Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

grandfather

WELCOME to Wednesday October 16, 2013.   Noah in 2013! 

 
In the year 2013, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the United States, and said, “Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me.
 
Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans.” He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, “You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40
days and 40 nights.”  Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in in his yard but no Ark. “Noah!” He roared, “I’m about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?”
 
“Forgive me, Lord,” begged Noah, “but things have changed. I needed a building permit. I’ve been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler system. My neighbors claim that I’ve violated the neighborhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision. Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark’s move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.
 
Getting the wood was another problem. There’s a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls but no go! When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights group sued me. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodation was too restrictive, and it was cruel
and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.
 
Then the EPA ruled that I couldn’t build the Ark until they’d conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood. I’m still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I’m supposed to hire for my building crew. Immigration and Naturalization is checking the green-card status of most of the people who want to work. The trades unions say I can’t use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark building experience. To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I’m trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.
 
So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark.” Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked, “You mean you’re not going to destroy the world?” “No,” said the Lord. “The government beat me to it.”
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
He who has a why to live can bear almost any how.
Friedrich Nietzsche
Everything is clearer when you’re in love.
John Lennon
Ads are the cave art of the twentieth century.
Marshall McLuhan
Keep your face always toward the sunshine – and shadows will fall behind you.
Walt Whitman
My Father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.
Spike Milligan
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
A man goes to see a doctor and says to him, “I cannot sleep
every night because my neighbor upstairs makes 
so much loud noise. He lets me get no sleep at all.” 
The doctor says, “Oh, no problem! It’s easy! I’ll give 
you something, and you’ll have a good sleep.” 
The next day, the man goes to see the doctor again 
and complains, “I have taken the pills but still cannot sleep.”
The doctor says, “Oh, my God! 
They were earplugs for your ears!”
 
 
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???   “Hey! You guys wanna buy a bar?”
 
Answer: Running Scared!  “Running Scared” (1986) stars Billy Crystal and the late Gregory Hines as Chicago cops who entertain the idea of retiring early. During a vacation in Florida, they actually buy a bar, intending to make its upkeep their new career. By the end of the film, though, they have clearly changed their minds about leaving the police department. This final line is spoken by Danny Costanzo (Crystal) to two other detectives. 
 
 
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???  A: “I think it’s gonna rain.” B: “It is raining.” A: “Yeah.”
 
 
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
Once again, the Booker Prize panel are sitting. And again an excerpt from a book has some key words missing.
Can you fill in the blanks so the story makes sense and also spot the connection between them?
Mr. Ix was speeding through the streets of Wimbledon, when he was pulled over by a police officer.
“It isn’t my ____!” wailed Mr. Ix noisily.
“It ____ you right,” replied the officer.
“Will it come to ____?” Ix inquired.
“If you keep up this ____ it will,” the officer replied severely.
“It is not as if I gained any ____,” Ix said ____edly.
“I would ____ to ____ you off with a caution,” admitted the officer, “but I can’t allow you through the ____ on this one,” he continued.  
 
ANSWER: Mr. Ix was speeding through the streets of Wimbledon, when he was pulled over by a police officer. 
“It isn’t my FAULT!” wailed Mr. Ix noisily. 
“It SERVES you right,” replied the officer. 
“Will it come to COURT?” Ix inquired. 
“If you keep up this RACKET it will,” the officer replied severely. 
“It is not as if I gained any ADVANTAGE,” Ix said POINTedly. 
“I would LOVE to LET you off with a caution,” admitted the officer, “but I can’t allow you through the NET on this one,” he continued. 
 
FAULT 
SERVES 
COURT 
RACKET 
ADVANTAGE 
POINT 
LOVE 
LET 
NET 
 
These are all terms used in the game of tennis. 
 
A famous tennis competition is held annually in Wimbledon. 
 
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
What word/phrase is described by the following rebus?
Julio Iglesias
Lana Turner
Dinah Shore
John Wayne
Robert Redford
John Ireland
Elizabeth Taylor
John Travolta
Barbara Eden
Jack Nicholson
 
 
 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com, 

 

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