Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

tl-horizontal_mainWELCOME to Monday July 29, 2013.  Boss to English Translation….. 

Boss-to-English Translator: What your boss says and what he really means
Do you ever feel a trip to your boss’s office is like a trip to a foreign country? Nice view, but no speaka dee English? In order to ensure that none of the buck passing, put- downing, or one- upping is lost in translation, make sure to bring along this cheat sheet so you know what the big enchilada is really trying to say.
“Great job on the report!”
Translation: “I’m taking credit for your work.”
“I have to attend an off-site meeting.”
Translation: “I’m having an affair.”
“Let me give you some broadstroke ideas and you can fill in the rest.”
Translation: “I still haven’t learned how to create an Excel document.”
“Headquarters has assured me we will not be affected by the merger.”
Translation: “You are going to be fired.”
“I’m not sure if what you are suggesting is in alignment with our core competencies.”
Translation: “What exactly do we do again?”
“This office is a family and my door is always open if you ever need to powwow with Papa Bear.”
Translation: “I am a tool.”
“I’ll be out of the office for a couple hours with senior management, but you can reach me on my mobile.”
Translation: “I’m playing golf.”
“I’ll be off-site and unreachable for the rest of the afternoon.”
Translation: “I’m playing golf and I expect to be very, very drunk.”
“I think we should order in some lunch for the team.”
Translation: “None of you are getting a raise. Enjoy your pizza.”
“I don’t want to have to micromanage this whole operation!”
Translation: “I’m the boss because I made good business contacts at my Ivy League university; I don’t know how to actually do things.”
“This came down from up top.”
Translation: “I have no real power.”
“I can’t give you an answer at this moment. Let me survey the situation and see what we can leverage out of it.”
Translation: “Oh God, I wish I was still in sales!”
“It’s good to see you take such bold initiative!”
Translation: “You are a threat to me. You will be fired the next time we so much as run out of coffee.”
“I’ll think about it.”
Translation: “I’ll tell you no in an e-mail, long after I’ve left the office.”
“Did you finish those projections I asked you about on Friday?”
Translation: “I completely forgot to ask you about the projections on Friday, and I’m hoping your memory is even worse than mine.”
“This is a very sensitive issue.”
Translation: “I may need you to shred some documents.”
“Let’s push the boundaries on this one. We need something really innovative! Throw out the conventions, I want something edgy!”
Translation: “Present only safe, traditional ideas to me. I wouldn’t know what to do with innovation if my life depended on it.”
“We’re going to be pulling some long hours and I’ll be right here with the rest of you.”
Translation: “My home life is miserable.”
“I hate to be the bearer of bad news.”
Translation: “Disappointing you is the only pleasure I have left in my dead-end, crappy job.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people, and whatever you do today, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
Talent is a flame. Genius is a fire.
Bernard Williams
Love is the silent saying and saying of a single name.
Mignon McLaughlin
Photograph: a picture painted by the sun without instruction in art.
Ambrose Bierce
Nature, like man, sometimes weeps from gladness.
Benjamin Disraeli
If your parents didn’t have any children, there’s a good chance that you won’t have any.
Clarence Day
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
A new supermarket opened in Orlando, Florida. It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.
When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and you experience the scent of fresh mown hay.
In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal grilled steaks with onions.
When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle, and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.
The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh baked bread and cookies.
I don’t buy toilet paper there any more.
 
 
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???  “The Internet is a communication tool used the world over, where people can come together to criticize movies and share pornography with one another.”
 
Answer: Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back! This quote by Holden (Ben Affleck) is directed to Jay and Silent Bob (Jason Mewes and Kevin Smith) as he explains the function of the internet for providing particular web sites and a forum to express personal opinions about particular topics. 
 
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? “I’m standing up here before you today…with a very troubled heart. You see, my friends…you see, my friends…I’ve always insisted on…taking responsibility for your lives. But, I’m really…like a first-time parent…who makes mistakes…and tries to learn from them. And like that parent…I find myself at that moment when I have to decide. Do I hold on…or do I trust you to yourselves? Let go and hope that you’ve understood…at least some of my lessons. If we don’t start trusting our children…how will they ever become trustworthy?”
 
 
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
What is this phrase?
 
19 1 6 5 20 25 
 
ANSWER: Safety in numbers.
 
(A=1, B=2, etc.) The numbers spell SAFETY
 
 
Monday’s Quizzler is………. 
What do each of the following words have in common?
 
brandy, pirated, swingers, tramps, grangers

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com, 

 

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