Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

LaughterQuote2

WELCOME to Thursday October 17, 2013.    Some Humorous signs..

Advertisement In A Long Island Shop: Guitar, for sale……. Cheap……. ….no strings attached .
Ad.. In Hospital Waiting Room: Smoking Helps You Lose Weight … One Lung At A Time!
Seen on a bulletin board: Success Is Relative. More The Success, More The Relatives.
When I Read About The Evils Of Drinking…I Gave Up Reading.
My Grandfather Is Eighty And Still Doesn’t Need Glasses… He Drinks Straight Out Of The Bottle.
You Know Your kids Have Grown Up When: Your Daughter Begins To Put On Lipstick.. Or Your Son Starts To Wipe It Off .
Sign In A Bar: “Those Of You Who Are Drinking To Forget, Please Pay In Advance.”
Sign In Driving School: If Your Wife Wants To Learn To Drive, Don’t Stand In Her Way.
Behind Every Great Man, There Is A Surprised Woman.
The Reason Men Lie Is Because Women Ask So Many Questions.
Getting Caught Is The Mother Of Invention.
Laugh And The World Laughs With You, Snore And You sleep Alone.
The Surest Sign That Intelligent Life Exists Elsewhere In The Universe Is The Fact That It Has Never Tried To Contact Us.
Sign At A Barber’s Saloon In Detroit: We Need Your Heads To Run Our Business.
A Traffic Slogan: Don’t Let Your Kids Drive If They are Not Old Enough Or Else They Will Never Be.
Sign In A Restaurant: All Drinking Water In This Establishment Has Been Personally Passed By The Manager.
Sign On A Famous Beauty Parlor Window: Don’t Whistle At The Girls Going Out From Here. She May Be Your Grandmother!
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
I like the dreams of the future better than the history of the past.
Thomas Jefferson
Love is the greatest refreshment in life.
Pablo Picasso
Art is parasitic on life, just as criticism is parasitic on art.
Harry S. Truman
The bird a nest, the spider a web, man friendship.
William Blake
A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.
Bob Hope
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
 Murphy asked Paddy how he got his black eye.
 
“You’d never believe it,” said Paddy, “but I got it in church.”
 
He said he had been sitting behind a fat lady and when they all stood for a hymn he noticed her dress was creased into the cheeks of her bum.
 
“All I did was lean forward and pull it out and she turned round and hit me,” said Paddy. It was a week later and Shamus was surprised to see Paddy had another black eye.
 
“I got it in church,” he began to explain. He said he found himself behind the same fat woman and when they stood for the hymn her dress was once again creased into the cheeks of her bum.
 
“My little nephew reached forward and pulled it out. But I know she didn’t like that, so I leaned over and tucked it back!”
 
 
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???  A: “I think it’s gonna rain.” B: “It is raining.” A: “Yeah.”
 
Answer: Sex, lies and videotape! No, I did not suddenly lose the use of my SHIFT key: the title of this film is in fact spelled without capital letters. Blame Steven Soderbergh, who wrote and directed this 1989 film (his first) that tells the tale of an unhappily married woman, her amorous sister, her cheating husband, and an old friend of her husband’s who passes through town and changes her life with his unusual ideas and the things he does with his handheld video camera.  These last lines are spoken by Ann (Andie McDowell) and Graham (James Spader), respectively. 
 
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? “Good afternoon, Mr. President. Sorry I’ve been away so long. It won’t happen again.”
 
 
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
What word/phrase is described by the following rebus?
Julio Iglesias
Lana Turner
Dinah Shore
John Wayne
Robert Redford
John Ireland
Elizabeth Taylor
John Travolta
Barbara Eden
Jack Nicholson
ANSWER: It’s written in the stars (using each star’s last name, the initials spell “itswritten”).
 
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
Below is an excerpt from a short story. Unfortunately for the panel of the Booker Prize, some of the words are missing. Can you fill in the eight different missing words so that the story makes sense and also find the connection between the missing words?
“This is the ____” said the guard.
“I want to go _____ and never ______” Mr.Ix wailed.
The guard _____d.
“There is no ____ for you” he said finally.
“You think you are in _____?” Mr.Ix sneered.
“At least until the end of this_____” retorted the guard, brandishing a metal object,
“once I _____ this into one of these three you are trapped” he continued.
 
 
 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com, 

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