Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

WELCOME to Friday September 28, 2012.   

CUSTOMER’S GUIDE TO SUPERMARKET SHOPPING
 
1. When in the express lane, make sure that all items are rung up and bagged before you start looking for your check-book. Then, after you make a futile search for your pen, borrow one from the clerk and make sure your checkbook is balanced before giving up the check. 
 
2. Never get into the 10-Items-or-Less line with less than 12 items. IT’S THE LAW!!! 
 
3. When in the 10-Items-or-Less line and you have your 12 to 20 items, always ask the clerk if it’s okay. That way, if he says “yes,” then the people behind you will get mad at HIM, not you. If he says “no,” then YOU can get mad at him. Either way, you win! 
 
4. Save all your pennies and dump them in the bottom of your purse so that when you are in the express lane you won’t be embarrassed by spending all that time looking for one and not finding any. 
 
5. When asked if you want paper or plastic, take all the time you need to make the right decision. Don’t be rushed. Get it right. If you’re not sure just say, “BAG.” That way they will have to ask you again, giving you more time to decide. You may want to practice this at home in case you are ever asked this question at a grocery store. 
 
6. Always, and I repeat, ALWAYS tell the checker your reason for choosing paper or plastic. Checkers by nature are very curious and if you should fail to give them your reason for choosing paper over plastic, the clerk is liable to lie awake at night wondering why you didn’t choose plastic. 
 
7. Always keep this in mind: If something is heavy and you don’t want to lift it out of the basket and put it on the belt. Don’t fret whether the checker will automatically know the price. After all, everyone knows how smart those clerks are. 
 
8. Since everyone knows how ignorant those clerks are, you must always remember to tell them to not put the eggs and bread in the bottom of the bag. 
 
9. Feel free to ask your clerk anything you may want to know. All checkers are experts on how to prepare whatever meal you should decide to make that night. They can give you precise directions to anywhere in the state you might want to go. They can tell you the best restaurant around, the kind of wine you will like best or anything else you may need to know about life. 
 
10. Don’t forget rule NO. 8 
 
11. After waiting in the checkout line for several minutes and it’s finally your turn at the counter, be sure to tell the clerk that more help is needed. He will certainly ensure that there is plenty of help next time. 
 
12. When the clerk greets you and asks how you’re doing, don’t feel pressured into answering him. After all the clerk has to be polite– but you don’t have to. 
 
13. When the store is not busy and there is only one check-stand with a light on, be sure to ask the nearest clerk which check stand is open. You don’t want to take a chance being tricked into the wrong one. 
 
14. If the clerk asks you if you know the price of an item and you don’t, tell him it’s “2-something” or “3-something.” The clerks love that because they don’t get to use their SOMETHING keys very often. 
 
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful weekend people, and whatever you do, 
don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman! Emoji
 
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY
“Season 15 of ‘Dancing With the Stars’ premiered last night. 
Is it really the 15th season? Seems like just yesterday 
I wasn’t watching the first season.” -Jay Leno
 
“In New York City, muggings for Apple products are up 40 percent. 
Even worse, if you have the new iPhone people camp out overnight 
to mug you.” -Conan O’Brien
 
“This week, a man in Missouri reeled in a live grenade when he went fishing. 
Or as one fish put it, ‘That’s for my brother.'” -Jimmy Fallon 
 
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
During the banquet celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary, Tom was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such long duration. “Tell us Tom, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife?” an anonymous voice yelled from the back of the room.  Tom responded, “Well, I’ve learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, forbearance, self-restraint, meekness, forgiveness — and a great many other qualities you wouldn’t need if you had stayed single.”  
 
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “We live in the trenches out there. We fight. We try not to be killed, 
but sometimes we are. That’s all.”    
 
Answer: All Quiet on the Western Front! “All Quiet on the Western Front”(1930) tells the story of Paul Baumer and his friends, 18 year old boys who enlisted in the German army in 1914. This quote was just part of Paul’s narrative about life on the front line. 
 
