Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

download (34)WELCOME to Monday July 8, 2013.  The Best “Out-Of-Office” E-Mail Auto-Replies.

1: I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position.
2: I’m not really out of the office. I’m just ignoring you.
3: You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn’t have received anything at all.
4: Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors having my brain removed so that I may be promoted to management
5: I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation on 4/18. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.
6: Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.
7: The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again.’
(The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over).
8: Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.
9: Hi. I’m thinking about what you’ve just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.
10: Hi! I’m busy negotiating the salary for my new job. Don’t bother to leave me any messages.
11: I’ve run away to join a different circus.
AND, FINALLY, THIS ONE TAKES THE CAKE:
12: I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as ‘Loretta’ instead of ‘Steve’…
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Monday people, and whatever you do today, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
There is nothing more likely to start disagreement among people or countries than an agreement.
E. B. White
The love that lasts longest is the love that is never returned.
W. Somerset Maugham
The image is more than an idea. It is a vortex or cluster of fused ideas and is endowed with energy.
Ezra Pound
The clearest way into the Universe is through a forest wilderness.
John Muir
Everybody talks about the weather, but nobody does anything about it.
Charles Dudley Warner
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
A woman received a call that her daughter was sick. She stopped by the pharmacy to get medication, got back to her car and found that she had locked her keys inside. The woman found an old rusty coat hanger left on the ground. She looked at it and said “I don’t know how to use this.”
She bowed her head and asked God to send her HELP.
Within 5 minutes a beat up old motorcycle pulled up. A bearded man who was wearing an old biker skull rag. The man got off of his cycle and asked if he could help.
She said: “Yes, my daughter is sick. I’ve locked my keys in my car. I must get home. Please, can you use this hanger to unlock my car?”
He said “Sure.”
He walked over to the car, and in less than a minute the car was open.
She hugged the man and through tears said “Thank You SO Much! You are a very nice man.”
The man replied “Lady, I am NOT a nice man. I just got out of PRISON yesterday, I was in prison for car theft.”
The woman hugged the man again sobbing, “Oh, thank you God!
You even sent me a Professional!”
 
 
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???  “Elliot? You’re gonna name the kid Elliot? No, you can’t name the kid Elliot. Elliot is a fat kid with glasses who eats paste. You’re not gonna name the kid Elliot. You gotta give him a real name. Give him a name. Like Nick. Nick’s a real name. Nick’s your buddy. Nick’s the kind of guy you can trust, the kind of guy you can drink a beer with, the kind of guy who doesn’t mind if you puke in his car. Nick!”
 
Answer: The Sure Thing! This quote comes from the scene where Gib (Cusack) and Allison (Daphne Zuniga) have been given a ride by an older woman who takes pity on them because she believes that Allison is pregnant. The woman asks Allison what names she has picked out. The quote is Gib’s response to the choice of Elliot for the boy’s name. 
 
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? “The blood from your whole body goes to your head… it stops there… never comes down. But soon, it will come out of your nose, your ears, and even your eyes… and then… you will die…painfully…”
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
One afternoon, a retired air force pilot and his family were driving through Texas on a vacation. They pass a road sign. One of the children remarks on the fact that the sign is named after a dance style.
After about five minutes, they pass another sign, which reads, “Golf Road”. As soon as they pass it, the man turns to his wife and says he knows what the next sign will say, and that he’ll bet her twenty dollars that he’s right. She agrees, and they drive on. After passing the next road sign, the wife finds that her husband is right, and hands him twenty dollars.
What did the last sign say and how did the man know?
ANSWER: The key was that he was a retired air force pilot. The military, and other organizations, use words to represent letters when talking via radio, etc, to avoid confusion of the many similar sounding letters. The international standard for this is the NATO alphabet:
 
Alpha Bravo Charlie Delta Echo Foxtrot Golf Hotel India Juliet Kilo Lima Mike November Oscar Papa Quebec Romeo Sierra Tango Uniform Victor Whiskey Xray Yankee Zulu 
 
The one for F is Foxtrot, which is a style of ballroom dancing or a well known comic strip in the USA. Golf is for G. The one for H is hotel, so, seeing the pattern of Foxtrot and Golf, he correctly guessed Hotel Road.  
 
Monday’s Quizzler is………. 
What has rivers but no water, cities but no buildings, forests but no trees, deserts but no sand, and mountains but no rocks?
 
 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,

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