Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

The_Crayon_FamilyWELCOME to Thursday January 31, 2013. Enron Venture Capitalism….
Feudalism – You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.

Fascism – You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.

Communism- You have two cows. Your neighbors help take care of them and you share the milk.

Totalitarianism- You have two cows. The government takes them both and denies they ever existed and drafts you into the army. Milk is banned.

Capitalism – You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.

Enron Venture Capitalism – You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people, and whatever you do today, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

QUOTES OF THE DAY
“Marriage is a great institution, but I’m not ready for an institution yet.”
– Mae West

“If I have lost confidence in myself, I have the universe against me.”
– Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Forget injuries, never forget kindnesses.”
– Confucius

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
A young man saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at McDonald’s. He noticed that they had ordered one meal, and an extra drink cup. As he watched, the older gentleman carefully divided the hamburger in half, then counted out the fries, one for him, one for her, until each had half of them. Then the old man poured half of the soft drink into the extra cup and set that in front of his wife. The old man then began to eat, and his wife sat watching, with her hands folded in her lap. The young man decided to ask if they would allow him to purchase another meal for them so that they didn’t have to split theirs. The old gentleman said, “Oh, no. We’re old. This is plenty for us. Besides, we’ve been married 50 years, and everything has always been and will always be shared, 50/50.” The young man then asked the wife if she was going to eat her share, and she replied, “Not yet. This time he gets the first turn with the teeth.”

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “I don’t have to do anything I don’t want to! Now, you keep forgetting the conditions on which I agreed to stay on living with you”. “I’m not living with you! We occupy the same cage, that’s all.”

Answer: “Cat on a Hot Tin Roof” (1958) was directed by Richard Brooks and was based on the play by Tennessee Williams. It is a steamy, sultry melodrama set in New Orleans. Maggie (Liz Taylor) and Brick (Paul Newman) have a sham, loveless marriage. Brick is an alcoholic, nursing a broken leg, and blaming himself for the death of his best friend, Skip. As usual, the couple are arguing. The first line is spoken by Brick, the stinging retort is by Maggie.

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “North by Northwest” (1959) was directed by Alfred Hitchcock. This is a classic Hitchcock spy/chase movie. In this scene, Roger Thornhill (Cary Grant) is talking on the phone with his overbearing mother, explaining how the bad guys had forced him to drink alcohol before putting him, almost unconscious, behind the wheel of a car. The car had been set in motion, leaving Thornhill to wake up and attempt to drive down a mountain road. The bad guys wanted him out of the way so he would be prevented from thwarting their evil plans.

Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
Someone has stolen Beethoven’s Wig and has put it in one of four locked boxes. The boxes are numbered from 1,2,3,4 in that order. There are four different keys that each has their own color. Use the clues below to figure out which key goes in which box and to find the box where Beethoven’s wig is being kept.

1. The green key goes to the third or fourth box
2. The wig is to the left of the fourth box
3. The wig is to the right of the first box
4. The yellow key is to the left of the wig
5. The blue key is to the right of the yellow key and to the left of the green key
6. The red key goes to the first box

ANSWER: The wig is in the third box
The red key goes to the first box
The yellow key goes to the second box
The blue key goes to the third box
The green key goes to the fourth box

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
Inside each set of the following words, there are a pair of smaller words. By putting & between them, lo & behold, you’ll make a familiar phrase. For example, “Thighbone/Swallowtail” conceals “High & Low.”

1. Skyrocketing/Trolleyman
2. Thermometer/Apoplexy
3. Delaware/Bordering
4. Surprised/Trashiness
5. Throughout/Stumblebum

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com. https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ MY FAVORITE LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com.

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Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

418206_10151176996539155_1134046365_nWELCOME to Wednesday January 30, 2013. New Jersey’s Crazy Laws…..
It is against the law for a man to knit during the fishing season.

You may not slurp your soup.

If you have been convicted of driving while intoxicated, you may never again apply for personalized license plates.

It is against the law to “frown” at a police officer.

On a highway you can not park under a bridge.

Car dealerships are forbidden from opening on Sunday.

You cannot pump your own gas. All gas stations are full service and full service only.

