Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

keepcalmdemotivatorWELCOME to Friday March 29, 2013.  Stress-Relievers for Exhausted, Desperate Parents…

1. Pop some popcorn without putting on the lid.
2. Use your Mastercard to pay your Visa.
3. When someone says, “have a nice day,” tell them you’ve made other plans.
4. Make a “thing to do” list of things you have already done.
5. Pay your electric bill in pennies.
6. Drive to work in reverse.
7. Have your surname legally changed to “Your-Highness.”
8. Pound your head repeatedly on a pile of lightly toasted Wonder bread.
9. Brush your teeth vigorously with cheese whiz.
10. Read the dictionary upside-down and look for secret messages.
11. Bill your doctor for the time you spent in his waiting room.
12. Stare at people through the tines of a fork and pretend they’re in jail.
13. Start a nasty rumor and see if you recognize it when it comes back to you.
14. Put your toddler’s clothes on backwards and send him off to preschool as if nothing is wrong.
15. Start a “Rodents of North America collection.”
16. Take ten dollars out of the offering plate at church and put in a note saying “You owe me, Lord.”
17. Paint a picture entitled “My Brain the Forest.”
18. Tape pictures of your boss to watermelons and launch them from high places.
19. Put a bag on your head and mark it “Closed for Remodeling.”
20. Write your next memo in Pig Latin.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Friday people, and whatever you do today, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman! Emoji
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY 
“I wanted to be a Boy Scout, but I had all the wrong traits. They were looking for kids who were trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean and reverent. Whereas I tended to be devious, fickle, obstructive, hostile, impolite, mean, defiant, glum, extravagant, dirty, and sacrilegious.” –George Carlin
“When I was a kid getting to borrow the car was a big deal. Before he handed over the keys, my dad always gave me a lecture. ‘Now I’m not giving you this car so you can screw it up.’ Well, I said to myself, then I don’t want it.” –Louie Anderson
“You can’t believe how much hard work it is to con people into thinking that you’re productive when you’re unemployed. Always thinking up things to tell them you’re going to do tomorrow, having to exaggerate every minute of your nowhere day…it’s worse than having a job. At least when you’re employed, when people ask about your day you can tell them to shut up and mind their own business.” –Drew Carey
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
A flight instructor was sent out to help a trainee who had radioed that he was about to make a forced landing a few miles from the base. The instructor spotted the plane standing in a field small enough to present a real challenge to his professional reputation.  With determination, full flaps and engine just above the stall, he maneuvered into the field. Climbing out, he shouted angrily to the trainee, “Just how did you manage to get into such a small field?”  “I landed in the big field over there,” the trainee pointed, “but in order to leave room for you, I had the farmer tow me here.”
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “I arrived in America’s airport with clothings, U.S dollars and a jar of gypsy tears to protect me from AIDS.”
Answer: Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan! This quote is, of course, said by Borat. He narrates this as he arrives in New York’s JFK airport. This is one of his more comedic lines. During the film, Borat entertains a fear of gypsies, Jews, and interestingly, cockroaches. The movie is about a man who comes to the United States in the hopes of absorbing some of its cultures and traditions. The movie follows his antics as he adjusts to the extremely different culture of Americans.  
 
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “I wish I knew how to quit you.”
 
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
 1. How will you put an elephant in a fridge in 3 steps?
2. How will you put a zebra in a fridge in 4 steps?
3. The King of the Jungle, the lion, is having a wedding ceremony. All of the animals come to attend the ceremony except one. Which one is it and why doesn’t it come?
4. A man has to desperately cross the river to get from one place to the other in a jungle. The river is known for having deadly alligators in it. There is no boat. How is he going to make it to the other place?
ANSWER: 1. Step one: Open the fridge
Step two: Put the elephant inside
Step three: Close the fridge
 
2. Step one: Open the fridge
Step two: Take the elephant out
Step three: Put the zebra inside
Step four: Close the fridge
 
3. Zebra, because he is inside the fridge
 
4. He will simply swim through the river, as all the alligators have gone to attend the lion’s wedding ceremony. 
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
The following sentences have two blanks that can be filled with two words that are anagrams of each other. Please find those words. 
 
