Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

931176_473375372749907_642154927_nWELCOME to Thursday July 4, 2013.  When Insults Had Class..
These are just too, too funny and admirable in a day when everyone is text messaging in obscure codes and discounting the value of a well-turned phrase!!! ENJOY!
These glorious insults are from an era before the English language became boiled down to 4-letter words.
A member of Parliament to Disraeli: “Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease.” “That depends, Sir,” said Disraeli, “whether I embrace your policies or your mistress.”
“He had delusions of adequacy.” – Walter Kerr
“He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.” – Winston Churchill
I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.” Clarence Darrow
“He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.” – William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)
“Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I’ll waste no time reading it.” – Moses Hadas
“I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.” Mark Twain
“He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends..” – Oscar Wilde
“I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend, if you have one.” – George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill.
“Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second … if there is one.” – Winston Churchill, in response.
“I feel so miserable without you; it’s almost like having you here.” -Stephen Bishop
“He is a self-made man and worships his creator.” – John Bright
“I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.” -Irvin S. Cobb
“He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others.” -Samuel Johnson
“He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.” – Paul Keating (MY favorite, MJ)
“In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily.” – Charles, Count Talleyrand
“He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.” – Forrest Tucker
“Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?” – Mark Twain
“His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork..” – Mae West
“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.” – Oscar Wilde
“He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts… for support rather than illumination.” – Andrew Lang (1844-1912)
“He has Van Gogh’s ear for music.” – Billy Wilder
“I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it.” – Groucho
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful July 4th Thursday people, and whatever you do today, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
My cooking has always been the target of family jokes. One evening, as I prepared dinner a bit too quickly, the kitchen filled with smoke and the smoke detector went off.  Although both of my children had received fire-safety training at school, they did not respond to the alarm.  Annoyed, I stormed through the house in search of them.
 
I found them in the bathroom, washing their hands. 
 
Over the loud buzzing of the smoke alarm, I asked them to identify the sound.
 
It’s the smoke detector, they replied in unison.
 
“Do you know what that sound means?” I demanded.
 
Sure, my oldest replied. “Dinner’s ready”.
 
 
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “Freddy, as a younger man, I was a sculptor, a painter, and a musician. There was just one problem: I wasn’t very good. As a matter of fact, I was dreadful. I finally came to the frustrating conclusion that I had taste and style, but not talent. I knew my limitations. We all have our limitations, Freddy. Fortunately, I discovered that taste and style were commodities that people desired. Freddy, what I am saying is: know your limitations. You are a moron.” 
 
Answer: Dirty Rotten Scoundrels! This quote takes place in the scene where Lawrence (Michael Caine) is trying to teach Freddy (Steve Martin) the subtle ways of seducing women for the purpose of conning them out of their money. 
 
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? “Do you not know that King Kong the first was just three foot six inches tall? He only came up to Faye Wray’s belly button! If God could do the tricks that we can do he’d be a happy man!”
 
 
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
I’m as plain to see as black & white.
I prefer to roam about at night.
Just don’t attack or startle me,
Or odiferous emissions may result, you see.
I’m an omnivore, yes it’s true.
But what’s my name? Tell me, do.
 
ANSWER:  Yes, I’m a skunk, it’s plain to see.
Just black and white, yes that’s me.
Attack or startle me, and you’ll know
How far my stink can really go.
Plants & bugs I eat all sorts.
Just stay clear of me and my cohorts. 
 
Thursday’s Quizzler is………. 
Each of the following clues describes two words. One of the words is a type of fruit. The other word is that fruit with one of the following changes: a letter added anywhere (apple applet), a letter deleted anywhere (orange range), or a letter changed anywhere (cheery cherry). There is no rearrangement of the other letters. No fruit is used more than once.
 
1) This is a devilish fruit.
2) This is a crippled fruit.
3) This is a happy fruit.
4) This is a criminal fruit.
5) This is a large fruit.
6) This is a tardy fruit.
7) This is a sullen fruit.
8) This is an up-to-date fruit.
9) This is a handkerchief worn by a fruit.
10) This is a popular dance among fruit.
11) This is a complaint by a fruit.
12) This is a weapon used by a fruit.
 
 
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS AND MS. KIM HILLYARD! SUPER INCREDIBLE SOLVING JOB LADIES! EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji 
 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,

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