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???  “Imagine you’re a deer. You’re prancing along. You get thirsty. You put your little deer lips down to the cool, clear water – BAM”.
 
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
 Which word from Group B belongs in Group A?
 
Group A: Cling  Drive  Fort  State
 
Group B: Motion  Peach  Grass  Walk
 
ANSWER: Motion.  If you pronounce the words in Group A so that the first letter of each word is an individual syllable, you get new words: ceiling, derive, effort, estate. Only with motion from Group B can the same thing be done: emotion. 
 
Friday’s Quizzlers is……….
Kemal and his parents are part of an expedition that is going to settle a new planet, called Pluvia Three. Kemal knows that at the colony site on the planet, the average temperature is 45 degrees Centigrade, average wind speeds are 8,000 meters per hour, the planet rotates on its axis 431 times for every time it goes around its sun, and each rotation takes a third longer than Earth’s. Rainfall is 254 centimeters per year, and gravity is about 78% of Earth’s. Kemal is allowed to pack any four items from this list of his favorite belongings.
 
down-filled parka 
battery-powered portable refrigerator 
Asian fighting kite 
baseball bat 
Mickey Mouse® calendar watch 
inflatable raft 
hockey skates 
book collection 
 
Which four items should Kemal pack? 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/   MY FAVORITE LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com.  www.schoons.com.  www.awj-Law.com., http://www.greengrassgroundsgroup.com. http://www.cleancomedyguy.com.

Advertisements

Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

WELCOME to Thursday September 27, 2012.  You Know you’re getting old when…..

• Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.
 
• It takes twice as long to look half as good.
 
• You and your teeth don’t sleep together.
 
• Your address book has mostly names that start with… Dr.
 
• Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
 
• You finally understand the Santa Claus theory; 1. You believe in Santa Clause. 2. You don’t believe in Santa Claus.  
         3. You are Santa Claus.  4. You look like Santa Claus! 
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Thursday people, and whatever you do, 
don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman! Emoji
 
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY
“Forty is the old age of youth, fifty the youth of old age!”  Victor Hugo 
 
“How old would you think you were if you didn’t know how old you are?” Unknown!
 
“Three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere: ‘Hold my purse.’” – Unknown
“I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.” – Unknown
“A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.” – Emo Philips
“The sole purpose of a child’s middle name, is so he can tell when he’s really in trouble.” – Unknown
“Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.” – Oscar Wilde
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
 A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, ”Shut up…you’re next!”
 
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “As it stands, Plan B is to just keep on givin’r”.   
 
Answer: “Fubar” (2002) was a mockumentary about an amateur filmmaker creating a documentary of two head-banging, beer drinking friends. Dean said this, and then had to explain to Farrel what “givin’r” meant: you just keep working hard.  
 
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???  “We live in the trenches out there. We fight. We try not to be killed, but sometimes we are. That’s all.”
 
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
The blanks in the following sentences will be filled in with three different homonyms (words that are spelled differently but sound alike) to make valid sentences. The dashes indicate the number of letters in the words. Can you fill in the blanks?
 
1. The cut on his _ _ _ _ won’t _ _ _ _ in time for the race, so _ _ ‘_ _ have to drop out.
2. The man was so upset about being _ _ _ _ that he regularly _ _ _ _ _ _ himself up on the bed and _ _ _ _ _ _ his eyes out.
3. I couldn’t _ _ _ _ _ any of the _ _ _ _ _ _ in the flower shop, because for some strange reason I had 50 _ _ _ _ _ crammed up my nose.
4. A bloodthirsty pirate will wander the _ _ _ _ and essentially _ _ _ _ _ everything he _ _ _ _.
 
ANSWER: 1. The cut on his HEEL won’t HEAL in time for the race, so HE’LL have to drop out.
2. The man was so upset about being BALD that he regularly BALLED himself up on the bed and BAWLED his eyes out.
3. I couldn’t SENSE any of the SCENTS in the flower shop, because for some strange reason I had 50 CENTS crammed up my nose.
4. A bloodthirsty pirate will wander the SEAS and essentially SEIZE everything he SEES.  
 
