Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

3CD669353CFF28E7322DA340A1D_h316_w628_m5_cGRQYjyjlWELCOME to Friday June 28, 2013. A Lifetime to Learn..
1. Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
2. If you have to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be “meetings”.
3. There is a very fine line between “hobby” and “mental illness”.
4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
5. And when God, who created the entire universe with all of its glories, decides to deliver a message to humanity, He WILL NOT use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a really bad hairstyle.
6. You should not confuse your career with your life.
7. No matter what happens… somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.
8. When trouble arises & things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution & is willing to take command. Very often, that person is crazy.
9. Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance.
10. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.
11. Never lick a steak knife.
12. Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.
13. “The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
14. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she’s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
15. Your REAL friends still love you anyway.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great weekend people, and whatever you do today, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY 
We choose our joys and sorrows long before we experience them.
Khalil Gibran
Lovers who love truly do not write down their happiness.
Anatole France
Lesser artists borrow, great artists steal.
Igor Stravinsky
The love of gardening is a seed once sown that never dies.
Gertrude Jekyll
She was a handsome woman of forty-five and would remain so for many years.
J. B. Priestley
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
3 men where at the FBI Building for a job interview. The first man walked into the office. The interviewing FBI agent said “To be in the FBI you must be loyal, dedicated, and give us your all. Your wife is in the next room. I want you to go in there and shoot her with this gun.”
 
The man took the gun, hesitated, and said “Sorry, I can’t do it.”
 
The next interviewee came into the office. The agent said “To be in the FBI you must be loyal, dedicated, and give us your all. Your wife is in the next room. I want you to go in there and shoot her with this gun.”
 
The man took the gun, walked into the room, then walked back out. “Sorry,” he said.
 
The last man came into the office. This guy really wanted the job. The interviewer said “To be in the FBI you must be loyal, dedicated, and give us your all.
 
Your wife is in the next room. I want you to go in there and shoot her with this gun.”
 
The man took the gun and went into the room. The agent heard 6 shots, silence, then a lot of screaming.
 
Shortly, the man came out of the room and said “Someone loaded the gun with blanks, so I beat her to death with the curtain railing!” 
 
 
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???   “Aim small, miss small,”
 
 Answer: “The Patriot” is a terrific period costume movie, set among the 18th century revolutionary war between America and the British. It tells the story of a veteran of the French and Indian war, Benjamin Martin, who is left with seven children, after his wife dies in childbirth. His oldest son wants to sign up and eventually does, much to the horror of his father. The blood bath that ensues has the veteran losing two of his sons.
 
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? “There’s no good reason, there’s no bad reason to live or die.”
 
 
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
I am full of shimmer and shine.
Every color of the rainbow shows
yet I am clear.
When I appear there is fun for all
but I always disappear.  What Am I?
 
ANSWER:  Soap Bubble
 
Friday’s Quizzler is………. 
At the wedding reception, there are five guests, Colin, Emily, Kate, Fred, and Irene, who are not sure where to sit at the dinner table. They ask the bride’s mother, who responds, “As I remember, Colin is not next to Kate, Emily is not next to Fred or Kate.Neither Kate or Emily are next to Irene. And Fred should sit on Irene’s left.” As you look at them from the opposite side of the table, can you correctly seat the guests from left to right?
 
 
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS AND MS. KIM HILLYARD! INCREDIBLE SOLVING LADIES! EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji
 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com, 

 

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Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