1. In the TV commercial, an indignant woman __________ the salesman because she has been unable to obtain the promised __________. 
 
2. The game went into triple overtime. The quarterback was exhausted and knew this was no time for his team to ______ energy. They were so dehydrated that they weren’t even able to ______. 
 
3. The famous mathematician __________ that he had invented a new __________ system.
 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases!  EmojiLike this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. www.Eucman.freedom10.com.

Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

294681_10152038377175254_790823589_nWELCOME to Thursday March 28, 2013.  A New Language…

The Atlanta School Board has decided to pursue some of the seemingly endless taxpayer pipeline through Washington, DC, by designating Southern slang, or “Hickphonics”, as a language to be taught in all Southern schools. A speaker of this language would be a Hickphone. The following are excerpts from the Hickphonics/English dictionary:
 
HEIDI (noun). Greeting.
 
HIRE YEW (complete sentence). Remainder of greeting.
Usage: “Heidi, hire yew?”
 
BARD (verb). Past tense of the infinitive “to borrow”.
Usage: “My brother bard my pickup truck”.
 
JAWJUH (noun). The state north of Florida. The capitol is Lanner.
Usage: “My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck”.
 
BAMMER (noun).The state west of Jawjuh. The capitol is Berminhayum.
Usage: “A tornader jes went through Bammer an’ lef $20,000,000.00 in improvements”.
 
MUNTS (noun). A calendar division.
Usage: “My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, an I ain’t herd from him in munts”.
 
THANK (verb). Ability to cognitively process.
Usage: “Ah thank ah’ll have a bare”.
 
BARE (noun). An alcoholic beverage made of barley, hops an yeast.
Usage: “Ah thank ah’ll have a bare”.
 
IGNERT (adj). Not smart. See “Arkansas native”.
Usage: “Them Bammer boys sure is ignert!”
 
RANCH (noun). A tool used for tight’nin’ bolts.
Usage: “I thank I lef my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago”.
 
ALL (noun). A petroleum-based lubricant.
Usage: “I sure hope my brother from jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck”.
 
FAR (noun). A conflagration.
Usage: “If my brother from Jawjuh don’t change the all in my pickup truck, that thing’s gonna catch far”.
 
TAR (noun). A rubber wheel, or a tall monument.
Usage: “Lord willing’ and the creek don’t rise, I sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tar in Paris sometime”.
 
RETARD (verb). To stop working.
Usage: “My granpaw retard at age 65”.
 
FAT (noun, verb) A battle or combat; to engage in battle or combat.
Usage: “You younguns keep fat’n, n’ ah’m gonna whup y’uh”.
 
RATS (noun). Entitled power or priviledge.
Usage: “We Southerners are willing’ to fat for are rats”.
 
FARN (adj). Not local.
Usage: “I cuddint unnerstand a wurd he sed . . . mus’ be from som farn country”.
 
DID (adj). Not alive.
Usage: “He’s did, Jim”.
 
EAR (noun). A colorless, odorless gas: Oxygen.
Usage: “He cain’t breathe . . . give ‘im some ear!”
 
BOB WAR (noun). A sharp, twisted cable.
Usage: “Boy, stay away from that bob war fence”.
 
JEW HERE (noun & verb contraction)
Usage: “Jew here that my brother from Jawjuh got a job with that bob war fence cump’ny?”
 
HAZE (a contraction)
Usage: “Is Bubba smart?” “Nah . . . haze ignert. He aint’ thanked but a minnit ‘n ‘is laf”.
 
SEED (verb) Past tense of “to see”.
 
VIEW (contraction; verb & pronoun)
Usage: “I ain’t never seed New York City . . . view?”
 
