What do you expect from such simple creatures?
Your last name stays unchanged.
People never stare at your chest when you’re talking to them.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be President.
You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urina’ing Place.
You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress = $5000. Wedding Dress Rental for U = $100.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
The same hair style lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can “do” your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
No wonder men are happier. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people, and whatever you do today, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
QUOTES OF THE DAY
“The royal baby is set to inherit $1 billion. In fact, he’s so rich that he’s already dating a girl half his age.” -Conan O’Brien
“A tourist came up to me today and she says, ‘I watch your show on and off.’ And I said, ‘How do you like it?’ And she said, ‘Off.'” -Dave Letterman
“Taco Bell announced that it will discontinue its line of kids’ meals because of low sales. You know your food’s bad when even little kids say, ‘I’m not putting that in my mouth.'” -Jimmy Fallon
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
A preacher of the old school was describing the events of Judgment Day and, of course, he used Biblical phraseology whenever he could.
“Oh, my friends,” he intoned, “imagine the suffering of the sinners as they find themselves cast into the outer darkness, removed from the presence of the Lord and given to eternal flames. My friends, at such a time there will be weeping, wailing and a great gnashing of teeth!”
At this point, one of the elders of the congregation interrupted to say, “But Reverend, what if one of those hopeless sinners has no teeth?”
The preacher crashed his fist on the pulpit, “My friends, the Lord is not put out by details. Rest assured… teeth will be provided!”
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “I’m standing up here before you today…with a very troubled heart. You see, my friends…you see, my friends…I’ve always insisted on…taking responsibility for your lives. But, I’m really…like a first-time parent…who makes mistakes…and tries to learn from them. And like that parent…I find myself at that moment when I have to decide. Do I hold on…or do I trust you to yourselves? Let go and hope that you’ve understood…at least some of my lessons. If we don’t start trusting our children…how will they ever become trustworthy?”
Answer: Footloose! This quote takes place as Reverend Moore speaks to his congregation about ignoring the law that forbids dancing in Beaumont and allowing the senior class of the High School to celebrate their graduation with a Senior Dance on a property across the county line.
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? “Few people understand the psychology of dealing with a highway traffic cop. A normal speeder will panic and immediately pull over to the side. This is wrong. It arouses contempt in the cop heart. Make the guy chase you. He will follow. But he won’t know what to make of your blinker signal that says you are about to turn right. This is to let him know you’re pulling off for a proper place to talk. It will take him a moment to realize that he’s about to make a 180 degree turn at speed, but you will be ready for it. Brace for the Gs, and fast heel-toe work.”
Monday’s Quizzler is……….
What do each of the following words have in common?
brandy, pirated, swingers, tramps, grangers
ANSWER: Each of the words can be reduced, one letter at a time, to form new words. Each time you remove either a first or a last letter and be left with a new word. The answers are sometimes different depending on which letter you drop.
brandy, brand, bran, ran, an, a
pirated, pirate, irate, rate, ate, at, a
swingers, swinger, swinge, swing, wing, win, in, I
tramps, ramps, ramp, ram, am, a
grangers, rangers, ranger, range, rang, ran, an, a
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
A rich old lady died and left all her money to her grandchildren and her children. At the end of the will she stated that she had one last thing to give away: her precious diamond. She gave a clue to where it might be. She said “it’s in a cylinder surrounded by a thousand squares.” One grandchild said, “I know where it is,” and found it. Where was it?
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com. https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,