ED80DBF2DEC999AEFF73E02D6AF99A_h316_w628_m5_cEqDAPUwWWELCOME to Thursday June 27, 2013.  Product Wording..
This is a list of what all the advertising terms on products really mean…
NEW – Different color from previous design.
ALL NEW – Parts are not interchangeable with previous design.
EXCLUSIVE – Imported product.
UNMATCHED – Almost as good as the competition.
FOOLPROOF OPERATION – No provision for adjustments.
ADVANCED DESIGN – The advertising agency doesn’t understand it.
IT’S HERE AT LAST – Rush job. Nobody knew it was coming.
FIELD TESTED – Manufacturer lacks test equipment.
HIGH ACCURACY – Unit on which all parts fit.
FUTURISTIC – No other reason why it looks the way it does.
REDESIGNED – Previous flaws fixed – we hope.
DIRECT SALES ONLY – Factory had a big argument with distributor.
YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT – We finally got one to work.
BREAKTHROUGH – We finally figured out a use for it.
MAINTENANCE FREE – Impossible to fix.
MEETS ALL STANDARDS – Ours, not yours.
SOLID-STATE – Heavy as hell.
LESS FATTENING – Now doesn’t have the same fat content as pig stomach lining.
HIGH RELIABILITY – We made it work long enough to ship it.
NON-REFUNDABLE – We couldn’t make it work long enough to ship it.
FAT FREE – You pay for the food, but the fat is free.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people, and whatever you do today, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY 
Our entire life – consists ultimately in accepting ourselves as we are.
Jean Anouilh
But surely for everything you have to love you have to pay some price.
Agatha Christie
Drawing is like making an expressive gesture with the advantage of permanence.
Henri Matisse
The most beautiful thing in the world is, of course, the world itself.
Wallace Stevens
A man who has never made a woman angry is a failure in life.
Christopher Morley
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
 A couple moved to the country side for their retirement living thinking they were going to live in midst of free animals.
 
One mild winter, they had a bit of a problem with rodents in the garage.
 
So they bought one of those little sub-sonic mouse repellant from city, the kind you plug in and they emit some kind of ultrasonic sound that drives off mice.
 
The husband was showing it to their neighbor and explaining that it was an animal repellant. He told her that it worked on every thing from mice to elephants.
 
“Really!?” she said, “Mice to elephants, eh.” sounding a bit skeptical.
 
“Yes,” he replied, seriously. “We’ve had it here for a couple of weeks now and we haven’t had a single elephant in the garage the whole time!”
 
 
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “You know if you’re gonna ask someone to save the world, you’d better make sure they like it the way it is.”
 
 Answer: “XXX” is a rip roaring action movie with muscle man Vin Diesel, playing his usual hard man image with bells on! It’s the story of a big time thrill seeker, Xander Cage, who is approached by the US government to find out what a dangerous Russian crime ring are up to. Rob Cohen directed this movie and the stunts are just mind blowing.
 
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???  “Aim small, miss small,”
 
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
What’s the rebus, here:  J, ____ & Titanic 
 
ANSWER: Hook, line and sinker.
 
Thursday’s Quizzler is………. 
I am full of shimmer and shine.
Every color of the rainbow shows
yet I am clear.
When I appear there is fun for all
but I always disappear.
What Am I?
 
 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,

Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

E57B8382C17DCC98D9BAE64844E031_h316_w628_m5_csCXMnxoyWELCOME to Wednesday June 26, 2013.  New Commandments

It’s about time someone updated those commandments, so here are some suggestions…
Thou shall not stick anything larger than thine own elbow in thine ear
Thou shall not eat anything larger than thine own head
Thou shall not kill, unless thou has a good reason to do it
Thou shall have an ego smaller than that of Prince Charles
Thou shall not piss in the pool water
Thou shall not sign a contract of more than seven thousand pages
Thou shall not write a contract larger than seven thousand pages
Thou shall not fantasize about Bob the Builder
Thou shall not be Communist
Thou shall not set homework
Thou shall have a surname shorter than forty-six letters
Thou shall always believe in what thy say, unless thou is wrong
Thou shall not eat a Nintendo
Thou shall not eat a Playstation (Sega’s don’t matter)
Thou shall not be flexible enough to go through thine own legs twice, backwards, without breaking thy spine
Thou shall listen to an entire sentence before making some disgusting comment about it
Thou shall not like any show on Comedy Central, other than South Park and Dr. Katz
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people, and whatever you do today, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY 
“A company in Japan has a new watch with a built-in breathalyzer that can tell you if you’re drunk. It would probably work better if the watch didn’t always list the time as ‘5 o’clock somewhere.'” -Jimmy Fallon
“The Consumer Protection Agency has recalled 96,000 Jeep Liberty baby strollers because there is a problem with the tires blowing out. How fat are our kids getting when they’re blowing out tires on their baby strollers?” -Jay Leno
“‘World War Z’ just came out. It took a long time to film. It had to undergo a couple of rounds of reshoots. In the original version, instead of zombies, it was cats. But that was too scary for everybody.” -Craig Ferguson
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
One friend complained to another, “All my husband and I do anymore is fight. I’ve been so upset, I’ve lost 20 pounds.” 
 
