Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Wednesday July 31, 2013.  

 
Honest HR Questions & their Answers
If we were to Honestly reply to all the HR Questions they would go something like this (wondering what d reaction of d Interviewer wud b!):
1. Why did you apply for this job?
A: I have applied for many jobs along with this and you called me now…
2. Why do you want to work for this company?
A: I have to work for some company who ever gives me a job, I don’t have any specific company in mind …
3. Why should I hire you?
A: You anyways have to hire some one, you may give me a try …
4. What would you do if we hire you?
A: Well, it depends on my mindset but I will try to work on whatever is allotted to me …
5. What is your biggest strength?
A: Basically, daring to join any company who pays me well, without thinking of the fate of company…
6. What is your biggest weakness?
A: Girls (I like dis one!)…
7. What was your worst mistake, and how did you learn from it?
A: Joining my earlier company and learn that I need to jump to get more money, so I am here today! …
8. What accomplishments in your last position are you most proud of?
A: Had I accomplished any in my last position, why do I need to change my job? I could demand more and stay there…
9. Describe a challenge you faced and how you overcame it?
A: Biggest challenge is answering the question “why are you looking for a change” and I started blabbering irrelevantly to overcome that…
10. Why did you leave/ are you leaving your last job?
A: For the same reason why you left your earlier job… More money!…
11. What do you want from this job?
A: Even if no work is given, keep giving good hikes …
12. What are your career goals and how do you plan to achieve them?
A: Make more money and for that, keep jumping companies for every 2 yrs…
13. Did you hear of our company and what do you know of us?
A: Yeah, I know that you will ask this, I’ve gone through your website …
14. What is the salary expected and how do u justify that?
A: Well, no one will change job for the same salary, hence, give me 20% extra than what I am getting and that is unpublished industry standard (I know you will bargain on what ever I ask, hence, I have already hiked my current salary by 30% !!!!)
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people, and whatever you do today, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
“There is a big movie opening today – ‘Wolverine.’ In the new movie, Wolverine goes to Japan. Over in Japan, they don’t call him Wolverine, of course. They call him ‘Big Fuzzy-Head Man.'” -Craig Ferguson
“In a speech about the economy, President Obama said we’ve all been distracted by phony scandals. Its time we started getting distracted by the phony recovery.” -Jay Leno
“A new study found that kids have better relationships with their parents if they are friends with them on Facebook. That’s good because if you’re a kid who’s friends with your parents on Facebook, chances are you’re not really friends with anyone else.” -Jimmy Fallon
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
Curious when I found two black-and-white negatives in a drawer, I had them made into prints. I was pleasantly surprised to see that they were of a younger, slimmer me, taken on one of my first dates with my husband.
When I showed him the photos, his face lit up. “Wow, look at that!” he said with appreciation. “It’s my old Plymouth!”
 
 
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “Few people understand the psychology of dealing with a highway traffic cop. A normal speeder will panic and immediately pull over to the side. This is wrong. It arouses contempt in the cop heart. Make the guy chase you. He will follow. But he won’t know what to make of your blinker signal that says you are about to turn right. This is to let him know you’re pulling off for a proper place to talk. It will take him a moment to realize that he’s about to make a 180 degree turn at speed, but you will be ready for it. Brace for the Gs, and fast heel-toe work.”
 
Answer: Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas! This quote by Raoul Duke (Johnny Depp) is observational, not made to anyone in particular. It is an example of Gonzo Journalism, made popular by Hunter S. Thompson, where the narrator of the story is also the primary character. To have a better understanding of this I recommend that you read the book “Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas”  
 
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? “I don’t know what’s scarier, losing nuclear weapons, or that it happens so often there’s actually a term for it.”
 
 
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
A rich old lady died and left all her money to her grandchildren and her children. At the end of the will she stated that she had one last thing to give away: her precious diamond. She gave a clue to where it might be. She said “it’s in a cylinder surrounded by a thousand squares.” One grandchild said, “I know where it is,” and found it. Where was it? 
 
ANSWER: In a roll of toilet paper!
 
 
Wednesday’s Quizzler is………. 
In a box you have 13 white marbles and 15 black marbles. You also have 28 black marbles outside the box. Remove two marbles, randomly, from the box. If they are of different colors, put the white one back in the box. If they are the same color, take them out and put a black marble back in the box. Continue this until only one marble remains in the box. What color is the last marble?