Automobiles are not to pass horse drawn carriages on the street.

It is illegal to delay or detain a homing pigeon.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people, and whatever you do today, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

QUOTES OF THE DAY
“The Sundance Film Festival begins today. The jury is choosing among 87 different films. I don’t know if I could be a judge. Watching five movies a day sounds exhausting. But maybe that’s just a sign of how out of shape I am.” -Craig Ferguson

“According to a new study, as much as 81 percent of people lie on online dating websites. Researchers said they were surprised by how many people actually hate long walks on the beach at sunset.” -Jay Leno

“A school in New Zealand discovered that a model skeleton for an anatomy class was actually a real human skeleton. Yeah, they made the realization when they noticed they hadn’t seen their anatomy teacher in about eight months.” -Jimmy Fallon

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
Freelance newspaper writers don’t get nearly as much attention as writers with regular bylines. So I was delighted when I finally got some notice. It was at the bank, and I was depositing a stack of checks. “Wow,” said the teller, reading off the names of publishers from the tops of the checks. “You must deliver a lot of papers.”

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “You know, I seen you a lot of times before. Remember parochial school, out on Paluski Street? Seven, eight years ago. Your hair, you had your hair…” “Braids.” “Looked like a hunk of rope. And you had wires on your teeth and glasses and everything. You was really a mess.”

Answer: “On the Waterfront” (1954) was directed by Elia Kazan. This is terrific, brooding melodrama starring Marlon Brando as Terry (“I coulda been a contender”) Malloy, a none-too-bright longshoreman who used to be a boxer. Terry gets caught up in a union dispute and falls afoul of evil Johnny Friendly (Lee J. Cobb). Terry’s love interest is Edie Doyle (Eva Marie Saint), and the quoted exchange occurs early in the movie when they meet for the first time as adults. Terry feels guilty because he was (unwittingly) instrumental in the recent death of Edie’s brother.

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “I don’t have to do anything I don’t want to! Now, you keep forgetting the conditions on which I agreed to stay on living with you”. “I’m not living with you! We occupy the same cage, that’s all.”

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
Inside each set of the following words, there are a pair of smaller words. By putting & between them, lo & behold, you’ll make a familiar phrase. For example, “Thighbone/Swallowtail” conceals “High & Low.”

1. Gulliver/Clearness
2. Tragicomedy/Pentagon
3. Chinchilla/Magdalene
4. Terrestrial/Ecoterrorist
5. Thundershower/Intellectual

ANSWER: 1. Live & Learn 2. Come & Go 3. Hill & Dale 4. Trial & Error 5. Show & Tell

Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
Someone has stolen Beethoven’s Wig and has put it in one of four locked boxes. The boxes are numbered from 1,2,3,4 in that order. There are four different keys that each has their own color. Use the clues below to figure out which key goes in which box and to find the box where Beethoven’s wig is being kept.

1. The green key goes to the third or fourth box
2. The wig is to the left of the fourth box
3. The wig is to the right of the first box
4. The yellow key is to the left of the wig
5. The blue key is to the right of the yellow key and to the left of the green key
6. The red key goes to the first box

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS!

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com. https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ MY FAVORITE LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com.

Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

Human_NatureWELCOME to Tuesday January 29, 2013.
English professors love to catch the errors students make in their term papers, and they love nothing better than to catch mixed metaphors. The “friends and survivors” of Calvin College English department collected this list of mixed metaphors and posted them on their web site:

“He swept the rug under the carpet.”

“She’s burning the midnight oil at both ends.”

“It was so cold last night I had to throw another blanket on the fire.”

“It’s time to step up to the plate and cut the mustard.”

“She’s robbing Peter to pay the piper.”

“He’s up a tree without a paddle.”

“Beware my friend…you are skating on hot water.”

“Keep your ear to the grindstone.”

“Sometimes you’ve gotta stick your neck out on a limb.”

“Some people sail through life on a bed of roses like a knife slicing through butter.”