“If it’s that bad, why don’t you just leave him?” asked the second friend. 
 
“I’m seriously considering it, but I’d like to lose another 15 pounds first.” 
 
 
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???  “He’s watching him die, we’re talking to the wrong guy.”
 
 Answer: “Hostage” is yet another great Bruce Willis movie. It’s the story of a burned out hostage negotiator Jeff Talley, who is to take on the job of negotiator again, when three teenagers decide to steal a car and break into an extremely large and well fortified property.
 
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???
“You know if you’re gonna ask someone to save the world, you’d better make sure they like it the way it is.”
 
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
Change MILE to INCH by changing one letter at a time. Each change must produce a valid word in the English language. But there is a catch. You must make the change by going through YARD and FOOT. No word can be used more than once.
MILE —-> YARD —-> FOOT —-> INCH
ANSWER: MILE <
MIRE
MARE
CARE
CARD
YARD <
WARD
WORD
FORD
FOOD
FOOT <
MOOT
MOST
MAST
MASH
MACH
EACH
ETCH
ITCH
INCH < 
 
Wednesday’s Quizzler is………. 
What’s the rebus, here:
J, ____ & Titanic
 
 
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,

 

Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

153B518C7F968E0B3164D8C265B71_h316_w628_m5_cEeOjRdaoWELCOME to Tuesday June 25, 2013.  Corporate Stupidity………

“As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday, and employees will receive their cards in two weeks.”
(Microsoft Corp. in Redmond WA)
“What I need is an exact list of specific unknown problems we might encounter.”
(Lykes Lines Shipping)
“E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business.”
(Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company)
“This project is so important we can’t let things that are more important interfere with it.”
(Advertising/Marketing manager, United Parcel Service)
“Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule.”
(Plant Manager, Delco Corporation)
“No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We’ve been working on it for months. Now go act busy for a few weeks and I’ll let you know when it’s time to tell them.”
(R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/3M Corp.)
Quote from the Boss: “Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say.”
(Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)
My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday. When I told my Boss, he said she died on purpose so that I would have to miss work on the busiest day of the year. He then asked if we could change her burial to Friday. He said, “That would be better for me.”
(Shipping executive, FTD Florists)
“We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees.”
(Switching supervisor, AT&T Long Lines Division)
Never ruin a good system with reason or logic..
(the office staff)
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people, and whatever you do today, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY 
“A survey found that 61 percent of people are more afraid of outliving their money than dying. The other 39 percent have already outlived their money and have faked their own death to avoid creditors.” -Jay Leno
“NASA is challenging Americans to help them figure out a better way to find threatening asteroids. Americans said, ‘What do we get if you pick our idea?’ And NASA said, ‘To live.'” -Jimmy Fallon
“Did you see the pictures of Obama and Putin at the G-8 summit? It was like Thanksgiving with your relatives. The problem there is they have nothing to say to one another because they’ve been bugging each other’s phones.” -Dave Letterman
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
Why A Ship Is Called “SHE”? A ship is called “she” because there is always a great deal of bustle about her; there is usually a gang of men about’, she has a waist and stays; it takes a lot of paint to keep her looking good; it is not the initial expense that breaks you, it is the upkeep; she can be all decked out; it takes an experienced man to handle her correctly, and without a man at the helm, she is absolutely uncontrollable. She shows her topsides, hides her bottom and, when coming into port, always heads for the buoys.  
 
 
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???  “I remember the moment you fell in love with me, I could see it in your eyes. I can still see it.”
 