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com, 

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Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Tuesday July 30, 2013.  Men Are Just Happier People….. 

What do you expect from such simple creatures?
Your last name stays unchanged.
People never stare at your chest when you’re talking to them.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be President.
You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urina’ing Place.
You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress = $5000. Wedding Dress Rental for U = $100.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
The same hair style lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can “do” your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
No wonder men are happier. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people, and whatever you do today, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
“The royal baby is set to inherit $1 billion. In fact, he’s so rich that he’s already dating a girl half his age.” -Conan O’Brien
“A tourist came up to me today and she says, ‘I watch your show on and off.’ And I said, ‘How do you like it?’ And she said, ‘Off.'” -Dave Letterman
“Taco Bell announced that it will discontinue its line of kids’ meals because of low sales. You know your food’s bad when even little kids say, ‘I’m not putting that in my mouth.'” -Jimmy Fallon
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
 A preacher of the old school was describing the events of Judgment Day and, of course, he used Biblical phraseology whenever he could.
“Oh, my friends,” he intoned, “imagine the suffering of the sinners as they find themselves cast into the outer darkness, removed from the presence of the Lord and given to eternal flames. My friends, at such a time there will be weeping, wailing and a great gnashing of teeth!”
At this point, one of the elders of the congregation interrupted to say, “But Reverend, what if one of those hopeless sinners has no teeth?”
The preacher crashed his fist on the pulpit, “My friends, the Lord is not put out by details. Rest assured… teeth will be provided!”
 
 
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???  “I’m standing up here before you today…with a very troubled heart. You see, my friends…you see, my friends…I’ve always insisted on…taking responsibility for your lives. But, I’m really…like a first-time parent…who makes mistakes…and tries to learn from them. And like that parent…I find myself at that moment when I have to decide. Do I hold on…or do I trust you to yourselves? Let go and hope that you’ve understood…at least some of my lessons. If we don’t start trusting our children…how will they ever become trustworthy?”
 
Answer:  Footloose! This quote takes place as Reverend Moore speaks to his congregation about ignoring the law that forbids dancing in Beaumont and allowing the senior class of the High School to celebrate their graduation with a Senior Dance on a property across the county line. 
 
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? “Few people understand the psychology of dealing with a highway traffic cop. A normal speeder will panic and immediately pull over to the side. This is wrong. It arouses contempt in the cop heart. Make the guy chase you. He will follow. But he won’t know what to make of your blinker signal that says you are about to turn right. This is to let him know you’re pulling off for a proper place to talk. It will take him a moment to realize that he’s about to make a 180 degree turn at speed, but you will be ready for it. Brace for the Gs, and fast heel-toe work.”
 
 
Monday’s Quizzler is……….
What do each of the following words have in common?
 
brandy, pirated, swingers, tramps, grangers
 
ANSWER:  Each of the words can be reduced, one letter at a time, to form new words. Each time you remove either a first or a last letter and be left with a new word. The answers are sometimes different depending on which letter you drop.
 
brandy, brand, bran, ran, an, a
pirated, pirate, irate, rate, ate, at, a
swingers, swinger, swinge, swing, wing, win, in, I
tramps, ramps, ramp, ram, am, a
grangers, rangers, ranger, range, rang, ran, an, a
 
 
Tuesday’s Quizzler is………. 
A rich old lady died and left all her money to her grandchildren and her children. At the end of the will she stated that she had one last thing to give away: her precious diamond. She gave a clue to where it might be. She said “it’s in a cylinder surrounded by a thousand squares.” One grandchild said, “I know where it is,” and found it. Where was it?

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com, 

Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

tl-horizontal_mainWELCOME to Monday July 29, 2013.  Boss to English Translation….. 

