Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

399641_10152045807265254_1962919381_nWELCOME to Tuesday April 30, 2013.  Famous Movie Quotes (The First Drafts)…. 

The Godfather: “I’m gonna make him an offer he can’t refuse. Well, he can refuse it, of course. I just know that if someone were to make me an offer like this, I’d jump all over it. But who am I to impose my feelings on someone else?”
 
The Terminator: “I’ll be back. Do you need anything while I’m out?”
 
Dirty Harry: “You’ve got to ask yourself one question: Do I feel lucky? I ask myself that every day, and you know what? I feel so very lucky. Loving family, steady work…”
 
Taxi Driver: “You talkin’ to me? You talkin’ to me? You talkin’ to me? Sorry, it looked like you were talkin’ to me. My mistake.”  
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people, and whatever you do today, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman! Emoji 
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY 
“After being named the unhappiest and the fattest state in the country, West Virginia has now been named the most stressed-out state. Researchers aren’t sure why, but they think it might have something to do with being called sad and fat.” -Jimmy Fallon
“According to a new study, the best job in America is actuary � primarily because no one knows what an actuary is. So they don’t have to do much.” -Jimmy Kimmel
“Near Antarctica, scientists just discovered some new undersea creatures. I believe this deep sea discovery is yet more evidence of the wonderful bio-diversity in our oceans that we have to clear out if we’re going to get at that tasty crude oil.” -Craig Ferguson
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
 As a jet was flying over Arizona on a clear day, the copilot was providing his passengers with a running commentary about landmarks over the PA system.  “Coming up on the right, you can see the Meteor Crater, which is a major tourist attraction in northern Arizona. It was formed when a lump of nickel and iron, roughly 150 feet in diameter and weighing 300,000 tons, struck the earth 50,000 years ago at about 40,000 miles an hour, scattering white-hot debris for miles in every direction. The hole measures nearly a mile across and is 570 feet deep.” The lady sitting next to me exclaimed: “Wow, look! It just missed the highway!”
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???  “You may be able to bully some of the chicks in this school, but this chick has been bullied by one Johnny Nogarelli for the last time. I may not be the classiest chick in this school, but I’m the best you’re ever gonna get. So take it or leave it!”
 
Answer: Grease 2! These words were spoken by Paulette during the school’s talent show, after Johnny publically rebuked her for wearing such a revealing costume. The plot of the 1982 film, “Grease 2”, picked up two years after the original “Grease” left off, and also revolved around the Pink Ladies and their T-Birds. Detailing the trials and tribulations of both gangs’ changing relationships, the main plot focused on new boy, Michael Carrington’s attempts to woo Stephanie, the leader of the Pink Ladies, much to Johnny, the leader of the T-Birds’ chagrin. 
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???  Character 1: “I’m having a hot flash.” 
Character 2: “You’re fine.” 
Character 1: “Seriously. They’re starting.” 
Character 2: “You’re on a camel in the middle of the Arabian desert. If you’re not having a hot flash, you’re dead!”
Monday’s Quizzler is……….
Answer the following with parts of the body. The first one is free! 
1. A strong box (chest)
2. Heard in congress while voting 
3. Baby cows 
4. A shellfish 
5. A unit used to measure distance 
6. Scholars 
7. Part of a shoe 
8. What every builder must have 
9. Something made by whips 
10. What soldiers carry 
 
ANSWER: 2. Eyes and nose [Aye’s and No’s]
3. Calves
4. Muscle [Mussel]
5. Feet
6. Pupils
7. Heel [Soul and tongue are also acceptable]
8. Nails
9. Lashes
10. Arms 
 
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
Below are four epitaphs (writing on gravestones). From the writings, can you tell the occupation of each person?
 
1. Here lies Mortimer Bibbs.
He took part of ours and gave it to big brother, but he always had good form.
 
2. Here lies Dirk McDuff, who toppled giants with weapons of steel. If only he’d heard his partner’s shout before the giants found their revenge.
 
3. Here lies Suzy Smelt. She constructed many a bomb but mostly brought smiles to our faces.
 
4. Here lies Ethel Grant. She spent her whole life fighting with what she will now become.
 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases!  EmojiLike this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. www.Eucman.freedom10.com.

Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

487502_347197138723516_922089129_nWELCOME to Monday April 29, 2013.  Occupational Descriptions…. 

An accountant is someone who knows the cost of everything and the value of nothing.
 
An auditor is someone who arrives after the battle and bayonets all the wounded.
 
A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain. 
 
An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn’t happen today.
 
A statistician is someone who is good with numbers but lacks the personality to be an accountant.
 
A programmer is someone who solves a problem you didn’t know you had in a way you don’t understand.
 
A lawyer is a person who writes a 10,000 word document and calls it a “brief.”
 
A psychologist is a man who watches everyone else when a beautiful girl enters the room.
 
A professor is one who talks in someone else’s sleep.
 
A schoolteacher is a disillusioned woman who used to think she liked children.
 
A consultant is someone who takes the watch off your wrist and tells you the time. 
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people, and whatever you do today, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman! Emoji 
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY 
” As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two… “
Sir Norman Wisdom
” One of the most difficult things in the world is to convince a woman that even a bargain costs money. “
Edgar Watson Howe
” A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your success! “
Doug Larson
” A harmful truth is always better then..a useful lie! “
Eric Bolton
“When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realized that The Lord doesn’t work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me. ”  Erno Philips
” I only go to work on days that don’t end in a ‘y’. “
Robert Paul
” We spend the first twelve months of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up. ”  Phyllis Diller
“Laughter is the closest distance between two people. “
Victor Borge
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
Once upon a time there was a Prince who, through no fault of his own was cast under a spell by an evil witch. The curse was that the Prince could speak only one word each year. However, he could save up the words so that if he did not speak for a whole year, then the following year he was allowed to speak two words. (This was before the time of letter writing or sign language.) One day he met a beautiful princess (ruby lips, golden hair, sapphire eyes,) and fell madly in love. With the greatest difficulty he decided to refrain from speaking for two whole years so that he could look at her and say “my darling”. But at the end of the two years he wished to tell her that he loved her. Because of this he waited three more years without speaking (bringing the total number of silent years to 5). But at the end of these five years he realized that he had to ask her to marry him. So he waited ANOTHER four years without speaking. Finally as the ninth year of silence ended, his joy knew no bounds. Leading the lovely princess to the most secluded and romantic place in that beautiful royal garden the prince heaped a hundred red roses on her lap, knelt before her, and taking her hand in his, said huskily, “My darling, I love you! Will you marry me?” And the princess tucked a strand of golden hair behind a dainty ear, opened her sapphire eyes in wonder, and parting her ruby lips, said: “Pardon?”
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???  Character 1: “Why didn’t you tell me you’re some kind of Alaskan Kennedy?”
Character 2: “We were in the middle of talking about you…for the last three years.”
 
Answer: The Proposal! This exchange between Margaret and Andrew took place near the beginning of the film, as the pair arrived in Andrew’s hometown of Sitka, Alaska. Having previously though of her assistant as nothing more than a servant, Margaret was surprised to discover his wealthy and influential roots.  The plot of the 2009 film, “The Proposal”, revolved around the development of an unlikely romantic relationship between executive editor in chief, Margaret Tate, (played by Sandra Bullock), and her assistant, Andrew Paxton, (played by Ryan Reynolds). As Andrew’s boss, Margaret was always cold and dismissive, until the day she was threatened with deportation, due to her expired visa. Desperate to hold on to her job, Margaret begged Andrew to marry her so that she could stay in the country, even going so far as agreeing to make Andrew an editor and publishing his book in the process. 
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???  “You may be able to bully some of the chicks in this school, but this chick has been bullied by one Johnny Nogarelli for the last time. I may not be the classiest chick in this school, but I’m the best you’re ever gonna get. So take it or leave it!”
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
What phrase is illustrated here?
 
Injection 1: Rumour Shot
Patient: “That tickles.”
 
Injection 2: Hearsay Shot
Patient: “Didn’t feel it.”
 
Injection 3: Fact Shot
Patient: “Ouch!”
 
ANSWER: The truth hurts.
 