Thursday’s Quizzlers is……….
Which word from Group B belongs in Group A?
 
Group A:
Cling
Drive
Fort
State
 
Group B:
Motion
Peach
Grass
Walk
 
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD ONCE AGAIN GOES TO MS. KIM HILLYARD!  INCREDIBLE SOLVING JOB KIM!EmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/   MY FAVORITE LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com.  www.schoons.com.  www.awj-Law.com., http://www.greengrassgroundsgroup.com. http://www.cleancomedyguy.com.

Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

WELCOME to Wednesday September 26, 2012.  Things Adults Learn From Kids

 1. There is no such thing as child-proofing your house. 
 
2. Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year-old. 
 
3. A 4 years-old’s voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant. 
 
4. If you use a waterbed as home plate while wearing baseball shoes it does not leak – it explodes. 
 
5. No matter how much Jello you put in a swimming pool you still can’t walk on water. 
 
6. You probably do not want to know what that odor is. 
 
7. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. 
 
8. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy. 
 
9. Quiet does not necessarily mean don’t worry. 
 
10. A good sense of humor will get you through most problems in life (unfortunately, mostly in retrospect). 
 
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Wednesday people, and whatever you do, 
don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman! Emoji
 
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY
 “Things are seldom what they seem, skim milk masquerades as cream.” 
– W. S. Gilbert 
 
“Every man is the builder of a temple called his body.” 
– Henry David Thoreau 
 
“When you drink the water, remember the spring.” 
– Chinese Proverb 
 
“A new sleep study suggested that insomnia is linked to early death.
Well that should help you doze off. If you weren’t sleeping before,
this should knock you right out.” -Jay Leno
“Clint Eastwood has won so many awards, it’s easier to name the
awards he hasn’t won, The Soul Train Award I think that’s about it.” –Craig Ferguson
“A new study found that running for two minutes is just as good for
you as working out for 90 minutes. That doesn’t sound like a study
it sounds like something a chubby guy says after being on the treadmill for two minutes.” -Jimmy Fallon
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
During a conference, I was pleasantly surprised to be seated next to a very handsome man. We flirted casually through dinner, then grew restless as the dignitaries gave speeches. During one particularly long-winded lecture, my new friend drew a # sign on a cocktail napkin. Excited, I wrote down my phone number. Looking startled for a moment, he flipped the napkin over and drew another # sign, this time adding an X to the upper-left-hand corner.  
 
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???   “So that’s it then? That’s the secret grand adventure… You spent three days lying on a beach drinking rum?” 
 
Answer: Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl! “POTC: The Curse of the Black Pearl”(2003) was about a blacksmith who joined forces with a notorious pirate to save the woman he loved and rescue a ship from a bunch of cursed pirates. Elizabeth said this quote to Jack when they were marooned on the island together. She told him that they could escape the same way he did the last time Barbossa left him on an island, and he had to admit that he had only been there for three days before he was rescued by rum runners. As a follow-up to Elizabeth’s line, Jack said, “Welcome to the Caribbean, Love”. 
 
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???  “As it stands, Plan B is to just keep on givin’r”.
 
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
Four people entered the cook-off at the Barbecue Roundup (Bob, Bubba, Cathy, and Fred). They all had different last names (Kent, Kahn, Miser, and Tin) and entered different foods (brisket, pork butt, ribs, and sausage). Using the clues provided determine who brought what and how they placed in the competition (1st, 2nd, 3rd, or 4th).
 
1. The sausage did not come in last.
2. Mr. Miser came in third and was beaten by Bob’s ribs.
3. The pork butt came in second.
4. Cathy came in two places behind Fred Tin.
5. Mr. Kent won.
 
ANSWER:  Bob Kent came in 1st with his ribs. Fred Tin came in 2nd with his pork butt. Bubba Miser came in 3rd with his sausage. Cathy Kahn came in 4th with her brisket. 
 
