Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Thursday October 31, 2013.   Siddhuisms..

1. Bad habits are like comfy beds – easy to get into, very difficult to get out of.
2. You aren’t rewarded for having brains, you’re rewarded for using them.
3. A lemon squeezed too hard yields a bitter juice.
4. Hope is putting faith to work when doubting would be easier.
5. Curry is a worry.
6. Liquor talks mighty loud when it’s let loose from the jug.
7. To achieve, you have to believe.
8. Success is the fruit of concentration.
9. Strike when the iron is hot, and make the iron hot by striking.
10. Strength grows in the garden of patience.
11. Gamblers are like toilets – broke one day, flush the next.
12. If you dine with the devil, use a long spoon.
13. Your originality is your strength.
14. If you enjoy a particular thing, you will always succeed at it.
15. The bill was buzzing past the head like a bumblebee breaking wind.
16. Winning is not important, but wanting to win is.
17. When you are submerged up to your ears in trouble, try using the part that isn’t submerged.
18. Faith in your abilities will help you face the music, even if you don’t like the tune.
19. Even a turtle won’t move until he sticks his neck out.
20. The doghouse is no place to keep a sausage.
21. Penny and penny will make many.
22. Every dog is a lion at his own door.
23. Even a cock crows over his own dung heap.
24. A good lather is half the shave.
25. Disappointments need to be cremated, not embalmed.
26. Those openers are like nappies, and changed for the same reason.
27. A tree is always known by its fruit.
28. The blood of the soldier gives glory to the general.
29. Troubles are like babies – the more you nurse them, the bigger they grow.
30. The first blow is half the battle.
   

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
“President Obama’s Facebook account was hacked. It was hacked by the Syrian Electronic Army. When Obama found out about this, he said, ‘Can you guys fix the Obamacare website?'” –David Letterman
“There was some good news today for embattled Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebelius. Obamacare will cover all her injuries after the White House throws her under the bus. She is totally covered.” –Jay Leno
“Have you tried to get on the Obamacare website? Oh, it is slow! It is so slow that by the time you sign up for Obamacare you’ll be eligible for Medicare. It’s slower than a ticket scalper at a Jacksonville Jaguars game.” –Jay Leno
“For years President Obama has been saying that no one would lose their healthcare plan. Now the White House has admitted that in fact many people will lose their plans. But there is a way to keep the great coverage you have. Just become a member of Congress. Then the taxpayers pay for the whole thing.” –Jay Leno
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
There were three preachers: a Catholic, a Baptist, and a rabbi. They are all fishing out in the lake when all of a sudden the Baptist has to go to the bathroom. So he gets up and walks across the water, does his business, and comes back. Then all of a sudden the rabbi has to go, so he gets up and walks across the water, does his business, and comes back.
Then the Catholic has to go, but when he gets out he falls into the water, so he swims back, gets back into the boat, looks up, and says, ”God, let me walk across the water.” Then he tries again and falls into the water, so he swims back, tries again and he falls again.
The Baptist leans over to the rabbi and says, ”Do you think we should tell him where the stepping stones are?”
 
 
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???  ‘Grampa…I’m kinda glad I got your blood in me.’
 
Answer: Vision Quest! When high school wrestling prodigy Loudon Swain (Matthew Modine) tries to convince his grandfather to leave his desolate mountain cabin and move in with the family, the old man steadfastly refuses. Loudon then speaks the above line out of admiration for his grandfather’s resolve. Grampa’s response? ‘Don’t let it go to your head.’ Heh.  
 
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? ‘I’ve never been much of a bather.’
 
