Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Friday August 30, 2013. Ringing Doubts..

1.If all the nations in the world are in debt(am not joking. even US has got debts), where did all the money go?(weird)
2.When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it? (to be give a thought)
3.What is the speed of darkness? (absurd)
4.If the “black box” flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn’t the whole airplane made out of that stuff? (very good thinking)
5.Who copyrighted the copyright symbol? (who knows)
6.Can you cry under water? (let me try)
7.Why do people say, “you’ve been working like a dog” when dogs just sit around all day? (i think they meant something else)
8.Why are the numbers on a calculator and a phone reversed? (God knows)
9.Do fish ever get thirsty? (let me ask and tell)
10.Can you get cornered in a round room? (by ones eyes)
12.Why do birds not fall out of trees when they sleep? (tonight i will stay and watch)
13.What came first, the fruit or the color orange? (seed)
14.If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from? (No comments)
15.What should one call a male ladybird? (No comments)
16.If a person suffered from amnesia and then was cured would they remember that they forgot? (can somebody help )
17.Can you blow a balloon up under water? (yes u can)
18.Why is it called a “building” when it is already built? (strange isnt it)
19.If you were traveling at the speed of sound and you turned on your radio would you be ! able to hear it? (got to think scientifically)
20.If you’re traveling at the speed of light and you turn your headlights on, what happens? (i dont have a chance to try)
21.Why is it called a TV set when theres only one? (very nice)
22.If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all the way down to the core of the earth? (this is nice)
23.Why do most cars have speedometers that go up to at least 130 when you legally can’t go that fast on any road? (stupid, break the law)
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great weekend people, and whatever you do today, don’t
forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
“The state attorney general of New York is suing Donald Trump for $40 million, claiming that Donald Trump University is not a real university. The state claims it’s not a real college because students get very little education and were unable to find jobs after they graduated. Sounds like a real college to me.” -Jay Leno
“A brewery in Japan has introduced a beer made from elephant dung. How do you market something like that? ‘I don’t always drink beer, but when I do, I make sure it comes from an elephant’s butt.'” -Craig Ferguson
“Teachers at nine universities are using a new technology that can tell if students are actually reading their textbooks. Let me save you some time. They’re not.” -Jimmy Kimmel
 
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
I went through the McDonald’s take-out window and my total was $4.25, so I gave the clerk a $5 bill and I also handed her a quarter. She said, “you gave me too much money.”
I said, “Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back.”
She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said “We’re sorry but they could not do that kind of thing.”
The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change.
Do not confuse the clerks at McD’s. Or do. Who knows, you might get lucky.
 
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “For you to get involved here, its like sleeping with another mans wife… and what you are suggesting is that afterwards they all live together under the same roof… but what really happens is that the betrayed husband goes out and buys a gun.”?
 
Answer: “The Sum of All Fears” centers on a young Jack Ryan who is at this point of the Clancy timeline a junior analyst for the CIA. The plot of the film revolves around an Eastern European terrorist group’s plot to detonate a nuclear device at a sporting event in Baltimore in an effort to create a war between the US and Russia. Ryan and his superior, CIA Director William Cabot, are on a mission to inspect a Russian nuclear weapon facility. While in country, they are invited to the Kremlin to meet with newly elected Russian Federation President Alexander Nemerov. President Nemerov uses this analogy to suggest that the US keep out of the current Russian-Chechen crisis. Despite this tacit threat, Ryan manages to wins Nemerov over on this trip and will take advantage of the Russian President liking him later on in the film to help thwart nuclear war between the two super powers.
 
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? “Dr. Ryan, I’m a politician which means I’m a liar and a cheat. If I’m not kissing babies, I’m stealing their lollipops.”
 