Monday’s Quizzler is……….
Answer the following with parts of the body. The first one is free! 
 
1. A strong box (chest) 
2. Heard in congress while voting 
3. Baby cows 
4. A shellfish 
5. A unit used to measure distance 
6. Scholars 
7. Part of a shoe 
8. What every builder must have 
9. Something made by whips 
10. What soldiers carry
 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases!  EmojiLike this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. www.Eucman.freedom10.com.

Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

303666_585141344848656_2070389620_nWELCOME to Friday April 26, 2013.  One Liners…. 

The Grim Reaper came for me last night , and I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner. Talk about Dyson with death. 
 
I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a coffin , 3 hours later and they’re still walking about with it. I thought to myself , they’ve lost the plot!! 
 
I was at an ATM yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance , so I pushed her over. 
 
I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move. 
 
Statistically , 6 out of 7 dwarves are not Happy. 
 
My neighbor knocked on my door at 2:30 am this morning , can you believe that , 2:30 am? Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes. 
 
My girlfriend thinks that I’m a stalker. Well , she’s not exactly my girlfriend yet. 
 
A wife says to her husband you’re always pushing me around and talking behind my back. He says what do you expect? You’re in a wheelchair. 
 
The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back. 
 
Bought some ‘rocket salad’ yesterday but it went off before I could eat it! 
 
A teddy bear is working on a building site. He goes for a tea break and when he returns he notices his pick has been stolen. The bear is angry and reports the theft to the foreman. The foreman grins at the bear and says “Oh , I forgot to tell you , today’s the day the teddy bears have their pick nicked.” 
 
Just got back from my mate’s funeral. He died after being hit on the head with a tennis ball. 
It was a lovely service. 
 
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Friday people, and whatever you do today, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman! Emoji 
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY 
“NBC has canceled its reality dating show ‘Ready for Love’ after three episodes. Viewers complained the show was complicated and confusing � marking the first time a dating show has been canceled for being exactly like dating.” -Jimmy Fallon
“Happy Earth Day. Did you know there are Earth Day greeting cards? There is no better way to celebrate Earth Day than chopping down trees to make cards. -Jimmy Kimmel
“Yesterday was Earth Day, and you know what I found here on the 14th floor? � an old-fashioned coal-powered typewriter. I’m so embarrassed.” -Dave Letterman
 
 
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
 My daughter and I went through the McDonald’s take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill. Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter. She said, “you gave me too much money.”  I said, “Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back.” She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said “We’re sorry but they could not do that kind of thing.” The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change.  Do not confuse the clerks at McD’s. Or do. Who knows, you might get lucky.
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???  “I’m pond scum. Well, lower actually. I’m like the fungus that feeds on pond scum.”
 
Answer: My Best Friend’s Wedding! Julianne said these words to Michael near the end of the film, after revealing to him that she had tried to sabotage his wedding, because she loved him.  The plot of the 1997 film, “My Best Friend’s Wedding”, revolved around single girl, Julianne Potter, (played by Julia Roberts), who realized that she loved her best friend, just as he was preparing to marry another woman. Determined to split them up, Julianne embarked on a mission of sabotage, desperate to stop the wedding from taking place. 
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? Character 1: “Why didn’t you tell me you’re some kind of Alaskan Kennedy?”
Character 2: “We were in the middle of talking about you…for the last three years.”
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
What two words, anagrams of each other, complete this sentence?
 
The __________ threatened to _________ the family picnic. There were over 500 of them. 
 
ANSWER: HORNETS, SHORTEN
 
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
What phrase is illustrated here?
 
Injection 1: Rumour Shot
Patient: “That tickles.”
 
Injection 2: Hearsay Shot
Patient: “Didn’t feel it.”
 
Injection 3: Fact Shot
Patient: “Ouch!”
 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases!  EmojiLike this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. www.Eucman.freedom10.com.

Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

291881_484916541552893_1490415192_nWELCOME to Thursday April 25, 2013.   Real Signs In Shop Windows….. 

Signs In a clothing store: “Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks.”
 
In the window of an Oregon general store: “Why go elsewhere to be cheated, when you can come here?” 
 
In a Pennsylvania cemetery: “Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves.”
 