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people, and whatever you do today, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

QUOTES OF THE DAY
“A survey found that 61 percent of people are more afraid of outliving their money than dying. The other 39 percent have already outlived their money and have faked their own death to avoid creditors.” -Jay Leno

“Wal-Mart made plans to hire 100,000 U.S. Veterans. Which can only mean one thing: Wal-Mart is going to invade Costco.” -Conan O’Brien

“Cirque du Soleil just announced that it is cutting 400 jobs. So on the downside, hundreds of clowns will lose their jobs. But on the bright side, it’ll free up, like, two spaces in the parking lot.” -Jimmy Fallon

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
My father and I belong to the religion of Sikhism. We both wear the traditional turban and often encounter strange comments and questions. Once, in a restaurant, a child stared with amazement at my father. She finally got the courage to ask, “Are you a genie?” Her mother, caught off guard, turned red in the face and apologized for the remark. But my dad took no offense and decided to humor the child. He replied, “Why, yes I am. I can grant you three wishes.” The child’s mother blurted out, “Really?”

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “It’s funny to think that just a year ago, I sat in that Knightsbridge pub actually planning to murder her. And I might have done it, if I hadn’t seen something that changed my mind.” “Well? What did you see?” “I saw you”.

Answer: “Dial M for Murder” (1954) was directed by Alfred Hitchcock. Tony Wendice (Ray Milland) has lured C.A. Swann (Anthony Dawson) to his apartment under the pretence of buying Swann’s car, however his real aim is to coerce Swann into murdering Wendice’s wife, Margot (Grace Kelly). Wendice needs the money – Margot’s a rich woman and her husband would be the beneficiary on her death. Swann is a shady, untrustworthy character with a past. Wendice hopes that he can persuade Swann to murder Margo whilst Wendice is in a public place thereby providing him with a cast iron alibi. But, as usual, things don’t go entirely to plan.

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “You know, I seen you a lot of times before. Remember parochial school, out on Paluski Street? Seven, eight years ago. Your hair, you had your hair…” “Braids.” “Looked like a hunk of rope. And you had wires on your teeth and glasses and everything. You was really a mess.”

Monday’s Quizzler is……….
Justin Case and Auntie Bellum are fellow con artists who deliver coded messages to each other to communicate. Recently Auntie Bellum was put in jail for stealing a rare and expensive diamond. Only a few days after this, Justin Case sent her a friendly letter asking her how she was. On the inside of the envelope of the letter, he hid a code. Yesterday, Auntie Bellum escaped and left the envelope and the letter inside the jail cell. The police did some research and found the code on the inside of the envelope, but they haven’t been able to crack it. Could you help the police find out what the message is?

This is the code:
llwatchawtfeclocklnisksundialcirbetimersool

ANSWER: The message was “loose bricks in left wall.” The message was put backward with words related to time in between.

This is how the message looks when separated:
ll watch awtfe clock lnisk sundial cirbe timer sool

If you take out watch, clock, sundial, and timer, this is what is left:
llawtfelniskcirbesool

Look at this backwards and this is what you have:
loose bricks in left wall

Auntie Bellum took out the bricks and escaped in the night. Then, she put the bricks back where they were

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
Inside each set of the following words, there are a pair of smaller words. By putting & between them, lo & behold, you’ll make a familiar phrase. For example, “Thighbone/Swallowtail” conceals “High & Low.”

1. Gulliver/Clearness
2. Tragicomedy/Pentagon
3. Chinchilla/Magdalene
4. Terrestrial/Ecoterrorist
5. Thundershower/Intellectual

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com. https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ MY FAVORITE LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com.

Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

27292_582918245070966_1489392044_nWELCOME to Monday January 28, 2013. Nose Picking..
Deep Salvage Pick
Reminiscent of the deep sea exploration to find the Titanic ship, you probe deep into your nasal passages.

Utensil Pick
When fingers, and even your thumb, just aren’t enough to get the job done to your satisfaction.

Extra Pick
When you have been digging for nuggets hours upon hours and suddenly you hit the jackpot! Excitement only equalled by winning the lottery.

Depression Pick
When your sad, and the only way to fill the void is to pick so hard and fast that the agony overcomes your feeling of remorse and depression.