GUMMIT (noun). A bureaucratic institution.
Usage: “Them gummit boys shore is ignert”.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people, and whatever you do today, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman! Emoji
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY 
“Sometimes the appropriate response to reality is to go insane.”
– Philip K. Dick
“Why do you have to be a nonconformist like everybody else?”
– James Thurber
“Success is relative. It is what we can make of the mess we have made of things.”
– T. S. Eliot
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
Progressing With Time…
 
2000 B.C. – Here, eat this root.
 
1000 A.D. – That root is heathen. Here, say this prayer.
 
1850 A.D. – That prayer is superstition. Here, drink this potion.
 
1940 A.D. – That potion is snake oil. Here, swallow this pill.
 
1985 A.D. – That pill is ineffective. Here, take this antibiotic.
 
2000 A.D. – That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root.
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???  “You cannot let him near the chest, man, trust me on this. You can mistrust me less than you can mistrust him. Trust me.”
Answer:  Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest! This comedic line is said by Captain Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) to Will Turner (Orlando Bloom) when Jack, Elizabeth and Will are trying to find Davy Jones’ heart which is locked in a chest. Jack is trying to convince Will of giving the chest to him rather than to Norrington, a man who wants the chest to get a pardon and reclaim his life. The heart is Jack’s key to defeating Davy Jones. Will needs the heart to free his father, who has been committed to serving Davy Jones for life. Elizabeth is engaged to Will. This is the second movie in an extremely entertaining trilogy which also stars Keira Knightly, and Geoffrey Rush. The third movie in the series is called “Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End”.
 
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “I arrived in America’s airport with clothings, U.S dollars and a jar of gypsy tears to protect me from AIDS.”
 
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
The following are colloquialisms/idioms written in their literal form. Try to find all four.
Example: A Panthera Pardus is incapable of altering its texture. (A leopard can’t change its spots)
1. Revert to the first quadrilateral of equal sides and angles.
2. One suffering from Macular Degeneration guiding one with less than 1/10 of normal vision.
3. Restrain your multiple Equus caballus.
4. The writing utensil containing small amounts of ink is more puissant than the iron hand-held weapon.
ANSWER: 1. Back to Square One–A term meaning to go back to the beginning, or the original idea.
 
2. Blind leading the blind–Term which means the person in charge knows no more than the person or people he is leading.
 
3. Hold your Horses–Meaning be patient and to wait.
 
4. The pen is mightier than the sword–A phrase that means you can get more accomplished by solving your problems in a calm way, than resorting to violence.
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
1. How will you put an elephant in a fridge in 3 steps?
2. How will you put a zebra in a fridge in 4 steps?
3. The King of the Jungle, the lion, is having a wedding ceremony. All of the animals come to attend the ceremony except one. Which one is it and why doesn’t it come?
4. A man has to desperately cross the river to get from one place to the other in a jungle. The river is known for having deadly alligators in it. There is no boat. How is he going to make it to the other place?
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO TWO OF OUR RESIDENT GENIUS, MS. KIM HILLYARD AND MS. ANDREA L. BANKS FOR SOLVING THE QUIZZLER OF THE DAY! SUPER SOLVING LADIES. Emoji
EmojiEmoji EmojiEmojiEmoji

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases!  EmojiLike this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. www.Eucman.freedom10.com.

Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

309426_355108927896489_911821253_nWELCOME to Wednesday March 27, 2013.  

10 Reasons Disney Delayed Launching Their Cruise Line
 
1. Pluto’s “accident” on Deck 3
 
2. Room service using Aladdin was getting out of hand.
 
3. Exterminator killed off “rat” problem only to discover they were Mickey and Minnie’s cousins. 
 
4. Drunken dispute between Donald and The Mighty Ducks over who was mightier. 
 
5. Charo kept showing up.
 
6. The Beast from “Beauty and the Beast” kept eating the midnight buffet. 
 
7. The Seven Dwarfs vandalized the ship after failing to meet the “You Must Be This Tall to Ride This Ride” Requirements. 
 
