Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

Darwinism

WELCOME to Tuesday August 20, 2013. Great Things About Chocolates

 
Chocolate is a Vegetable: Chocolate is derived from cocoa beans. Bean = vegetable. Sugar is derived from either sugar CANE or sugar BEETS. Both are plants, which places them in the vegetable category. Thus, chocolate is a vegetable. 
 
To go one step further, chocolate candy bars also contain milk, which is dairy. So candy bars are a health food. 
 
Chocolate-covered raisins, cherries, orange slices and strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want. 
 
If you’ve got melted chocolate all over your hands, you’re eating it too slowly. 
 
The problem: How to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the store in a hot car. 
The solution: Eat it in the parking lot. 
 
Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It’ll take the edge off your appetite, and you’ll eat less. 
 
If I eat equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate, is that a balanced diet? Don’t they actually counteract each other? 
 
Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger. 
 
A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of calories in one place. Now, isn’t that handy? 
 
REMEMBER: “Stressed” spelled backward is “desserts”. 
 
If you can’t eat all your chocolate, it will keep in the freezer. But if you can’t eat all your chocolate, what’s wrong with you? 
 
If calories are an issue, store your chocolate on top of the fridge. Calories are afraid of heights, and they will jump out of the chocolate to protect themselves. 
 
Money talks. Chocolate sings. 
 
Q. Why is there no such organization as Chocoholics Anonymous? A. Because no one wants to quit. 
 
If not for chocolate, there would be no need for control top pantyhose. An entire garment industry would be devastated. 
 
Put “eat chocolate” at the top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you’ll get one thing done.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have an incredible Tuesday people, and whatever you do today, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
“The NFL is considering hiring a mother of three to be a referee. They wanted someone who’s used to giving time-outs.” -Conan O’Brien
“A new survey found that one-third of married women with pets say their animals are better listeners than their husbands. When husbands heard that they were like, ‘Huh?
You say something?'” -Jimmy Fallon
“According to a survey by Playboy magazine, three percent of women can’t remember their natural hair color. You know what you call these women? Blondes.” -Jay Leno
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
Do I look that shady? I just got a GPS for my car, and my first trip with it was to a drugstore. Since the manual said not to leave it in the car unattended, I brought it with me into the store. While there, the GPS came alive, and a voice stated, “Lost satellite contact.”
I wasn’t embarrassed until a woman turned to me and said, “Your ankle bracelet monitor is talking to you.”
 
 
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???  “What are we going to do about this dinner?”  “We have blue soup to start, orange pudding to end, and, well, for a main course you have congealed green gunge.”
 
Answer: “Bridget Jones’ Diary” is a classic romantic comedy all about the life of Bridget Jones, who is single and in her 30s, and wants to meet the right man for her. She decides to take control of her life by keeping a diary, to tell the truth about her, such as whether or not she has lost any weight or cut down on smoking and drinking alcohol. But it turns out hard for Bridget to find the right man, particularly as she has the tendency to say whatever is on her mind at the time! 
 
The first quote (“What are we going to do about this dinner?”) is said by Bridget and the reply (“We have blue soup to start, orange pudding to end, and, well, for a main course you have congealed green gunge.”) is from Mark Darcy. This is said when it is Bridget’s birthday, and Bridget tries to cook dinner but it does not turn out very well! 
 
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? “Hey listen, Sparky. I have a masters in journalism from Columbia, my boss loves me, and if I do it her way for a while, I can write about whatever I want.” 
“Like shoes?”
 
Monday’s Quizzler is……….
It is a portable arcade. A hand-held amusement resource with no cartridges or batteries. Access games of speed, dexterity, memory, cunning. Produce magical effects or construct lofty towers. Some games can increase your income. 
 
ANSWER: A deck of cards.   
 
Tuesday’s Quizzler is………. 
What phrase is represented here?
 
Let me win the lottery
George Clooney
 
Let me find my true love
Jennifer Aniston
 
Let me be famous
Julia Roberts
 
Let me be popular
Tom Cruise
 
 
 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com, 

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