Wednesday’s Quizzlers is……….
The blanks in the following sentences will be filled in with three different homonyms (words that are spelled differently but sound alike) to make valid sentences. The dashes indicate the number of letters in the words. Can you fill in the blanks?
 
1. The cut on his _ _ _ _ won’t _ _ _ _ in time for the race, so _ _ ‘_ _ have to drop out.
2. The man was so upset about being _ _ _ _ that he regularly _ _ _ _ _ _ himself up on the bed and _ _ _ _ _ _ his eyes out.
3. I couldn’t _ _ _ _ _ any of the _ _ _ _ _ _ in the flower shop, because for some strange reason I had 50 _ _ _ _ _ crammed up my nose.
4. A bloodthirsty pirate will wander the _ _ _ _ and essentially _ _ _ _ _ everything he _ _ _ _.
 
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. KIM HILLYARD!  INCREDIBLE SOLVING JOB KIM!EmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/   MY FAVORITE LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com.  www.schoons.com.  www.awj-Law.com., http://www.greengrassgroundsgroup.com. http://www.cleancomedyguy.com.

Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

WELCOME to Tuesday September 25, 2012.  Grandpa Says…..

Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong. 
 
Keep skunks and bankers at a distance. 
 
Life is simpler when you plow around the stump. 
 
A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor. 
 
Words that soak into your ears are whispered, not yelled. 
 
Meanness don’t jes’ happen overnight. 
 
Forgive your enemies. It messes up their heads. 
 
It don’t take a very big person to carry a grudge. 
 
You cannot unsay a cruel word. 
 
Every path has a few puddles. 
 
When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty. 
 
The best sermons are lived, not preached. 
 
Most of the stuff people worry about ain’t never gonna happen anyway. 
 
Don’t judge folks by their relatives. 
 
Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer. 
 
Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you’ll enjoy it a second time. 
 
Don’t interfere with somethin’ that ain’t bothering you none. 
 
Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance. 
 
If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin’. 
 
Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got. 
 
The biggest troublemaker you’ll probably ever have to deal with, watches you from the mirror every mornin’. 
 
Always drink upstream from the herd. 
 
Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment. 
 
Lettin’ the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin’ it back in. 
 
If you get to thinkin’ you’re a person of some influence, try orderin’ somebody else’s dog around. 
 
Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God. 
 
Don’t pick a fight with an old man. If he is too old to fight, he’ll just kill you. 
 
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people, and whatever you do, 
don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman! Emoji
 
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY
“A new study found that government employees are the 
happiest workers. The study was not conducted 
at the DMV.” -Conan O’Brien
 
“There is a new survey out about the happiest professions. 
The city that has the happiest workers is Miami. Because Miami 
has both things people need to be happy. Thongs and rollerblading.” -Craig Ferguson
 
“Researchers in Japan are working on a new drug that could 
treat gambling addiction. But I’ll bet you 2-to-1 it doesn’t work.” -Jimmy Fallon 
 
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
After the fall in Garden of Eden, Adam was walking with his sons Cain and Abel. 
As they passed by the ruins of the Garden of Eden, one of the boys asked, “Father, what’s that?”
Adam replied, “Boys, that’s where your mother ate us out of house and home.” 
 
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???  “Oh, here’s a fun fact: You made out with your sister, man!”
 
Answer: “EuroTrip”(2004) is about a recent high school graduate who goes to Europe with his friends to meet his pen pal. Cooper said this quote while reading the Frommer’s travel guide. He was looking for an excuse to make fun of Jamie, who had accidentally made out with his twin sister Jenny after they drank absinthe. While I wouldn’t say “EuroTrip” is a fantastic movie by any means, it does have some pretty funny lines. I had a hard time choosing between including this quote, or Cooper’s get-out-of-trouble line: “This isn’t where I parked my car!” 
 
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???   “So that’s it then? That’s the secret grand adventure… You spent three days lying on a beach drinking rum?”
 