Boss-to-English Translator: What your boss says and what he really means
Do you ever feel a trip to your boss’s office is like a trip to a foreign country? Nice view, but no speaka dee English? In order to ensure that none of the buck passing, put- downing, or one- upping is lost in translation, make sure to bring along this cheat sheet so you know what the big enchilada is really trying to say.
“Great job on the report!”
Translation: “I’m taking credit for your work.”
“I have to attend an off-site meeting.”
Translation: “I’m having an affair.”
“Let me give you some broadstroke ideas and you can fill in the rest.”
Translation: “I still haven’t learned how to create an Excel document.”
“Headquarters has assured me we will not be affected by the merger.”
Translation: “You are going to be fired.”
“I’m not sure if what you are suggesting is in alignment with our core competencies.”
Translation: “What exactly do we do again?”
“This office is a family and my door is always open if you ever need to powwow with Papa Bear.”
Translation: “I am a tool.”
“I’ll be out of the office for a couple hours with senior management, but you can reach me on my mobile.”
Translation: “I’m playing golf.”
“I’ll be off-site and unreachable for the rest of the afternoon.”
Translation: “I’m playing golf and I expect to be very, very drunk.”
“I think we should order in some lunch for the team.”
Translation: “None of you are getting a raise. Enjoy your pizza.”
“I don’t want to have to micromanage this whole operation!”
Translation: “I’m the boss because I made good business contacts at my Ivy League university; I don’t know how to actually do things.”
“This came down from up top.”
Translation: “I have no real power.”
“I can’t give you an answer at this moment. Let me survey the situation and see what we can leverage out of it.”
Translation: “Oh God, I wish I was still in sales!”
“It’s good to see you take such bold initiative!”
Translation: “You are a threat to me. You will be fired the next time we so much as run out of coffee.”
“I’ll think about it.”
Translation: “I’ll tell you no in an e-mail, long after I’ve left the office.”
“Did you finish those projections I asked you about on Friday?”
Translation: “I completely forgot to ask you about the projections on Friday, and I’m hoping your memory is even worse than mine.”
“This is a very sensitive issue.”
Translation: “I may need you to shred some documents.”
“Let’s push the boundaries on this one. We need something really innovative! Throw out the conventions, I want something edgy!”
Translation: “Present only safe, traditional ideas to me. I wouldn’t know what to do with innovation if my life depended on it.”
“We’re going to be pulling some long hours and I’ll be right here with the rest of you.”
Translation: “My home life is miserable.”
“I hate to be the bearer of bad news.”
Translation: “Disappointing you is the only pleasure I have left in my dead-end, crappy job.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people, and whatever you do today, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
Talent is a flame. Genius is a fire.
Bernard Williams
Love is the silent saying and saying of a single name.
Mignon McLaughlin
Photograph: a picture painted by the sun without instruction in art.
Ambrose Bierce
Nature, like man, sometimes weeps from gladness.
Benjamin Disraeli
If your parents didn’t have any children, there’s a good chance that you won’t have any.
Clarence Day
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
A new supermarket opened in Orlando, Florida. It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.
When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and you experience the scent of fresh mown hay.
In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal grilled steaks with onions.
When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle, and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.
The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh baked bread and cookies.
I don’t buy toilet paper there any more.
 
 
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???  “The Internet is a communication tool used the world over, where people can come together to criticize movies and share pornography with one another.”
 
Answer: Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back! This quote by Holden (Ben Affleck) is directed to Jay and Silent Bob (Jason Mewes and Kevin Smith) as he explains the function of the internet for providing particular web sites and a forum to express personal opinions about particular topics. 
 
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? “I’m standing up here before you today…with a very troubled heart. You see, my friends…you see, my friends…I’ve always insisted on…taking responsibility for your lives. But, I’m really…like a first-time parent…who makes mistakes…and tries to learn from them. And like that parent…I find myself at that moment when I have to decide. Do I hold on…or do I trust you to yourselves? Let go and hope that you’ve understood…at least some of my lessons. If we don’t start trusting our children…how will they ever become trustworthy?”
 
 
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
What is this phrase?
 
19 1 6 5 20 25 
 
ANSWER: Safety in numbers.
 
(A=1, B=2, etc.) The numbers spell SAFETY
 
 
Monday’s Quizzler is………. 
What do each of the following words have in common?
 
brandy, pirated, swingers, tramps, grangers

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com, 

 

Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Friday July 26, 2013.   

