Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

Funny---Hasta-la-vista-baby

WELCOME to Tuesday July 23, 2013. My pondering old thoughts….  

As I was lying around, pondering the problems of the world, I realized that at my age I don’t really give a rat’s A*s anymore.
.. If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.
.. A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water, but is still fat.
.. A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years, while
.. A tortoise doesn’t run and does mostly nothing, yet it lives for 150 years.
And you tell me to exercise?? I don’t think so.
Just grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked, the good fortune to remember the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.
Now that I’m older here’s what I’ve discovered:
1. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
2. My wild oats are mostly enjoyed with prunes and all-bran.
3. I finally got my head together, and now my body is falling apart.
4. Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.
5. Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.
6. If all is not lost, then where the heck is it ?
7. It was a whole lot easier to get older, than to get wiser.
8. Some days, you’re the top dog, some days you’re the hydrant.
9. I wish the buck really did stop here, I sure could use a few of them.
10. Kids in the back seat cause accidents.
11. Accidents in the back seat cause kids.
12. It’s hard to make a comeback when you haven’t been anywhere.
13. The world only beats a path to your door when you’re in the bathroom.
14. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he’d have put them on my knees.
15. When I’m finally holding all the right cards, everyone wants to play chess.
16. It’s not hard to meet expenses . . .they’re everywhere.
17. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
18. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter . . .I go somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I’m “here after”.
19. Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.
20. HAVE I SENT THIS MESSAGE TO YOU BEFORE……….?
Care to join me for a night cap as I don’t know if I need a nap
OR
to sleepwalk in my thoughts
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people, and whatever you do today, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
“It’s illegal in baseball to use performance-enhancing drugs, but I watched the All-Star Game. Every commercial was for Viagra. During the game my son said, ‘Dad, did he say ‘reptile dysfunction?’ And I said, ‘Yeah, he did. They’re talking about malfunctioning reptiles.'”
-Dave Letterman
“A Utah senator proposed a bill that would no longer require kids to go to school. But then someone noticed that the senator was just three boys in a trench coat standing on top of each other’s shoulders.” -Conan O’Brien
“President Obama told a group of school children that broccoli is his favorite food. You know, it’s one thing to lie to the voters, but when you’re lying to kids, come on.” -Jay Leno
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
Dad is from the old school, where you keep your money under the mattress–only he kept his in the underwear drawer. One day I bought my dad an unusual personal safe, a can of spray paint with a false bottom so he could keep his money in the workshop. Later I asked Mom if he was using it.
 
“Oh, yes,” she replied, “he put his money in it the same day.”
 
“No burglar would think to look on the work shelf!” I gloated.
 
“They won’t have to,” my mom replied. “He keeps the paint can in his underwear drawer.”
 
 
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???  “Insane asylums are filled with people who think they’re Jesus or Satan. Very few have delusions of being a guy down the block who works for an insurance company.”
 
Answer:Confessions of a Dangerous Mind! This quote takes place in the scene where Patricia (Julia Roberts) discusses Chuck’s (Sam Rockwell) fear and paranoia of losing his mind.  
 
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? “Koufax is a good egg, he was nice to that kid. But he fights like a girl. You like that? I’m right here Miss, what are you gonna do about it? Hahaha.”
 
 
Monday’s Quizzler is……….
Using a combination of letters and/or numbers to sound out the answers, can you solve the clues? (The first one is free)
1. Not difficult – EZ (Easy)
2. Unoccupied
3. To do better than others
4. Defeated
5. A number (use only letters for this one)
6. A sport
7. Freezing
 
ANSWER: 2. MT (Empty) 3. XL (Excel)  4. B10 (Beaten)  5. AT (Eighty)
6. 10S (Tennis) 7. IC (Icy)
 
Tuesday’s Quizzler is………. 
What is this?

Andrew Cross was a wonderful employee.
He had a high attendance rate.
He was an honest and conscientious worker.
Highly recommended.

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com, 

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