 
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
The following clues give definitions for world capitals. These definitions describe what the capitals (just the city) sound like they would mean.
1) This capital is a recently opened store for cooked meats.
2) This capital is plant-covered bovine.
3) This capital is a tool used for fighting.
4) This capital is a royal weight.
5) This capital is a cheer for a body of water.
6) This capital is the legendary vehicle graveyard.
7) This capital is something that annoys a religious figure.
8) This capital is a basic digit.
9) This capital is something you get from the sun.
10) This capital is a score for a ringer.
ANSWER: 1) New Delhi (New Deli), India
2) Moscow (Moss Cow), Russia
3) Warsaw (War Saw), Poland
4) Kingston (King’s Ton), Jamaica
5) Beirut (Bay Root), Lebanon
6) Khartoum (Car Tomb), Sudan
7) Budapest (Buddha Pest), Hungary
8) Quito (Key Toe), Ecuador
9) Bern (Burn), Switzerland
10) Belgrade (Bell Grade), Serbia and Montenegro
Friday’s Quizzler is………. 
We are two different things
We can both be ridden
One runs on black ground
The other runs on green
We both drink liquids
And we have the same name
What are we?
 
 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,  
  

Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Thursday August 29, 2013.  Cancel Your Credit Card before you Die..

 
Now some people are really stupid!!!!
Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die. This is so priceless, and so, so easy to see happening, customer service being what it is today. A lady died this past January, and the Bank billed her for February and March for their annual service charges on her credit card, and added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had been 0 when she died, but now somewhere around $160.00. A family member placed a call to the Bank.
 
Here is the exchange :
 
Family Member: ‘I am calling to tell you she died back in January.’
 
Bank: ‘The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.’
 
Family Member: ‘Maybe, you should turn it over to collections. ‘
 
Bank: ‘Since it is two months past due, it already has been.’
 
Family Member: So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?’
 
Bank: ‘Either report her account to frauds division or report her to the credit bureau, maybe both!’
 
Family Member: ‘Do you think God will be mad at her?’
 
Bank: ‘Excuse me?’
 
Family Member: ‘Did you just get what I was telling you – the part about her being dead?’
 
Bank: ‘Sir, you’ll have to speak to my supervisor.’
 
Supervisor gets on the phone:
 
Family Member: ‘I’m calling to tell you, she died back in January with a 0 balance.’
 
Bank: ‘The account was never closed and late fees and charges still apply.’
 
Family Member: ‘You mean you want to collect from her estate?’
 
Bank: (Stammer) ‘Are you her lawyer?’
 
Family Member: ‘No, I’m her great nephew.’ (Lawyer info was given)
 
Bank: ‘Could you fax us a certificate of death?’
 
Family Member: ‘Sure.’ (Fax number was given )
 
After they got the fax :
 
Bank: ‘Our system just isn’t setup for death. I don’t know what more I can do to help.’
 
Family Member: ‘Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her. She won’t care.’
 
Bank: ‘Well, the late fees and charges will still apply.’
 
(What is wrong with these people?!?)
 
Family Member: ‘Would you like her new billing address?’
 
Bank: ‘That might help…’
 
Family Member: Odessa Memorial Cemetery , Cleveland, Ohio!
 
Bank: ‘Sir, that’s a cemetery!’
 
Family Member: ‘And what do you do with dead people on your planet???’
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people, and whatever you do today, don’t
forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
When love and skill work together, expect a masterpiece.
John Ruskin
Love is the child of illusion and the parent of disillusion.
Miguel de Unamuno
One’s art goes as far and as deep as one’s love goes.
Andrew Wyeth
In every walk with nature one receives far more than he seeks.
John Muir
Scratch a dog and you’ll find a permanent job.
Franklin P. Jones
 
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
A man is recovering from surgery when the Surgical Nurse appears and asks him how he is feeling.
‘I’m O. K. But I didn’t like the four letter-words the doctor used in surgery,’ he answered.
‘What did he say,’ asked the nurse.
‘Oops!’
 