A Hilarious Mail from a frustrated victim of chain mails
I wanted to thank all my friends and family who have forwarded chain letters to me in 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008, 2009, 2010, 2011 and 2012 and continuing it in 2013 also…….
Because of your kindness:
* I stopped drinking Coca Cola after I found out that it’s good for removing toilet stains.
* I stopped going to the movies for fear of sitting on a needle infected with AIDS.
* Forwarded hundreds of mails but still waiting for FREE DESKTOP, LAPTOP, CAMERA, CELLPHONE etc…..
* I smell like a wet dog since I stopped using deodorants because they cause cancer…
* I don’t leave my car in the parking lot or any other place and sometimes I even have to walk about 7 blocks for fear that someone will drug me with a perfume sample and try to rob me.
* I also stopped answering the phone for fear that they may ask me to dial a stupid number and then I get a phone bill with calls to Uganda, Pakistan, Singapore and Tokyo…
* I also stopped drinking anything out of a Can for fear that I will get sick from the rat faeces and urine.
* I also donated all my savings to the Amy Bruce account. A sick girl that was about to die in the hospital about 7,000 times…. (Poor girl! she’s been 7 since 1993…)
* Still open to help somebody from Nigeria who wants to use my account to transfer his uncle’s property of $ 100 million and the FBI who wants to approve the deal but needs $5,000 dollars to get the job done. So much trustworthy.
* I have forwarded 35 emails to 400 people hoping that Ericsson or Nokia will send me latest mobile phones but those models are also obsolete now.
NOW IMPORTANT NOTE :
If you do not send this e-mail to at least 11,246 people in the next 10 seconds, a bird will Pee on your head today at 6:30pm.
Nothing has happened till now………………….. but who knows. So please forward.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great weekend people, and whatever you do today, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
“According to a new study, lying gets easier over time. People get better at lying the more they do it. See, that’s why you have to have term limits.” -Jay Leno
“The royal baby has been born. The royal baby was officially welcomed with a 62-gun salute. Because if there’s one thing babies love, it’s the sound of repeated artillery fire.” -Conan O’Brien
“A new report says that Audis are more likely to be driven by men who cheat on their wives. While their wives are more likely to wind up with that Audi.” -Jimmy Fallon
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
My wife was in her gynecologist’s busy waiting room when a cell phone rang. A woman answered it, and for the next few minutes, she explained to her caller in intimate detail her symptoms and what she suspected might be wrong.
Suddenly the conversation shifted, and the woman said, “Him? I’m finished with him.” Then she added, “Can we talk about this later? It’s rather personal, and I’m in a room full of people.”
 
 
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???  “You see, drinking is a matter of algebraic ratio. How drunk you get is caused by the amount of alcohol you consume in relation to your total body weight. You see my point? It’s not that you had too much to drink. You’re just too skinny.”
 
Answer: Splash! This quote by Freddie (John Candy) takes place in a bar that he has taken his depressed brother Alan (Tom Hanks) to, to forget about his
fiancee leaving him. 
 
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? “The Internet is a communication tool used the world over, where people can come together to criticize movies and share pornography with one another.” 
 
 
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
A potato’s key tool, I have all the power.
I am generally used on the half or full hour.
If my cells were deceased or lost or the such,
My partner would only respond to your touch.
 
What am I? 
 
ANSWER: A television remote control.
 
Often used by a “couch potato”.
Channels are most often changed between programs, which end on the hour or half-hour.
If you lose the batteries, the only way to control the TV is by hand.  
 
 
Friday’s Quizzler is………. 
What is this phrase?
 
19 1 6 5 20 25

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Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Thursday July 25, 2013. Things you wouldn’t know without Movies…  


It is always possible to park directly outside any building you are visiting.
A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.
Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization.
It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts – your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.
No one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock.
Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.
You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.
Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds, unless it’s the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.
An electric fence, powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will cause no lasting damage to an eight-year-old child.
Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment you turn the television on.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Thursday people, and whatever you do today, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
Create around one at least a small circle where matters are arranged as one wants them to be.
Anna Freud
The love of family and the admiration of friends is much more important than wealth and privilege.
Charles Kuralt
To be interested solely in technique would be a very superficial thing to me.
Andrew Wyeth
Every kid has a bug period… I never grew out of mine.
E. O. Wilson
I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it.
Groucho Marx
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
During a bank robbery the police chief told the sergeant to cover all exits so the robbers could not get away.
Later the sergeant reports to the chief. “Sorry Sir, but they got away.”
The chief very angry says, “I told you to cover all of the exits!”
“I did,” replied the sergeant, “but they got away through the entrance.”
 