On a Tennessee highway: “Take notice: when this sign is under water, this road is impassable.”
 
From the safety information card in America West Airline seat pocket: “If you are sitting in an exit row and can not read this card, please tell a crew member.” 
 
On a Maine shop: “Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible prices and workmanship.”
 
On a delicatessen wall: “Our best is none too good.”  
 
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people, and whatever you do today, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman! Emoji 
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY 
“Our bodies are our gardens to which our wills are gardeners.”
– William Shakespeare
“As long as you derive inner help and comfort from anything, keep it.”
– Mahatma Gandhi
“Death is only going to happen to you once; I don’t want to miss it.”
– Jim Morrison
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says, “We only have one rule here in heaven: don’t step on the ducks!” So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one. Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St. Peter chains them together and says, “Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!”  The next day, the second woman accidentally steps on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn’t miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.  The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternityto an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps. She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on … very tall, long eyelashes, muscular, and thin.  St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.  The happy woman says, “I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?”  The guy says, “I don’t know about you, but I stepped on a duck!”
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???  “I’m not sayin’ she’s a bragger, but if you’ve been to Paradise, she’s got a season ticket. She’s that type, Gillian, you know. If you’ve got a headache, she’s got a brain tumour.” 
 
Answer: Shirley Valentine! These words were said by Shirley herself, at the beginning of the film, during one of her many conversations alone. The plot of the 1989 film, “Shirley Valentine”, revolved around the character of Shirley, (played by Pauline Collins), a married middle-aged woman with two children, whose life was passing her by. Having always put others first, when her friend, Jane, won a trip to Greece, Shirley decided to go with her. Her family, however, were not keen on the idea, and demanded that she stay home. However the more they insisted, the more Shirley resolved to enjoy her holiday abroad. Moreover her trip to Greece proved to be everything she had hoped, helping her to rediscover her inner self. 
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? “I’m pond scum. Well, lower actually. I’m like the fungus that feeds on pond scum.” 
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
MORE MORE
MORE MORE
MORE
MORE MORE
MORE MORE
 
ANSWER: Room for one more!
 
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
What two words, anagrams of each other, complete this sentence?
 
The __________ threatened to _________ the family picnic. There were over 500 of them.
 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases!  EmojiLike this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. www.Eucman.freedom10.com.

Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

ATT000111717WELCOME to Wednesday April 24, 2013.  Do you believe in Yourself?  

A professor stood before his class of twenty senior organic biology students, about to hand out the final exam.
 
“I want to say that it’s been a pleasure teaching you this semester. I know you’ve all worked extremely hard and many of you are off to medical school after summer. So that no one gets their GPA messed up because they might have been celebrating a bit too much this week, anyone who would like to opt out of the final exam today will receive a ‘B’ for the test.”
 
There was much rejoicing in the class as students got up, walked to the front of the class, and took the professor up on his offer. As the last taker left the room, the professor looked out over the handful of remaining students and asked, “Anyone else? This is your last chance.”
 
One final student rose up and opted out of the final.
 
The professor closed the door and took attendance of those students remaining. “I’m glad to see you believe in yourselves,” he said. “You all get ‘A’s.”
 
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people, and whatever you do today, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman! Emoji 
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY 
“My family is really boring. They have a coffee table book called Pictures We took Just to Use Up the Rest of the Film.” –Cynthia Levin
“There’s got to be something wrong with people who go to Star Trek conventions. I mean, I like Mary Tyler Moore, too, but I don’t rent out a big hall and dress up like Rhoda.” –Andy Kindler
“I’m a grown woman but my father still thinks I know nothing about my car. He always asks me, ‘You changing the oil every 3,000 miles?’ ‘Yes, Dad. I’m also putting sugar in the gas tank. That way my exhaust smells like cotton candy.'” –Mimi Gonzalez
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
While we were working at a men’s clothing store, a customer asked my coworker to help her pick out a tie that would make her husband’s blue eyes stand out. “Ma’am,” he explained, “any tie will make blue eyes stand out if you tie it tight enough.”
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “Hey, I like that hat, man. They sell men’s clothes where you got that?”
Answer: Footloose! Ren said these words to Willard the first time he met him in the school corridor, prompting the latter to laugh, displaying his endearing sense of humour. The plot of the 1984 film, “Footloose”, revolved around Ren McCormack, (played by Kevin Bacon), a teenager whose first love was music. However when he and his mother moved to a small town where dancing and rock music was outlawed, he made it his mission to find a loophole in the law. 
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???  “I’m not sayin’ she’s a bragger, but if you’ve been to Paradise, she’s got a season ticket. She’s that type, Gillian, you know. If you’ve got a headache, she’s got a brain tumour.” 
 