Pick A Lot
What we would call abnormal amounts of picking. Anything in the three digit realm we consider a bit too much for a 24 hour time frame.

Kiddie Pick
When you’re by yourself and you uninhibitedly twist your forefinger into your nostril with childlike joy and freedom. And the best part is, there’s no time limit!

Camouflaged Kiddie Pick
When, in the presence of other people, you wrap your forefinger in a tissue, then thrust it in deep and hold back the smile.

Fake Nose Scratch
When you make believe you’ve got an itch but you’re really trolling the nostril edge for stray boogers.

Making A Meal Out Of It
You do it so furiously, and for so long, you’re probably entitled to dessert.

Surprise Pickings
When a sneeze or laugh causes snot to come hurling out of your nose, and you have to gracefully clean it off your shirt.

Autopick
The kind you do in a car, when no one’s looking. Also can mean automatic pick, the one you do when your not even thinking about it, at work, while talking to a co-worker, during a meeting….

Pick Your Brains
Done in private, this is the one where your finger goes in so far, it passes the septum.

Pick And Save
When you have to pick it quickly, just when someone looks away, and then you pocket the snot so they don’t catch on to what you did.

Pick And Flick
Snot now becomes a weapon against your sister and others in range around you.

Pick And Stick
You wanted it to be a “Pick and Flick,” but it stubbornly clings to your fingertip.

Pipe Cleaner Pick
The kind where you remove a piece of snot so big, it improves your breathing by 90%.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people, and whatever you do today, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

QUOTES OF THE DAY
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
Fred Allen

A nickel ain’t worth a dime anymore. Yogi Berra

By all means let’s be open-minded, but not so open-minded that our brains drop out.
Richard Dawkins

If the facts don’t fit the theory, change the facts.
Albert Einstein

I’m an idealist. I don’t know where I’m going, but I’m on my way.
Carl Sandburg

I am not a member of any organized political party. I am a Democrat.
Will Rogers

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
It was a cold winter day when an old man walked out onto a frozen lake, cut a hole in the ice, dropped in his fishing line and began waiting for a fish to bite. He was there for almost an hour without even a nibble when a young boy walked out onto the ice, cut a hole in the ice not to far from the old man and dropped in his fishing line.
It only took about a minute and WHAM!, a Largemouth Bass hit his hook and the boy pulled in the fish. The old man couldn’t believe it but figured it was just luck. But the boy dropped in his line and again within just a few minutes pulled in another one. This went on and on until finally the old man couldn’t take it any more since he hadn’t caught a thing all this time. He went to the boy and said, “Son, I’ve been here for over an hour without even a nibble. You have been here only a few minutes and have caught about half a dozen fish! How do you do it?” To which the boy responded, “roo raf roo reep ra rums rrarm.” “What was that?” The old man asked. Again the boy responded, “roo raf roo reep ra rums rarrm.” “Look” said the old man, “I can’t understand a word you are saying.”
So the boy spit into his hand and said, “You have to keep the worms warm!”

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “Why does everything you say sound like a threat?” “Maybe it’s a mannerism – because I don’t threaten friends, Harvey. But why furnish your enemies with ammunition? You’re a family man. Someday, God willing, you may want to be President. Now here you are, Harvey, out in the open where any hep person knows that this one…. is toting THAT one…. around for you.”

Answer: “Sweet Smell of Success” (1959) was directed by Alexander Mackendrick. This is one of my all-time favourite movies with sparkling script, brilliant camerawork, and great performances from Burt Lancaster and Tony Curtis in the lead roles. It’s set in New York and explores the relationship between a powerful but brutal columnist, J.J. Hunsecker (Lancaster), and scheming, ambitious Public Relations man, Sidney Falco (Curtis). In this scene, J.J. is in a bar giving Senator Harvey Walker some frank advice. The Senator is accompanied by a good time girl and her agent, and it’s clear that some sexual favours are on offer. J.J., as usual, doesn’t mince his words.

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “It’s funny to think that just a year ago, I sat in that Knightsbridge pub actually planning to murder her. And I might have done it, if I hadn’t seen something that changed my mind.” “Well? What did you see?” “I saw you”.

