Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

14163_534118616621083_1352015688_nWELCOME to Friday May 31, 2013.   Life Lessons from the Story of Noah’s Ark!  
Funny things that can be learned from the bible and applied to life.
1) Don’t miss the boat.
2) Remember that we are all in the same boat.
3) Plan ahead. It wasn’t raining when Noah built the Ark.
4) Don’t listen to critics; just get on with the job that needs to be done.
5) Build your future on high ground.
6) For safety’s sake, always travel in pairs.
7) Speed isn’t always an advantage. The snails were on board with the cheetahs.
8) When you’re stressed, float a while.
9) Remember, the Ark was built by amateurs; the Titanic by professionals.
 
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Friday people, and whatever you do today, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
QUOTES OF THE DAY 
“A new study found that our happiness peaks in our late 80s. Mainly because all the people who annoyed you are dead by then.” -Jimmy Fallon
“A study showed that every hour of TV you watch after the age of 25 shortens your life by 22 minutes. That doesn’t sound too bad to me. You’d probably watch TV with that 22 minutes anyway.” -Jimmy Kimmel
“I admit that I get angry in traffic when driving to work. But it’s pointless. It’s much better to bottle up that anger and then unleash it when you get to work.” -Craig Ferguson
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
“Do you remember first meeting your wife?” “Sure, I found Jill lying face down in the gutter. I lifted her to her feet and promised her that if she agreed to marry me, she would begin a new life and I’d never allow her near the gutter again.” “Wow, what an incredible story! I hope she appreciates what you did for her.” “Not really. Even though she stunk at it, Jill hated to give up bowling.” 
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???   “I don’t know who you are. I don’t know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don’t have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my daughter go now, that’ll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don’t, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you.”
Answer: Taken! This quote by Bryan Mills (Liam Neeson) takes place in the scene shortly after his daughter Kim (Maggie Grace) has been kidnapped. Mills says this quote as he speaks briefly to her abductor.
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? “No, Roland… I crashed my van into Jesus! Okay? I have a pimple the size of Jupiter! I am NOT okay! This is not how I wanted to remember my Prom. This is not how I wanted to remember my life.”
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
What kind of poem am I?
 
(12 + 144 + 20 + (3 x (4^.5)))/7 + 5 x 11 = (9 ^2) + 0
ANSWER: A mathematical limerick!
 
A dozen a gross and a score,
Plus three times the square root of four,
Divided by seven,
Plus five times eleven,
Is nine squared and not a bit more!  
Friday’s Quizzler is………. 
A man is sitting in a pub feeling rather poor. He sees the man next to him pull a wad of £50 notes out of his wallet. 
He turns to the rich man and says to him, 
“I have an amazing talent; I know almost every song that has ever existed.” 
The rich man laughs.
The poor man says, “I am willing to bet you all the money you have in your wallet that I can sing a genuine song with a lady’s name of your choice in it.” 
The rich man laughs again and says, “OK, how about my daughter’s name, Joanna Armstrong-Miller?” 
The rich man goes home poor. The poor man goes home rich. 
 
What song did he sing?
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com.  
Advertisements

Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

537892_582845131744944_283802787_nWELCOME to Thursday May 30, 2013.  Equal and Opposite Proverbs… 
 
Newton’s third law states: “every action has an equal and an opposite reaction”. 
So it would stand to reason that every proverb has an equal and opposite proverb. 
 
All good things come to those who wait BUT Time and tide wait for none
 
The pen is mightier than the sword BUT Actions speak louder than words 
 
Wise men think alike BUT Fools seldom differ 
 
The best things in life are free BUT There’s no such thing as a free lunch 
 
Slow and steady wins the race BUT Time waits for none 
 
Look before you leap BUT Strike while the iron is hot 
 
Do it well, or not at all BUT Half a loaf is better than none 
 
Birds of a feather flock together BUT Opposites attract 
 
Don’t cross your bridges before you come to them BUT Forewarned is forearmed 
 
Doubt is the beginning of wisdom BUT Faith will move mountains 
 
Great starts make great finishes BUT It isn’t over till it’s over 
 
Practice makes perfect BUT All work and no play makes jack a dull boy 
 
Silence is golden BUT The squeaky wheel gets the grease 
 
You’re never too old to learn BUT You can’t teach an old dog new tricks 
 
What’s good for the goose is good for the gander BUT One man’s meat is another man’s poison 
 
