Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

driveway-was-fullWELCOME to Wednesday June 19, 2013.   Appraisal Vs Resignation….

A newly joined trainee asks his boss “what is the meaning of appraisal?”
Boss: “Do you know the meaning of resignation?”
Trainee: “Yes I do”
Boss: “So let me make you understand what a appraisal is by comparing it with resignation”
Comparison study: Appraisal and Resignation Appraisal
In appraisal meeting they will speak only about your weakness, errors and failures.
In resignation meeting they will speak only about your strengths, past achievements and success.
In appraisal you may need to cry and beg for even 10% hike.
In resignation you can easily demand (or get even without asking) more than 50-60% hike.
During appraisal, they will deny promotion saying you didn’t meet the expectation, you don’t have leadership qualities, and you had several drawbacks in our objective/goal.
During resignation, they will say you are the core member of team; you are the vision of the company how can you go, you have to take the project in shoulder and lead your juniors to success.
There is 90% chance for not getting any significant incentives after appraisal.
There is 90% chance of getting immediate hike after you put the resignation.
Trainee: “Yes boss enough, now I understood my future. For an appraisal I will have to resign..!!
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people, and whatever you do today, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY 
“A 97-year-old man from New York just received his high school diploma. Turns out there’s a problem. Apparently he’s only reading at a 95-year-old level.” -Jay Leno
“A big movie is opening today ‘Man of Steel.’ Superman is played by Henry Cavil. As far as I’m concerned, Christopher Reeve will always be the best Superman. Just like Sean Connery will always be the best James Bond. I’d love to see Superman played by Sean Connery. He could just shave an ‘S’ into his chest hair.” -Craig Ferguson
“A company in Britain has created a car that can be powered by human waste. It’s cool, but it gets a little uncomfortable when your buddy asks you to ‘chip in’ for gas.” -Jimmy Fallon
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
 A customer called our service line demanding help with her TV set, which wouldn’t come on. 
“I’m sorry, but we can’t send a technician out today due to the blizzard,” I told her.
Unsatisfied, she barked, “I need my TV fixed today! What else am I supposed to do while the power is out?!”
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???   “So I ask you, when someone goes into that chapel and they fall on their knees and they pray to God that their wife doesn’t miscarry or that their daughter doesn’t bleed to death or that their mother doesn’t suffer acute neural trauma from post-operative shock, who do you think they’re praying to? Now, go ahead and read your Bible, Dennis, and you go to your church and, with any luck, you might win the annual raffle. But if you’re looking for God, he was in operating room number two on November 17, and he doesn’t like to be second guessed. You ask me if I have a God complex. Let me tell you something: I am God.”
 
 Answer: Malice! The scene for this quote takes place as Hill (Baldwin) is giving a deposition in a malpractice case where he he is accused of carelessness because of his God complex. 
 
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? “Nothing like a good piece of hickory.”
 
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
What loses its head every morning and gets it back at night?
ANSWER:A pillow.
 
Wednesday’s Quizzler is………. 
 
I still have 7 more things to put away and time is running out fast. Next I decide to put away the giant’s board games. 
 
The colors of the board games are blue, brown, green, orange, purple, red, and yellow.
 
1. Purple is somewhere to the left of green.
 
2. Red is next to blue.
 
3. Brown is 3 away from blue (2 between).
 
4. Yellow is 2 away from red.
 
5. Blue is in the middle.
 
6. Orange is directly between yellow and purple.
 
 
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. RENNA WILD FOR SOLVING TUESDAY’S QUIZZLER OF THE DAY! NICE WORK RENNA! EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji
 
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,

 