Friday’s Quizzler is……….
Inside each set of the following words, there is a pair of smaller words. By putting & between them, lo & behold, you’ll make a familiar phrase. For example, “Thighbone/Swallowtail” conceals “High & Low.”

1. Firecracker/Misconstruing
2. Blockbuster/Doohickey
3. Shunting/Bespeckled
4. Proliferation/Climbable
5. Heartstrings/Consciences

ANSWER: 1. Rack & Ruin 2. Lock & Key 3. Hunt & Peck
4. Life & Limb 5. Arts & Sciences

Monday’s Quizzler is……….
Justin Case and Auntie Bellum are fellow con artists who deliver coded messages to each other to communicate. Recently Auntie Bellum was put in jail for stealing a rare and expensive diamond. Only a few days after this, Justin Case sent her a friendly letter asking her how she was. On the inside of the envelope of the letter, he hid a code. Yesterday, Auntie Bellum escaped and left the envelope and the letter inside the jail cell. The police did some research and found the code on the inside of the envelope, but they haven’t been able to crack it. Could you help the police find out what the message is?

This is the code:
llwatchawtfeclocklnisksundialcirbetimersool

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com. https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ MY FAVORITE LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com.

Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

68272_483948738316340_222800140_nWELCOME to Friday January 26, 2013. Funny English Words….
Anencephalous – Absence of a brain.

Borborygmus – Stomach rumbling.

Brouhaha – An uproar or noisy response.

Canoodle – Hugging and kissing.

Cantankerous – Bad tempered or grumpy.

Crudivore – Someone who eats raw food.

Discombobulate – To confuse someone.

Doozy – Something really good.

Fartlek – A training system for runners.

Flummox – To perplex or bewilder.

Gobbledygook – Meaningless or nonsensical language.

Kerfuffle – A mild scandal, commotion or fuss.

Klutz – A clumsy or foolish person.

Lickety-split – As quickly as possible.

Lollygag – To dawdle or spend time aimlessly.

Mollycoddle – To treat someone leniently.

Pratfall – A fall on the buttocks or an embarrassing action.

Rambunctious – Uncontrollably excitable or exuberant.

Shenanigan – Silly behaviour.

Skullduggery – Deception or trickery.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great weekend people, and whatever you do today, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

QUOTES OF THE DAY
“You know who gave the shortest inauguration speech in history? George Washington. It was only like three minutes long. Well, sure. George Washington couldn’t tell a lie.” -Jay Leno

“More than a million people gathered in our nation’s capital yesterday, and tens of millions more watched from home to celebrate the first lady’s new haircut. Most people seem to like the hair style, though some Republicans are demanding further cuts.” -Jimmy Kimmel

“Sources are saying that Tiger Woods wants to re-marry his ex-wife and might be willing to go for a no-cheating clause. This special clause would be known as a wedding vow.” -Conan O’Brien

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
My friend sat down with a new client at her gym to review her application. For the question “To what do you attribute your fitness issues?” the woman wrote, “Horrendous eating habits.” “What makes you answer that?” my friend asked. The woman replied, “I can’t spell atrocious.”

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “A man takes a drop too much once in a while, it’s only human nature.”
“Nature, Mr. Allnut, is what we are put in this world to rise above.”

Answer: “The African Queen” (1951) was directed by John Huston. Set in World War I, drunkard Charlie Allnut (Humphrey Bogart) and uptight spinster, Rose Sayer, (Katherine Hepburn) find themselves at the mercy of the Germans in German East Africa. They take a boat trip down the river, through the swamps, fighting mosquitoes and leeches, in a courageous attempt to blow up a German gunship, the Louisa. The above exchange occurs when Charlie explains to Rose why he got drunk, but she is decidedly unamused.

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “Why does everything you say sound like a threat?” “Maybe it’s a mannerism – because I don’t threaten friends, Harvey. But why furnish your enemies with ammunition? You’re a family man. Someday, God willing, you may want to be President. Now here you are, Harvey, out in the open where any hep person knows that this one…. is toting THAT one…. around for you.”