Absence makes the heart grow fonder BUT Out of sight, out of mind 
 
Too many cooks spoil the broth BUT Many hands make light work 
 
Hold fast to the words of your ancestors BUT Wise men make proverbs and fools repeat them
 
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people, and whatever you do today, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
QUOTES OF THE DAY 
 “Good judgment comes from experience, and often experience comes from bad judgment.” 
– Rita Mae Brown 
 
“Illusion is the first of all pleasures.” 
– Oscar Wilde 
 
“All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy and Jill a rich widow.” 
– Evan Esar 
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker’s circuit, he usually found himself eagerly longing to get back to his laboratory work.  One night as they were driving to yet another rubber-chicken dinner.  Einstein mentioned to his chauffeur (a man who somewhat resembled Einstein in looks & manner) that he was tired of speech making.
“I have an idea, boss,” his chauffeur said. “I’ve heard you give this speech so many times. I’ll bet I could give it for you.”  Einstein laughed loudly and said, “Why not? Let’s do it!”  When they arrived at the dinner, Einstein donned the chauffeur’s cap and jacket and sat in the back of the room. The chauffeur gave a beautiful rendition of Einstein’s speech and even answered a few questions expertly. Then a supremely pompous professor asked an extremely esoteric question about anti-matter formation. Digressing here and there to let everyone in the audience know that he was nobody’s fool. Without missing a beat, the chauffeur fixed the professor with a steely stare and said, “Sir, the answer to that question is so simple that I will let my chauffeur, who is sitting in the back, answer it for me.”
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???  “I’m talking about the gas chamber, and you haven’t even asked me what this is about. You’ve got a big “Guilty” sign around your neck.”
Answer:  LA Confidential! The scene for this quote comes from Exley (Guy Pearce) while he is interrogating a suspect from the Night Owl murders. Ironically the suspect doesn’t know that is the crime he is being questioned about.
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? “I don’t know who you are. I don’t know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don’t have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my daughter go now, that’ll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don’t, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you.”
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
Here is a group of common three-letter words. Can you take these and turn them into half as many 6 letter words? Each three-letter word is used only once.
 
bar, bit, box, boy, car, day, den, dim, fly, hid, low, now, nut, pan, pea, sun, ten, try, win, wit
 
ANSWER:  Barfly, Bitten, Boxcar, Lowboy, Sunday, Hidden, Dimwit, Winnow, Peanut, Pantry
 
Thursday’s Quizzler is………. 
What kind of poem am I?
 
(12 + 144 + 20 + (3 x (4^.5)))/7 + 5 x 11 = (9 ^2) + 0
 
 
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com.  
 

 

Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

prioritiesdemotivatorWELCOME to Wednesday May 29, 2013.    New Courses for Women  
 
Training courses now available for women on the following subjects:
 
Topic 1 – Silence, the Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone
 
Topic 2 – The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Making Deposits
 
Topic 3 – Parties: Going Without New Outfits
 
Topic 4 – Bathroom Etiquette: Men Need Space in the Bathroom Cabinet Too
 
Topic 5 – Common Skills : Tears – The Last Resort, not the First
 
Topic 6 – Common Skills II: Getting What you Want Without Nagging
First please don’t shoot the messenger, second that’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people, and whatever you do today, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
QUOTES OF THE DAY 
A Zen master once said to me, “Do the opposite of whatever I tell you.” So I didn’t. 
“My doctor tells me I suffer from extreme hypochondria. He prescribed a strong placebo, but I don’t think it’s working.” -Fred Marcum 
“The sooner you fall behind, the more time you’ll have to catch up.” –Unknown 
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
 I telephoned the veterinarian’s office to ask when I should take my three month old kitten in to be vaccinated for rabies. After a few initial questions, the woman who answered the telephone asked, “What is the kitten’s name?” 
 
“Demon”, I replied. 
 
“Demon? That’s an odd name,” she said. 
 
“Maybe, but it’s appropriate anyway.” 
 
I heard clicking of a computer keyboard, then she said, “Our records show that you have cats named Gato [which is Spanish for ‘male cat’], Scamp, Stinky, and now you named one Demon. Is that right?” 
 
“Yes, it is.”   “You really don’t like cats, do you?”
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “That punk pulled a Glock 7 on me. You know what that is? It’s a porcelain gun made in Germany. Doesn’t show up on your airport X-ray machines, here, and it cost more than you make in a month.”
 
