It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary.
If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better,so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore do not need a raise.
If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore do not need a raise.
We will no longer accept a doctor’s statement as proof of sickness.
If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday and Sunday.
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls.
At the end of the three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open and a picture will be taken.
After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the “Chronic Offenders category”.
Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company’s mental health policy!
You are allowed to use the rest room only thrice a day and you have to swipe in and out from the toilet doors also.
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that’s all the time needed to drink a slim fast.
Don’t read junk and forwarded mails.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company.
We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments,concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people, and whatever you do today, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
QUOTES OF THE DAY
“Behold the turtle. He makes progress only when he sticks his neck out.”
– James Bryant Conant
“We are most alive when we’re in love.”
– John Updike
“It’s the friends you can call up at 4 a.m. that matter.”
– Marlene Dietrich
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
A tough old who lived in the country counseled his grandson that if he wanted to live a long life. The secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gun powder on his oatmeal every morning.
The grandson did this religiously to the age of 103 when he died.
He left behind 14 children,30 grandchildren,45 great-grandchildren, 25 great-great-grandchildren and a 15 metre crater where the crematorium used to be.
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “A pinch is a device which creates, like, a cardiac arrest for any broadband electrical circuitry. Better yet, a pinch is a bomb – now, but without the bomb. See, when a nuclear weapon detonates, it unleashes an electromagnetic pulse which shuts down any power source within its blast radius. Now that tends not to matter in most cases, because the nuclear weapon usually destroys anything you might need power for anyway. But see, a pinch creates a similar electromagnetic pulse, but without the fuss of mass destruction and death. So instead of Hiroshima, you’d be getting the seventeenth century.”
Answer: Ocean’s Eleven! This quote comes from the scene where Basher (Cheadle) explains how the “pinch” will knock out the electricity to the casino, to facilitate shutting down the alarm system to the safe.
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???”My father was a watch maker. He abandoned it when Einstein discovered time is relative. I would only agree that a symbolic clock is as nourishing to the intellect as photograph of oxygen to a drowning man.”
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
What is special about this letter arrangement?
ANSWER: “umop” is “down” upside down!
The letters in the hint can be seen as these:
b = q
d = p
h = y
n = u
o = o
q = b
s = s
w = m
x = x
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
What phrase is hidden here?
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com. https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,