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Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

download (29)WELCOME to Tuesday June 18, 2013.  Parent’s Answering Machine… 

Good morning ….
At present we are not at home,
but please leave your message
after you hear the beep.
Beeeeeppp …
If you are one of our children, press 1
and then select the option from
1 to 5 in order of “arrival” so we know who it is.
If you need us to stay with the children, press 2
If you want to borrow the car, press 3
If you want us to wash your clothes and ironing, press 4
If you want the grandchildren to sleep here tonight, press 5
If you want us to pick up the kids at school, press 6
If you want us to prepare a meal for
Sunday or to have it delivered to your home, press 7
If you want to come to eat here, press 8
If you need money, press 9
If you are going to invite us to dinner, or taking us to the theater, start talking … We are listening !!!!!!!!!!!”
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people, and whatever you do today, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY 
“Father’s Day is on Sunday. The first Father’s Day was celebrated in 1910. Before that, there were no fathers.” -Jimmy Kimmel
“According to a new study, as much as 81 percent of people lie on online dating websites. Researchers said they were surprised by how many people actually hate long walks on the beach at sunset.” -Jay Leno
“Opening this weekend is ‘Man of Steel.’ The whole movie, if you go to see it � this is a spoiler alert � is Superman complaining about having to fly friends to the airport.” -David Letterman
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
Hygiene is in the eye of the beholder, I have decided. One lunchtime I watched the woman in the sandwich shop spreading mayonnaise on my bread, and noticed part of her grubby work shirt was dragging across it. “Excuse me,” I ventured, “your sleeve is in the mayo.”
 
“No problem,” she reassured me. “I need to wash it anyway.”  
 
 
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???  “Mister Hart, here is a dime. Take it, call your mother and tell her there is serious doubt about you ever becoming a lawyer.”
 
 Answer: The Paper Chase! This quote takes place in the scene where Kingfield (Houseman) humiliates Hart (Timothy Bottoms) in front of his law school classmates. 
 
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? “So I ask you, when someone goes into that chapel and they fall on their knees and they pray to God that their wife doesn’t miscarry or that their daughter doesn’t bleed to death or that their mother doesn’t suffer acute neural trauma from post-operative shock, who do you think they’re praying to? Now, go ahead and read your Bible, Dennis, and you go to your church and, with any luck, you might win the annual raffle. But if you’re looking for God, he was in operating room number two on November 17, and he doesn’t like to be second guessed. You ask me if I have a God complex. Let me tell you something: I am God.”
 
Monday’s Quizzler is……….
Determine the ones place value of the product of the first 1000 prime numbers. (What number would be in the ones position if you multiplied all of the first 1000 prime numbers together?)  
 
ANSWER:  ZERO. Any numbers multiplied by 2 and 5 (which are prime) result in a zero in the ones place.
 
Tuesday’s Quizzler is………. 
What loses its head every morning and gets it back at night?
 
 
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,

Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

kim-is-hungryWELCOME to Monday June 17, 2013.   

Yesterday was Fathers day and it was an incredible day for me not because of the 8,000 ties that I received or the card that said I was the “Boss for a Day”, but because of my family! As a father I realize that the most important thing for me is God and family! I have been blessed with two incredible sons and two incredible daughters. I’ve always told them that it’s their job to do better then me, they have to take it to the next level. My oldest son Cortney(Euclid Jr.), went to Jackson State, and is married to his wonderful wife Tenecia, who is expecting our first grand baby this year. I will be a happy grand pappy! My other son Justin graduated from Morehouse college in Atlanta and is now in Law school in Detroit. My daughter Chelsea graduated from FAM U in Florida and is now in Law school in Ft. Lauderdale and my other daughter Chauncey is just graduated from Spelman college in Atlanta. Now what more could a father ask for? As men we need to know that our line, our legacy will live on! We can’t have babies, but we can be the best fathers that we can be and raise our children right by giving them our time and our love!
Children are the very best presents a wife can give her husband and they are the best presents for my fathers day!  Now that’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Monday people, and whatever you do today, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY 
If you fell down yesterday, stand up today.
H. G. Wells
She gave me a smile I could feel in my hip pocket.
Raymond Chandler
The enemy of art is the absence of limitations.
Orson Welles
All water has a perfect memory and is forever trying to get back to where it was.
Toni Morrison
What do I know of man’s destiny? I could tell you more about radishes.
Samuel Beckett
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
 A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question.
 
