Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

153B518C7F968E0B3164D8C265B71_h316_w628_m5_cEeOjRdaoWELCOME to Tuesday June 25, 2013.  Corporate Stupidity………

“As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday, and employees will receive their cards in two weeks.”
(Microsoft Corp. in Redmond WA)
“What I need is an exact list of specific unknown problems we might encounter.”
(Lykes Lines Shipping)
“E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business.”
(Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company)
“This project is so important we can’t let things that are more important interfere with it.”
(Advertising/Marketing manager, United Parcel Service)
“Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule.”
(Plant Manager, Delco Corporation)
“No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We’ve been working on it for months. Now go act busy for a few weeks and I’ll let you know when it’s time to tell them.”
(R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/3M Corp.)
Quote from the Boss: “Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say.”
(Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)
My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday. When I told my Boss, he said she died on purpose so that I would have to miss work on the busiest day of the year. He then asked if we could change her burial to Friday. He said, “That would be better for me.”
(Shipping executive, FTD Florists)
“We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees.”
(Switching supervisor, AT&T Long Lines Division)
Never ruin a good system with reason or logic..
(the office staff)
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people, and whatever you do today, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY 
“A survey found that 61 percent of people are more afraid of outliving their money than dying. The other 39 percent have already outlived their money and have faked their own death to avoid creditors.” -Jay Leno
“NASA is challenging Americans to help them figure out a better way to find threatening asteroids. Americans said, ‘What do we get if you pick our idea?’ And NASA said, ‘To live.'” -Jimmy Fallon
“Did you see the pictures of Obama and Putin at the G-8 summit? It was like Thanksgiving with your relatives. The problem there is they have nothing to say to one another because they’ve been bugging each other’s phones.” -Dave Letterman
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
Why A Ship Is Called “SHE”? A ship is called “she” because there is always a great deal of bustle about her; there is usually a gang of men about’, she has a waist and stays; it takes a lot of paint to keep her looking good; it is not the initial expense that breaks you, it is the upkeep; she can be all decked out; it takes an experienced man to handle her correctly, and without a man at the helm, she is absolutely uncontrollable. She shows her topsides, hides her bottom and, when coming into port, always heads for the buoys.  
 
 
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???  “I remember the moment you fell in love with me, I could see it in your eyes. I can still see it.”
 
 Answer: “A History of Violence” was directed by David Cronenberg, who has made lots of graphic horror films. This movie is set in a small town in Indiana and the main character, Tom Stall, appears to be a mild mannered shop owner. It is soon revealed that he has a sordid past and was in fact a violent mobster in his youth.
 
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???“He’s watching him die, we’re talking to the wrong guy.”
 
Monday’s Quizzler is……….
You see me often ladies,
For I am a part of your life.
I sometimes bother babies
But prefer to cause adults strife.
My looks are a sign of your personality.
My strength cannot measure up to yours.
With most people I am there for eternity.
Onto me, water often pours.
Many look to me with pride,
While others wish to change me.
Drifting slowly, my time I bide
Waiting for you to see
That I am just a thing you’re given,
Not something very important.
For I have always been and will forever be dead.
ANSWER: Hair.
 
It often gets in your face (at least it does to girls).
Some babies are born with it, some are not.
You wash your hair often, and get it changed just as much.
This may sound a little too scientific, but hair is made of dead cells, just like your upper layer of skin.  
 
Tuesday’s Quizzler is………. 
Change MILE to INCH by changing one letter at a time. Each change must produce a valid word in the English language. But there is a catch. You must make the change by going through YARD and FOOT. No word can be used more than once.
MILE —-> YARD —-> FOOT —-> INCH
 
 
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,

 

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