 
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
 One of four people – two men (Jack and Mike) and two women (Carol and Lily) – was murdered.
The following facts refer to the people mentioned:
(a) Jack’s sister argued exactly once with Carol’s legal husband after the murder. 
(b) Mike’s sister argued twice with the victim’s legal spouse after the murder. Who was the victim? 
ANSWER:  Mike is the victim.
If Mike’s sister and Jack’s sister are the same person, then (a) reads “Lily argued exactly once with (Mike or Jack)” and (b) reads “Lily argued twice with (the same Mike or Jack)”. These two statements contradict each other. Therefore Mike’s sister must be different from Jack’s sister.
If this is the case then there are two possibilities:
1) Jack and Carol are brother and sister. Mike and Lily are brother and sister. Jack is married to Lily and Mike is married to Carol. If this is the case, then (a) reads “Carol argued once with Mike” and (b) reads “Lily argued twice with herself”, leaving Jack dead. Since Lily did not likely argue with herself, this is not the solution.
2) Jack and Lily are brother and sister. Mike and Carol are brother and sister. Jack is married to Carol and Lily is married to Mike. If this is the case, then (a) reads “Lily argued once with Jack” and (b) reads “Carol argued twice with Lily”, leaving Mike dead. Since there are no contradictions, this is the solution.
 
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
How can half of 12 be 7?
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,  
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Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Wednesday October 30, 2013.  Ten Signs That You’re Too Old for Halloween…

1. You get winded from knocking on the door.
2. You have to ask someone to chew your candy for you.
3. You ask for high fiber candy only.
4. When someone drops a candy bar in your bag, you lose your balance and fall over.
5. People say, “Great Keith Richards mask!” and you’re not wearing a mask.
6. When the door opens you yell, “Trick or…” and you can’t remember the rest.
7. By the end of the night you have a bag full of restraining orders.
8. You carefully choose a costume that won’t dislodge your hair piece.
9. You’re the only Power Ranger in the neighborhood with a walker.
10. You avoid going to houses where your ex-wives live.
   

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
“I tried to log on to the Obamacare website today. I don’t think I’m doing it right. I lost 300 bucks playing Texas Hold ‘Em.” -Jay Leno
“A man in Oregon was arrested for growing marijuana after police used Google Earth to track him down. So if you’re one of those crazy conspiracy theorists who thinks the government is watching you with satellites from space, you were right.” -Jimmy Fallon
“A new study shows that eating bacon can lower a man’s chances of getting a woman pregnant. Scientists are calling it alarming. Men are calling it a win-win.” -Conan O’Brien
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
 The following conversation took place one morning between a wife and her now ex-husband. They were discussing government cost cuts that they recently heard about in the paper.
“Honey,” his wife said, while reading the newspaper, “it looks like our government is going to cut overhead and trim down the military forces. They are going to retire six over-aged destroyers.”
To which the husband replies, “Oh…I’m sorry to hear your mother will be out of work.” Emoji
 
 
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???  ‘That must be one hell of a planet you people come from!’
 
Answer: Flash Gordon! One of my favorite bad movies of all time. Prince Vultan (Brian Blessed) says this to Flash Gordon (Sam J. Jones) after Flash announces that he plans to sacrifice his own life in order to save the day. Unfortunately, Flash survives, and exposes us to yet more of his horrendous atttempts at acting.  
 
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? ‘Grampa…I’m kinda glad I got your blood in me.’
 
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
 Eagle-eye Ixolite, the world famous dart player, was at an exhibition match and was showing off to the audience.  “I can throw a dart and it will hit the board anywhere I want!” he cried. “Where on the board shall I put my next dart?” he asked the crowd.  A small boy came up to Eagle-Eye and passed him a slip of paper. Eagle-eye, who liked a rebus, took one look at the note, threw his head back and laughed, then threw the dart. Where did it land?  This is what was on the note: Perfume Bottle R.I.P.
ANSWER: It landed in the bullseye. The Rebus said Dead Center or Dead Scenter.
 
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
One of four people – two men (Jack and Mike) and two women (Carol and Lily) – was murdered.
The following facts refer to the people mentioned:
(a) Jack’s sister argued exactly once with Carol’s legal husband after the murder.
(b) Mike’s sister argued twice with the victim’s legal spouse after the murder. Who was the victim?
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,  

Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Tuesday October 29, 2013.   More Pondering…..

 
Why is it that when you’re driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?

 
If you have your finger touching the rearview mirror that says — “objects in mirror are closer than they appear”, how can that be possible?
 
Why is it so hard to remember how to spell MNEMONIC?
 
If someone invented instant water, what would they mix it with?
 
Why is it called a TV “set” when you only get one?
 