 Answer: “A History of Violence” was directed by David Cronenberg, who has made lots of graphic horror films. This movie is set in a small town in Indiana and the main character, Tom Stall, appears to be a mild mannered shop owner. It is soon revealed that he has a sordid past and was in fact a violent mobster in his youth.
 
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???“He’s watching him die, we’re talking to the wrong guy.”
 
Monday’s Quizzler is……….
You see me often ladies,
For I am a part of your life.
I sometimes bother babies
But prefer to cause adults strife.
My looks are a sign of your personality.
My strength cannot measure up to yours.
With most people I am there for eternity.
Onto me, water often pours.
Many look to me with pride,
While others wish to change me.
Drifting slowly, my time I bide
Waiting for you to see
That I am just a thing you’re given,
Not something very important.
For I have always been and will forever be dead.
ANSWER: Hair.
 
It often gets in your face (at least it does to girls).
Some babies are born with it, some are not.
You wash your hair often, and get it changed just as much.
This may sound a little too scientific, but hair is made of dead cells, just like your upper layer of skin.  
 
Tuesday’s Quizzler is………. 
Change MILE to INCH by changing one letter at a time. Each change must produce a valid word in the English language. But there is a catch. You must make the change by going through YARD and FOOT. No word can be used more than once.
MILE —-> YARD —-> FOOT —-> INCH
 
 
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,

 

Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

F98CE5C17FA966E812BF6D3AC4DE_h316_w628_m5_cHISxHeIVWELCOME to Monday June 24, 2013.   Really Dumb Questions…

As far as dumb questions go, well…
1. Why does your gynecologist leave the room when you undress?
2. If a person owns a piece of land, do they own it all the way down to the center of the earth?
3. Why can’t woman put their mascara on with their mouth closed?
4. Why is it called alcoholics anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say
“hi, my name’s Bob. I’m an alcoholic”?
5. If you mated a Bulldog with a Shitsu what would you call it?
6. Why are they called stairs inside but steps outside?
7. Why is there a light in the fridge but not in the freezer?
8. Why does mineral water that has trickled through mountains for centuries
have a use by date?
9. Why do toasters always have a setting on them which burns your toast to a
horrible crisp no one would eat?
10. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say “I think i’ll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out”?
11. What do people in China call their good plates?
12. If the professor on Gilligan’s Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can’t he fix a hole in a boat?
13. Why does Goofy stand on two legs when Pluto remains on four? They’re both dogs.
14. What do you call male ballerinas?
15. Can blind people see their dreams and do they dream?
16. If Wile E coyote has enough money to by all that Acme crap why doesn’t he buy his dinner?
17. Why is a person who handles money called a broker?
18. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
19. If corn oil is made from corn and vegetable oil is made from vegetables. What is baby oil made from?
20. If a man is walking in a forest and no women is there to hear him is he still wrong?
21. Why is it that when someone tells you that there’s billions of stars in the universe,
you believe them. But if they tell you there’s wet paint somewhere you have to touch it?
22. Why do you call it an asteroid when its outside the hemisphere, yet call it hemorrhoid when its in your A*s?
23. Did you ever notice that if you blow in a dogs face it goes mad, yet when you take him on a car ride he sticks his head straight out the window?
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people, and whatever you do today, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY 
You can’t wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club.
Jack London
Giving opens the way for receiving.
Florence Scovel Shinn
Art hurts. Art urges voyages – and it is easier to stay at home.
Gwendolyn Brooks
Nature is never finished.
Robert Smithson
Until Eve arrived, this was a man’s world.
Richard Armour
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
A passenger jet taxiing down the runway, abruptly came to a stop, turned around and returned to the gate and stopped. Eventually, after an hour-long wait, the flight finally took off to air.
 
A scared concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, “What was the problem?”
 
“The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine.” explained the Flight Attendant.
 
“Well, I hope it’s all sorted now.” Replied the nervous passenger.
 
“Oh yes, it’s fine now Sir, it just took us a while to find a new pilot and replace him.” 
 
 
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???  “I knew a man once who said, ‘Death smiles at us all. All a man can do is smile back.'”
 