Answer: Die Hard 2 (Die Harder) This quote by McClane (Bruce Willis) is directed at Captain Lorenzo (Dennis Franz) in the scene immediately after he has killed a terrorist in the baggage area of the airport.
 
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? “I’m talking about the gas chamber, and you haven’t even asked me what this is about. You’ve got a big “Guilty” sign around your neck.”
 
 
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
At a train station in Sydney, Australia, an intelligent rich man was awaiting his upper class rail transport. He was sorting through his wallet and pulled out credit cards, receipts, and $200 in cash.
 
An egotistical scam artist (and a talented one at that) approached the man and said to him, “I’ll bet you, on all the money in your wallet, that I can get a packet of chips out of that snack machine without inserting any money!” 
 
The rich man, who was intrigued by this ‘talent’, readily agreed.
 
The scam artist walked over to the snack dispenser, stuck his hand up through the compartments, and a chip packet fell out. 
 
The rich man was amazed, but being a faithful businessman, stuck to his word, yet the scam artist walked off without a penny.
 
ANSWER:  The rich man had already removed all the money and items from his wallet before he made the bet. Therefore, when he gave the scammer all the money in his wallet, it totaled $0!
 
Wednesday’s Quizzler is………. 
Here is a group of common three-letter words. Can you take these and turn them into half as many 6 letter words? Each three-letter word is used only once. 
 
bar, bit, box, boy, car, day, den, dim, fly, hid, low, now, nut, pan, pea, sun, ten, try, win, wit
 
 
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com.  
 

Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

that-moment1WELCOME to Tuesday May 28, 2013.  
Political Philosophies Explained in Simple Two-Cow Terms
SOCIALISM You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor.
COMMUNISM You have two cows. The government takes them both and provides you with milk.
FASCISM You have two cows. The government takes them and sells you the milk.
BUREAUCRACY You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, and then pours it down the drain.
CAPITALISM You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
CORPORATE You have two cows. You sell one, force the other to produce the milk of four cows, then act surprised when it drops dead.
DEMOCRACY You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point that you must sell them both in order to pay the taxes to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow which was a gift from your government.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people, and whatever you do today, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
QUOTES OF THE DAY 
 “In Pennsylvania, a couple stabbed each other in an argument over who should win ‘American Idol.’ At last we finally know why ‘American Idol’ is losing so many viewers. They’re killing each other.” -Conan O’Brien
“Pope Francis made an extremely controversial statement. He says he believes anyone can go to heaven if you do good deeds, even atheists. It would be fun to let atheists into heaven if for no other reason than to see the look on their faces when they get there.” -Jimmy Kimmel
“Amtrak trains may soon have special cars where passengers can sit with their pets. Though it’ll be awkward when you try to talk to your cat and he just slips on his headphones.” -Jimmy Fallon
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
One of our projects at military leadership school called for us to speak in front of the class on a topic picked by our instructor. A classmate gave an impassioned speech on the benefits of drinking liquor. Alcohol, he insisted, warded off colds, kept you alert, and even made you steadier on your feet.
“Good job,” said our instructor when he finished. “Only one thing: Your topic was the benefits of drinking liquids, not liquor.”
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???  “Conrad. Let’s have a great Christmas. Let’s have… a great year. Let’s have the best year of our whole lives. We can, you know… this could be the best one ever.”
Answer:  Ordinary People! This scene takes place at a restauarant where Karen (Dinah Manoff) encourages Conrad (Timothy Hutton) to put their memories of the mental institution they were in behind them and try to make the present the best time of their lives. Sadly Karen kills herself a few days later.
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???”That punk pulled a Glock 7 on me. You know what that is? It’s a porcelain gun made in Germany. Doesn’t show up on your airport X-ray machines, here, and it cost more than you make in a month.”
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
Rearrange the letters to form new words, phrases, places, or names.
The words in parentheses are hints.
ONE ON ALP (conqueror)
SEEK A PHRASE (playful fellow)
KNEE CRUTCH ART (great ballet)
NONE MISTER (soup)
TOXIC NAME (April agony)
HE BUGS GORE
ANSWER: ONE ON ALP – Napoleon
SEEK A PHRASE – Shakespeare
KNEE CRUTCH ART – The Nutcracker
NONE MISTER – minestrone
TOXIC NAME – income tax
HE BUGS GORE – George Bush
Tuesday’s Quizzler is………. 
At a train station in Sydney, Australia, an intelligent rich man was awaiting his upper class rail transport. He was sorting through his wallet and pulled out credit cards, receipts, and $200 in cash.
An egotistical scam artist (and a talented one at that) approached the man and said to him, “I’ll bet you, on all the money in your wallet, that I can get a packet of chips out of that snack machine without inserting any money!”
The rich man, who was intrigued by this ‘talent’, readily agreed.
The scam artist walked over to the snack dispenser, stuck his hand up through the compartments, and a chip packet fell out.
The rich man was amazed, but being a faithful businessman, stuck to his word, yet the scam artist walked off without a penny.
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com.

Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

551849_226420440803099_616649095_nWELCOME to Friday May 24, 2013.  ….. 

When I was a kid adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were when they were growing up. 
 
What with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning uphill both ways through year ’round blizzards carrying their younger siblings on their backs to their one-room schoolhouse where they maintained a straight-A average despite their full-time after-school job at the local textile mill where they worked for 35 cents an hour just to help keep their family from starving to death! 
 
And I remember promising myself that when I grew up there was no way I was going to lay that on kids about how hard I had it and how easy they’ve got it! 
 
But…. 
 
Now that I’ve reached the ripe old age of thirty, I can’t help but look around and notice the youth of today. 
 
You’ve got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a Utopia! And I hate to say it but you kids today don’t know how good you’ve got it! 
 
I mean, when I was a kid we didn’t have the Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the library and look it up ourselves! 
 
And there was no email! We had to actually write somebody a letter, with a pen! And then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take like a week to get there! 
 
And there were no MP3s or Napsters! If you wanted to steal music, you had to go to the record store and shoplift it yourself! Or, we had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ would usually talk over the beginning and mess it all up! 
 
You want to hear about hardship? 
 
We didn’t have fancy stuff like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called, they got a busy signal! 
 
And we didn’t have fancy Caller ID Boxes either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was, it could be your boss, your Mom, a collections agent, you didn’t know!!! 
 
You just had to pick it up and take your chances, mister! 
 
And we didn’t have any fancy Sony Playstation videogames with high-resolution 3-D graphics! 
 
We had the Atari 2600! With games like “Space Invaders” and “Asteroids”! Your guy was a little square! You had to use your imagination! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen forever! 
 
And you could never win, the game just kept getting harder and faster until you died! 
 
Just like LIFE! 
 
When you went to the movie theater, there was no such thing as stadium seating! All the seats were the same height! If a tall guy sat in front of you, you watched his hairstyle! 
 
And sure, we had cable television, but back then that was only like 20 channels and there was no onscreen menu! You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! 
 
And there was no Cartoon Network! You could only get cartoons on Saturday morning… D’ya hear what I’m saying!?! 
 
We had to wait ALL WEEK! 
 
That’s exactly what I’m talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You’re spoiled! 
 
You guys wouldn’t last five minutes back in 1984! 
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Memorial weekend people, and whatever you do today, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman! Emoji
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY 
“A college student in Georgia was worried that his parents would be mad at him for flunking English. So he tried to fake his own kidnapping. The parents figured it out when the ransom note said, ‘We has your son.'” -Conan O’Brien
“Arnold Schwarzenegger has announced he will star in a low-budget horror movie called ‘The Toxic Avenger.’ He wreaks havoc. He’s a monster. I have no idea what he’ll do in the movie.” -Craig Ferguson
“A 19-year-old student in Lawrenceville, Georgia, was failing English and he didn’t want to tell his parents about it. So he faked his own kidnapping. He texted his parents and said he’s been abducted. It sounds like a terrible Liam Neeson movie.” -Jimmy Kimmel
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
Five Jewish men who influenced the history of Western civilization. 
Moses said the law is everything.
Jesus said love is everything. 
Marx said capital is everything. 
Freud said sex is everything. 
Einstein said everything is relative. 
 
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???  “Who is Keyser Soze? He is supposed to be Turkish. Some say his father was German. Nobody believed he was real. Nobody ever saw him or knew anybody that ever worked directly for him, but to hear Kobayashi tell it, anybody could have worked for Soze. You never knew. That was his power. The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn’t exist. And like that, poof. He’s gone.”
 