Why does your nose run and your feet smell?
 
Why does an alarm clock “go off” when it begins ringing?
 
If pro is the opposite of con, is progress the opposite of congress?
 
Why does “cleave” mean both split apart and stick together?
 
Why is it, whether you sit up or sit down, the result is the same?
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
 “Saudi Arabia is now threatening to sever diplomatic ties with the United States over Syria. I hope that doesn’t cause them to do something drastic, you know, like overcharge us for oil.” –Jay Leno
“There’s been a lot of speculation but now it’s clear that Joe Biden will run for president in 2016. In an effort to appear presidential, today Biden launched a website that doesn’t work.” –Conan O’Brien
“One of the contractors who built the Obamacare website testified before Congress today. You can tell he built the site because any time they would ask a question, he would freeze.” –Conan O’Brien
“German Chancellor Angela Merkel said the U.S. would have to regain her trust after the NSA eavesdropped on her cellphone. You know things are bad when we’re being accused of having boundary issues by Germany.” –Conan O’Brien
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
 A woman was walking down the street when she was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked her for a couple of dollars for dinner.
 
The woman took out her wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, “If I give you this money, will you buy some wine with it instead of dinner?”
 
“No,” I had to stop drinking years ago, the homeless woman replied.
 
“Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?” the woman asked.
 
“No,” I don’t waste time shopping, the homeless woman said. “I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive.”
 
“Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?” the woman asked.
 
“Are you NUTS!” replied the homeless woman. “I haven’t had my hair done in 20 years!”
 
“Well,” said the woman, “I’m not going to give you the money. Instead, I’m going to take you out for dinner with my husband and myself tonight.
 
The homeless Woman was astounded. “Won’t your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I’m dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting.”
 
The woman replied, “That’s okay. It’s important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments and wine.”
 
 
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???  A lot of alliteration from anxious anchors placed in powerful posts!’
 
Answer:  Broadcast News! In my opinion, the best screenplay of the decade, by James L. Brooks. This line is spoken by a rather inebriated Aaron Altman (Albert Brooks — no relation) watching Tom Grunick (William Hurt) on the network news. Tom tends to overuse alliteration in his copy, a fact obviously not overlooked by Aaron.
 
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? ‘That must be one hell of a planet you people come from!’
 
Monday’s Quizzler is……….
One hot afternoon two friends were out relaxing on the back porch.
“Would you like some iced tea?” one man asked his friend.
“Oh yes as long as it is good and cold.”
The host then brought his friend a large glass of iced tea and dropped two small ice cubes in it.
His friend took a sip and remarked, “It’s not very cold.”
“Give it a minute,” the host said.
The iced tea then appeared to start boiling. After a minute or so the ice melted, the boiling stopped, and the glass was ice cold.
The man took a sip and thanked his friend for the very cool drink.
So what made the iced tea cool in this unusual way ? 
ANSWER: The man put dry ice cubes in his friend’s drink. This gave it the appearance of boiling as the ice melted. This also super-cooled the drink in a short time.
It’s a great holiday party trick. Just don’t swallow the ice – very dangerous.
 
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
Eagle-eye Ixolite, the world famous dart player, was at an exhibition match and was showing off to the audience.
“I can throw a dart and it will hit the board anywhere I want!” he cried. “Where on the board shall I put my next dart?” he asked the crowd.
A small boy came up to Eagle-Eye and passed him a slip of paper. Eagle-eye, who liked a rebus, took one look at the note, threw his head back and laughed, then threw the dart. Where did it land?
This is what was on the note:
Perfume Bottle R.I.P.
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS, OUR RESIDENT GENIUS! SUPER SOLVING JOB ANDREA!EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji
 
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,

Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Monday October 28, 2013.  Come on Smiles, your killing me! 