8. Stench of seawater and 101 Dalmations was too strong. 
 
9. Tour guide Goofy goes into drunken rampage and uses Chip and Dale as Shuffleboard discs. 
 
10. New hires Doc, Isaac, and Gopher quit days before launch, citing that this job is not as “exciting and new” as their last one. 
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people, and whatever you do today, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman! Emoji
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY 
Marriage is like taking a hot bath. After you’ve been in it for a while… it isn’t so hot.
I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and think, “Well, that’s not going to happen.”
According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a woman is their eyes. And women say the first thing they notice about men is they’re a bunch of liars.
Most people would be angry if their company was bought and the new owners replaced them with their own people. Not our neighbor Andy. “You know how it goes,” he said, waxing philosophical. “Every circus brings its own clowns.”
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
 Maury ran a small commercial real estate company. One day, a few years back, he sold his interest in one of his projects for 3 million dollars. The only problem was that the guy who bought him out was a big shot in his very small hometown in Pennsylvania, and he wanted Maury to use the local bank branch.  So Maury goes in to the bank and tells the teller he’d like to open a few accounts. The teller goes through the list of gifts you can get for your initial deposit. $300 gets you a toaster, $600 for a television, etc. The teller then asks him how much he would like to deposit. Without saying a word, Maury hands her the cashier’s check.  The teller turns bright red, and runs to get her manager.
The manager escorts him into her office, where they sit down.  “Sir, welcome to our town. We’re thrilled to have you as a customer. What can I get you?” To which Maury replied, “I’ll take 10,000 toasters.”
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “I could more easily forgive his vanity had he not wounded mine.”
Answer: Pride and Prejudice! This is said by Elizabeth Bennett (Keira Knightly) of Mr. Darcy (Matthew Macfadyen), a man who has unknowlingly caught the eye of the audacious Elizabeth. Elizabeth says this when she knows she loves Darcy and he loves her but her pride comes in and she does not want to forgive him for lying to her. Elizabeth Bennett is one of Jane Austen’s most famous heroines. The novel revolves around five sisters, Jane, Elizabeth, Mary, Kitty and Lydia Bennett. She is a woman who believes in marrying only for love, not for money. Her mother, however, firmly believes marrying a rich man is the only way to maintain status in society and be happy. Mr. Darcy is an extremely weathly bachelor, one that Mrs. Bennett would adore to have as a son-in-law. Elizabeth, however, resists her mother’s forceful behaviour until she, herself, begins to fall for him. 
 
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “You cannot let him near the chest, man, trust me on this. You can mistrust me less than you can mistrust him. Trust me.”
 
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
 The following sentences have two blanks that can be filled with two words that are anagrams of each other. Please find those words.
1. The mathematician turned out to be a friend to Mary. He not only was a great math _____, but he would also take her ______ fishing after the lessons.
2. Speech is silver, but that doesn’t give one __________ to ramble on about nothing. After all, __________ is golden.
3. The ambassador was going to need a police ________ for that particularly violent ________ of the city.
ANSWER:  TUTOR, TROUT, LICENSE, SILENCE, ESCORT, SECTOR
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
The following are colloquialisms/idioms written in their literal form. Try to find all four.
Example: A Panthera Pardus is incapable of altering its texture. (A leopard can’t change its spots)
1. Revert to the first quadrilateral of equal sides and angles.
2. One suffering from Macular Degeneration guiding one with less than 1/10 of normal vision.
3. Restrain your multiple Equus caballus.
4. The writing utensil containing small amounts of ink is more puissant than the iron hand-held weapon.
 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases!  EmojiLike this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. www.Eucman.freedom10.com.

Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

whiningdemotivatorWELCOME to Tuesday March 26, 2013.  Resurrected Rabbit… 

A man was driving along the highway, and saw a rabbit hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the rabbit, but unfortunately the rabbit jumped in front of the car and was hit. The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over to the side of the road, and got out to see what had become of the rabbit.
 
Much to his dismay, the rabbit was dead. The driver felt so awful, he began to cry. A woman driving down the highway saw the man crying on the side of the road and pulled over. She stepped out of her car and asked the man what was wrong.
 
“I feel terrible,” he explained, “I accidently hit this rabbit and killed it.”
 
The woman told the man not to worry. She knew what to do. She went to her car trunk, and pulled out a spray can. She walked over to the limp, dead rabbit, and sprayed the contents of the can onto the rabbit.
 
Miraculously the rabbit came to life, jumped up, waved it’s paw at the two humans and hopped down the road. 50 meters away the rabbit stopped, turned around, waved and hopped down the road, another 50 meters, turned, waved and hopped another 50 meters. The man was astonished. He couldn’t figure out what substance could be in the woman’s spray can!!
 