The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window.
 
For a second everything went quiet in the cab, and then the driver said:
 
“Look mate, don’t ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!”
 
The passenger apologized and said, “I didn’t realize that a little tap would scare you so much.”
 
The driver replied, “Sorry, it’s not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver – I’ve been driving a van carrying dead Bodies for the last 25 years…….u can imagine what went into my mind when u touched my back!! 
 
 
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???  “Oh, that’s my little incentive program. These boys have to earn their do… their hair-do that is. Heh,Heh,Heh.”
 Answer: Major Payne! This quote comes from the scene where Payne (Wayans) explains to Ms. Walburn (Karyn Parsons) why he had the cadets shave their heads. 
 
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? “Mister Hart, here is a dime. Take it, call your mother and tell her there is serious doubt about you ever becoming a lawyer.”
 
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
 What expression is hidden here?
 
Happiness: Sprinting and shouting “Lalalalalala!”
Sadness: Jogging quickly and screaming “Woo yay woo yay”
Elation: Bounding along cackling “Heeeeheeeeheeee”
 
ANSWER: Emotions are running wild
 
Monday’s Quizzler is………. 
Determine the ones place value of the product of the first 1000 prime numbers. (What number would be in the ones position if you multiplied all of the first 1000 prime numbers together?)
 
 
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,

 

Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

531629_357619080978807_82083089_nWELCOME to Friday June 14, 2013.   Fallacious Forewarnings…. 

On Tesco’s Tiramisu dessert
(printed on bottom)
“Do not turn upside down.”
On Sainsbury’s peanuts —
“Warning: contains nuts.”
(talk about a newsflash)
On Boot’s childrens cough medicine
“Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication.”
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding
“Product will be hot after heating.”
On a Sears hairdryer
“Do not use while sleeping.”
On a bag of Doritos
“You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.”
On a bar of Dial soap
“Directions: Use like regular soap.”
On some Swanson frozen dinners
“Serving suggestion: Defrost.”
On packaging for a Rowenta iron
“Do not iron clothes on body.”
On Nytol Sleep Aid
“Warning: May cause drowsiness.”
On most brands of Christmas lights
“For indoor or outdoor use only.”
(What are other doors prohibited?)
On a Japanese food processor
“Not to be used for the other use.”
On an American Airlines packet of nuts
“Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts.”
On a child’s Superman costume
“Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.”
On a Swedish chainsaw
“Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.”
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Father Days weekend people, and whatever you do today, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!  
 
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY 
“More problems for the IRS. Isn’t that the feel-good story of the year? They wasted $50 million over a two-year period on conferences and retreats for employees. They even spent $11,000 on a happiness expert. I have an idea how to make them happier. How about stopping making everybody else’s life miserable? Start with that!” -Jay Leno
“This week, Apple introduced a new laptop that supposedly has an all-day battery. Here’s how it works, don’t turn on your laptop all day.” -Jimmy Fallon
“It has come out that the summer interns at Google make about $6,000 per month. The news was reported to me by the interns at this show.” -Conan O’Brien
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
 My father was completely lost in the kitchen and never ate unless someone prepared a meal for him. When Mother was ill, however, he volunteered to go to the supermarket for her. She sent him off with a carefully numbered list of seven items.
 
Dad returned shortly, very proud of himself, and proceeded to unpack the grocery bags. He had one bag of sugar, two dozen eggs, three hams, four boxes of detergent, five boxes of crackers, six eggplants, and seven green peppers.
 
 
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “Oh come off it, MAJOR. You put me right off my fresh fried lobster, do you realize that? I’m now going to go back to my bed, I’m going to put away the best part of a bottle of scotch… And under normal circumstances, you being normally what I would call a very attractive woman, I would have invited you back to share my little bed with me you might possibly have come. But you really put me off. I mean you… You’re what we call a regular army clown.”
 