Monday’s Quizzler is……….
“The first and last letter of each word are the same. Example: _gend_? Answer: agenda. There are no slang expressions. Enjoy!”
1. _ini_  2. _ealga_  3. _zale_  4. _li_  5. _edau_  6. _illic_  7. _upe_  8. _ealt_  9. _rea_  10. _riti_
11. _dibl_  12. _atera_  13. _ylo_  14. _allo_  15. _umm_ 
 
ANSWER:  1. minim  2. realgar  3. azalea  4. olio  5. bedaub  6. killick  7. duped   8. health  9. dread and treat
10. critic  11. edible  12. lateral  13. nylon  14. wallow  15. yummy
 
Tuesday’s Quizzlers is……….
Four people entered the cook-off at the Barbecue Roundup (Bob, Bubba, Cathy, and Fred). They all had different last names (Kent, Kahn, Miser, and Tin) and entered different foods (brisket, pork butt, ribs, and sausage). Using the clues provided determine who brought what and how they placed in the competition (1st, 2nd, 3rd, or 4th).
 
1. The sausage did not come in last.
2. Mr. Miser came in third and was beaten by Bob’s ribs.
3. The pork butt came in second.
4. Cathy came in two places behind Fred Tin.
5. Mr. Kent won.
 
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS!  SUPER SOLVING JOB BANKS!EmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/   MY FAVORITE LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com.  www.schoons.com.  www.awj-Law.com., http://www.greengrassgroundsgroup.com. http://www.cleancomedyguy.com. 

Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

WELCOME to Monday September 24, 2012.  Etch-A-Sketch Instruction Manual.

 Q: My Etch-A-Sketch has all of these funny little lines all over the screen. 
A: Pick it up and shake it. 
 
Q: How do I turn my Etch-A-Sketch off? 
A: Pick it up and shake it. 
 
Q: What’s the shortcut for Undo? 
A: Pick it up and shake it. 
 
Q: How do I create a New Document window? 
A: Pick it up and shake it. 
 
Q: How do I set the background and foreground to the same color? 
A: Pick it up and shake it. 
 
Q: What is the proper procedure for rebooting my Etch-A-Sketch? 
A: Pick it up and shake it. 
 
Q: How do I delete a document on my Etch-A-Sketch? 
A: Pick it up and shake it. 
 
Q: How do I save my Etch-A-Sketch document? 
A: Don’t shake it. 
 
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people, and whatever you do, 
don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman! Emoji
 
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY
“Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give their vacuum one more chance?” – Unknown
 
“It’s true hard work never killed anybody, but I figure, why take the chance?” – Ronald Reagan
 
“A celebrity is someone who works hard all his life to become known and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.” – Fred Allen
 
“They keep saying the right person will come along, I think mine got hit by a truck.” – Unknown
 
“See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.” – Robin Williams
 
”First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.” – Steve Martin
 
”I hope that after I die, people will say of me: ‘That guy sure owed me a lot of money.’” – Jack Handy 
 
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
A passenger plane on a cross-country trip runs into a terrible storm. The plane gets pounded by wind, hail and lightening. The passengers are screaming. They are sure the plane is going to crash and they’re all going to die. A woman jumps up and yells “I can’t take this anymore!. I just can’t sit here and die like an animal, strapped into a chair. If I’m going to die, let me die feeling like a woman. Is there anyone here man enough to make me feel like a woman?” She sees a hand raised in the back and a muscular man, tall and buffed, starts walking up to her seat. As he approaches her, he takes off his shirt.  Even in the plane’s dim lighting, she can see his firm muscles. He stands in front of her, shirt in hand, and says “I can make you feel like a woman. Are you interested?” She nods her head “yes.” He hands her his shirt and says “Here – iron this.” 
 
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “Is Lonnegan after you, too?” “I don’t know. Haven’t seen anybody.”
“You never do, kid.” 
 