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “The day that I sell out my countrymen will be the day that I put a bullet through my own head”
 
Answer: Patriot Games! While in London delivering a lecture, a civilian Dr. Jack Ryan spoils an assassination attempt on the British Royal Family by a renegade faction of the Irish Republican Army. After escaping from custody and in order to settle a personal vendetta for Ryan killing his younger brother while thwarting the assassination attempt, IRA member Sean Miller targets the Ryan family. Ryan is subsequently brought into the CIA full time and works to eliminate the threat from Miller and this splinter group. This quote is from a scene where Jack Ryan squeezes an IRA representitive for information on the men gunning for his family. He will later get the information he was looking for after unwanted attention is placed upon the IRA. 
 
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? “For you to get involved here, its like sleeping with another mans wife… and what you are suggesting is that afterwards they all live together under the same roof… but what really happens is that the betrayed husband goes out and buys a gun.”?
 
 
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
What term is this?
Nature enrolls
Nature takes classes
Nature revises
Nature sits exams
Nature passes 
ANSWER: It’s nature taking its course. Lit. Nature undertaking the various components of a typical college/university course.
Thursday’s Quizzler is………. 
The following clues give definitions for world capitals. These definitions describe what the capitals (just the city) sound like they would mean.
1) This capital is a recently opened store for cooked meats.
2) This capital is plant-covered bovine.
3) This capital is a tool used for fighting.
4) This capital is a royal weight.
5) This capital is a cheer for a body of water.
6) This capital is the legendary vehicle graveyard.
7) This capital is something that annoys a religious figure.
8) This capital is a basic digit.
9) This capital is something you get from the sun.
10) This capital is a score for a ringer.
 
 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,  
  
 

Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Wednesday August 28, 2013.   RULES FOR WORK...

1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00 and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.
2. If it’s really a rush job, run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to inquire how it’s going. That helps. Or even better, hover behind me, advising me at every keystroke.
3. Always leave without telling anyone where you’re going. It gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.
4. If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books, or supplies, don’t open the door for me. I need to learn how to function as a paraplegic and opening doors with no arms is good training in case I should ever be injured and lose all use of my limbs.
5. If you give me more than one job to do, don’t tell me which is priority. I am psychic.
6. Do your best to keep me late. I adore this office and really have nowhere to go or anything to do. I have no life beyond work.
7. If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. If that gets out, it could mean a promotion.
8. If you don’t like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular in conversations. I was born to be whipped.
9. If you have special instructions for a job, don’t write them down. In fact, save them until the job is almost done. No use confusing me with useful information.
10. Never introduce me to the people you’re with. I have no right to know anything. In the corporate food chain, I am plankton. When you refer to them later, my shrewd deductions will identify them.
11. Be nice to me only when the job I’m doing for you could really change your life and send you straight to managers’ hell.
12. Tell me all your little problems. No one else has any and it’s nice to know someone is less fortunate. I especially like the story about having to pay so much taxes on the bonus check you received for being such a good manager.
13. Wait until my yearly review and THEN tell me what my goals SHOULD have been. Give me a mediocre performance rating with a cost of living increase. I’m not here for the money anyway.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people, and whatever you do today, don’t
forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
“Tears may be dried up, but the heart – never.”
– Marguerite de Valois
“I am not sincere, even when I say I am not.”
– Jules Renard
“One man practicing sportsmanship is better than a hundred teaching it.”
– Knute Rockne
 
 
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
A dwarf gets on an elevator and pushes the button to go up, just before the door closes, a hand comes through and opens the door.
In steps a very large man. The dwarf stares and says “You’re the biggest man I have ever seen”.
The man nods his head, and replies “I’m 6-9, weigh 259 lbs., and I have 16 inches, I’m Turner Brown.”
The dwarf faints!
After regaining his consciousness, the dwarf asks the man to repeat himself. So he does, “I said I’m 6 – 9, 259 lbs., with 16 inches, my name is Turner Brown.”
The dwarf looked relieved and started laughing.
“For a minute there, I thought you said ‘Turn Around’.”
 