Answer:  M*A*S*H! This quote comes from the scene where Hawkeye (Sutherland) responds to Hoolihan’s (Sally Kellerman) declaration that his informal manner is not conducive to good miltary surgery.  
 
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? “Oh, that’s my little incentive program. These boys have to earn their do… their hair-do that is. Heh,Heh,Heh.”
 
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
 I could be on the river or in the desert
I could be in the swamp or a sparkling city
I am rather rectangular and can make lots of noise
I have bright lights and pictures too
They bring their cups and buckets and feed me well
They want me all to themselves quite greedily
When finally I am full and can take no more
I am suddenly everyone’s new best friend
What am I? 
 
ANSWER:  I am a slot machine. In a casino, people carry their coins around in cups and buckets. True gamblers will feed the same machine for hours to hit the jackpot. When a slot machine is full or reaches its set level, it pays out. Everyone comes rushing over to see the machine paying the jackpot. Slot machines are usually shown or thought of having fruit in the window
 
Friday’s Quizzler is………. 
What expression is hidden here?
 
Happiness: Sprinting and shouting “Lalalalalala!”
Sadness: Jogging quickly and screaming “Woo yay woo yay”
Elation: Bounding along cackling “Heeeeheeeeheeee”
 
 
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,

 

Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

download (12)WELCOME to Thursday June 13, 2013.  Backhanded Comments…..  

 
When you hear these comments don’t assume their positive sound is all they intend to be. 
Backhanded comments really are a kicker.Emoji
 
“That dress is lovely; it does wonders for your figure.”
 
“You’re smarter than you look.”
 
“You drive very well, for a woman.”
 
“Your son is more handsome than I would have expected.”
 
“You are attractive, for your age.”
 
“You’re actually kinda cute now that I’ve gotten to know you.”
 
“You’re not as heavy as people think you are.” 
 
“I don’t care what anyone says about you, I think you are a fabulous person!”
 
“You’re so smart, for an American.” 
 
“You don’t sweat that much for a fat girl!”
 
“I’m amazed by the level of success readers have after following your advice.”
 
“Your plastic surgeon has such a delightful sense of humor!”
 
“Relax, sweetie… you were perfectly adequate.”
 
“You’re more of a “street smart” kind of guy.”
 
“You’re not the kind of girl guys date; you’re the kind of girl they marry.”
 
“You’re so evolved…for a man.” 
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Thursday people, and whatever you do today, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!  
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY 
The only source of knowledge is experience.
Albert Einstein
Experience: that most brutal of teachers. But you learn, my God do you learn.
C. S. Lewis
A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way.
Mark Twain
Experience is simply the name we give our mistakes.
Oscar Wilde
It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues.
Abraham Lincoln
We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.
Pierre Teilhard de Chardin
A mind that is stretched by a new experience can never go back to its old dimensions.
Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
No one believes seniors . . . everyone thinks they are senile. An elderly couple was celebrating their sixtieth anniversary. The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighborhood after they retired. Holding hands, they walked back to their old school. It was not locked, so they entered, and found the old desk they’d shared, where Andy had carved “I love you, Sally .”
 
On their way back home, a bag of money fell out of an armored car, practically landing at their feet. Sally quickly picked it up and, not sure what to do with it, they took it home. There, she counted the money-fifty thousand dollars! Andy said, “We’ve got to give it back.” Sally said, “Finders keepers.” She put the money back in the bag and hid it in their attic. 
 
The next day, two police officers were canvassing the neighborhood looking for the money, and knocked on their door. “Pardon me, did either of you find a bag that fell out of an armored car yesterday?” Sally said, “No”. Andy said, “She’s lying. She hid it up in the attic. Sally said, “Don’t believe him, he’s getting senile” 
 
The agents turned to Andy and began to question him. One said: “Tell us the story from the beginning.” Andy said, “Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday ….” The first police officer turned to his partner and said, “We’re outta here!” 
 
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???  “My father was a watch maker. He abandoned it when Einstein discovered time is relative. I would only agree that a symbolic clock is as nourishing to the intellect as photograph of oxygen to a drowning man.”
 