 

Q. What did the valentine card say to the stamp?
A. Stick with me and we’ll go places! 
 
Q. What did the paper clip say to the magnet?
A. “I find you very attractive.” 
 
Q. What did the bat say to his girlfriend?
A. “You’re fun to hang around with.” 
 
Q. What did one light bulb say to the other?
A. “I love you a whole watt!” 
 
Q. What did the elephant say to his girlfriend?
A. “I love you a ton!” 
 
Q. What did the chocolate syrup say to the ice cream?
A. “I’m sweet on you!” 
 
Q. Do skunks celebrate Valentine’s Day?
A. Sure, they’re very scent-imental! 
 
Q. What did the painter say to her boyfriend?
A. “I love you with all my art!” 
 
Q. What does a man who loves his car do on February 14?
A. He gives it a valenshine! 
 
Q. What did the man with the broken leg say to his nurse?
A. “I’ve got a crutch on you!” 
 
Q. Did you hear about the romance in the tropical fish tank?
A. It was a case of guppy love. 
 
Q. What do you call two birds in love?
A. Tweethearts!
 
Q. Why did the stupid boy put clothes on the valentines he was sending?
A. Because they needed to be ad-dressed! 
 
Q. Why is Valentine’s Day the best day for a celebration?
A. Because you can really party hearty! 
 
Q. What did one oar say to the other?
A. “Can I interest you in a little row-mance?” 
 
Q. What happened when the man fell in love with his garden?
A. It made him wed his plants! 
 
Q. What happened when the two angels got married?
A. They lived harpily ever after! 
 
Q. Why should you send your sweetie a valentine?
A. Because you always heart the one you love! 
 
Girl : “I can’t be your valentine for medical reasons.”
Boy : “Really?”
Girl : “Yeah, you make me sick!” 
 
Q. Why didn’t Cupid shoot his arrow at the lawyer’s heart?
A. Because even Cupid can’t hit a target that small!
 
Q. Why do men like love at first sight ?
Answer from a Female : It saves them a lot of time !
Answer from a Male : Love will vanish when she open her mouth ! 
 
Q. Why man holds a woman’s hand ?
A.1 : before marriage, it is love;
A.2 : after marriage, it is self-defense !
 
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!  
 
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
“The Obama administration has now asked Verizon to help fix the Obamacare website. Verizon wasn’t the president’s first choice. He initially reached out to T-Mobile, but they dropped the call.” –Jay Leno
 
“Consumer Reports is now recommending that people sit back and wait a few weeks until the government fixes the problems. Really, a few weeks? When was the last time the government fixed anything in a few weeks? We still have troops in Korea, OK?” –Jay Leno
 
“A new book claims that John F. Kennedy’s brain was stolen by his brother Bobby. That seems almost unbelievable, doesn’t it? – that there was once a time in this country when politicians actually had brains worth stealing.” –Jay Leno  
 
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the Priest beside her, “Father, may I ask a favor?” 
 
“Of course. What may I do for you?”
 
“Well, I bought an expensive woman’s electronic hair dryer for my mother’s birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I’m afraid they’ll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through
Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?” 
 
“I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie.”
 
“With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.” 
 
When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her. The official asked, “Father, do you have anything to declare?” 
 
“From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare.” 
 
The official thought this answer strange, so asked, “And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?” 
 
“I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.” 
 
Roaring with laughter, the official said, “Go ahead, Father.”  
 
 
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???  “Just remember what ol’ Jack Burton does when the earth quakes, the poison arrows fall from the sky, and the pillars of Heaven shake. Yeah, Jack Burton just looks that big old storm right in the eye and says, ‘Give me your best shot. I can take it.'” 
 
Answer: Big Trouble in Little China! Truck driver Jack Burton (Kurt Russell) gets dragged into a bizarre adventure in San Francisco’s Chinatown that involves magic, kung-fu street gangs, unearthly monsters, and anything else that director John Carpenter could squeeze into this joyride of a film.
 
These last lines are spoken by Jack into the CB radio in his truck — he is essentially bragging to anyone who might be listening about his recent triumph over the forces of evil and his overall “tough guy” persona. What he doesn’t know is that one of the “monsters” from Chinatown has stowed away in the back of his truck. The film ends with the monster revealing itself to the audience, and presumably working its way toward the cab of the truck to give Jack yet more trouble!  
 
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? ‘A lot of alliteration from anxious anchors placed in powerful posts!’
 
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
What common phrase is represented below? 
 
