Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Wednesday August 28, 2013.   RULES FOR WORK...

1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00 and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.
2. If it’s really a rush job, run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to inquire how it’s going. That helps. Or even better, hover behind me, advising me at every keystroke.
3. Always leave without telling anyone where you’re going. It gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.
4. If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books, or supplies, don’t open the door for me. I need to learn how to function as a paraplegic and opening doors with no arms is good training in case I should ever be injured and lose all use of my limbs.
5. If you give me more than one job to do, don’t tell me which is priority. I am psychic.
6. Do your best to keep me late. I adore this office and really have nowhere to go or anything to do. I have no life beyond work.
7. If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. If that gets out, it could mean a promotion.
8. If you don’t like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular in conversations. I was born to be whipped.
9. If you have special instructions for a job, don’t write them down. In fact, save them until the job is almost done. No use confusing me with useful information.
10. Never introduce me to the people you’re with. I have no right to know anything. In the corporate food chain, I am plankton. When you refer to them later, my shrewd deductions will identify them.
11. Be nice to me only when the job I’m doing for you could really change your life and send you straight to managers’ hell.
12. Tell me all your little problems. No one else has any and it’s nice to know someone is less fortunate. I especially like the story about having to pay so much taxes on the bonus check you received for being such a good manager.
13. Wait until my yearly review and THEN tell me what my goals SHOULD have been. Give me a mediocre performance rating with a cost of living increase. I’m not here for the money anyway.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people, and whatever you do today, don’t
forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
“Tears may be dried up, but the heart – never.”
– Marguerite de Valois
“I am not sincere, even when I say I am not.”
– Jules Renard
“One man practicing sportsmanship is better than a hundred teaching it.”
– Knute Rockne
 
 
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
A dwarf gets on an elevator and pushes the button to go up, just before the door closes, a hand comes through and opens the door.
In steps a very large man. The dwarf stares and says “You’re the biggest man I have ever seen”.
The man nods his head, and replies “I’m 6-9, weigh 259 lbs., and I have 16 inches, I’m Turner Brown.”
The dwarf faints!
After regaining his consciousness, the dwarf asks the man to repeat himself. So he does, “I said I’m 6 – 9, 259 lbs., with 16 inches, my name is Turner Brown.”
The dwarf looked relieved and started laughing.
“For a minute there, I thought you said ‘Turn Around’.”
 
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???  “You have taken care of the little fish. I will take care of the one that got away.”
 
Answer: “Clear and Present Danger” centers around CIA Deputy Director of Intelligence Jack Ryan uncovering an illegal war being fought by the US government against a Colombian drug cartel. Cartel leader Ernesto Escobato is the unfortunate victim of betrayal by his own intelligence officer, Felix Cortez. Cortez has aspirations of taking over the Medellin Cartel and makes a back room deal with senior White House official, James Cutter: they deliver the US Special Forces in Colombia to his mercenaries and he’ll “take care” of Escobato.
 
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? “The day that I sell out my countrymen will be the day that I put a bullet through my own head”
 
 
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
I’ve been to more countries than you’ll ever see.
I’ve been to church every Sunday.
I’ve been folded, pressed, even stuffed inside leather.
I’ve been dreamt about, coveted, and fought over.
People want me, yet despise me.
I have no true purpose except to travel.
I have no true mission in life except to be given and taken.
I have no true identity since I am but a clone.
I have no true name since I bear only the names of others.
People see my face and see another’s face as well.
I am life to some.
I am death to others.
I am common as grass.
I am sometimes as rare as the perfect sunset.
People rely on me more than almost anything else.
What am I? 
ANSWER: A U.S. dollar. You can pay for life with money. People become homeless when they don’t have money. People rely on the air and the sun more, so I couldn’t say that this was the most important. 🙂
Wednesday’s Quizzler is………. 
What term is this?
Nature enrolls
Nature takes classes
Nature revises
Nature sits exams
Nature passes
 
 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,  

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