Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

download (32)WELCOME to Friday July 19, 2013.    Really?

Some guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying: ‘Free to good home. You want it, you take it…’
For three days the fridge sat there without anyone looking twice. He eventually decided that people were too mistrustful of this deal. So he changed the sign to read: ‘Fridge for sale $50.’
The next day someone stole it!
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— –
I stopped at Mc Donald’s and ordered some fries.
The girl behind the counter said “would you like some fries with that?”
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——–
One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when someone shouted….
‘Look at that dead bird!’
Someone looked up at the sky and said…’where? ‘
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——-
While looking at a house, my brother asked the estate agent which direction was north because he didn’t want the sun waking him up every morning.
She asked, ‘Does the sun rise in the north?’
My brother explained that the sun rises in the east and has for sometime.
She shook her head and said, ‘Oh, I don’t keep up with all that stuff……. ‘
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——–
My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we overheard an admin girl talking about the sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the beach.
She drove down in a convertible, but said she ‘didn’t think she’d get sunburned because the car was moving’.
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My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car which is designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped.
She keeps it in the car trunk.
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——–
I was hanging out with a friend when we saw a woman with a nose ring attached to an earring by a chain. My friend said, ‘Ouch! The chain must rip out every time she turns her head!”
I had to explain that a person’s nose and ear remain the same distance apart no matter which way the head is turned….
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I couldn’t find my luggage at the airport baggage area and went to the lost luggage office and reported the loss.
The woman there smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and said I was in good hands.
‘Now,’ she asked me, ‘Has your plane arrived yet?’….
(I work with professionals like this.)
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——–
While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time then said ‘Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don’t think I’m hungry enough to eat 6 pieces.
And last, but not least: Dumb as a box of Rocks
A VERY GOOD EXAMPLE OF THE KIND OF REPRESENTATION WE HAVE IN CONGRESS, TRUE STORY:
A noted psychiatrist was a guest speaker at an academic function where Nancy Pelosi happened to appear. Ms Pelosi took the opportunity to schmooze the good doctor a bit and asked him a question with which he was most at ease.  ‘Would you mind telling me, Doctor,’ she asked, ‘how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?’
‘Nothing is easier,’ he replied. ‘You ask a simple question which anyone should answer with no trouble. If the person hesitates, that puts you on the track.’
‘What sort of question?’ asked Pelosi.
Well, you might ask, ‘Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?” Pelosi thought a moment, and then said with a nervous laugh, ‘You wouldn’t happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don’t know much about history..’  Really? Emoji
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great weekend people, and whatever you do today, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
“Twinkies are back. You can get the Twinkies at your favorite supermarket or wherever you buy sponge rubber and foam insulation products.” -Dave Letterman
“There’s a new website that allows you to use Facebook, Twitter, e-mail, surf the web, and read all the news in one place. That one place is called ‘work.” -Conan O’Brien
“The FDA says it will limit the amount of pain reliever found in Vicodin. Which explains my new substitute for Vicodin: two Vicodin.” -Jimmy Fallon
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
 An elderly couple had dinner at another couple’s house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.
The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, ‘Last week we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great.. I would recommend it.’
The other man said, ‘What is the name of the restaurant?’
The first man thought and thought and finally said, ‘What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know…. The one that’s red and has thorns.’
‘Do you mean a rose?’
‘That’s the one,’ replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, ‘Rose, what’s the name of that restaurant we went to last night?’
 
 
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “I’m scared of everything. I’m scared of what I saw. I’m scared of what I did, of who I am…. and most of all, I’m scared of walking out of this room and never feeling the rest of my whole life the way I feel when I’m with you.”  
 
Answer: Dirty Dancing (1987)! Dirty Dancing is a 1987 musical and romance film set in 1963, in which a teenage girl crosses over into womanhood both physically and emotionally, through a relationship with a dance instructor during a family summer vacation. Directed by Emile Ardolino. Written by Eleanor Bergstein.
 
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? “Mother is the name for God on the lips and hearts of all children. Do you understand? Morphine is bad for you. Your daughter is out there on the streets waiting for you.”
 
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
Each statement describes two words that when fused together create a new unrelated word (not a compound word). The clues do not necessarily indicate in which order the two words are attached. Example: This is the oldness of a tablet (pill + age = pillage).
1) This is a sleep relative.
2) This is a masculine painting.
3) This is when a snake stops moving.
4) This is body waste from a fruit  
 
ANSWER: 1) nap + kin = napkin
2) he + art = heart
3) asp + halt = asphalt
4) fig + urine = figurine
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
What phrase is this?
Bank for Tigers 4.2% interest rate
Bank for Lions 4.1% interest rate
Bank for Cheetahs 0.0% interest rate
 
 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com, 

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