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
4 people went to 4 different places at 4 different times on 4 different days.
People- Harry, Bonnie, John, Irma
Places-Hotel, Barber shop, Mall, Post Office
Times-8:30AM, 12:00PM, 4:30PM, 7:00PM
Days-Sunday, Wednesday, Friday, Tuesday
 
A woman visited the hotel on a weekday. 
The post office was visited in the morning.
Bonnie hates malls and hotels.
The local post office is closed on Tuesdays and Sundays.
Someone went to the mall at noon on Tuesday.
Irma will always be at home at 7:00PM.
Nobody will go somewhere that starts with the first letter of their first name.
John is very busy on weekdays.
Bonnie goes bowling all day on Wednesdays.
 
ANSWER: John-Barber shop-7:PM-Sunday
Harry-Mall-12:00PM-Tuesday
Bonnie-Post Office-8:30AM-Friday
Irma-Hotel-4:30PM-Wednesday 
 
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
MORE MORE
MORE MORE
MORE
MORE MORE
MORE MORE
TODAY’S PURE GENIUS AWARD GOES TO MS. KIM HILLYARD FOR SOLVING THE QUIZZLER OF THE DAY! GREAT JOB KIM! EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji
 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases!  EmojiLike this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. www.Eucman.freedom10.com.

Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

558631_2633157687112_2125393912_nWELCOME to Tuesday April 23, 2013. 9 words women say and we men so often hear but never get.  

(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
 
(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
 
(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. Nothing means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
 
(4) If you want to: This is a dare, not permission. Don’t Do It!
 
(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)
 
(6) That’s Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That’s okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
 
(7) Thanks: When accompanied by a smile, then a woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint, just enjoy the moment, however if the woman says ‘Thanks a lot’ – that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all.
 
(8) I’m almost there! : This means that she’s 45 minutes away, so sit down and relax!
 
(9) Don’t worry about it, I’ve got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking ‘What’s wrong?’ For the woman’s response refer to # 3.
 
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people, and whatever you do today, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman! Emoji 
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY 
“New York City is considering a law to ban people from wearing costumes in Times Square after a man dressed as the Cookie Monster shoved a little boy. In his defense, Cookie Monster said, ‘Boy not give up cookie.'” -Jimmy Fallon
“Elsewhere in the news, a Swedish company was fined today after one of their assembly robots attacked a human worker. And so it begins…” -Craig Ferguson
“For those of you who aren’t familiar with Coachella, it’s a big music festival in the California desert. If you didn’t get tickets or if you’re too far away, just get high and pass out in a dumpster behind Trader Joe’s. Just like being there.” -Jimmy Kimmel
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
When I was a 20-something college student, I became quite friendly with my study partner, a 64-year-old man, who had returned to school to finish his degree. He confessed, with a wink, that he had once thought more than friendship might be a possibility between us.  “So what changed your mind?” I asked him.  “I went to my doctor and asked if he thought a 40-year age difference between a man and woman was insurmountable. He looked at my chart and said, ‘You’re interested in someone who’s 104?!’ 
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???  “You wanna see a bad facelift? Helen Danvers, 2 o’clock. She looks like she’s re-entering the Earth’s atmosphere.”
Answer: The Women! These words were said by Catherine Frazier to her daughter, Mary, as the pair lunched together. The plot of the 2008 remake of the film, “The Women” (2008), revolved around the lives of a group of women, and their friendships with one and other. At the beginning of the film, fashion designer, Mary, discovered that her husband was cheating on her with a perfume salesgirl. Her friends banded together to support her, but one in particular, Sylvie, was forced to trade the details of her friend’s woes in order to keep her job. Horrified by her friend’s betrayal, Mary ended their friendship, which led to further complications, when Mary’s daughter, Molly, began to confide in Sylvie, instead of her mother. 
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???  “Hey, I like that hat, man. They sell men’s clothes where you got that?” 
 