 Answer: Gladiator! “Gladiator” in my opinion, is an exceptional movie and is directed by the fantastic Ridley Scott. It tells the epic story of a fierce Roman General in the Roman Army, who is sold into slavery and made to fight in the great arena of the Colosseum. 
 
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? 
“I remember the moment you fell in love with me, I could see it in your eyes. I can still see it.”
 
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
What famous classical composition is shown by the following:
Bach, Berlioz, Bizet, Borodin, Beethoven, Brahms
 
ANSWER:  Beethoven’s Fifth
(Beethoven is fifth in the list)
 
Monday’s Quizzler is………. 
You see me often ladies,
For I am a part of your life.
I sometimes bother babies
But prefer to cause adults strife.
My looks are a sign of your personality.
My strength cannot measure up to yours.
With most people I am there for eternity.
Onto me, water often pours.
Many look to me with pride,
While others wish to change me.
Drifting slowly, my time I bide
Waiting for you to see
That I am just a thing you’re given,
Not something very important.
For I have always been and will forever be dead.
 
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,

Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

disney-sweaterWELCOME to Friday June 21, 2013.   

We all fail sometimes. But there’s something about failing with style. Here are some of the best test paper blunders from the most clueless – and inventive – of students.
* Classical Studies *
Question: Name one of the early Romans’ greatest achievements.
Answer: Learning to speak Latin
* Biology *
Question: What is a fibula?
Answer: A little lie
* Classical Studies *
Question: What were the circumstances of Julius Caesar’s death?
Answer: Suspicious ones
* Biology *
Question: Give an example of a smoking-related disease
Answer: Early death
* Biology *
Question: What is a plasmid?
Answer: A high definition television
* Religious Studies *
Question: Christians only have one spouse, what is this called?
Answer: Monotony
* Physics *
Question: Name an environmental side effect of burning fossil fuels.
Answer: Fire
* Geography *
Question: What does the term “lava” mean?
Answer: A pre-pubescent caterpillar
* Geography *
Question: The race of people known as Malays come from which country?
Answer: Malaria
* Geography *
Question: Name one famous Greek landmark
Answer: The most famous Greek landmark is the Apocalypse
* History *
Question: Where was the American Declaration of Independence signed?
Answer: At the bottom.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Friday people, and whatever you do today, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY 
“Nestle has launched a new premium water called ‘Resource.’ They say it is made specifically for a woman who is a little on the trendy side and the higher income side. ‘Resource’ sounds so much better than tap water for women who are really rich and stupid.” -Jay Leno
“A new survey found that 70 percent of Americans admit to ‘going through the motions’ at their jobs. And the other 30 percent blah, blah, blah, punch line.” -Jimmy Fallon
“There’s a new movie out called ‘Now You See Me,’ and it’s about everyone’s favorite subject, magic. It’s not that difficult to be a magician. All you need is a cape, a top hat, and a willingness to sell your soul to Satan in exchange for mystical powers.” -Craig Ferguson
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
During a heartfelt chat with her friend about relationships, my wife sighed and said, “You know, if something happened to Lloyd, I don’t think I could ever marry again.”
 
Her friend nodded sympathetically. “I know what you mean,” she said. “Once is enough.” 
 
 
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “I got Harlem, I took care of Harlem so Harlem’s gonna take care of me.”
 
 Answer: American Gangster! “American Gangster” was a surprising role for Denzel Washington to play, as in most of the films I have seen him in, he played such a good guy. He plays the part of Frank Lucas, an organised crime boss, who became the biggest distributor of heroin in the Harlem district of Manhattan. The film also stars Russell Crowe as the detective, who eventually gets his man. 
 
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? “I knew a man once who said, ‘Death smiles at us all. All a man can do is smile back.'”
 
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
 One snowy night, Sherlock Holmes was in his house sitting by a fire. All of a sudden a snowball came crashing through his window, breaking it. Holmes got up and looked out the window just in time to see three neighborhood kids who were brothers run around a corner. Their names were John Crimson, Mark Crimson and Paul Crimson.
The next day Holmes got a note on his door that read “? Crimson. He broke your window.”
Which of the three Crimson brothers should Sherlock Holmes question about the incident?
 
