Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏

download (4)

WELCOME to Wednesday August 14, 2013.  AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES…

 
1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don’t panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto. The blockage will be almost instantly removed. 
 
2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away. 
 
3. Avoid arguments with your partner about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink. 
 
4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer. 
 
5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button. 
 
6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. Then you will be afraid to cough. 
 
7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget about the toothache. 
 
8. Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are: You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn’t move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn’t move and does, use the duct tape. 
 
9. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them. 
 
10. Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom. 
 
11. If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You get another chance. 
 
12. And finally, be really nice to your family and friends; you never know when you might need them to empty your bedpan. 
 
13. The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends — if they’re okay, then it’s you.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people, and whatever you do today, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
“Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.” -Demetri Martin
“A new study shows that large doses of Vitamin E do not protect against heart attacks and cancer, and might actually raise the risk of heart failure. The study was published in this month’s Journal of Things that Scientists Told You to Do Last Month That Turned Out to Be Harmful This Month.” –Dennis Miller
“There exists a widespread myth that humans should learn about sex from their parents. My relationship with my father nearly ended when he tried to teach me how to drive. I can’t imagine our relationship having survived his instructing me how to have sex.” –Bob Smith
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
At the school where my mother worked, the two first-grade teachers were Miss Paine and Mrs. Hacking. One morning the mother of a student called in the middle of a flu epidemic to excuse her daughter from school.

“Is she in Paine or Hacking?” the school secretary asked.

“She feels fine,” said the confused mom. “We have company, and I’m keeping her home.”

 
 
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???  “There’s pineapple shrimp, lemon shrimp, coconut shrimp, pepper shrimp, shrimp soup, shrimp stew, shrimp salad, shrimp and potatoes, shrimp burger, shrimp sandwich. That’s about it.”    
 
Answer: “Forrest Gump” is about the life of a man called Forrest Gump, who has a low IQ. He ends up meeting very important people throughout his life, such as John F. Kennedy, without really realising the significance of this. It also involves Forrest trying to win over the love of his life, Jenny.
 
Bubba says this and much more about all the things you can eat shrimp with, as he and his family like shrimp! He is telling this to his friend, Forrest Gump, whilst they are together in Vietnam fighting in the war. After the war, Forrest sets up a successful business, the Bubba Gump Shrimp Company. 
 
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? “Put them (your hands) on the Oodles of Noodles.” “Chicken or beef?”  “Chicken!”
 
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
 Take the list of words below and arrange them into 3 sentences that all have something in common. Each word is only used once for each time it appears in the list. Punctuation is not an issue in this teaser in the initial placement of words. Only names are capitalized to start with.
 
DAD, LET, LETS, LEW, MARGE, MISSES, NO, NORAH, ORDERED, ROSES, SEE, SHARON’S, SIMON, TELEGRAM, TELL, WE’LL, 
 
What are the sentences and what do they have in common?
 
ANSWER:  1: MARGE LETS NORAH SEE SHARON’S TELEGRAM.
2: WE’LL LET DAD TELL LEW.
3: NO MISSES ORDERED ROSES, SIMON. 
 
All three sentences, when correctly placed, are palindromes. They read the same backward and forward. 
 
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
Can you decipher the phrase depicted below?
 
Stand Oath
U     UR

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com, 

 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s