He ran over to the woman and demanded, “What is in your spray can? What did you spray on that rabbit?”
 
The woman turned the can around so that the man could read the label. It said: “Hair spray. Restores life to dead hair. Adds permanent wave.”
 
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people, and whatever you do today, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman! Emoji
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY 
“You now can take pocket knives on commercial airlines. And you can also take pool cues on commercial flights. This is great news if you’re a knife-wielding pool hustler.” -David Letterman
“New research shows that eating organic foods can make people more arrogant and judgmental. In fact, eating just one handful of organic bean sprouts has the same effect as driving 1,000 miles in a Prius.” -Jay Leno
“In a survey of 35 cities, Los Angeles ranked second-to-last in intelligence. Residents of L.A. were outraged after the report was slowly explained to them.” -Conan O’Brien
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
 Two fellows stopped into an English pub for a drink. They called the proprietor over and asked him to settle an argument.  “Are there two pints in a quart or four?” asked one.  “There be two pints in a quart,” confirmed the proprietor. They moved back along the bar and soon the barmaid asked for their order. “Two pints please, miss, and the bartender offered to buy them for us.” The barmaid doubted that her boss would be so generous, so one of the fellows called out to the proprietor at the other end of the bar, “You did say two pints, didn’t you?”  “That’s right,” he called back, “two pints.”
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “When an individual acquires great power, the use or misuse of that power is everything. Will it be used for the greater good or will it be used for personal or destructive ends? Now this is a question we must all ask ourselves.”
Answer: X-Men: The Last Stand! This quote is said by Professor Xavier (Patrick Stewart) as he addresses students at his school for mutants. He is attempting to keep them from abusing the gifts they have received. He wants them to use their powers for the well-being of others instead of for self-gain. The movie costars Hugh Jackman, Sir Ian McKellan, and Halle Berry. It is the third installment of the “X-Men” movies. In this one, the X-Men must fight one of their former teammates, Jean Grey (Famke Janssen), who has trasferred to Magneto’s (Sir Ian McKellan) side. Magneto attempts to defy the company who has invented what they call a cure for the mutant gene. Wolverine (Jackman), Storm (Berry), Rogue (Anna Paquin) and Iceman (Shawn Ashmore) must fight Magneto before he ends the human race. The trilogy follows a group of good mutants as they fight to stop evil mutants from taking their revenge on the humans who have shunned them. The good mutants must also resist the prejudice coming from humans, who do not realize that these are the creatures protecting them from harm.  
 
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “I could more easily forgive his vanity had he not wounded mine.” 
 
Monday’s Quizzler is……….
 I live above a star, and yet I never burn,
I have eleven neighbors, and yet none of them turn,
I am visited in sequence, first, last or in between,
PRS (& sometimes Q) are my initials,
Now, tell me what I mean.
ANSWER: The ”7” on the telephone keypad
(new ones have the letter Q with the PRS)
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
The following sentences have two blanks that can be filled with two words that are anagrams of each other. Please find those words.
1. The mathematician turned out to be a friend to Mary. He not only was a great math _____, but he would also take her ______ fishing after the lessons.
2. Speech is silver, but that doesn’t give one __________ to ramble on about nothing. After all, __________ is golden.
3. The ambassador was going to need a police ________ for that particularly violent ________ of the city.
 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases!  EmojiLike this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. www.Eucman.freedom10.com.

Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

319374_419558494763061_2076497684_nWELCOME to Monday March 25, 2013. I was planning…..

Here’s the list of everything that I had planned to do today on March 25th! Rake up the leaves in the yard, pick up the tree branches, cut the grass, clean out the gutters, trim the bushes in the front of the house, clean all of the weeds out of my wife’s flower garden, cut the tree branches growing out of the window wells and finally edge the yard with clippers.

