Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Monday August 26, 2013. What Not To Put On Your Application For Employment..

NAME: Greg Bulmash
DESIRED POSITION: Reclining. Ha ha. But seriously, whatever’s available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn’t be applying here in the first place.
DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that’s not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
EDUCATION: Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle-management hostility.
SALARY: Less than I’m worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT:
My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?:
Yes, but they’re better suited to a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?:
If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?:
Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?:
I think the more appropriate question here would be “Do you have a car that runs?”
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?:
I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearinghouse Sweepstakes.
DO YOU SMOKE?: Only when set on fire.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?
Living in Bimini with a fabulously wealthy super model who thinks I’m the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I’d like to be doing that now.
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: No, but I dare you to prove otherwise.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people, and whatever you do today, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
 
Honor lies in honest toil.
Grover Cleveland
 
Men, as well as women, are much oftener led by their hearts than by their understandings.
Lord Chesterfield
 
The artist who aims at perfection in everything achieves it in nothing.
Eugene Delacroix
 
I am… a mushroom; On whom the dew of heaven drops now and then.
John Ford
 
Never trust a husband too far, nor a bachelor too near.
Helen Rowland
 
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
A customer was continually bothering the waiter in a restaurant, at first he’d asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down cause he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour.
Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, he walked back and forth and never once got angry. So finally, a second customer asked him why he didn’t throw out the pest.
“Oh, that man I don’t care.” said the waiter with a smile. “We don’t even have an air conditioner.”
 
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???   “The machine is still on Moira” 
 
Answer:  “Clear and Present Danger” is the third Clancy movie to be released. It centers around CIA Deputy Director of Intelligence Jack Ryan uncovering an illegal war being fought by the US government against a Colombian drug cartel. Jack Ryan tells detectives investigating the murder of a senior level assistant that they have a recording of the killer’s voice. The CIA are able to use the voice of this “latin Jack Ryan” in this and other intercepted recordings to identify cartel leader Ernesto Escobato’s intelligence officer, Felix Cortez.
 
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? “Ryan, be careful what you shoot at. Most things in here don’t react well to bullets”
 
 
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
A group of tourists visits a museum. The museum’s main attraction is a large diamond. After the tourists visit, the museum guard finds out the diamond has been stolen. The police get all the tourists who visited the exhibit and put them in a room. Unknown to them, the diamond has been covered with a solution that turns green when it comes in contact with salt. The detective who questions them tells his assistant to turn up the furnace. Why does he do this? 
ANSWER: The sweat they will produce in the heat has salt. Since one of them obviously picked it up with their hands, the diamond will have stained the culprit’s hands and in the heat, the person’s hand will eventually sweat, giving away the culprit.
Monday’s Quizzler is………. 
What is this?
THETENCOMMANDMENTS
NCOMMANDMENTS
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TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. RENNA WILD FOR SOLVING FRIDAY’ S QUIZZLER OF THE DAY! NICE  WORK RENNA! EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji 
 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,  

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