Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

batman600x400_232142

WELCOME to Monday September 9, 2013.  Amazingly True……

In the world of romance, one single rule applies to men:
Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points.
Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted.
You don’t get any points for doing something she expects.
Sorry, that’s the way the game is played.
Here is a guide to the point system:
***********
SIMPLE DUTIES
You make the bed (+1)
You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)
You go out to buy her what she wants (+5) In the rain (+8) But return with Beer (-5)
You check out a suspicious noise at night (0)
You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0)
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)
You pummel it with iron rod (+10)
It’s her pet (-10)
***********
SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS
You stay by her side the entire party (0)
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college buddy (-2)
College buddy Named Rita (-4)
Rita is a dancer (-6)
Rita is single and is really beautiful (-80)
***********
HER BIRTHDAY
You forget her birthday (-50000)
You take her out to dinner (0)
You take her out to dinner and it’s not a sports bar (+1)
Okay, it’s a sports bar (-2)
And it’s all-you-can-eat night (-3)
It’s a sports bar, it’s all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team (-10)
***********
A NIGHT OUT
You take her to a movie (+2)
You take her to a movie she likes (+4)
You take her to a movie you hate (+6)
You take her to a movie you like (-2)
It’s called ‘DeathCop’ (-3)
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)
***********
ENJOY THE ‘BIG’ QUESTION
She asks, “Do I look fat?” (-5) [Yes, you LOSE points no matter WHAT]
You hesitate in responding (-10)
You reply, “Where?” (-35)
Any other response (-20)
***********
COMMUNICATION
When she wants to talk about a problem , you listen, displaying what looks
like a concerned __expression (0)
You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+500)
She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-10000)
Now what chance do you really have???
Hey, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Monday people, and whatever you do today, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
I imagine that yes is the only living thing.
e. e. cummings
People happy in love have an air of intensity.
Stendhal
Every artist dips his brush in his own soul, and paints his own nature into his pictures.
Henry Ward Beecher
What nature delivers to us is never stale. Because what nature creates has eternity in it.
Isaac Bashevis Singer
Some folks can look so busy doing nothing that they seem indispensable.
Kin Hubbard
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
Two gas company servicemen, a senior training supervisor and a young trainee, were out checking meters in a suburban neighborhood.
They parked their truck at one end of the alley and worked their way to the other end. At the last house an older woman was looking out her kitchen window watching the two men as they checked her gas meter.
Finishing the meter check, the senior supervisor challenged his younger coworker to a foot race down the alley and back to the truck to prove that an older guy could outrun a younger one.
As they came running up to the truck, they realized the lady from that last house was huffing and puffing right behind them. They stopped and asked her what was wrong.
Gasping for breath, she replied, “When I see two gas men running as hard as you two were, I figure I’d better run too!”
 
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “I will live in Montana. And I will marry a round American woman and raise rabbits, and she will cook them for me. And I will have a pickup truck… maybe even a ‘recreational vehicle’. And drive from state to state. Do they let you do that?”?
 
Answer: “The Hunt for Red October” is set in the middle of the cold war between the USSR and the US. A senior and well respected Russian Sub commander, Marco Ramius, and his handpicked crew use a state of the art nuclear submarine that runs nearly undetectable by modern sonar to defect to the United States. Determined to stop the senior officers from defecting and, probably more importantly, prevent the Red October and her cutting edge propulsion technology to get into US hands, a KGB agent planted among the crew by Moscow attempts to assassinate Ramius. Once it is clear that the senior officers have gone rouge against the Soviet government the agent follows his protocol and shoots at Ramius while commanding on the bridge of the submarine. It was the First Officer Vasili Borodin who jumped in front of the bullet meant for the Captain and thus sacrificing himself and his dream of living in Montana. Borodin’s final words were, “I would have liked to have seen Montana”.
 
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? “Richard, do you want to get shot?”
 
 
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
What two linked phrases are shown below?
 
 
Your team mates
 
1) P.Height
2) R.Speed
3) A.Length
4) W.Time 
 
My team mates
 
1) R.Height 
2) J.Speed
3) T. Length
 
ANSWER:  Either, Time is not on my side or Time is on your side
 
 
Monday’s Quizzler is………. 
The following clues each form a unique word by themselves, add them together to get the name of a country. Example: blue and yellow mixed + solid ground = ? Answer:
green + land = Greenland
1. something that will make you sick + an indefinite number = ?
2. half of the width of an em + an organ for secreting = ?
3. a swindle + to move or travel = ?
4. an animal’s shelter + a visible sign = ?
 
 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,  
 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s