Really that was what I had planned to do, but it snowed 12 inches of snow, you can even hear the poor birds shivering as they chip! Well maybe next time, today because of the snowfall I’ll be inside the house working on my computer as I consider shoveling the driveway! That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Monday people, and whatever you do today, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

QUOTES OF THE DAY
Guys are lucky because they get to grow mustaches. I wish I could. It’s like having a little pet for your face.
– Anita Wise

I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry. – Rita Rudner

I went into a McDonald’s yesterday and said, “I’d like some fries.” The girl at the counter said, “Would you like some fries with that?” – Jay Leno

Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.
– Johnny Carson

Diplomacy is the art of saying “Nice doggie” until you can find a rock. -Will Rogers

Never moon a werewolf. – Mike Binder

If it weren’t for electricity we’d all be watching television by candlelight. – George Gobel

To do is to be. -Descartes
To be is to do. -Voltaire
Do be do be do. -Frank Sinatra

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
Five surgeons were talking about the best patients…First surgeon says, “Accountants are the best to operate on because when you open them up, everything on the inside is numbered.”

Second surgeon says, “Nah – librarians are the best. Everything inside them is in alphabetical order.”

Third surgeon responds, “Try electricians, man! Everything inside them is color coded!”

Fourth surgeon intercedes,” I prefer lawyers.They’re heartless, spineless, gutless, and their heads and butts are interchangeable.”

To which the fifth surgeon, who has been quietly listening to the conversation, says, “I like engineers. They always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end.”

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “You have the most beautiful toes and I’m not even a foot guy.”

Answer: You, Me and Dupree! Carl Peterson (Matt Dillon) says this to his wife, Molly Peterson (Kate Hudson), one night in bed after getting married. Their newlywed life is crashed suddenly by the arrival of an unemployed, homeless friend Randy Dupree (Owen Wilson) who was the best man at their wedding. He was fired because he took time off work to attend their wedding. The arrival of Dupree creates problems between the newlyweds, as he takes their offer of a few days and extends it to a much, much longer period of time. Instead of looking for a job as he promised, he begins playing with the children of the street and hosting parties at the couple’s house. This mayhem is only increased further by the antics of Molly’s father, Mr. Thomson (Michael Douglas), also Carl’s boss, who constantly insists that Carl change his last name to Thomson rather than have Molly change hers to Peterson.

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “When an individual acquires great power, the use or misuse of that power is everything. Will it be used for the greater good or will it be used for personal or destructive ends? Now this is a question we must all ask ourselves.”

Friday’s Quizzler is……….
The new accountant is putting together payroll. She is having a hard time remembering who does what in the office, which makes it hard to print out the pay checks. This is what she does know.

The secretary makes the least amount of money, and has worked there the shortest amount of time.

Jill makes less than the catering manager, but has worked there longer than everyone but the general manager.

The Sales Manager position pays $800.00.

The Administrative Assistant has worked there for 12 years.

The General Manager makes the most money because he has the highest position with the most experience.

Carla makes the least amount of money.

Laurie is the catering manager.

Warren has worked there for 10 years.

ANSWER: Carla – Secretary – $500 – 4 yrs
Jill – Admin. Asst. – $600 – 12 yrs
Laurie – Catering Manager – $700 – 6 yrs
Mike – General Manager – $900 – 15 yrs
Warren – Sales Manager – $800 – 10 yrs

Monday’s Quizzler is……….
I live above a star, and yet I never burn,
I have eleven neighbors, and yet none of them turn,
I am visited in sequence, first, last or in between,
PRS (& sometimes Q) are my initials,
Now, tell me what I mean.

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com. https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com.

Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

382561_419442564774654_1120205716_nWELCOME to Friday March 22, 2013. Miscellaneous Sayings, Some New, Some Old…

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.

Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

I’m not cheap, but I am on special this week.

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

I intend to live forever — so far, so good.

I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy.

If you ain’t makin’ waves, you ain’t kickin’ hard enough!

Mental backup in progress — Do Not Disturb!

Mind Like A Steel Trap — Rusty And Illegal In 37 States.

Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.

Support bacteria — they’re the only culture some people have.

Televangelists: The Pro Wrestlers of religion.

The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.

When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

If I worked as much as others, I would do as little as they.

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

24 hours in a day … 24 beers in a case … coincidence?

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.

When I’m not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don’t have film.

Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he’s gone.

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.

How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?

Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.

Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.

Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!

OK, so what’s the speed of dark?

Black holes are where God divided by zero.