Monday’s Quizzler is……….
 Ryan and Craig were identical twins born in Seattle in 1961. Ryan was born before Craig, but according to their birth certificates, Craig was older than Ryan. How come?
 
ANSWER: Ryan and Craig were born in the fall on the day that the clocks are set back one hour. Ryan was born at 1:45am. Craig was born 30 minutes later. Since the clocks were set back at 2am, Craig’s official time of birth was 1:15am.
 
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
4 people went to 4 different places at 4 different times on 4 different days.
People- Harry, Bonnie, John, Irma
Places-Hotel, Barber shop, Mall, Post Office
Times-8:30AM, 12:00PM, 4:30PM, 7:00PM
Days-Sunday, Wednesday, Friday, Tuesday
 
A woman visited the hotel on a weekday. 
The post office was visited in the morning.
Bonnie hates malls and hotels.
The local post office is closed on Tuesdays and Sundays.
Someone went to the mall at noon on Tuesday.
Irma will always be at home at 7:00PM.
Nobody will go somewhere that starts with the first letter of their first name.
John is very busy on weekdays.
Bonnie goes bowling all day on Wednesdays.
 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases!  EmojiLike this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. www.Eucman.freedom10.com.

Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

528012_419728528079391_1175917106_nWELCOME to Friday April 22, 2013.   A Idiots Life Guide!

Don’t eat rocks.
Don’t take naps in the road.
Don’t stoke fires with your fingers.
Don’t throw a brick straight up.
Don’t breathe car exhaust.
If you ever meet the President, don’t offer him the surprise gift of a firearm by whipping it suddenly out of your coat pocket.
For all pertinent tasks, use a hammer, not your fist.
Walk around toxic waste dumps, not through them.
Don’t stargaze with friends on a hilltop in a thunderstorm and use metal fishing rods as pointers.
The stuff on the bottom of your shoe is not for internal consumption.
If you need to get somewhere, and a freight train heading in the direction you’re traveling just happens to be nearby, resist the urge to stand in front of it and grab hold as it passes.
If you want to pound on the radiator to tell the landlord to turn up the heat, don’t do it with your head.
Don’t flip off the Mafia.
If you’re riding a bicycle down a hill, turn your head before you spit.
Wash behind your ears, not behind your eyes.
Light birthday cake candles from back to front.
Don’t shave with a lawn mower.
Just because your body has orifices doesn’t mean you should put things into them.
Don’t stick screwdrivers into electrical outlets.
Although they are sold in grocery stores, batteries are not food. Do not break them open and drink what’s inside.
The warning “Don’t try this at home” really means “Don’t try this at all.”
Don’t bathe in a tub full of snow.
Don’t iron clothes while wearing them.
The expression “Life in the fast line” should not inspire you to live in the road.
Don’t eat hot coals.
Don’t escape in to jail.
Don’t wash floors with cough syrup.
Don’t kick porcupines with bare feet.
Don’t sled down hills with interstates at the bottom.
Sell at most one of your kidneys.
Don’t lie down in a cattle pen.
Forks need carry food no farther than your mouth.
Don’t test the strength of your skull with a nail gun.
Only squeeze the handle end of a sword.
Don’t snap towels at passing cops.
Don’t throw an angry cat straight up.
Don’t lick dry ice.
Before you leap upside down onto a trampoline, make sure it’s right side up.
Don’t pour salt in your eyes.
Your body has the correct number of holes in it. Don’t make any more.
Don’t microwave yourself.
Don’t chase a bear into the woods to get a close-up photo.
Don’t swallow toothpaste.
Don’t chew Tylenol.
Don’t bathe in gasoline.
Don’t sneak up to a stallion and whack it on the rump.
Don’t drink water that comes from swimming pools, puddles, bathtubs, dishpans, sewage pipes, radiators, oceans, acid rain, or toilet bowls. 
 