Answer: The Usual Suspects! This quote by Verbal Kint (Kevin Spacey) takes place in the scene where Agent Kujan (Chazz Palminteri) is questioning him about the identity of Keyser Soze.  
 
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???“Conrad. Let’s have a great Christmas. Let’s have… a great year. Let’s have the best year of our whole lives. We can, you know… this could be the best one ever.”
 
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
What phrase is shown here?
 ANSWER: Inside Information
(as ducks fly: in formation)
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
Rearrange the letters to form new words, phrases, places, or names.
The words in parentheses are hints.
ONE ON ALP (conqueror)
SEEK A PHRASE (playful fellow)
KNEE CRUTCH ART (great ballet)
NONE MISTER (soup)
TOXIC NAME (April agony)
HE BUGS GORE
 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases!  EmojiLike this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. www.Eucman.freedom10.com.

Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

553921_419704514748459_873848398_nWELCOME to Thursday May 23, 2013.  More Pondering….. 

Why are cigarettes sold in petrol stations when smoking is prohibited there?
 
* If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?
 
* Why is abbreviation such a long word?
 
* Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
 
* Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one?
 
* What was the best thing before sliced bread?
 
* How does the guy who drives the snowplough get to work in the mornings?
 
* Why is it that when you transport something by car, it’s called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it’s called cargo?
 
* If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?
 
* Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
 
* I woke up one morning and all of my stuff had been stolen…and replaced by exact duplicates.
 
* Borrow money from pessimists – they don’t expect it back.
 
* Half the people you know are below average.
 
* How do you tell when you’re out of invisible ink?
 
* My mechanic told me, “I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
 
* Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
 
* How do I set my laser printer on stun?
 
* If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn’t the whole airplane made out of the stuff?
 
* If most car accidents occur within five km’s of home, why doesn’t everyone just move 10 km’s away?
 
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people, and whatever you do today, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman! Emoji
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY 
The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched – they must be felt with the heart.
Helen Keller
It is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the light.
Aristotle Onassis
Don’t judge each day by the harvest you reap but by the seeds that you plant.
Robert Louis Stevenson
Try to be like the turtle – at ease in your own shell.
Bill Copeland
Find a place inside where there’s joy, and the joy will burn out the pain.
Joseph Campbell
I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles.  Audrey Hepburn
Even if I knew that tomorrow the world would go to pieces, I would still plant my apple tree.
Martin Luther
Happiness is not something you postpone for the future; it is something you design for the present.
Jim Rohn
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
Dear mum, I am writing you this note to say that I haven’t been honest to you lately. I have a boyfriend, his name is Dragon and he lives in a trailer in the woods he wears biker clothes and deals Ecstasy. I am moving in with him and I am four months pregnant. His friends will come over all the time so I can get a little friendly with them. We will make a living out of growing drugs and selling them to Dragons friends as are both already drug addicts, we will live a life of drugs, beer and lots of sex. Wish us luck Katie. P.S. – I am at the neighbors house, all of the above was a lie I just wanted to let you know there are worse things in life than my report card which is in the top drawer.
 
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???  “Listen. You listen to me. You see that city over there? THAT’S where I’m supposed to be. Not down here with the dogs, and the garbage, and last month’s newspapers blowing *back* and *forth*. I’ve had it with them, I’ve had it with you, I’ve had it with ALL THIS – *I want ROOM SERVICE*! I want the club sandwich, I want the cold Mexican beer, I want a $10,000-a-night hooker! I want my shirts laundered… like they do… at the Imperial Hotel… in Tokyo.”
 
Answer:  Johnny Mnemonic! The scene for this quote takes place as Mnemonic (Keanu Reeves) expresses his frustration in hiding in rundown areas to avoid being beheaded by the Street Preacher (Dolph Lundgren).
 
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???
“Who is Keyser Soze? He is supposed to be Turkish. Some say his father was German. Nobody believed he was real. Nobody ever saw him or knew anybody that ever worked directly for him, but to hear Kobayashi tell it, anybody could have worked for Soze. You never knew. That was his power. The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn’t exist. And like that, poof. He’s gone.”
 