ANSWER: Mark Crimson 
 
“?” = question MARK, so the note on the door reads “Question Mark Crimson. He broke your window.” 
 
Friday’s Quizzler is………. 
What famous classical composition is shown by the following:
Bach, Berlioz, Bizet, Borodin, Beethoven, Brahms
 
 
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,

 

Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

downloadWELCOME to Thursday June 20, 2013.   The Economy…….. 

So how bad is the economy really doing, you ask?
Jury Duty is now considered a good-paying job.
I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.
African television stations are now showing ‘Sponsor an American Child’ commercials!
I ordered a burger at McDonald’s and the kid behind the counter asked, “Can you afford fries with that?”
CEO’s are now playing miniature golf.
Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.
My ATM gave me an IOU!
A stripper was killed when her audience showered her with rolls of pennies while she danced.
I saw a Mormon polygamist with only one wife.
I bought a toaster oven and my free gift with the purchase was a bank.
If the bank returns your check marked “Insufficient Funds,” you have to call them and ask if they meant you or them.
McDonald’s is now selling the 1/4 ouncer.
Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America .
Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned the names of their children.
My cousin had an exorcism but couldn’t afford to pay for it, and they re-possessed her!
A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico .
Motel Six won’t leave the light on for you anymore.
A picture is now only worth 200 words.
They renamed Wall Street ” Wal-Mart Street .”
One of the casinos in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people, and whatever you do today, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY 
“It’s not enough that we do our best; sometimes we have to do what’s required.”
– Sir Winston Churchill
“Always listen to experts. They’ll tell you what can’t be done and why. Then do it.”
– Robert Heinlein
“A ruffled mind makes a restless pillow.”
– Charlotte Bronte
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
A preacher went to his church office on Monday morning and discovered a dead mule in the churchyard. He called the police. Since there did not appear to be any foul play, the police referred the preacher to the health department. 
They said since there was no health threat that he should call the sanitation department.  The sanitation manager said he could not pick up the mule without authorization from the mayor. Now the preacher knew the mayor and was not to eager to call him. The mayor had a bad temper and was generally hard to deal with, but the preacher called him anyway.  The mayor did not disappoint. He immediately began to rant and rave at the pastor and finally said, “Why did you call me anyway? Isn’t it your job to bury the dead?”  The preacher paused for a brief prayer and asked the Lord to direct his response.
 
He was led to say, “Yes, Mayor, it is my job to bury the dead, but I always like to notify the next of kin first!” 
 
 
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “Nothing like a good piece of hickory.”
 
 Answer: Pale Rider! “Pale Rider” is a classic Clint Eastwood western. It has the same mysticism as “High Plains Drifter” and you are never really sure if he is a man, or the ghost of a man. As it turned out he was the “Angel of Death” who had arrived to help a small gold mining community fight against a ruthless tycoon who wanted all the gold for himself.
 
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? “I got Harlem, I took care of Harlem so Harlem’s gonna take care of me.”
 
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
I still have 7 more things to put away and time is running out fast. Next I decide to put away the giant’s board games. 
The colors of the board games are blue, brown, green, orange, purple, red, and yellow.
 
1. Purple is somewhere to the left of green.
2. Red is next to blue.
3. Brown is 3 away from blue (2 between).
4. Yellow is 2 away from red.
5. Blue is in the middle.
6. Orange is directly between yellow and purple.
 
ANSWER: From left to right, the order of the board games are: purple, orange, yellow, blue, red, green, and brown.
 
Thursday’s Quizzler is………. 
One snowy night, Sherlock Holmes was in his house sitting by a fire. All of a sudden a snowball came crashing through his window, breaking it. Holmes got up and looked out the window just in time to see three neighborhood kids who were brothers run around a corner. Their names were John Crimson, Mark Crimson and Paul Crimson.
The next day Holmes got a note on his door that read “? Crimson. He broke your window.”
Which of the three Crimson brothers should Sherlock Holmes question about the incident?
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,