Resumes. Taken from Actual Resumes and Cover Letters –Fortune Magazine
“I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreasheet progroms.”
“Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.”
“Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.”
“Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions.”
“Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave.”
“Failed bar exam with relatively high grades.”
“It’s best for employers that I not work with people.”
“Let’s meet, so you can ‘ooh’ and ‘aah’ over my experience.”
“I was working for my mom until she decided to move.”
“Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No commitments.”
“I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.”
“I am loyal to my employer at all costs. Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail.”
“My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.”
“I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant.”
“Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far.”
“Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store.”
“Note: Please don’t misconstrue my 14 jobs as ‘job-hopping’. I have never quit a job.”
“Marital status: often. Children: various.”
“The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers.”
“Finished eighth in my class of ten.”
“References: none. I’ve left a path of destruction behind me.”
Hey, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people, and whatever you do,
don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
QUOTES OF THE DAY
Every day that is born into the world comes like a burst of music and
rings the whole day through, and you make of it a dance, a dirge, or
a life march, as you will. Thomas Carlyle
Even a stopped clock is right twice a day.
Marie von Ebner-Eschenbach
I look upon every day to be lost, in which I do not make a new acquaintance.
He, who every morning plans the transactions of the day, and
follows that plan, carries a thread that will guide him through a
labyrinth of the most busy life. Victor Hugo
Now I’m fighting cancer, everybody knows that. People ask me all the time
about how you go through your life and how’s your day, and nothing is
changed for me. Jim Valvano
Every day is a new opportunity. You can build on yesterday’s success or put its
failures behind and start over again. That’s the way life is, with a new game every
day, and that’s the way baseball is. Bob Feller
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
A couple was celebrating their 60th wedding anniversary. At the party, everybody wanted to know how they managed to stay married so long in this day and age. The husband responded “When we were first married, we came to an agreement to share. I would make all the major decisions, and my wife would make all the minor decisions.” “But do you know what I just realized?” “In 60 years of marriage I don’t think we have never needed to make a major decision.”.
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “1.21 gigawatts?! 1.21 gigawatts?!” With increasing incredulity, Dr. Brown is unable to fathom how he is going to come up with the power necessary to complete his task.
Answer: Back to the Future! In the film “Back to the Future” Marty travels back to 1955 and must get a young Dr. Emmett Brown (the future inventor of the time machine that brings Marty to 1955 in the first place) to help him get back to his own time. However, Dr. Brown has no idea how he can come up with enough electricity to power the time machine. Dr. Brown finally comes up with a plan to use lightning to produce the necessary power.
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “When someone asks you if you’re a ‘god’, you say ‘Yes’!” uttered?
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
Can you decipher this common phrase?
Salt: Good morning
ANSWER: Season’s Greetings
Monday’s Quizzlers is……….
There are three houses built exactly the same. One is filled with cotton, the other with wood, and the third with iron. One day an arsonist sets them all on fire. The sound of sirens was growing louder at the scene. People were screaming. Which house did the ambulance try to put the fire out at first?