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people, and whatever you do today, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman! Emoji 
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY 
Life is like a ten speed bicycle. Most of us have gears we never use.
– Charles M. Schulz
 
A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.
– Oscar Wilde
History is the version of past events that people have decided to agree upon.
– Napoleon Bonaparte
 
Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living; the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
– Mark Twain
 
Get the facts first. You can distort them later.
– Mark Twain
 
God writes a lot of comedy… the trouble is, he’s stuck with so many bad actors who don’t know how to play funny.
– Garrison Keillor
 
When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
– Mark Twain
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
The Leader of the Vegetarian Society just couldn’t control himself anymore. he just needed to try some pork, just to see what it tasted like. So one summer day he told his members he was going on a vacation. He packed out of town, and headed to the nearest restaurant. After sitting down, he ordered a roasted pig, and impatiently waited for his delicacy. After just a few minutes, he heard someone call his name, and to his great chagrin he saw one of his fellow members walking towards him. Just at that same moment, the waiter walked over, with a huge platter, holding a full roasted pig with an apple in it’s mouth. Now “ Isn’t that something,” says the Leader after only a moments pause, “all I do is order an apple, and look what it comes with!”
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???  “I’ll have a Pina Colada, not virgin. Wanna see my ID? Totally have it!”
Answer: 13 Going on 30! These words were said by Jenna, the night after she woke up as a thirty year old woman. With her thirteen year old mind still intact, Jenna displayed her girlish excitement with the above quotation. The plot of the 2004 film, “13 Going on 30”, revolved around thirteen year old Jenna Rink, who, after having a disastrous thirteenth birthday party, wished that she could magic her way through time, to the age of thirty. The following morning, Jenna discovered that her wish had come true, and she had been transformed into a thirty year old woman. However she was shocked to discover that she was not a very nice person. She and her childhood friend, Mattie, were no longer friends, and her best friend was actually her childhood arch enemy, Lucy. Appalled at how her life had turned out, Jenna set out to change it.  
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???  “You wanna see a bad facelift? Helen Danvers, 2 o’clock. She looks like she’s re-entering the Earth’s atmosphere.”
 
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
Created I was, in 1841,
By someone with the name of an evil one,
He was a Belgian, living in Paris,
This man had to be very zealous.
 
Fourteen of me, this young man made,
Some above A, but not quite B,
With some higher than D, but lower than E,
And some that are C, and three halves above D,
That’s why my popularity’s so easy to see.
 
Golden with lacquer, I usually am,
I sometimes am used to honor Uncle Sam,
 
Patented I was in 1846,
I’m the one who gives some their kicks,
I’m shaped like a J – with a hook on the end,
So, can you tell what I am?
 
ANSWER:  A Saxophone.
 
Created I was, in 1841,
By someone with the name of an evil one,
He was a Belgian, living in Paris,
This man had to be very zealous.
 
Adolphe Sax invented the saxophone in 1841. Adolphe Sax’s name has a resemblance to Adolf Hitler, an evil one indeed… Fourteen of me, this young man made, Some above A, but not quite B, With some higher than D, but lower than E, And some that are C, and three halves above D, That’s why my popularity’s so easy to see.  Sax made 14 different types of saxes. Seven pitched in C and F (F is three half-steps above D, hence three halves above D), and seven pitched in Eb (That’s E Flat for you non-musicians, which is above D and lower than E) and Bb (above A and not quite B). Golden with lacquer, I usually am, I sometimes am used to honor Uncle Sam. Saxes are usually golden, and the covering is referred to a lacquer. Saxes are also used in Military bands, thus “honoring Uncle Sam” Patented I was in 1846, I’m the one who gives some their kicks, I’m shaped like a J-with a hook on the end, Most saxes are J shaped with a hook with the exception of the Soprano Sax. Many Jazz enthusiasts get their “kicks” or enjoyment from saxophone players. 
 
Monday’s Quizzler is……….
Ryan and Craig were identical twins born in Seattle in 1961. Ryan was born before Craig, but according to their birth certificates, Craig was older than Ryan. How come?
 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases!  EmojiLike this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. www.Eucman.freedom10.com.