1. Never walk without a document in your hands
People with documents in their hands look like hardworking employees heading for important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look like they’re heading for the cafeteria. People with a newspaper in their hand look like they’re heading for the toilet. Above all, make sure you carry loads of stuff home with you at night, thus generating the false impression that you work longer hours than you do.
2. Use computers to look busy
Any time you use a computer, it looks like “work” to the casual observer. You can send and receive personal e-mail, chat and generally have a blast without doing anything remotely related to work. These aren’t exactly the societal benefits that the proponents of the computer revolution would like to talk about but they’re not bad either. When you get caught by your boss – and you *will* get caught — your best defense is to claim you’re teaching yourself to use new software, thus saving valuable training dollars.
3. Messy desk
Top management can get away with a clean desk. For the rest of us, it looks like we’re not working hard enough. Build huge piles of documents around your workspace. To the observer, last year’s work looks the same as today’s work; it’s volume that counts. Pile them high and wide. If you know somebody is coming to your cubicle, bury the document you’ll need halfway down in an existing stack and rummage for it when he/she arrives.
4. Voice Mail
Never answer your phone if you have voice mail. People don’t call you just because they want to give you something for nothing – they call because they want YOU to do work for THEM. That’s no way to live. Screen all your calls through voice mail. If somebody leaves a voice mail message for you and it sounds like impending work, respond during lunch hour when you know they’re not there – it looks like you’re hardworking and conscientious even though you’re being a devious weasel.
6. Leave the office late
Always leave the office late, especially when the boss is still around. You could read magazines and storybooks that you always wanted to read but have no time until late before leaving. Make sure you walk past the boss’ room on your way out. Send important emails at unearthly hours (e.g. 9:35pm, 7:05am, etc.) and during public holidays.
7. Creative Sighing for Effect
Sigh loudly when there are many people around, giving the impression that you are under extreme pressure.
8. Stacking Strategy
It is not enough to pile lots of documents on the table. Put lots of books on the floor etc. (thick computer manuals are the best).
9. Build Vocabulary
Read up on some computer magazines and pick out all the jargon and new products. Use the phrases freely when in conversation with bosses. Remember: They don’t have to understand what you say, but you sure sound impressive.
10. MOST IMPORTANT:
DON’T forward this to your boss by mistake!!!
Hey, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people, and whatever you do,
don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
QUOTES OF THE DAY
A creative man is motivated by the desire to achieve,
not by the desire to beat others. Ayn Rand
Believe in yourself! Have faith in your abilities! Without a humble
but reasonable confidence in your own powers you cannot be successful
or happy. Norman Vincent Peale
If you’re going through hell, keep going.
With the new day comes new strength and new thoughts.
Always continue the climb. It is possible for you to do whatever you choose,
if you first get to know who you are and are willing to work with a power
that is greater than ourselves to do it. Ella Wheeler Wilcox
Be miserable. Or motivate yourself. Whatever has to be done, it’s always your choice.
Always do your best. What you plant now, you will harvest later.
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
Max went into the doctor’s office for his annual checkup, and the Doc asked if there was anything unusual he should know about. So Max told the Doc that his suit must have shrunk over the last year, because it didn’t fit when he went to get ready for a wedding recently. The Doc said, “Suits don’t shrink just sitting in a closet. You probably put on a few pounds.” “That’s just it, Doc, I know I haven’t gained a single pound since the last time I wore it.” “Well, then,” said Doc, “You must have a case of Furniture Disease.” “What in the world is Furniture Disease?” asked Max. “That’s when your chest starts sliding down into your drawers.”
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “Why are you continuously late for this class, Mr. Spicoli? Why do you shamelessly waste my time like this?” “I don’t know.”
Answer: Fast Times at Ridgemont High! In this scene, California surfer dude Jeff Spicoli (Sean Penn) enters a high school classroom while the class is already in session. Teacher Mr. Hand (Ray Walston) stops his teaching and asks Spicoli line one. Unfazed, Spicoli answers with line two. In an effort to shame him into promptness, Mr. Hand writes “I don’t know” on the blackboard, saying he will leave it up all day and give Spicoli full credit for the words. Instead of being shamed, Spicoli looks pleased and says, “All right!” After the pizza delivery, Mr. Hand tells Spicoli he is causing a major disturbance on Mr. Hand’s time. This time Spicoli says, “I’ve been thinking about this, Mr. Hand. If I’m here and you’re here, doesn’t that make it OUR time?”
“Fast Times at Ridgemont High” show the teen scene in the 1980s of malls, sex and relationships.
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “He’s going to arrive at the sea on the anniversary of the massacre at Amritsar.”
[pause] “General Edgar is right – ignore it.
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
What phrase is represented below?
Finish Fin ish
ANSWER: Split second finish
Monday’s Quizzlers is……….
If E times ILE equals BANISH, and TE times T equals BOOK, what does TO times IN equal?