Answer: The Sting! In this scene small-time con man Johnny Hooker (Robert Redford) is meeting big-time con man Henry Gondorff (Paul Newman) for the first time and they are discussing gangster Doyle Lonnegan (Robert Shaw). Lonnegan ordered the killing of Hooker’s former partner Luther Coleman (Robert Earl Jones), because Hooker and Coleman inadvertently fleeced one of Lonnegan’s cash-carrying runners. Gondorff asks line one and Hooker replies with line two. Experienced Gondorff then adds line three. In order to get revenge for Luther’s killing, they decide to run the “Big Con” against Lonnegan because, as Hooker notes, “‘Cause I don’t know enough about killin’ to kill him.” The result is a wonderfully entertaining movie. There is an especially surprising ending, which I won’t reveal in case you haven’t seen this movie!
 
In the 1974 Academy Awards “The Sting” won seven Oscars, including Best Picture. Robert Redford was nominated for Best Actor in a Leading Role, but the Oscar went to Jack Lemmon in “Save the Tiger”. The only other feature film Paul Newman and Robert Redford made together was “Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid” (1969). Although the two actors had hoped to co-star in a third movie, Newman’s advanced age made that unlikely (Newman died in 2008 at age 83). Much of the music in “The Sting” is ragtime written by African-American composer Scott Joplin around the beginning of the 20th century (with musical adaptations for this movie by Marvin Hamlisch).
 
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???  “Oh, here’s a fun fact: You made out with your sister, man!”
 
 
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
Five veterans were sitting around a bar swapping war stories. From the information provided, determine each veteran’s branch of service, the year each was born, and each person’s current career.
 
1. The teacher was born in 1971. 
2. The architect was born the year before Art Smith. 
3. Susan Wilson, who served in the Coast Guard, is a year younger than the veteran who is now a nurse. 
4. The Navy veteran, who wasn’t born in 1970, isn’t Mary Jones who now practices law. 
5. The Army vet, who has published several books about the war, is neither Bill Johnson nor the oldest of the group.
6. The former Marine, who was born in 1969, isn’t Art Smith or Mary Jones. 
 
ANSWER: Mary Jones, 1968, Air Force, Lawyer, John Brown, 1972, Army, Writer,  Art Smith, 1971, Navy, Teacher
Susan Wilson, 1970, Coast Guard, Architect, Bill Johnson, 1969, Marines, Nurse  
 
Monday’s Quizzlers is……….
“The first and last letter of each word are the same. 
Example: _gend_? 
Answer: agenda. 
There are no slang expressions. Enjoy!”
 
1. _ini_
2. _ealga_
3. _zale_
4. _li_
5. _edau_
6. _illic_
7. _upe_
8. _ealt_
9. _rea_
10. _riti_
11. _dibl_
12. _atera_
13. _ylo_
14. _allo_
15. _umm_

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/   MY FAVORITE LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com.  www.schoons.com.  www.awj-Law.com., http://www.greengrassgroundsgroup.com. http://www.cleancomedyguy.com. 

Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

WELCOME to Friday September 21, 2012.  Daffynitions……

 Abdicate: To give up all hope of having a flat stomach. 
 
Adminisphere: The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve. 
 
Administrivia: All of the annoying little tasks associated with your job.   
 
Adult: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle. 
 
Aflockalypse: When all those birds fell out of the sky.  
 
Aibohphobia: Fear of palindromes.  
 
Aquadextrous: Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub tap on and off with your toes.  
 
Arachnoleptic fit: The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web. 
 
Arbitrator: A cook that leaves Arby’s to work at McDonald’s. 
 
Aromatic: An automatic crossbow. 
 
Assmosis: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard. 
 
Avoidable: What a bullfighter tries to do. 
 
Balderdash: A rapidly receding hairline. 
 
Baloney: Some hemlines fall here. 
 
Barbecue: A line of people waiting for a haircut.  
 
Beauty Parlor: A place where women curl up and dye. Emoji
 
Beelzebug: Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out. 
 
Blamestorming: Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible. 
 
Bouyant: A male insect.  
 
Bozone: The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future. 
 