All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Weekend people, and whatever you do today, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

QUOTES OF THE DAY
“For many colleges, this is spring break. College kids will go to places like South Beach to make mistakes they will cherish for a lifetime.” -Jimmy Kimmel

“The U.S. Senate is now fighting to keep open the Senate barber shop. It loses $350,000 a year. Do you know what that makes it? The most successful government program ever. It’s only losing $350,000 a year.” -Jay Leno

“The Pope has more than one designation. He’s also the bishop of Rome. He’s also known as the pontiff. And here’s what I didn’t know. He’s also known as Diddy.” -David Letterman

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
Why A Ship Is Called “SHE” A ship is called “she” because there is always a great deal of bustle around her; there is usually a gang of men about’, she has a waist and stays; it takes a lot of paint to keep her looking good; it is not the initial expense that breaks you, it is the upkeep; she can be all decked out; it takes an experienced man to handle her correctly, and without a man at the helm, she is absolutely uncontrollable. She shows her topsides, hides her bottom and, when coming into port, always heads for the buoys.

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “I hope you flip your bike over and knock your two front teeth out! You leave me in the trenches taking grenades, John!”

Answer: Wedding Crashers! Jeremy Grey (played by Vince Vaughn) says this to John Beckwith (played by Owen Wilson). The two play best friends who crash weddings for free food and one-night stands with women. The movie also stars Rachel McAdams and Christopher Walkens.

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “You have the most beautiful toes and I’m not even a foot guy.”

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
Inspector Ixolite of the Yard was investigating a murder at Nottonmye Manor.
It was a difficult case, and Ixolite was completely stumped until he noticed a message sent to him by the killer cunningly hidden in a newspaper advertisement selling Car Licence Plates.
Inspector Ixolite thought about it for a while, and when he had solved the puzzle, immediately arrested the guilty man.

Q1) How did Ixolite know the advert was a clue for him?

Q2) Solve the code and tell me who Ixolite arrested.

This is the newspaper advert (Car licence plates for sale) that Inspector Ixolite saw. Plates For Sale;
[W 05 NWO] [H 13 HSR ] [O 05 EBM] [D 08 UNE] [U 10 HTY] [N 04 BRE] [N 16 TTE]
[I 26 LHC ] [T 10 AEE] [I 26 CNA] [X 22 VDA]

ANSWER: 1)The first bit is easy, as the first letter of each plate spells WHODUNNIT IX
(A challenge to our Inspector.) 2)The second bit is a little trickier, but I gave you the solution.
If you read the last three letters in each plate from the bottom up and right to left you get
ADVANCE EACH LETTER BY THE NUMBER SHOWN, so advance W by 5 to get B,
H by 13 to get U and so on until you spell BUTLER DID IT.

Friday’s Quizzler is……….
The new accountant is putting together payroll. She is having a hard time remembering who does what in the office, which makes it hard to print out the pay checks. This is what she does know.

The secretary makes the least amount of money, and has worked there the shortest amount of time.

Jill makes less than the catering manager, but has worked there longer than everyone but the general manager.

The Sales Manager position pays $800.00.

The Administrative Assistant has worked there for 12 years.

The General Manager makes the most money because he has the highest position with the most experience.

Carla makes the least amount of money.

Laurie is the catering manager.

Warren has worked there for 10 years.

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO OUR RESIDENT GENIUS MR. STEVE SCHICK

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com. https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com.

Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

292953_10152095899450254_562995408_nWELCOME to Thursday March 21, 2013. Some Time-Honored Truths….

1. Don’t sweat the petty things, and don’t pet the sweaty things.

2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

3. One nice thing about egotists: They don’t talk about other people.

4. To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated but not be able to say it.

5. Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

6. The older you get, the better you realize you were.

7. I doubt, therefore I might be.

8. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

9. Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.

10. Women like silent men, they think they’re listening.

11. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he
will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

13. A fool and his money are soon partying.

14. Do pediatricians play miniature golf on Wednesdays?

15. Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?

16. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery.

17. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

18. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?