Answer:  Watchmen! This scene this quote takes place in demonstrates Osterman’s (Crudup) detachment from humanity.
 
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? “Oh come off it, MAJOR. You put me right off my fresh fried lobster, do you realize that? I’m now going to go back to my bed, I’m going to put away the best part of a bottle of scotch… And under normal circumstances, you being normally what I would call a very attractive woman, I would have invited you back to share my little bed with me you might possibly have come. But you really put me off. I mean you… You’re what we call a regular army clown.”
 
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
 What phrase is hidden here?
Genie’s Gift
Skydiving Elvis
 
ANSWER: Wish upon a falling star!
 
Genie’s Gift = A Wish
Skydiving (falling) Elvis (Star) 
 
Thursday’s Quizzler is………. 
I could be on the river or in the desert
I could be in the swamp or a sparkling city
I am rather rectangular and can make lots of noise
I have bright lights and pictures too
They bring their cups and buckets and feed me well
They want me all to themselves quite greedily
When finally I am full and can take no more
I am suddenly everyone’s new best friend
What am I?
 
 
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,

Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

not-today-grandmaWELCOME to Wednesday June 12, 2013.  Must Follow Rules of an Intelligent company!  

It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary.
 
If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
 
If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better,so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore do not need a raise.
 
If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore do not need a raise.
 
************
 
*Sick Days*
 
We will no longer accept a doctor’s statement as proof of sickness.
 
If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
 
************
 
*Personal Days*
 
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday and Sunday.
 
************
 
*Toilet Use*
 
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls.
 
At the end of the three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open and a picture will be taken.
 
After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the “Chronic Offenders category”.
 
Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company’s mental health policy!
 
You are allowed to use the rest room only thrice a day and you have to swipe in and out from the toilet doors also.
 
************
 
*Lunch Break*
 
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
 
Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
 
Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that’s all the time needed to drink a slim fast.
 
************
 
*Mails*
 
Don’t read junk and forwarded mails.
 
************
 
Thank you for your loyalty to our company.
 
We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments,concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.
  
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people, and whatever you do today, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!  
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY 
 
“Behold the turtle. He makes progress only when he sticks his neck out.” 
– James Bryant Conant 
 
“We are most alive when we’re in love.” 
– John Updike 
 
“It’s the friends you can call up at 4 a.m. that matter.” 
– Marlene Dietrich  
 
 
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
 A tough old who lived in the country counseled his grandson that if he wanted to live a long life. The secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gun powder on his oatmeal every morning.
 
The grandson did this religiously to the age of 103 when he died.
 
He left behind 14 children,30 grandchildren,45 great-grandchildren, 25 great-great-grandchildren and a 15 metre crater where the crematorium used to be. 
 
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???  “A pinch is a device which creates, like, a cardiac arrest for any broadband electrical circuitry. Better yet, a pinch is a bomb – now, but without the bomb. See, when a nuclear weapon detonates, it unleashes an electromagnetic pulse which shuts down any power source within its blast radius. Now that tends not to matter in most cases, because the nuclear weapon usually destroys anything you might need power for anyway. But see, a pinch creates a similar electromagnetic pulse, but without the fuss of mass destruction and death. So instead of Hiroshima, you’d be getting the seventeenth century.”
 
Answer: Ocean’s Eleven! This quote comes from the scene where Basher (Cheadle) explains how the “pinch” will knock out the electricity to the casino, to facilitate shutting down the alarm system to the safe.
 
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???”My father was a watch maker. He abandoned it when Einstein discovered time is relative. I would only agree that a symbolic clock is as nourishing to the intellect as photograph of oxygen to a drowning man.”
 
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
What is special about this letter arrangement?
 
umop
 
ANSWER: “umop” is “down” upside down!
 
The letters in the hint can be seen as these:
 
b = q
d = p
h = y
n = u
o = o
q = b
s = s
w = m
x = x 
 
Wednesday’s Quizzler is………. 
What phrase is hidden here?
 