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great weekend people, and whatever you do, 
don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman! Emoji
 
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY
“I read that the Apple executive who designed the iPhone just bought a new $17 million mansion in California. And if there’s any justice at all, he’ll find out the new house isn’t compatible with any of the furniture from his last house.” -Jimmy Fallon
 
“A lot of people make money off of weddings, such as caterers, photographers, and divorce lawyers.” -Craig Ferguson
 
“Arnold Schwarzenegger has written a new book about his affair with his Hispanic housekeeper, and the book is actually called ‘Total Recall.’ In response, she’s written a book about their affair called ‘Alien vs. Predator.'” -Conan O’Brien
 
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
On the way back from a Cub Scout meeting, my grandson asked my son the question. “Dad, I know that babies come from mommies’ tummies, but how do they get there in the first place?” he asked innocently. After my son hemmed and hawed awhile, my grandson finally spoke up in disgust. “You don’t have to make something up, Dad. It’s OK if you don’t know the answer.” 
 
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “Well, I see you’re smoking pot now. I think using psychotropic drugs is a very positive example to set for our daughter.” “You’re one to talk, you bloodless, money-grubbing freak.”   
 
Answer: American Beauty! In this scene Carolyn Burnham (Annette Bening) is just starting to garden when she notices the smell of marijuana coming from her garage. She opens the garage door and confronts her husband, Lester (Kevin Spacey), who is lying on a weight bench in the garage. Lester is unsatisfied with his life and is going through a mid-life crisis, but has just discovered he is attracted to his daughter’s attractive, young friend Angela Hayes (Mena Suvari) and has embarked on a program to get himself in shape to impress her. Lester and his materialistic realtor wife are constantly sniping at each other and this scene is typical of their conversations. Carolyn says line one and Lester comes back with line two.
 
In the 2000 Academy Awards, “American Beauty” won five Oscars, including Best Picture. Kevin Spacey won Best Actor in a Leading Role. Annette Bening was nominated for Best Actress in a Leading Role but lost to Hilary Swank in “Boys Don’t Cry”. The famous image from this movie of red rose petals on a bed has frequently been used in many other posters, article pictures, etc. 
 
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???  “Is Lonnegan after you, too?” “I don’t know. Haven’t seen anybody.”
“You never do, kid.”
 
 
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
Use the 26 letters of the alphabet to complete the ten words below, replacing each underscore with a letter. Each letter can only be used once.  1. _IRA_E  2. _ _RRO_  3. _OR_ _L_  4. _O_ _H  5. _R_T_ER  6. E_I_MA  7. _UIR_
8. _IN_E_  9. A_UR_  10. _ _TER  
 
ANSWER: 1. PIRATE  2. MIRROR  3. WORLDLY  4. VOUCH  5. BROTHER  6. ENIGMA  7. QUIRK
8. JINXES  9. AZURE  10. AFTER    
 
Friday’s Quizzlers is……….
 Five veterans were sitting around a bar swapping war stories. From the information provided, determine each veteran’s branch of service, the year each was born, and each person’s current career.
 
1. The teacher was born in 1971.
 
2. The architect was born the year before Art Smith.
 
3. Susan Wilson, who served in the Coast Guard, is a year younger than the veteran who is now a nurse.
 
4. The Navy veteran, who wasn’t born in 1970, isn’t Mary Jones who now practices law.
 
5. The Army vet, who has published several books about the war, is neither Bill Johnson nor the oldest of the group.
 
6. The former Marine, who was born in 1969, isn’t Art Smith or Mary Jones.
 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/   MY FAVORITE LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com.  www.schoons.com.  www.awj-Law.com., http://www.greengrassgroundsgroup.com. http://www.cleancomedyguy.com.   

Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

WELCOME to Thursday September 20, 2012.  

