013. What the Doctor Really Means….  

Says: “This should be taken care of right away.”
Means: “I’d planned a trip to Hawaii next month but this is so easy and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself.”
Says: “Welllllll, what have we here…”
Means: Since he hasn’t the foggiest notion of what it is, the Doctor is hoping you will give him a clue.
Says: “We’ll see.”
Means: “First I have to check my malpractice insurance.”
Says: “Let me check your medical history.”
Means: “I want to see if you’ve paid your last bill before spending any more time with you.”
Says: “Why don’t we make another appointment later in the week.”
Means: “I’m playing golf this afternoon, and this a waste of time.” -or- “I need the money, so I’m charging you for another office visit.”
Says: “I really can’t recommend seeing a chiropractor.”
Means: “I hate those guys mooching in on our fees.”
Says: “Hmmmmmmmm.”
Means: Since he hasn’t the faintest idea of what to do, he is trying to appear thoughtful while hoping the nurse will interrupt.
Says: “We have some good news and some bad news.”
Means: The good news is he’s going to buy that new BMW, and the bad news is you’re going to pay for it.
Says: “Let’s see how it develops.”
Means: “Maybe in a few days it will grow into something that can be cured.”
Says: “Let me schedule you for some tests.”
Means: “I have a 40% interest in the lab.”
Says: “How are we today?”
Means: “I feel great. You, on the other hand, look like hell.”
Says: “I’d like to prescribe a new drug.”
Means: “I’m writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea pig.”
Says: “If it doesn’t clear up in a week, give me a call.”
Means: “I don’t know what the hell it is. Maybe it will go away by itself.”
Says: “That’s quite a nasty looking wound.”
Means: “I think I’m going to throw up.”
Says: “This may smart a little.”
Means: “Last week two patients bit through their tongues.”
Says: “This should fix you up.”
Means: The drug salesman guaranteed that it kills all symptoms.
Says: “Everything seems to be normal.”
Means: “I guess I can’t buy that new beach condo after all.”
Says: “I’d like to run some more tests.”
Means: “I can’t figure out what’s wrong. Maybe the kid in the lab can solve this one.”
Says: “Do you suppose all of this stress could be affecting your nerves?”
Means: He thinks you are crazy and is hoping to find a psychiatrist who will split fees.
Says: “If those symptoms persist, call for an appointment.”
Means: “I’ve never heard of anything so disgusting. Thank God I’m off next week.”
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Friday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it.
Edith Wharton
To love and win is the best thing. To love and lose, the next best.
William Makepeace Thackeray
Beauty is whatever gives joy.
Edna St. Vincent Millay
Come forth into the light of things, let nature be your teacher.
William Wordsworth
I have a theory that the truth is never told during the nine-to-five hours.
Hunter S. Thompson
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
After careful consideration and endless debate the perfect man has finally been named:
MR. POTATO HEAD!
He’s tan! He’s cute! He knows the importance of accessorizing.
And if he looks at another girl, you can rearrange his face
 
 
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???  “Good afternoon, Mr. President. Sorry I’ve been away so long. It won’t happen again.”
 
Answer: Superman II! Superman (Christopher Reeve) apologizes to the President of the United States as he replaces the part of the roof of the White House that had been severely damaged by three criminals from his home world of Krypton.
 
Most of this 1980 film focused on Superman’s conflict with these criminals, as well as his desire to pursue a romantic relationship with Lois Lane (Margot Kidder).
 
Director Bryan Singer swore up and down that his 2006 film “Superman Returns” was intended to be a direct sequel to “Superman II”, which leads me to ask the following question: if the last line of “Superman II” is a promise from Superman that he won’t be going away anytime soon, why does Singer’s film begin with a title card stating that Superman subsequently left Earth for FIVE YEARS? 
 
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? A: “You said you sold this.” B: “I did.” A: “Liar.” B: “Thief.”
 
 
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
Below is an excerpt from a short story. Unfortunately for the panel of the Booker Prize, some of the words are missing. Can you fill in the eight different missing words so that the story makes sense and also find the connection between the missing words?
“This is the ____” said the guard.
“I want to go _____ and never ______” Mr.Ix wailed.
The guard _____d.
“There is no ____ for you” he said finally.
“You think you are in _____?” Mr.Ix sneered.
“At least until the end of this_____” retorted the guard, brandishing a metal object,
“once I _____ this into one of these three you are trapped” he continued.
ANSWER:  The metal object is a clue. It is a Key, as are all the missing words. Common Keys on a computer keyboard.  END, HOME, RETURN, PAUSE, ESCAPE, CONTROL, SHIFT, INSERT
Another clue can be read as the key being used in one of three, indicating locks. There are three locks on most keyboards, Caps Lock, Num Lock and Scroll Lock.
 
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
What phrase is shown below?
KNOWLEDGE Bomb (Defused)
KNOWLEDGE Bomb (Defused)
knowledge Bomb – tick,tick,tick,tick…
KNOWLEDGE Bomb (Defused)
 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,  

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