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???  “You have taken care of the little fish. I will take care of the one that got away.”
 
Answer: “Clear and Present Danger” centers around CIA Deputy Director of Intelligence Jack Ryan uncovering an illegal war being fought by the US government against a Colombian drug cartel. Cartel leader Ernesto Escobato is the unfortunate victim of betrayal by his own intelligence officer, Felix Cortez. Cortez has aspirations of taking over the Medellin Cartel and makes a back room deal with senior White House official, James Cutter: they deliver the US Special Forces in Colombia to his mercenaries and he’ll “take care” of Escobato.
 
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? “The day that I sell out my countrymen will be the day that I put a bullet through my own head”
 
 
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
I’ve been to more countries than you’ll ever see.
I’ve been to church every Sunday.
I’ve been folded, pressed, even stuffed inside leather.
I’ve been dreamt about, coveted, and fought over.
People want me, yet despise me.
I have no true purpose except to travel.
I have no true mission in life except to be given and taken.
I have no true identity since I am but a clone.
I have no true name since I bear only the names of others.
People see my face and see another’s face as well.
I am life to some.
I am death to others.
I am common as grass.
I am sometimes as rare as the perfect sunset.
People rely on me more than almost anything else.
What am I? 
ANSWER: A U.S. dollar. You can pay for life with money. People become homeless when they don’t have money. People rely on the air and the sun more, so I couldn’t say that this was the most important. 🙂
Wednesday’s Quizzler is………. 
What term is this?
Nature enrolls
Nature takes classes
Nature revises
Nature sits exams
Nature passes
 
 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,  

Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Tuesday August 27, 2013.     Its all about Wives..

(Please remember NOT TO SHOOT the messenger!)
My wife dresses to kill. She also cooks the same way.
************
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
************
A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong.
************
I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, “There was water in the carburetor.”
I asked her, “Where’s the car?”
She replied, “In the lake.”
************
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
************
I haven’t spoken to my wife in 18 months – I don’t like to interrupt her.
************
My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate.
So I got myself two girlfriends.
************
Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.
************
A little boy asked his father, “Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?”
The father replied, “I don’t know son, I’m still paying.”
************
A man placed an ad in the classifieds: “Wife wanted.”
The next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same: “You can have mine.”
*************
It’s not true that married men live longer than single men.
It only seems longer.
*************
Losing a wife can be very hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.
*************
A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can ask for whatever he wants, but his mother-in-law gets double of what he gets.
The man thinks for a moment and says, Okay, give me a million dollars and beat me till I’m half dead.”
**************
The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people, and whatever you do today, don’t
forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
“Elsewhere in the news, a Swedish company was fined today after one of their assembly robots attacked a human worker. And so it begins…” -Craig Ferguson
“A new study came out that shows that the germiest place in your kitchen is the refrigerator’s vegetable drawer. After hearing this, most Americans said, ‘We have a vegetable drawer?'” -Conan O’Brien
“A prop phaser gun from the Star Trek TV show recently sold for $231,000 at an auction making it the most expensive thing you can point at someone right before they beat the crap out of you.” -Jimmy Fallon
 
 
 
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
A wife asked her husband, “Honey, could you please run to the store and get a carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get a dozen.”
A while later the husband returned with a case of quart milk cartons.
Staring incredulously at the 12-pack case of milk, his wife asked, “Why the hell did you buy so much milk?”
Her husband said, “They had eggs.”
 
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???  “Ryan, be careful what you shoot at. Most things in here don’t react well to bullets”
 
Answer: “The Hunt for Red October” is set in the middle of the cold war between the USSR and the US. A senior and well respected Russian Sub commander, Marco Ramius, and his handpicked crew use a state of the art nuclear submarine that runs nearly undetectable by modern sonar to defect to the United States. In the film’s climax Captain Ramius and CIA analyst Jack Ryan join together to neutralize a KGB saboteur who is trying to foil the defection plot by igniting a missile and incinerating the ship. Ramius instructs Ryan to be careful discharging his firearm in the hold of Red October’s missile room, but the saboteur is not as reserved in his discretion to shoot, firing and missing numerous times at Ryan and Ramius. Ryan is ultimately successful in shooting the KGB plant and thus bringing the ship out of danger.
 