Today I wanted to bring up the fact that there are a lot of horror film and movies out there. Vampire movies, people being possessed by spirits and such. However for a man the most scariest show that exists in the world today is SNAPPED! Oh my God! This is a show about women who just snap and kill their husbands.  The voice-over guy is real mellow throughout the whole show discussing what, when, and where things happened! His voice is even mellow discussing how the crime was committed and why she did it! Almost in all of the cases everything was going smooth in the guys mind and then wham! The old dude is gone! People are married 10, 20, 30 years, wham! Eight ball into the corner pocket! As-ta la vista baby! You just got smoked! This show is terrifying simply because this stuff really happened! At the end you hear these woman in jail talking about how they don’t know what happened, they just snapped! Well I’ve been married for 31 years, I’ve got a healthy life insurance policy and I’m watching my wife really close. I’m making sure that my red and green kool-aide doesn’t taste anything like antifreeze! That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people, and whatever you do, 
don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman! Emoji
 
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY
Who says nothing is impossible. I’ve been doing nothing for years.
Unknown
 
A suburban mother’s role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car for ever after.
Peter De Vries
 
Life is cheap. It’s the accessories that kill you.
Unknown
 
Television? The word is half Latin and half Greek. No good can come of it.
Charles Prestwich Scott
 
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.
Rodney Dangerfield  
 
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
Two atoms are walking down the street together. The first atom turns and says, “Hey, you just stole an electron from me!”
“Are you sure?” asks the second atom. To which the first atom replies, “Yeah, I’m positive!” Emoji
 
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???  “Wendell Rohr. An overdue pleasure. Rankin Fitch. Nice suit.” “Excuse me, we’re cleaning up in here.” [bolts door] “Am I going to get beat up now, Mr. Rohr?” “What’d you do to my witness? Threaten his family? Write him a check?”
 
Answer: Runaway Jury! In this scene tort attorney Wendell Rohr (Dustin Hoffman) and jury consultant for the defense Rankin Fitch (Gene Hackman) have run into each other in a men’s room during a break in the jury trial they are both involved in. Fitch introduces himself with line one. Rohr says line two to a stranger attempting to enter the men’s room, and then bolts the door. Fitch (who knows Rohr doesn’t like him) jokingly says line three. Rohr (whose key witness has failed to appear) angrily says line four. “Runaway Jury” tells the story of a civil jury trial brought by the widow of a stock broker, killed by gunfire by a disgruntled day stock trader against Vicksburg Firearms, the manufacturer of the gun. Fitch demonstrates the art of shrewdly picking a jury by carefully analyzing each prospective juror’s traits, interests, previous actions, etc. and then using his peremptory challenges to excuse jurors he thinks may vote against him. One of the wonderful quotes from this movie is, “Gentlemen, trials are too important to be left up to juries.”
 
In the 2004 award season, “Runaway Jury” won three minor awards but no Oscars, although I thought it was pretty good. According to a Biography Channel program, Dustin Hoffman and Gene Hackman have known each other for more than 40 years and roomed together as young actors just starting out, but this was the first movie they appeared in together. They met in 1956 when both joined the Pasadena Playhouse in California. Their classmates saw them as outsiders and voted them “The Least Likely To Succeed”. Other novels written by John Grisham made into movies include “The Firm” (1993), “The Pelican Brief” (1993), “A Time to Kill (1996) and “The Rainmaker” (1997). 
 
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???  “Well, I see you’re smoking pot now. I think using psychotropic drugs is a very positive example to set for our daughter.” “You’re one to talk, you bloodless, money-grubbing freak.” 
 
 
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
Follow these steps and see if you can figure this out.
 
1) Get a brown, cardboard box.
2) Get purple, orange, and turquoise paints.
3) Paint the box orange.
4) Paint on purple spots.
5) Paint on turquoise stripes.
7) Turn it upside down.
8) Lie on your side.
 
What is missing from this sequence? 
 
ANSWER: Step 6!
 
Thursday’s Quizzlers is……….
 Use the 26 letters of the alphabet to complete the ten words below, replacing each underscore with a letter. Each letter can only be used once.
 
1. _IRA_E
2. _ _RRO_
3. _OR_ _L_
4. _O_ _H
5. _R_T_ER
6. E_I_MA
7. _UIR_
8. _IN_E_
9. A_UR_
10. _ _TER

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/   MY FAVORITE LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com.  www.schoons.com.  www.awj-Law.com., http://www.greengrassgroundsgroup.com. http://www.cleancomedyguy.com.