19. If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?

20. If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?

21. If you’re born again, do you have two bellybuttons?

22. If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?

23. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

24. Why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot at them?

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Thursday people, and whatever you do today, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

QUOTES OF THE DAY
“Things are more like they are now than they have ever been.”
– Gerald R. Ford

“I have been through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.”
– Mark Twain

“Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.”
– Steven Wright

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
A young lady was a theater major applying for fall semester classes. At the end of the busy day she goes back to her dorm and enters in a huff of anger. “What’s wrong, Shelly?” Asks her roommate. “Well, all the acting classes are filled. I couldn’t even get into Mime class.” “Why not?” “How should I know? You can’t get a word out of those people!”

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “When I was your age they used to say you could become cops or criminals. What I’m saying to you is this…when you’re facing a loaded gun, what’s the difference?”

Answer: The Departed! Frank Costello (played by Jack Nicholson) says this at the beginning of the movie to a young Colin Sullivan, when he wants him to train as a cop. Costello cleverly has Sullivan (Matt Damon) work for the Massachusetts State Police and has him sneak information to the mafia. Costello is the leader of the Irish mafia. Billy Costigan(Leonardo DiCaprio) is a man who wants to join the police but is unable to, because of his criminal family background. He is instead chosen to work undercover in Costello’s mafia, to send information back to the State Police. The movie follows the transfer of information and the dangers both Sullivan and Costigan face while spying for the other side. It is directed by renowned director Martin Scorsese and also stars Leonardo DiCaprio, Martin Sheen and Mark Wahlberg.

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “I hope you flip your bike over and knock your two front teeth out! You leave me in the trenches taking grenades, John!”

Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
Yeah, they keep me locked up, but I guess I’m thankful, in short.
I hand out the beatings, while my neighbors import and export.
We make a good team, especially me as the muscle,
But with two dozen guards, I’m glad we never tussle.
But really, I got a lotta my own connections,
Imports, exports, with thousands collectin’.
But between us, there’s really no competition,
I call it harmonizin’ cause we’re on the same mission.
No one is unnecessary, or, you know, too small,
The guy upstairs is the boss of it all.
He’s also incarcerated, but for his good I bet it is,
Business is good, so long as we get the messages.

Question: Who’s doing the talking, and who are the other players in this riddle? (there are a total of 28, minus the narrator’s connections)

ANSWER: The parentheses are used to number the parts mentioned. The HEART (1) is the one doing the talking. He is thankful to be “locked up” or guarded by the “two dozen guards,” the (24) ribs that normal humans have in 2 pairs. The ribs protect, and guard both the heart and the LUNGS. The LUNGS are the ‘neighbors’ (2) that have the job of “Importing” and “Exporting” Oxygen and Carbon Dioxide. The heart is- literally speaking- the muscle, and ‘hands out the beatings’ (heart beats). Of course, the heart itself has many “connections” or veins, arteries, and capillaries that “import” and “export” that valuable fluid we call blood. None of these members’ job is unnecessary, or small, and they never compete with each other because they have the one mission of keeping a person alive. And, last but not least, the “guy upstairs” who is “the boss of it all” is ‘incarcerated’ by-yes-the skull. He is none other than the BRAIN (1), which sends electrical messages to all the other members via nerves, which tell them what to do. Business is good so long as these messages are sent. If they aren’t, nothing is moving, and….well, then you’re DEAD. (28)

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
Inspector Ixolite of the Yard was investigating a murder at Nottonmye Manor.
It was a difficult case, and Ixolite was completely stumped until he noticed a message sent to him by the killer cunningly hidden in a newspaper advertisement selling Car Licence Plates.
Inspector Ixolite thought about it for a while, and when he had solved the puzzle, immediately arrested the guilty man.

Q1) How did Ixolite know the advert was a clue for him?

Q2) Solve the code and tell me who Ixolite arrested.

This is the newspaper advert (Car licence plates for sale) that Inspector Ixolite saw.

Plates For Sale;

[W 05 NWO]
[H 13 HSR ]
[O 05 EBM]
[D 08 UNE]
[U 10 HTY]
[N 04 BRE]
[N 16 TTE]
[I 26 LHC ]
[T 10 AEE]
[I 26 CNA]
[X 22 VDA]

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com. https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com.