Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Tuesday October 1, 2013.  Rules men wish women knew..

 
1. If you think you are fat, you probably are. Do not ask us. We refuse to answer.
 
2. Do not cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then, you are stuck with her.
 
3. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again! 
 
4. If you ask a question, and want an answer to, expect an answer you do not want to hear.
 
5. Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
 
6. Do not ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation and monster trucks.
 
7. Shopping is not a sport, and no, we are never going to think of it that way. 
 
8. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really. 
 
9. You have enough clothes. 
 
10. You have way too many shoes.
 
11. Crying is blackmail. 
 
12. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work. Strong hints do not work.
Obvious hints do not work. Just say it!
 
13. No, we do not know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.
 
14. Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes you think we’d be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
 
15. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question. 
 
16. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That is what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
 
17. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.
 
18. If you won’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys.
 
19. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
 
20. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done-not both.
 
21. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
 
22. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
 
23. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out.
 
24. If it is OUR house, I do not understand why MY stuff gets thrown in the closet/attic/basement. 
 
25. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
 
26. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
“A new study says we should change how we feed cows so they don’t produce so much of the greenhouse gas methane. First up, they recommend eliminating taco night.” -Conan O’Brien
“Helsinki, Finland, has been named the world’s most honest city by Readers Digest. You can always trust a Finn, unless it’s attached to a shark.” -Craig Ferguson
“The post office just can’t get its act together. They announced today they want to raise the price of stamps so they can make an extra $2 billion. That is still better than their original plan – uninvent the Internet.” Jimmy Fallon
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
My wife cannot ride in a car without telling whoever is driving what to do, when to do it, etc. She is, bar none, the worst back seat driver in the world. I have long thought this, though she would deny it. She claimed she seldom, if ever made comments about my driving. I, of course, claimed the opposite. Now I have proof.
The other day we were headed for the mall and my daughter piped up, “Daddy, before you married Mommy, who told you how to drive?”
 
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???  “Oh my god, we’re gonna die.”
 
Answer:  Under Siege! This is said while Casey Ryback (Steven Seagal) is talking to the playboy girl after she pops out of the cake, and he’s trying to figure out what’s going on. He tells her he’s just the cook, when asked who he is. “Under Siege” was made in 1990. “Under Siege” is about a group of terrorists that take over a U.S. Battleship during a party, and kill the senior crew. The cook is a former Navy SEAL, and he takes care of the terrorists in various ways. 
 
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? “They’re all going to laugh at you.”
 
 
Monday’s Quizzler is……….
What phrase is shown in the figure below?
S-n-o-w
ANSWER: Dashing through the snow.
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
The following 15 words can be divided into 5 groups of 3 words. The words in each trio will share a similar characteristic. What are the groupings? Why?
astern, bony, con, deal, land, lien, nit, pending, pinion, range, slander, steroid, tile, vary, venue

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com, 

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