Genie’s Gift
Skydiving Elvis
 
 
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,

 

Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

download (26)WELCOME to Tuesday June 11, 2013.  APHORISMS…..  
Aphorism. Pronounced: a-fu.ri-zum…(Axiom, Truism, Proverb, Saying, Maxim, Precept, Adage, Dictum, etc)
APHORISM:
[A SHORT, POINTED SENTENCE EXPRESSING A WISE OR CLEVER OBSERVATION OR A GENERAL TRUTH. ]
1. The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow.
2. Money will buy a fine dog, but only kindness will make him wag his tail.
3. If you don’t have a sense of humor, you probably don’t have any sense at all.
4. Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs.
5. A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you’re in deep water.
6. How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?
7. Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without.
8. Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else looks?
9. Scratch a cat and you will have a permanent job.
10. No one has more driving ambition than the teenage boy who wants to buy a car.
11. There are no new sins; the old ones just get more publicity.
12. There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 a.m. – like, it could be the right number.
13. No one ever says ‘It’s only a game.” when their team is winning.
14. I’ve reached the age where ‘happy hour’ is a nap..
15. Be careful about reading the fine print. There’s no way you’re going to like it.
16. The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket.
17. Do you realize that in about 40 years, we’ll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos? (And rap music will be the Golden Oldies !)
18. Money can’t buy happiness — but somehow it’s more comfortable to cry in a Cadillac than in a Subaru.
19. After 65, if you don’t wake up aching in every joint, you’re probably dead…
20. Always be yourself because the people that matter don’t mind and the ones that mind don’t matter.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people, and whatever you do today, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
QUOTES OF THE DAY 
“Pope Francis said that atheists are still eligible to go to heaven. To return the favor, atheists said Popes are still eligible to go into a void of nothingness.” -Conan O’Brien
“New York City always has something going on. And you know what it is right now? The bike-sharing program. You get on a bike, you ride it, and then a half hour later you pass it to somebody else. And if you’re lucky, you won’t need antibiotics.” -Dave Letterman
“Starbucks is now banning smoking within 25 feet of its stores. It will get even worse for smokers once they realize every Starbucks is about 25 feet from another Starbucks.” -Jimmy Fallon
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
 A worker in the reference department of the Library of Congress received a call asking the meaning of the phrase “without recourse.” He consulted a legal dictionary and furnished this definition, “Said of a signer of a document when he takes no responsibility for the face of the document.” 
 
“Thank you,” said the voice at the other end of the wire. “I have an autographed photograph of Coolidge. It’s signed, “Without recourse, Calvin Coolidge.” 
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???  “Men, you are about to embark on a great crusade to stamp out runaway decency in the west. Now you men will only be risking your lives, whilst I will be risking an almost certain Academy Award nomination for Best Supporting Actor.”
Answer: Blazing Saddles! This quote comes from the scene where Lamarr (Korman) is dispatching all of the outlaws to Rock Ridge to wipe out the town.  
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? “A pinch is a device which creates, like, a cardiac arrest for any broadband electrical circuitry. Better yet, a pinch is a bomb – now, but without the bomb. See, when a nuclear weapon detonates, it unleashes an electromagnetic pulse which shuts down any power source within its blast radius. Now that tends not to matter in most cases, because the nuclear weapon usually destroys anything you might need power for anyway. But see, a pinch creates a similar electromagnetic pulse, but without the fuss of mass destruction and death. So instead of Hiroshima, you’d be getting the seventeenth century.”
Monday’s Quizzler is……….
What popular TV show is represented below? 
 
MyForgottenChildhoodSweetheart.doc 
MyOldCollegeGirlfriend.exe 
MyDivorcedWife.bat 
ANSWER: “The X-Files.”  The Ex(Ex-wife, girlfriends etc)-Files (files of a computer).
Tuesday’s Quizzler is………. 
What is special about this letter arrangement?
 
umop
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,