Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Friday September 13, 2013.  Some Really Cool Definitions….

School :
A place where Papa pays and Son plays.
Life Insurance:
A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die Rich.
Nurse:
A person who wakes u up to give you sleeping pills.
Marriage:
It’s an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters.
Divorce:
Future tense of Marriage.
Tears:
The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by
feminine waterpower
Lecture:
An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer
to the notes of the students without passing through “the minds of either”
Conference:
The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
Conference Room:
A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody
disagrees later on.
Compromise:
The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes
he got the biggest piece.
Dictionary:
A place where success comes before work.
Father:
A banker provided by nature.
Criminal:
A guy no different from the rest….except that he got caught.
Boss:
Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
Politician:
One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.
Doctor:
A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by bills.
Classic:
Books, which people praise, but do not read.
Smile:
A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
Office:
A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
Yawn:
The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
Etc.:
A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
Committee:
Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide
that nothing can be done together.
Experience:
The name men give to their mistakes.
Atom Bomb:
An invention to end all inventions.
Philosopher:
A fool who torments himself during life, to be wise after death, and that’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great weekend people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
“Las Vegas is about to unveil what will be the world’s largest Ferris wheel. They are billing it as a new way to throw up on the streets of Las Vegas.” -Conan O’Brien
“Fashion Week held its first-ever plus-sized fashion show. Apparently, they’re hoping it creates a more positive, body-friendly atmosphere which it might if they didn’t call everyone there ‘plus-sized.'” -Jimmy Fallon
“Vin Diesel is with us tonight. Vin is not his real name. His real name is Vehicle Identification Number.” -Jimmy Kimmel
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
 In the British documentary 56 Up, a man shared that he had earned a law degree at Oxford. Then, in his thick English accent, he proudly proclaimed that he was now a “barrister.”
My 13-year-old daughter wasn’t impressed. “So,” she said, “he spent all that effort getting an Oxford law degree, and now he works at Starbucks?”
 
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???  “Yes, you’re very smart. Shut up.”
 
Answer: “The Princess Bride” is the penultimate faerie tale, suitable for any age. The action plays out as a grandfather (Peter Falk of “Columbo” fame) reads the story to his grandson (Fred Savage of “The Wonder Years), who is home sick from school.
 
Grandson: “See! I told you she’d never marry that mean old Humperdink!”
Grandpa: “Yes. You’re very smart. Shut up.”
Haven’t we all dreamed of telling this to our children? 
 
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? “Poor John. Who says poor John? Don’t everybody sob at once! My God, if I went up in flames there’s not a living soul who’d pee on me to put the fire out!”
 
 
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
What is represented below?
 
Harrison Ford at target practice. 
Sigourney Weaver playing craps.
Sandra Bullock taking photographs.  
 
ANSWER: SHOOTING STARS 
 
Playing craps is also known as shooting craps.
Taking photographs is also called shooting photos. 
 
 
Friday’s Quizzler is………. 
Remove a letter from each of the words below and rearrange the remaining letters to form new words. The 10 words will all fall into a certain category. For example, given the words DEAR, ANGRY, and RENEGE, you could drop the “A” in DEAR to get RED, drop the “N” in ANGRY to get GRAY, and drop an “E” in RENEGE to get GREEN. These would all fall into the category of “Colors”. 
If you’re stuck, the hint will name the category. The tough part is getting all 10 words. 
 
EPOCH
EXPEL
WRIST
BUNDLE
INWARD
REPUTE
UNSEAT
ASCRIBE
MEMOIRS
PHRASING
 
 
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! SUPER FANTASTIC SOLVING JOB BANKS! EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji
 
 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,    

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