 
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “Crude? No, sir. Our “founding parents” were pompous, white, middle-aged farmers, but they were also great men. Because they knew one thing that all great men should know: that they didn’t know everything. Sure, they’d make mistakes, but they made sure to leave a way to correct them. The president is not an “elected king”, no matter how many bombs he can drop. Because the “crude” Constitution doesn’t trust him. He’s just a bum, okay Mr. Pitkannan? He’s just a bum.”
 
Answer: With Honors! This quote comes from the scene in the classroom at Harvard where Simon (Joe Pesci) answers Professor Pitkannen’s (Gore Vidal) question as to the genius of the U.S.Constitution. 
 
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? “You see, drinking is a matter of algebraic ratio. How drunk you get is caused by the amount of alcohol you consume in relation to your total body weight. You see my point? It’s not that you had too much to drink. You’re just too skinny.”
 
 
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
 Can you take the numbers 23, 23, 23, and 23, and make the total equal 24 using basic arithmetic signs (*, /, +, -)? Each number may only be used once, and every number must be used.
For example, if given 2, 2, 4, and 6, the answer would be
6/2 = 3
3*2 = 6
6*4 = 24
2, 2, 4, and 6 were all used once.
 
ANSWER:  For 23, 23, 23, and 23, the answer is
 
23*23 = 529
529+23 = 552
552/23 = 24
 
Thursday’s Quizzler is………. 
A potato’s key tool, I have all the power.
I am generally used on the half or full hour.
If my cells were deceased or lost or the such,
My partner would only respond to your touch.
 
What am I?

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com, 

Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

download (30)WELCOME to Wednesday July 24, 2013.  The definition of an Idiot….. 

1. A few crumbs short of a crouton.
2. A few clowns short of a circus.
3. A few fries short of a Happy Meal.
4. An experiment in Artificial Stupidity.
5. A few beers short of a six-pack.
6. A few peas short of a casserole.
7. The wheel’s spinning, but the hamster’s dead.
8. One Fruit Loop shy of a full bowl.
9. One taco short of a combination plate.
10. A few feathers short of a whole duck.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people, and whatever you do today, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
“Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any one thing.”
– Abraham Lincoln
“Arguments are to be avoided; they are always vulgar and often convincing.”
– Oscar Wilde
“To wear your heart on your sleeve isn’t a very good plan; you should wear it inside, where it functions best.” – Margaret Thatcher
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
The teacher in an adult Sabbath class asked a woman to read about the Israelites wandering in the desert.
“The Lord heard you when you wailed, ‘If only we had meat to eat!'” she began. “Now the Lord will give you meat. You will not eat it for just one day, or two days, or five, or ten or twenty days, but for a month – until you loathe it.”
When the woman finished she paused, looked up and said, “Hey, isn’t that the Atkins diet?”
 
 
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “Koufax is a good egg, he was nice to that kid. But he fights like a girl. You like that? I’m right here Miss, what are you gonna do about it? Hahaha.”
 
Answer: Big Daddy! This quote takes place in the courtroom as Herlihy (Lyndeck) is obviously drunk on the witness stand, when Sonny (Adam Sandler) tries to gain custody of Julian.
 
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? “Crude? No, sir. Our “founding parents” were pompous, white, middle-aged farmers, but they were also great men. Because they knew one thing that all great men should know: that they didn’t know everything. Sure, they’d make mistakes, but they made sure to leave a way to correct them. The president is not an “elected king”, no matter how many bombs he can drop. Because the “crude” Constitution doesn’t trust him. He’s just a bum, okay Mr. Pitkannan? He’s just a bum.”
 
 
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
What is this?

Andrew Cross was a wonderful employee.
He had a high attendance rate.
He was an honest and conscientious worker.
Highly recommended.

 
ANSWER: A cross reference!
 