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
This is considered by some to be the ultimate tool. With its waterproof properties, it was quickly adopted for a specific military application when originally introduced. The US Government also has recommended that all homes have it available. Along with its waterproof properties, it is known for its superior bonding, is heat resistant, and is extremely strong. It is easy to use with no training required, and is widely available in various sizes and colors. NASA thinks so highly of this, it is included on every flight that leaves the launch pad. No home, military unit, or spacecraft should be without it. What type of tool is this?

ANSWER: Duct Tape….

Friday’s Quizzler is……….
Inside each set of the following words, there is a pair of smaller words. By putting & between them, lo & behold, you’ll make a familiar phrase. For example, “Thighbone/Swallowtail” conceals “High & Low.”

1. Firecracker/Misconstruing
2. Blockbuster/Doohickey
3. Shunting/Bespeckled
4. Proliferation/Climbable
5. Heartstrings/Consciences

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO OUR RESIDENT GENIOUS, MS. ANDREA L. BANKS..

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com. https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ MY FAVORITE LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com.

Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

28058_565320053497452_1877941249_nWELCOME to Thursday January 25, 2013. Pondering Again….
Why do we sing “Rock a bye baby” to lull a baby to sleep when the song is about putting your baby in a tree and letting the wind crash the cradle on the ground?

If parents say, “Never take candy from strangers” then why do we celebrate Halloween?

Do the minutes on the movie boxes include the previews, credits, and special features, or just the movie itself?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase?

Can cannibals be arrested for being under the influence of alcohol (e.g. drunk-driving) if they have eaten someone who was drunk?

If Mars had earthquakes would they be called marsquakes?

Why do people never say “it’s only a game” when they’re winning?

If an ambulance is on its way to save someone, and it runs someone over, does it stop to help them?

Why is it called a funny bone, when if you hit it, it’s not funny at all?

Do you yawn in your sleep?

If a cannibal was on death row could he ask for the last guy that was electrocuted for his last meal?

Do Chinese people get English sayings tattooed on their bodies?

Do glow-in-the-dark objects stop glowing when somebody turns the lights on?

If someone has their nose pierced, have a cold, and take their nose ring out. Does snot come out of the piercing hole?

How come lemon washing up liquid contains real lemons, but lemon juice contains artificial flavorings.

Do you wake up or open your eyes first?

Did Noah have woodpeckers on the ark? If he did, where did he keep them?

Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book publishers aren’t afraid to have a Chapter 11?

How do you handcuff a one-armed man?

If the FBI breaks your door down do they have to pay for it?

In some books, why do they have blank pages at the very end?

Why can’t donuts be square?

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people, and whatever you do today, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

QUOTES OF THE DAY
“A smile is the shortest distance between two people.”
– Victor Borge

“The very first law in advertising is to avoid the concrete promise and cultivate the delightfully vague.”
– Bill Cosby

“Let no man pull you low enough to hate him.”
– Martin Luther King Jr.

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
My 10-year-old daughter has decided she is an environmentalist. So she talked me into participating in an aggressive recycling effort with her. Last week she and I took what proved to be 134 pounds of cardboard boxes to the recycling center and earned $1.34. Counting gas and ice cream, we turned a profit of -$7.85. We’re going to use generally accepted accounting principles and see if we can apply this amount to our taxable income.

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “A fella could mistake you for a half-breed.” “Not quite, I’m eighth Cherokee, the rest is Welsh and English. At least that’s what they tell me.”

Answer: “The Searchers” (1956) was directed by John Ford. What a great movie…surely the best acting display from John Wayne in his movie career! Ethan Edwards (Wayne) and Martin Pawley (Jeffrey Hunter) spend most of the movie searching for Debbie (Natalie Wood) who was carried off by the Commanches as a young girl. The above quote, which is early in the movie, occurs when the two main characters are meeting for the first time (in Martin’s adult life). Ethan, a racist who despises anyone with Indian blood, has returned to his brother’s ranch after fighting in the Civil War, and is eating with the rest of the Edwards family when Martin appears. Ethan can’t resist trying to rile him.

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “A man takes a drop too much once in a while, it’s only human nature.”
“Nature, Mr. Allnut, is what we are put in this world to rise above.”

Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
This word has 10 letters namely 1234567890
1234 – carries heredity
456 – is a period of time
567 – is a pest
and 890 – is a charged particle
What is the word?

ANSWER: GENERATION

1234 carries heredity – gene
456 – is a period of time – era
567- is a pest – rat
890 is a charged particle – ion

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
This is considered by some to be the ultimate tool. With its waterproof properties, it was quickly adopted for a specific military application when originally introduced. The US Government also has recommended that all homes have it available. Along with its waterproof properties, it is known for its superior bonding, is heat resistant, and is extremely strong. It is easy to use with no training required, and is widely available in various sizes and colors. NASA thinks so highly of this, it is included on every flight that leaves the launch pad. No home, military unit, or spacecraft should be without it.

What type of tool is this?

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com. https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ MY FAVORITE LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com.

Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

18227_483451708366043_139040443_nWELCOME to Wednesday January 24, 2013. The Least Desirable Fortunes in a Fortune Cookie.
1. We know where you live.

2. You will need good reading material in approximately 15 minutes.

3. Everyone’s meal today is on you!

4. The “special sauce” came from the floor!

5. Guess what our special “drop” was in our Egg Drop Soup and win a free meal!

6. Your colon will self destruct in five seconds.

7. A recent prison escapee that is sitting near by wants to love you long time.

8. Your dog Sparky…he’s no longer missing.

9. See the waiter about our new food poison life insurance policies.

10. MSG? NO!! Ebola Virus….maybe.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people, and whatever you do today, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

QUOTES OF THE DAY
“Actress Megan Fox compared fame to being bullied in high school. I agree. I’ll never forget that day in high school when jocks cornered me in the gym and paid me millions of dollars to star in ‘Transformers.'” -Conan O’Brien

“I asked my doctor yesterday what the difference is between a cold and the flu and he said, ‘About $80.'” -Dave Letterman

“MGM is coming out with a remake of the classic 1959 film ‘Ben-Hur.’ You can tell it’s a remake because instead of being about a Jewish prince who is betrayed by his Roman friend, sent into slavery, and then seeks revenge � it’s just about sexy vampires.” -Jimmy Fallon

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
I was the nurse caring for a couple’s newborn first child, a son, after his cesarean birth. Since the mother was asleep under general anesthesia we took our tiny charge directly to the newborn nursery to introduce him to his daddy. While cuddling his son for the first time, he noticed the baby’s ears conspicuously standing out from his head. He expressed his concern that some kids might call his son names like “Dumbo.” The pediatrician reassured the new dad that his son was healthy, the ears could be easily corrected later during childhood. The father still worried about his wife’s reaction to those large protruding ears. “She doesn’t take things as easily as I do,” he worried. By this time, the new mother was ready to meet her precious son. I placed the tiny bundle in his mother’s arms and eased the blanket back so that she could gaze upon her child for the first time. She took one look at her baby’s face and looked to her husband and gasped, “Oh, Honey! Look! He has your ears!”

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “Real diamonds! They must be worth their weight in gold!”

Answer: Some Like it Hot” (1959) was directed by Billy Wilder. A madcap farce about two guys who witness Chicago gangland executions, so they dress up as women musicians to escape the Mob. The two guys are played by Tony Curtis (Joe – ‘Josephine’) and Jack Lemmon (Jerry – ‘Daphne’). Marilyn Monroe appears as Sugar Kane Kowalczyk. Sugar Kane is a ditzy blonde who wasn’t at the front of the queue when god was dishing out the brains. The above quote is her reaction when she receives a gift of a diamond bracelet.

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “A fella could mistake you for a half-breed.” “Not quite, I’m eighth Cherokee, the rest is Welsh and English. At least that’s what they tell me.”

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….

ANSWER: Across the Seven Seas. A Cross (the ‘t’ shape) The seven seas (sea is spelled seven times in that cross)

Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….

This word has 10 letters namely

1234567890

1234 – carries heredity
456 – is a period of time
567 – is a pest
and 890 – is a charged particle
What is the word?

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com. https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ MY FAVORITE LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com.