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? “You have taken care of the little fish. I will take care of the one that got away.”
 
 
Monday’s Quizzler is……….
What is this?
THETENCOMMANDMENTS
NCOMMANDMENTS
E
T
E
H
T
ANSWER: Bending the rules…..
Tuesday’s Quizzler is………. 
I’ve been to more countries than you’ll ever see.
I’ve been to church every Sunday.
I’ve been folded, pressed, even stuffed inside leather.
I’ve been dreamt about, coveted, and fought over.
People want me, yet despise me.
I have no true purpose except to travel.
I have no true mission in life except to be given and taken.
I have no true identity since I am but a clone.
I have no true name since I bear only the names of others.
People see my face and see another’s face as well.
I am life to some.
I am death to others.
I am common as grass.
I am sometimes as rare as the perfect sunset.
People rely on me more than almost anything else.
What am I?
 
 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,  

Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Monday August 26, 2013. What Not To Put On Your Application For Employment..

NAME: Greg Bulmash
DESIRED POSITION: Reclining. Ha ha. But seriously, whatever’s available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn’t be applying here in the first place.
DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that’s not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
EDUCATION: Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle-management hostility.
SALARY: Less than I’m worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT:
My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?:
Yes, but they’re better suited to a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?:
If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?:
Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?:
I think the more appropriate question here would be “Do you have a car that runs?”
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?:
I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearinghouse Sweepstakes.
DO YOU SMOKE?: Only when set on fire.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?
Living in Bimini with a fabulously wealthy super model who thinks I’m the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I’d like to be doing that now.
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: No, but I dare you to prove otherwise.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people, and whatever you do today, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
 
Honor lies in honest toil.
Grover Cleveland
 
Men, as well as women, are much oftener led by their hearts than by their understandings.
Lord Chesterfield
 
The artist who aims at perfection in everything achieves it in nothing.
Eugene Delacroix
 
I am… a mushroom; On whom the dew of heaven drops now and then.
John Ford
 
Never trust a husband too far, nor a bachelor too near.
Helen Rowland
 
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
A customer was continually bothering the waiter in a restaurant, at first he’d asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down cause he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour.
Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, he walked back and forth and never once got angry. So finally, a second customer asked him why he didn’t throw out the pest.
“Oh, that man I don’t care.” said the waiter with a smile. “We don’t even have an air conditioner.”
 
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???   “The machine is still on Moira” 
 
Answer:  “Clear and Present Danger” is the third Clancy movie to be released. It centers around CIA Deputy Director of Intelligence Jack Ryan uncovering an illegal war being fought by the US government against a Colombian drug cartel. Jack Ryan tells detectives investigating the murder of a senior level assistant that they have a recording of the killer’s voice. The CIA are able to use the voice of this “latin Jack Ryan” in this and other intercepted recordings to identify cartel leader Ernesto Escobato’s intelligence officer, Felix Cortez.
 
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? “Ryan, be careful what you shoot at. Most things in here don’t react well to bullets”
 
 
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
A group of tourists visits a museum. The museum’s main attraction is a large diamond. After the tourists visit, the museum guard finds out the diamond has been stolen. The police get all the tourists who visited the exhibit and put them in a room. Unknown to them, the diamond has been covered with a solution that turns green when it comes in contact with salt. The detective who questions them tells his assistant to turn up the furnace. Why does he do this? 
ANSWER: The sweat they will produce in the heat has salt. Since one of them obviously picked it up with their hands, the diamond will have stained the culprit’s hands and in the heat, the person’s hand will eventually sweat, giving away the culprit.
Monday’s Quizzler is………. 
What is this?
THETENCOMMANDMENTS
NCOMMANDMENTS
E
T
E
H
T
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. RENNA WILD FOR SOLVING FRIDAY’ S QUIZZLER OF THE DAY! NICE  WORK RENNA! EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji 
 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,  

Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Friday August 23, 2013.  Funny Greeting Cards – Outside n Inside…

1. I always wanted to have someone, someone to love. And now that you’ve
come into my life…
(Inside card) – I’ve changed my mind.
2. I must admit, you brought religion into my life…
(Inside card) – I never believed in Hell until I met you.
3. As the days go by, I think how lucky I am….
(Inside card) – That you’re not here to ruin it for me ..
4. Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go….
(Inside card) – Will you take the knife from my back? You’ll probably need
it again.
5. Happy Birthday! You look great for your age….
(Inside card) – Almost lifelike!
6. When we were together, you said you’d die for me…
(Inside card) – Now we’ve broken up, I think it’s time to keep your promise.
7. Congratulations on your new bundle of joy….
(Inside card) – Did you ever find out who the father was?
8. Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday…
(Inside card) – So we’re having you put to sleep.
9. Looking back over the years that we have been together, I can’t help but
wonder…..
(Inside card) – What the hell was I thinking
10. I’m so miserable without you…
(Inside card) – It’s almost like you’re still here.
11. Thank you for being part of my life…..
(Inside card) – I never knew what evil was until I met you!
12. Congratulations on your wedding day!
(Inside card) – Too bad no one likes your husband.
13. How can I say this….
(Inside card) – Your cooking kills me
14. I just want you to know that I’m sorry for what happened…
(Inside card) – Especially since you survived.
15. Congrats on getting married…
(Inside card) – It’s not everyday you decide to ruin your life.
16. Someday I hope to marry…
(inside card) – Someone other than you.
17. We have been friends for a very long time…
(inside card) – What do you say we stop?
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have an great weekend people, and whatever you do today, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
“A study has found that some people can suffer symptoms of withdrawal when they are forced to stay away from social media sites. This is why I’m not even on Facebook. I update my high school yearbook manually with a pen.” -Jimmy Kimmel
“Recently, in one of the New York City subway cars, they found a dead shark. This is bad for the city. People used to laugh at me for carrying a spear gun on the subway, but who’s laughing now?” -Dave Letterman
 
“Today is Thursday. Or what I like to call on Friday, ‘yesterday.'” -Jimmy Fallon

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
A young man had just graduated from Harvard and was so excited just thinking about his future.
He gets into a taxi and the driver says, “How are you this fine day?”
“I’m the Class of 2012, just graduated from Harvard and I just can’t wait to go out there and see what the world has in store for me.”
“Congratulations,” said the driver reaching back to shake the young man’s hand. “I’m Mitch. Harvard Class of ’79.”
 
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???  “There can’t be a seventh Sixth Chick; it’s just mathematically impossible.” and “Thirty and flirty and thriving.”
 
Answer: “13 Going On 30” is about a 13 year old girl called Jenna who wishes she were 30 because she hates being 13. However, it actually happens to her and she wakes up to find she is 30, and has to find out about her life, with the help of Matt who was her best friend for part of her school life.
 
Matt says the first quote to Jenna when she is 13 and she wants to hang around with the popular girls, the Six Chicks, at school. Matt does not want Jenna to behave like the Six Chicks, who are the popular, fashionable girls. Instead, he wants Jenna to be herself and learn to accept herself as she is. Jenna says the second quote whilst she reads a magazine article about being 30. She also says it over and over again when she wishes she were 30 instead of 13. “Thirty and flirty and thriving” basically sums up what Jenna wishes to be like. She thinks the 30s will be the best years of her life. 
 