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
This list of seventeen one-word items can be turned into common expressions by the addition of the same two new words, in the same order, to each. What are the two words?   books, bottle, brakes, bricks, ceiling, deck, dirt, fan, hay, jackpot, road, roof, sack, sauce, skids, spot, trail
ANSWER: Put the words *hit the* in front of any word on the list and it will make a common expression.
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
What phrase is shown here?
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS ANDREA L. BANKS(AGAIN!)FOR SUPER SOLVING WEDNESDAYS QUIZZLER OF THE DAY! SUPER JOB BANKS! EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji
 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases!  EmojiLike this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. www.Eucman.freedom10.com.

Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

313611_566500113379446_1403375671_nWELCOME to Wednesday May 22, 2013.  Remembering Dad….. 

When I was four years old: my daddy can do anything.
 
Five years old: My daddy knows a whole lot.
 
Six years old: My dad is smarter than your dad.
 
Eight years old: my dad doesn’t know exactly everything.
 
Ten years old: In the olden days, when my dad grew up, things were sure different.
 
Twelve years old: Oh, well, naturally, Dad doesn’t know anything about that, he is too old to remember his childhood.
 
Fourteen years old: Don’t pay any attention to my dad, he is so old-fashioned.
 
Twenty-one years old: Him? my Lord, he’s hopelessly out of date.
 
Twenty-five years old: Dad knows about it, but then he should, because he has been around so long.
 
Thirty years old: Maybe we should ask Dad what he thinks, after all, he’s had a lot of experience.
 
Thirty-five years old: I’m not doing a single thing until I talk to Dad.
 
Forty years old: I wonder how Dad would have handled it, he was so wise.
 
Fifty years old: I’d give anything if Dad were here now so I could talk this over with him. 
 
Too bad I didn’t appreciate how smart he was, I could have learned a lot from him.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people, and whatever you do today, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman! Emoji
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY 
 “I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.”
–Ian Fleming (1908-1964)
“If you can count your money, you don’t have a billion dollars.”
–J. Paul Getty (1892-1976)
“Facts are the enemy of truth.”
–Don Quixote – “Man of La Mancha”
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
A lady walked into a drugstore and told the pharmacist she needed some cyanide right away. The pharmacist naturally was concerned by such a request and asked, “Why in the world do you need cyanide?”  The lady then explained that she needed it to poison her husband, the pharmacist’s eyes got big and he said, “I can’t give you cyanide to kill your husband!   That’s against the law! I’ll lose my license, they’ll throw both of us in jail and all kinds of bad things will happen! Absolutely not, you cannot have any cyanide!” The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist’s wife. The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, “Well, now. You didn’t tell me you had a prescription.
 
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “Have you any idea what it takes to kill a human being, Mr. Weathers? I don’t mean one brute bashing in another brute’s skull out of primitive passion. I mean the measured dispassionate action that comes from absolute clarity of mind, transcends rational thought. The kind of action that springs from absolute necessity, unclouded by the restraints of conscience, mercy, pity. The kind of action that allows one to take a common, ordinary hammer and with clinical precision split a skull so cleanly that the cranium cracks right through the medulla, allowing the claw of the hammer to be used to pry back the skull cleanly, exposing the brain while the subject remains alive, even aware. Such a man is to be envied, revered, and much feared, never paralyzed by impotence of will.”
 
Answer: From the Hip! The scene for this quote is where Douglas Benoit (John Hurt) expresses his superiority to his attorney Robin Weathers (Judd Nelson) in detailing how he murdered one of his students.  
 
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? “Listen. You listen to me. You see that city over there? THAT’S where I’m supposed to be. Not down here with the dogs, and the garbage, and last month’s newspapers blowing *back* and *forth*. I’ve had it with them, I’ve had it with you, I’ve had it with ALL THIS – *I want ROOM SERVICE*! I want the club sandwich, I want the cold Mexican beer, I want a $10,000-a-night hooker! I want my shirts laundered… like they do… at the Imperial Hotel… in Tokyo.”
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
Can you decipher the following common phrase?
T M C
A U O
H S M
W T E
ANSWER: What goes up must come down.
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
This list of seventeen one-word items can be turned into common expressions by the addition of the same two new words, in the same order, to each. What are the two words?
books, bottle, brakes, bricks, ceiling, deck, dirt, fan, hay, jackpot, road, roof, sack, sauce, skids, spot, trail
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS ANDREA L. BANKS FOR SUPER SOLVING TUESDAYS QUIZZLER OF THE DAY! SUPER JOB BANKS! EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji
 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases!  EmojiLike this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. www.Eucman.freedom10.com.