IGAR 
CIGR 
CGAR 
CIGA 
CIAR 
 
ANSWER: Close, but no cigar. 
 
Monday’s Quizzler is……….
One hot afternoon two friends were out relaxing on the back porch.
“Would you like some iced tea?” one man asked his friend.
“Oh yes as long as it is good and cold.”
The host then brought his friend a large glass of iced tea and dropped two small ice cubes in it.
His friend took a sip and remarked, “It’s not very cold.”
“Give it a minute,” the host said.
The iced tea then appeared to start boiling. After a minute or so the ice melted, the boiling stopped, and the glass was ice cold.
The man took a sip and thanked his friend for the very cool drink.
 
So what made the iced tea cool in this unusual way ?
 
 
 
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,  

Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Friday October 25, 2013.   

To: All Employees
Dear Staff,
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada sneakers and carrying a Gucci bag we assume that you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress in-between, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday and Sunday.
Lunch Breaks:
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average size. Overweight people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that’s all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill.
Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Restroom Use:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. There is now a strict 3 minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of 3 minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet pater roll will retract, the stall door will open and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the “Chronic Offender” category.
Surgery:
As long as you are employed here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed will constitute a breach of employment.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation, and input should be directed elsewhere.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Friday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
“The Obamacare website has all these glitches and now tech experts are saying that the only way to fix it is to completely start over and redesign the whole website from scratch. While the guys from the Geek Squad said, ‘Turn it off, wait five seconds, and then plug it back in.'” –Jimmy Fallon
“Only 12 percent of Americans think the rollout of Obamacare is going well, while 100 percent of Republicans think the rollout of Obamacare is going GREAT.” –Jimmy Fallon
“With all the trouble with the Obamacare website, 12 percent of Americans actually think it’s going well. Then people waiting for healthcare said, ‘Can you share some of the drugs you’re on with the rest of us?'” –Jimmy Fallon
“Here’s some more news out of Washington. The White House has fired one of its national security officials for setting up an anonymous Twitter account that was leaking internal information. President Obama called the invasion of privacy ‘unacceptable,’ while Americans called it ‘karma.'” –Jimmy Fallon
“Despite all of the website problems, the approval rating for Obamacare has gone up. Unfortunately, I can’t give you the exact number because it’s listed on the Obamacare website.” –Conan O’Brien
“Pope Francis suspended a bishop for spending too much on home renovations. The Pope caught the bishop filming an episode of ‘Flip This Church.'” –Conan O’Brien
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
 A lady noticed her husband standing on the bathroom scale,
sucking in his stomach. 
 
Thinking he was trying to weigh less with this maneuver, 
she commented, “I don’t think that’s going to help.” 
 
“Sure it will.” he said. “It’s the only way I can see 
the numbers.”
 
 
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???  “Don Corleone.”
 
Answer:  The Godfather! After Michael Corleone (Al Pacino) lies to his wife Kay (Diane Keaton) about his involvement in the death of his sister’s husband, Kay is shuffled out of Michael’s study, and several of Michael’s henchmen enter the room to pay tribute to him. One of them kisses Michael’s ring and calls him, for the first time in the film, “Don Corleone.”
 
The last shot of the film depicts Kay’s shocked and troubled expression as the door to Michael’s study slowly closes, effectively locking her out of her husband’s nefarious new life.
 
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? “Just remember what ol’ Jack Burton does when the earth quakes, the poison arrows fall from the sky, and the pillars of Heaven shake. Yeah, Jack Burton just looks that big old storm right in the eye and says, ‘Give me your best shot. I can take it.'”
 
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
There was a man who went to the mall and he bought 3 pairs of red socks and 3 pairs of white socks. Another man who already bought 3 pairs of red socks and 3 pairs of white socks came back to return his 3 pairs of red socks and 3 pairs of white socks. They are both blind. As they were walking they bumped into each other. All the socks scattered around the floor, but each pair remained held together by a rubber band. Nobody helped them pick it up except each other, but in 3 minutes they both put them back altogether. Each man ended up with the same colors of socks he started with: six red and six white. How is that possible if they are blind? 
ANSWER: One man took all the socks and pulled the pairs apart. As he pulled them apart, he kept one sock for himself and gave the other to the other man so that each man ended up with the same colors of socks he started with: six red and six white.
 