Wednesday’s Quizzler is………. 
Can you take the numbers 23, 23, 23, and 23, and make the total equal 24 using basic arithmetic signs (*, /, +, -)? Each number may only be used once, and every number must be used.
For example, if given 2, 2, 4, and 6, the answer would be
6/2 = 3
3*2 = 6
6*4 = 24
2, 2, 4, and 6 were all used once.

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com, 

 

Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

Funny---Hasta-la-vista-baby

WELCOME to Tuesday July 23, 2013. My pondering old thoughts….  

As I was lying around, pondering the problems of the world, I realized that at my age I don’t really give a rat’s A*s anymore.
.. If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.
.. A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water, but is still fat.
.. A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years, while
.. A tortoise doesn’t run and does mostly nothing, yet it lives for 150 years.
And you tell me to exercise?? I don’t think so.
Just grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked, the good fortune to remember the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.
Now that I’m older here’s what I’ve discovered:
1. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
2. My wild oats are mostly enjoyed with prunes and all-bran.
3. I finally got my head together, and now my body is falling apart.
4. Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.
5. Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.
6. If all is not lost, then where the heck is it ?
7. It was a whole lot easier to get older, than to get wiser.
8. Some days, you’re the top dog, some days you’re the hydrant.
9. I wish the buck really did stop here, I sure could use a few of them.
10. Kids in the back seat cause accidents.
11. Accidents in the back seat cause kids.
12. It’s hard to make a comeback when you haven’t been anywhere.
13. The world only beats a path to your door when you’re in the bathroom.
14. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he’d have put them on my knees.
15. When I’m finally holding all the right cards, everyone wants to play chess.
16. It’s not hard to meet expenses . . .they’re everywhere.
17. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
18. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter . . .I go somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I’m “here after”.
19. Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.
20. HAVE I SENT THIS MESSAGE TO YOU BEFORE……….?
Care to join me for a night cap as I don’t know if I need a nap
OR
to sleepwalk in my thoughts
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people, and whatever you do today, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
“It’s illegal in baseball to use performance-enhancing drugs, but I watched the All-Star Game. Every commercial was for Viagra. During the game my son said, ‘Dad, did he say ‘reptile dysfunction?’ And I said, ‘Yeah, he did. They’re talking about malfunctioning reptiles.'”
-Dave Letterman
“A Utah senator proposed a bill that would no longer require kids to go to school. But then someone noticed that the senator was just three boys in a trench coat standing on top of each other’s shoulders.” -Conan O’Brien
“President Obama told a group of school children that broccoli is his favorite food. You know, it’s one thing to lie to the voters, but when you’re lying to kids, come on.” -Jay Leno
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
Dad is from the old school, where you keep your money under the mattress–only he kept his in the underwear drawer. One day I bought my dad an unusual personal safe, a can of spray paint with a false bottom so he could keep his money in the workshop. Later I asked Mom if he was using it.
 
“Oh, yes,” she replied, “he put his money in it the same day.”
 
“No burglar would think to look on the work shelf!” I gloated.
 
“They won’t have to,” my mom replied. “He keeps the paint can in his underwear drawer.”
 
 
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???  “Insane asylums are filled with people who think they’re Jesus or Satan. Very few have delusions of being a guy down the block who works for an insurance company.”
 
Answer:Confessions of a Dangerous Mind! This quote takes place in the scene where Patricia (Julia Roberts) discusses Chuck’s (Sam Rockwell) fear and paranoia of losing his mind.  
 
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? “Koufax is a good egg, he was nice to that kid. But he fights like a girl. You like that? I’m right here Miss, what are you gonna do about it? Hahaha.”
 
 
Monday’s Quizzler is……….
Using a combination of letters and/or numbers to sound out the answers, can you solve the clues? (The first one is free)
1. Not difficult – EZ (Easy)
2. Unoccupied
3. To do better than others
4. Defeated
5. A number (use only letters for this one)
6. A sport
7. Freezing
 
ANSWER: 2. MT (Empty) 3. XL (Excel)  4. B10 (Beaten)  5. AT (Eighty)
6. 10S (Tennis) 7. IC (Icy)
 
Tuesday’s Quizzler is………. 
What is this?

Andrew Cross was a wonderful employee.
He had a high attendance rate.
He was an honest and conscientious worker.
Highly recommended.

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,