It’s about time someone updated those commandments, so here are some suggestions…
Thou shall not stick anything larger than thine own elbow in thine ear
Thou shall not eat anything larger than thine own head
Thou shall not kill, unless thou has a good reason to do it
Thou shall have an ego smaller than that of Prince Charles
Thou shall not piss in the pool water
Thou shall not sign a contract of more than seven thousand pages
Thou shall not write a contract larger than seven thousand pages
Thou shall not fantasize about Bob the Builder
Thou shall not be Communist
Thou shall not set homework
Thou shall have a surname shorter than forty-six letters
Thou shall always believe in what thy say, unless thou is wrong
Thou shall not eat a Nintendo
Thou shall not eat a Playstation (Sega’s don’t matter)
Thou shall not be flexible enough to go through thine own legs twice, backwards, without breaking thy spine
Thou shall listen to an entire sentence before making some disgusting comment about it
Thou shall not like any show on Comedy Central, other than South Park and Dr. Katz
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people, and whatever you do today, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
QUOTES OF THE DAY
“A company in Japan has a new watch with a built-in breathalyzer that can tell you if you’re drunk. It would probably work better if the watch didn’t always list the time as ‘5 o’clock somewhere.'” -Jimmy Fallon
“The Consumer Protection Agency has recalled 96,000 Jeep Liberty baby strollers because there is a problem with the tires blowing out. How fat are our kids getting when they’re blowing out tires on their baby strollers?” -Jay Leno
“‘World War Z’ just came out. It took a long time to film. It had to undergo a couple of rounds of reshoots. In the original version, instead of zombies, it was cats. But that was too scary for everybody.” -Craig Ferguson
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
One friend complained to another, “All my husband and I do anymore is fight. I’ve been so upset, I’ve lost 20 pounds.”
“If it’s that bad, why don’t you just leave him?” asked the second friend.
“I’m seriously considering it, but I’d like to lose another 15 pounds first.”
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “He’s watching him die, we’re talking to the wrong guy.”
Answer: “Hostage” is yet another great Bruce Willis movie. It’s the story of a burned out hostage negotiator Jeff Talley, who is to take on the job of negotiator again, when three teenagers decide to steal a car and break into an extremely large and well fortified property.
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???
“You know if you’re gonna ask someone to save the world, you’d better make sure they like it the way it is.”
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
Change MILE to INCH by changing one letter at a time. Each change must produce a valid word in the English language. But there is a catch. You must make the change by going through YARD and FOOT. No word can be used more than once.
MILE —-> YARD —-> FOOT —-> INCH
ANSWER: MILE <
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
What’s the rebus, here:
J, ____ & Titanic
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com. https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,