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
What common phrase is represented below?
IGAR
CIGR
CGAR
CIGA
CIAR
 
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,

 

Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Thursday October 24, 2013.    Got Jokes?

Judge: Why did you hit your husband with a chair?”
Wife: “I couldn’t lift the table.”
******
“What did one ghost say to another?”
“Do you believe in people?”
******
My friend has a fine watch dog.
At any suspicious noise he wakes the dog and the dog begins to bark.
******
They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak.
******
When I told the doctor about my loss of memory, he made me pay in advance.
******
But the psychiatrist really helped me a lot. I would never answer the phone, because I was afraid. Now I answer it whether it rings or not.
******
It was love at first sight. Then I took a second look !!
******
“Look, guide, here are some lion tracks.”
“Good. You see where they go and I’ll find out where they came from.”
******
“Do you think I”ll lose my looks as I get older?”
“Yes if you’re lucky.”
******
A modern artist is one who throws paint on canvas, wipes it off with a cloth and sells the cloth.
******
“Has there been any insanity in your family?”
“Yes, doctor. My husband thinks he’s the boss.”
******
I was thinking of becoming a doctor.
I have the handwriting for it.
******
We have a quiet home life. I don’t speak to her and she doesn’t speak to me.
******
“What do use for washing dishes?”
“Oh, I tried many things but found my husband best. “
******
“Why don’t you give your husband a divorce?”
“What, I have lived with him for ten years and now I should make him happy?”
******
“Young man, do you think you can handle a variety of work?”
“I ought to be able to. I’ve had 12 different jobs in four months.”
******
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
“The popularity of Congress is at an all-time low, according to a recent poll that says Americans like head lice more than they like Congress. But you know, I think the real story here is that some Americans like head lice.” –Conan O’Brien
“A new study reveals that the average fast-food chicken nugget is almost 60 percent fat. The study also says that the average fast-food customer is almost 60 percent chicken nuggets” –Conan O’Brien
“They’re still having a lot of trouble with Obamacare. First the website had all these glitches, and now people are getting a busy signal when they try to apply over the phone. So you can’t use the Internet and you can’t use the phone. And now fax machines are like, ‘Look who’s come crawling back to Mr. Fax Machine.'” –Jimmy Fallon
“The country’s unemployment rate went down to 7.2 percent last month, after 148,000 jobs were added. Of course all those people were hired to fix the Obamacare website.” ” –Jimmy Fallon
“A 25-year-old man in New York was arrested for trying to join Al Qaeda. Here’s the amazing part: He said it was easier to join al-Qaida using their website than it was to sign up for Obamacare.” –Jay Leno
“Today there were more problems with the Obamacare website. It seems when you type in your age, it’s confusing because it’s not clear if they want the age you are right now, or the age you’ll be when you finally log in.” –Jay Leno
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
There once was pirate captain who, whenever it looked like a battle would be imminent would change into a red shirt. After observing this behavior for a few months, one of the crew members asked him what it meant.
“It’s in case I get shot. I don’t want you crew members to see blood and freak out.”
“That’s very sensible, sir.” At that moment, the crew member spotted eight hostile ships on the horizon. The captain all of a sudden looked very concerned.
“Get my brown pants.”
 
 
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???  “I look up at the moon, and wonder: When will we be going back? And who will that be?”
 
Answer: Apollo 13! Jim Lovell (Tom Hanks) closes out the film with this voice-over after he and his crew, against astonishing odds, return to Earth safely after a lunar mission that was positively plagued with mechanical problems and life-threatening catastrophes.
 
The film is based, of course, on the true story of the Apollo 13 mission, chronicled in the real Jim Lovell’s book “Lost Moon.” 
 
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? “Don Corleone.”
 
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
A man is trapped in a room. The room has only two possible exits: two doors. Through the first door there is a room constructed from magnifying glass. The blazing hot sun instantly fries anything or anyone that enters. Through the second door there is a fire-breathing dragon. How does the man escape?  
ANSWER: He waits until night time and then goes through the first door.
 