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? “The machine is still on Moira” 
 
 
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
What phrase is this?
Interrogator.”Who stole the gold?”
Parsley.”…”
Sage. “…”
Rosemary. “…”
Thyme. “It was Basil.”
ANSWER: Only time will tell. lit. Only the herb Thyme (time) will tell who stole the gold.
Friday’s Quizzler is………. 
A group of tourists visits a museum. The museum’s main attraction is a large diamond. After the tourists visit, the museum guard finds out the diamond has been stolen. The police get all the tourists who visited the exhibit and put them in a room. Unknown to them, the diamond has been covered with a solution that turns green when it comes in contact with salt. The detective who questions them tells his assistant to turn up the furnace. Why does he do this?
 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,  

Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Thursday August 22, 2013.  Why English Is So Difficult Part TWO(2)..

Let’s face it – English is a crazy language.
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine In pineapple.
English muffins weren’t invented in England.
We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write but fingers don’t fing, grocers don’t groce and hammers don’t ham?
Doesn’t it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend?
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
If teachers taught, why didn’t preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?
Have noses that run and feet that smell?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wiseguy are opposites?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm goes off by going on.
If Dad is Pop, how come! Mom isn’t Mop?
GO FIGURE! That’s American English.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have an great Thursday people, and whatever you do today, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
“It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can’t remember if it’s the thirteenth or the fourteenth.”
– George Burns

“I am not afraid of storms, for I am learning how to sail my ship.”
– Louisa May Alcott

“You miss 100 percent of the shots you never take.”

– Wayne Gretzky
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
Two campers were aroused one night by the sounds of a huge bear tearing up their campsite. Realizing that the bear would soon make its way to their tent, they started planning their strategy. One of the campers started putting on shoes.
His buddy said “Hey, even with shoes on you ll never outrun that bear”.
He replied “I don t *have* to outrun the bear, I just have to outrun *you*”.
 
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???  “You know, most kids hope for a car for their 16th birthday, not a country!” and “This is between a waltz and a tango.” “It’s a wango?”
 
Answer: “Princess Diaries” is about Mia Thermopolis – a 15 year old girl who finds out that she is the princess of Genovia. It involves Mia taking princess lessons and choosing for herself whether or not she actually wants to rule Genovia. With the help of her grandmother, Queen Clarisse, and Joe, her chauffeur, she learns how to be a princess and how to behave. It’s very amusing!
 
Mia says the first quote to her grandmother Queen Clarisse. Mia is not happy when she first finds out that she is a princess. She just wants a normal life, which in this case involves hoping that she will get a car when she turns 16 so she can drive. Instead Mia realises it is more likely that she will get to rule Genovia. The second quote is said by Joe when he is teaching Mia to dance in a Genovian manner, and Mia replies “It’s a wango?”. Her reply shows that she is still young – yet she is supposed to be old enough to rule a country soon! 
 
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? “There can’t be a seventh Sixth Chick; it’s just mathematically impossible.” and “Thirty and flirty and thriving.”
 
 
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
A spoonerism is a pair of words that can have the initial sounds switched to form new words. For example, “churning bear” is a spoonerism for “burning chair” (note that the pairs do not have to be spelled the same – only sound the same). From the definitions below, can you figure out the spoonerism pairs?
 
1. Thumper’s cellphone…mis-named nerve.
2. Where to buy a mallard…jammed portal.
3. Grizzly relative…two pin-lovers.
4. Sad iguana…Merlin slam-dunking.
5. Wasp accelerates…Half a six-pack.
 
ANSWER: 1. Bunny phone…funny bone.
2. Duck store…stuck door.
3. Polar bear…bowler pair.
4. Weeping lizard…leaping wizard.
5. Bee throttles…three bottles.
Thursday’s Quizzler is………. 
What phrase is this?
Interrogator.”Who stole the gold?”
Parsley.”…”
Sage. “…”
Rosemary. “…”
Thyme. “It was Basil.”
 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,