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
There was a man who went to the mall and he bought 3 pairs of red socks and 3 pairs of white socks. Another man who already bought 3 pairs of red socks and 3 pairs of white socks came back to return his 3 pairs of red socks and 3 pairs of white socks. They are both blind. As they were walking they bumped into each other. All the socks scattered around the floor, but each pair remained held together by a rubber band. Nobody helped them pick it up except each other, but in 3 minutes they both put them back altogether. Each man ended up with the same colors of socks he started with: six red and six white. How is that possible if they are blind?
 
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,

 

Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Wednesday October 23, 2013.    Pondering…….

Why is it called a “building” when it is already built?
Why do they call them “apartments” when they are all stuck together?
Why is there an expiration date on SOUR cream?
If you keep trying to prove Murphy’s Law, will something keep going wrong?
Why does flammable and inflammable mean the same thing?
How can someone “draw a blank”?
Shouldn’t there be a shorter word for “monosyllabic”?
Why is the word “abbreviate” so long?
Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
What is another word for “thesaurus”?
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
 “The White House announced that it is bringing in the best and brightest tech experts to fix the glitches on the Obamacare website, which is a great plan. You know what would have been a better plan? Hiring the best and brightest tech experts to make the Obamacare website in the first place.” –Jimmy Fallon
“Last week North Korea unveiled a new government-owned water park. There are differences between an American water park and a North Korean water park. In America, if you’re less than four feet tall, you can’t ride a slide. In North Korea, if you’re less than four feet tall, you can run the country.” –Jimmy Fallon
“President Obama is urging Americans who are having trouble with the Obamacare website to sign up for healthcare by calling a 1-800 number. The number is 1-800-we-didn’t-think-this-through.” –Conan O’Brien
“As of today, same-sex marriages are now legal in New Jersey. And today New Jersey governor Chris Christie announced he would no longer oppose gay marriage. He said, ‘How can I oppose anything that brings more cake into New Jersey?'” –Conan O’Brien
“Due to system failure today, many people were unable to update their Facebook status. Incidentally, for the several hours Facebook was down we were actually competitive with China.” –Conan O’Brien
“Things got screwed up with the healthcare website. So you can wait for them to get the site fixed or you can enroll in medical school, graduate, and then just take care of yourself, which would probably be faster.” –Jimmy Kimmel
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
The weather was very hot and this man wanted desperately to take a dive in a nearby lake. He didn’t bring his swimming outfit, but who cared? He was all alone. So he undressed and got into the water.
After some delightful minutes of cool swimming, a pair of old ladies walked onto the shore in his direction. He panicked, got out of the water and grabbed a bucket lying in the sand nearby. He held the bucket in front of his private area and sighed with relief.
The ladies got nearby and looked at him. He felt awkward and wanted to move.
Then one of the ladies said, “You know, I have a special gift, I can read minds.”
“Impossible’, said the embarrassed man, ‘You really know what I think?”
“Yes”, the lady replied, “Right now, I bet you think that the bucket you’re holding has a bottom.”
 
 
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???  “I charged the whole thing to the Underhills’ account. Want the number?”
 
Answer: Fletch! Investigative reporter Irwin Fletcher (Chevy Chase) pretends to be many different people throughout this film. At one point, he poses as a country club member, and encounters a rude, boorish rich man named Mr. Underhill. Fletch then orders an expensive lunch and charges it to Underhill’s account.
 
At the end of the film, Fletch’s voice-over explains that the vacation that he and his new paramour are enjoying was also fraudulently charged to the Underhills! 
 
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? “I look up at the moon, and wonder: When will we be going back? And who will that be?”
 
 
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
 What is this showing? 
 
“Mr____, you’re sacked.” 
“Miss _____, contract terminated.” 
“Mr_____, it’s the can for you.”
ANSWER:  Firing blanks
 
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
A man is trapped in a room. The room has only two possible exits: two doors. Through the first door there is a room constructed from magnifying glass. The blazing hot sun instantly fries anything or anyone that enters. Through the second door there is a fire-breathing dragon. How does the man escape?
 
 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,